by A'zayler
“Azayna.”
I snatched away from his ass so hard that I hit the door. “Don’t touch me!” I eyed him angrily. “You get around here acting like you’re all different, but you do the same stuff to me that the rest of these niggas do. You ain’t no better than them. You might as well had knocked me around today too. You don’t give a fuck about me, just like they don’t.” I shook my head and sniffed away my tears. “Nah, nigga, fuck you.”
I went to enter my building again, and he grabbed me from behind. “I’m sorry, boo,” he whispered against my neck. “I didn’t mean to hurt you like this.”
I did my best to pull out of his embrace, but he held me tighter. “Stop trying to get away from me.”
“I don’t need your sympathy anymore. I’m used to being the last bitch chosen.” I chuckled at nothing for real, because I didn’t find shit funny about my circumstances. “Y’all can keep ignoring me and chasing these other hoes.”
“I ain’t chasing nobody but you right now, Azayna. Believe me, love.”
I sniffed again and dropped my head. “I don’t understand why I’m not good enough. I do all that I can do, and y’all still look over me. I mean, I know I’m out here, but that’s all you care to see even when I show you different,” I told him helplessly.
“I’m not looking over you, Azayna. I see you.”
“You only see me right now because you feel sorry for me. When it mattered, you chose to treat me like everybody else.” His grasp finally loosened enough for me to ease out of his arms.
I spun around and looked at him with red eyes. “I accept your apology, but you can go now.”
He stood there forcefully, determined not to let me move. “Nah, I’m staying right here with you until I know for sure that you’re feeling better.”
I half chuckled, half scoffed. “Well, you’ll be standing here all night and all day.”
He took another step toward me. “So be it.”
His eyes searched mine as we stood facing each other. I wanted so badly to reach out and kiss him, touch him, or something that might make me feel better about myself right then, but that was my problem now. I slept around with men so freely as a coping mechanism that I’d been realizing lately that it didn’t help me at all.
“I’m cool, Egypt, for real. You don’t have to stay here with me.”
“I want to.”
I paused and looked away. I wanted him to stay too, but I didn’t want to let him off so easily either. In the back of my mind, I knew that if he came upstairs, I was going to fuck him, but he didn’t deserve that. He’d been so mean to me on account of other people and giving him sex would only be a reward.
“Just let me come upstairs and chill for a minute. I don’t even have to spend the night.”
I fidgeted with the things in my hands before deciding I’d might as well let him. It wasn’t like I had a lot to do anyway.
“Okay,” I spoke lowly.
This time, when I turned to go inside, he pulled the door open for me and let me. We walked quietly to my apartment and went in. As soon as I was encompassed in the comfort of my own home, I kicked my shoes off and walked to the back. I needed to undress out of my wet clothes and shower.
“Aye, can you toss my shirt in the dryer?” he yelled down the hallway to me.
I’d just removed my shirt as well, so I walked down the hallway in nothing but my pants and bra. His blazing eyes went to my breasts as soon as I came into view. He didn’t even try to hide it either. That nigga even had the nerve to bite his lip.
“You ain’t waste no time, did you?”
“No need to.”
He handed me his shirt, and my eyes wandered down to his jeans. “What about your shorts? I can dry those too if you want.”
He looked down as if thinking about it before unbuckling his belt and kicking his shoes off simultaneously. He was in his boxers and socks seconds later while I held all his clothing.
“I’m about to take a shower. I’ll be back.”
He nodded before turning toward the living room and sitting down. I told him where the remotes and everything else was before going back to my room where I grabbed some pajamas and walked into my bathroom. I only had time to flip the shower on before I was snatched from my bathroom.
Egypt’s sexy little body was wrapped around mine as he carried me back into my bedroom. Before saying anything, he laid me on the bed and removed his boxers. Standing there stark naked with a look of lust on his face, he winked at me.
“Let me apologize to you.”
I wanted to decline, but the sex addict in me wouldn’t allow it. I nodded and lifted my hips for him to remove my pants and panties before dropping my legs open for him to see. He smiled and licked his lips at me before reaching for my hand. I was happy that I’d showered before going to the ER earlier, or I might have had to decline. In a weird way, I respected him too much to let him come behind another person, even if it had only been some head from a girl. But since I’d long ago wiped that away, he was free to apologize.
I gave in to him willingly. With my hand clasped in his, he pulled me from the bed and leaned over to kiss my mouth. His thick, warm tongue heated up my whole body as his hand massaged my scalp. My locs had been in a ponytail, but he’d pulled them free of it and dropped my scrunchy to the ground. The taste of his mouth had my pussy so wet that I could hardly sit still.
“You feeling better yet?”
I shook my head defiantly because I knew he was waiting for me to say yes.
“Tell me what I need to do to make you feel better.” He pulled his mouth away from mine only far enough to talk.
“I don’t want to tell you. I want you to figure it out.”
He nodded at me with a straight face and grabbed my mouth again. The inside of my body was warm with anticipation, but that was always. Whenever I had Egypt on my mind, it didn’t take long for my body to get in the mood, but I wanted more. I needed compassion. Some attention, some tender loving, anything that made me feel as though I mattered… to him.
“Lay back.” He squatted in front of me.
I laid back once again and slowly opened my legs to him. My breathing heightened as I anticipated his next move. The last time we’d had sex, I’d sucked his dick like an animal, but he hadn’t exchanged his oral pleasures. Clearly, tonight would be different.
“You so pretty. I know this pussy ’bout to taste good.”
My stomach sank as my heart began to beat faster. He sounded so sexy; I had to sit up so I could look at him. I pushed myself up onto my elbows and looked at his face nestled between my legs.
“Taste it and see,” I encouraged nastily.
He licked his bottom lip and snatched me closer by my legs. My opening was right in his face, and he was eyeing it closely. I watched him examine my goods before opening his mouth and sweetly covering it.
“Ahhhh,” I moaned and fell back onto the bed.
My body was hot, and I could hardly breathe as he feasted on my lower parts. His mouth warmed every secret place that it found. His thick tongue slithered over every tender spot that had been begging for his attention. I was over the moon with pleasure and feeling. I’d never imagined having him with me like this would evoke such deep emotions, but it did. I was trying so hard not to cry, but I was sure I’d fail sooner than later.
“Egypt, damn.” I moaned again