At his every direct hit, she released a desperate pant and fully absorbed the pleasurable shockwaves that rippled through her. Gasping wildly, she braced both hands against the headboard, pushing her hips more forcefully against his erection, and the dangerous action spurred a deeper penetration.
But, she was hardly prepared for the wave.
The tide swept in and crashed over her, stealing her every desperate thought at the feel of him.
Agonizing, soul-rendering, stealing pleasure that was too powerful to turn away from or ignore…
Her passion-laden cry broke from her air-starved lungs. “Christopher.”
But, she wasn’t alone…
For his guttural cry met hers. “Hayven.”
Their desperate breaths mingled as they hastened the pace. Willingly, with wild abandon, they hurled themselves further into the obsessive world where only they existed.
As the earth-shattering bliss claimed her, she tightened her grip on the headboard and sobbed his name wildly. His body jerked against hers as he lost control, and somehow within the haze, she heard his satisfied growl.
Exhausted, replete, they collapsed on the bed.
For a few minutes, they stayed that way, allowing their closeness. Then, after rolling onto his back, he hauled her across his chest and pulled the sheet over their naked bodies. “Hey, you,” he whispered, pushing the mussed tresses from her face. “I can’t think of a better way to start the day.” Then, his expression grew serious. “And there’s something good about waking up with you. I’ve never done that with a woman before. I can honestly say that I never wanted to…until you.”
“I like waking up with you, too,” she said shyly, holding his gaze, and her emotional guard dropped further. “It’s something that I’d like to happen again.”
At her confession, his hazel green eyes changed to a deeper green, and somehow, she sensed his inner struggle. “I’d like it to happen again, too,” he murmured with a throaty whisper and caressed the side of her face. Now, uncertainty played in his eyes. “Can I say something else?”
Closing her eyes, she leaned into his gentle caress, and then looked at him again. “What?”
“I like you,” he muttered with a dead seriousness. “Not a little, but a lot.”
The warm blush spread across her face, and her heart leapt at his words. “I like you a lot, too.”
A teasing light played in his eyes. “How is it that we’re so different, but so much alike?”
Shrugging, she smiled shyly again. “I don’t know.”
“This thing between us---” Pausing, he watched her with a new intensity, one that made her entire insides curl. “The rest of the world may frown upon it or might not even understand it. But, in some crazy way or another, I do.”
“I feel the same way,” she confessed softly. “There’s no reason or rationality to what’s happening between us. We’ve only known each other for days. But, I feel like---”
Falling silent, she dropped her eyes and stared at a point on his chin.
“Hey, look at me.” He nudged her chin upward with two fingers, forcing her gaze back to his. “Tell me what you’re thinking.”
“I feel like you get me.” To her shame, tears filled her eyes. “That’s never happened for me before.”
“Seems to me that we’re on the same plateau,” he said seriously, and again, a naked vulnerability shone on his face. “Because I feel the same way. I feel like you get me.”
She couldn’t disguise her surprise or delight. “Honestly?”
His lips curled in a smile. “Damn woman, what will it take for me to convince you about things?” A different gleam shone in his eyes, and it was an awareness that they mutually shared. “Whatever this is between us, I want it to continue. I want to see where it takes us. I’m really interested in getting to know you. Really know you.”
Her heart sang.
It was the exact thing that she wanted.
She stiffened.
But, they couldn’t disregard the huge elephant in the room.
His lifestyle spoke against the very concept of monogamy. Sharing him with other women wasn’t an option. Certainly, without a doubt, she wasn’t interested in having an open relationship. That totally went against her principles.
Suddenly, she wasn’t so sure about any of this.
“What’s wrong?” he asked, sensing her change in mood. “Have I said something wrong?”
“I---I need to go to the restroom,” she stammered quickly before rolling off of him. She tugged the sheet along with her, shielding her nude form, and then stood. Avoiding his gaze, she tucked the sheet around herself protectively. “It’ll only take me a minute.”
“Alright.” Still, though, he didn’t sound convinced. “I’ll be waiting right here.”
She hurried across the room.
When she reached the bathroom and closed the door behind her, she finally breathed again. Quickly, she twisted the lock before leaning with her back against the door. She combed a shaky hand through her mussed tresses. “What am I doing?” she asked, closing her eyes. “How could I even be considering this?”
She pushed away from the door and headed for the sink. Once there, she turned the water on full blast before splashing the cold water across her face. Then, she yanked the hand towel from the rack before dabbing the lingering moisture from her face. After raising straight up, she eyed herself in the mirror and was startled at the sight.
This woman…
The part of her that’d been so long denied…
She was a sensual-centered creature…
She defied anything and everything about logic and reasoning, holding little regard to rules. Her lips were passion-swollen, and deep warmth swathed her skin. Her hair was disarrayed, but still, it curled along her face, completing the look of a well-pleased woman.
She was complete.
Satisfied beyond any belief…
Totally embodying the spirit of her…
“But, I can’t be you---who I really am,” she whispered, blinking at the stinging tears. “In the real world, I’m good girl Hayven Grace, and she does little wrong. The entire world knows that she plays by all the rules.” Sighing, she closed her eyes against her rising frustration. “What was I thinking? Believing that we could really have something past this fantasy that we’re living? It’s just crazy. You are what you are, and I am who I am.” She met her tearful gaze in the mirror. “You know what you have to do.”
A few minutes later, somewhat more composed, she emerged from the bathroom. After trailing across the room, she stopped a few inches away from the bed. All of a sudden, it hurt to breathe. Tensing, she forced herself to look at him. “We need to talk.”
“Alright.” Watching her, he sat up against the pillows with reluctance.” “Why are you so serious all of a sudden?” He patted the empty space beside him. But, his tentative smile died at the sight of her forlorn expression “Come sit beside me. Tell me what’s bothering you, princess.”
“No, we can’t talk here. We’ll be more comfortable if we go to the sitting area,” she said stiffly, bending down, and scooped his discarded clothing from the floor, and then dumped it on the bed. “You should get dressed. I’m going to take a shower.”
Without waiting for his reply, she scurried to the corner where the open suitcase lay. Quickly, she retrieved a coral-colored blouse, tan trousers, and undergarments. Turning, she faced his direction again. Already, he was shucking the crumpled clothing on, and surprisingly, he didn’t attempt to stop her as she hurried past him.
Ten minutes later, as she left the bathroom, her relaxed state had dissipated altogether. Her heart sped up as their eyes met across the hotel room. Still, neither of them said a word as she made way in his direction. When she settled on the settee beside him, she was almost on the verge of tears.
Tensing beside her, he asked quietly. “So, you wanted to talk?”
“Yes,” she nodded, swallowing hard, and then cast a sidewa
ys glance at him. Before the tears could break past the surface, she looked away. “I want to talk about you and me.”
He turned sideways on the settee, facing her fully. The tension radiated from him in waves. “What about us?” Then, he cursed under his breath. “Look at me, damn it, and talk to me.”
“It’s just that I’ve been thinking. Thinking about what we talked about earlier.” Taking a steadying breath, she turned on the settee and met his gaze. Once more, she sensed his open vulnerability, and the sight of it almost halted her words. But, still, she forced them out. “I think that we’re moving too fast. W-we’re getting ahead of ourselves and not looking out our situation as it really is.”
He arched a brow. “How in the hell is it that we’re rushing things? It’s not like I’ve gone down on bended knee and proposed.”
“I know that you didn’t,” she murmured as the embarrassing heat flamed her face. “But, you were talking about us getting to know one another better.”
Staring at her, he didn’t lose his quizzical look. “And what’s wrong with that?”
“Well,” she said uncomfortably, growing warmer with discomfort. “The two of us---we’re totally different in every aspect.”
“Being different doesn’t stop people from enjoying each other’s company. In fact, it’s those differences that make the relationship all the more interesting.”
“No, it’s not that,” she stammered, swallowing hard, and looked away from him guiltily. You have to do this. But, why did it feel like she was cutting off a piece of herself? She forced her gaze back to his. “It’s just that in my real life, I have responsibilities. With that responsibility, there comes a requirement that I live a certain respectable lifestyle---”
“You can stop right there,” he muttered lowly, and his jaw tightened as realization hit. “That responsibility means not being associated with a man like me---an unapologetic brute mired in a life of sin.” In his eyes, there was a myriad of conflicting emotions. “Forgive me for being rather naïve and rather foolish. Of course, a man like me wouldn’t fit within your perfectly ordered life. When I’m with you, it’s all too easy to forget that fact. I’ll never make that mistake again.”
“You’re not a bad person. Please don’t think that you are,” she whispered, and to her shame, the hot tears pooled in her eyes. “And I wish that things were different, but they’re not. It’s just that outside of this week, there’s no chance of us having a real relationship---”
She nearly sobbed at the hurt look on his face.
“What you mean is that the contractual agreement is the only thing binding us together currently. Past that, we’re nothing, I gather,” he quipped tightly, and his features were like hardened granite. “Don’t worry, princess. An unfeeling bastard like me won’t take offense to anything that you’re saying.”
“I’m not trying to hurt you.” The tears clogged her throat so badly that it was difficult to speak. “And I do like you---more than you even realize.”
“But, not enough to take a real chance on me. When I really think about it, excluding me from your life is probably the best thing anyway.” The tension radiated from him as he stood. Now, his face was totally unreadable. “The fact of the matter is---I’m a fucking whore. It’s only natural that it’d put a kink in any potential romance. I had no right to make such a request to begin with. I’ll see myself out.”
“Y—you’re leaving?” she asked shakily, standing up fast, and her tortured gaze met his. “I don’t want things to be like this between us.”
Reaching out, he trailed a finger along her face before giving her a sad smile. “Sadly, princess, there is no ‘us’ outside of this fantasy that we’ve been living. Maybe we did get too carried away with things.” Gently, he tugged her forward before hugging her close, and for a moment, they just stood there. Then, he grew rigid before pulling away from her with a strained smile. “I suppose this is goodbye.”
“H---how can this be goodbye? What about our agreement---we’re supposed to have two more nights together,” she murmured with a hint of desperation. “There’s no reason for us not to---”
He pressed a finger against her lips, silencing her. “I can think of a million reasons why this should be our end. You don’t get it, do you? For me, it’s more than a business transaction. I like you. I’ve developed an attachment to you that I shouldn’t have. Rather than subject myself to further punishment or the false idea that we can be more, I think that it’s best that I just walk away.”
As he moved away, she missed his presence immediately. She breathed fast against the stabbing pain in her chest. Biting her lip, she was able to control the ragged sobs, but the silent tears still fell. When he reached the door, she was overcome with emotions.
“Christopher, wait.” Her voice trembled slightly. “If things were different---”
“But, they’re not,” he said quietly, grasping the doorknob as he halted. Still though, he didn’t turn around. “Have a beautiful life, princess. If there’s anyone that deserves one, it’s you. The guy that lands you eventually---he’ll be the luckiest bastard alive. I hope with everything that he realizes that you’re his greatest treasure.” Pausing, he said the last word with reluctance. “Goodbye.”
Her tear-filled whisper left her. “Christopher---”
Without a further look or word, he walked out.
The deafening silence filled the hotel room.
Though she was crying openly, she still felt numbed. She sagged down on the bed before looking around the hotel room. Just why she was experiencing such an overwhelming loss was telling.
Reign…
Christopher…
In such a short amount of time, he’d come to mean so much. And she did want to get to know him past these walls, past the contractual agreement…
“But, you get paid for sleeping with women,” she murmured out loud, falling back against the bed, and then stared up at the ceiling. Again, she couldn’t stifle her growing sadness. “I’m already obsessed with you after barely a week; and I can’t even stand the idea of you being with another woman. Sharing you with other women isn’t an option. So, there’s no possible way that I can accept your lifestyle.” She closed her eyes on a groan. “And if Mama and Dad knew what we were doing together, they’d totally freak out. In a million lifetimes, they’d never accept you.” A ragged sob left her. “I did the right thing.”
A few moments later, though, as she stared out the hotel window, she pondered her very last words.
Had she done the right thing?
Her lonely heart voiced a single word.
No…
Chapter 18
Breathing hard and fast from exertion, sweat-drenched from his bare chest down to the navy gym shorts, he went in for another lay up. But, as the basketball sailed into the hoop, he felt little satisfaction. It did nothing to diminish the tension that plagued him since he’d left the hotel room hours ago.
Unsurprisingly, the courts at the Stedman Outreach Community Center were isolated at this hour. Typically, this was the time when tutoring and vocational training programs were in session.
And isolation was exactly what he needed.
After dribbling the ball across the floor, he jumped and made another lay up. As his feet met the floor, he heard the applause behind him. Turning, he found himself facing Ms. Jess.
“Impressive,” she acknowledged with a raised brow and strode towards him with a purposeful gait. Once reaching him, she stopped a few paces away. “One of the kids told me that an old man was out here shooting hoops. I certainly didn’t expect it to be you, especially since it was only yesterday that we met.” She splayed her hands outward. “Pass me the damn ball.”
He flipped the ball to her in one quick pass, and to no surprise, the counselor caught it easily. “Old man,” he scoffed with a fast laugh. “Hell, I’m barely a day over 31. That’s a major insult.”
“It’s the inner working of a teenager’s mind.” Ms. Jess stopped
once reaching the free throw line. “When you get past those years, you start appreciating the days of youth…actually, you start yearning for them.”
They both watched as the ball sailed through the net. With a quick trot, he chased the ball down. Upon reaching her, he teased with a wink. “Not bad for a granny.”
“Boy, you better watch your mouth,” Ms. Jess laughed and wagged a finger at him. “You know that I can easily whip your ass on this court.”
Laughing, he wiped a bead of sweat from his face. “Point taken---you’ve done it enough times in the past. Today, I’d like to keep my ego intact.”
“Then, it’s best that you don’t challenge me.” Her gaze skirted around the empty gym, and then she passed him a long look. “Not that I don’t mind you dropping by, but there must be a reason why you’re here. With all the gyms between here and Atlanta, I’m certain there was a high-tech gym more than tailor-made for a good workout.”
He shrugged nonchalantly. “This is just as good a place as any.”
“But, this is just not any place. It’s your battleground when you’re at war with yourself.” She freed the ball from his crooked arm and tossed it across the court, sending it flying in no particular direction. Spinning on her heel, she headed towards the door. “Let’s call a break. Come on. You can cool down in my office and tell me what problem you’re battling now.”
After a brief hesitation, he followed.
“Have a seat,” Ms. Jess murmured, a short while later, and inclined her head towards the vacant chair in her office. “What was it that we talked about yesterday?” She settled in the chair behind her desk. “Oh yes, Josephine and Crystal---the two most important women in your life. How did things go with Crystal?”
“She reacted in the usual Crystal way---outraged and closed-mind to everything but herself,” he remarked, stretching his legs out, and assumed a more comfortable position in the chair. “Basically, our conversation ended with her threatening to kill me if I showed up at the Den again.”
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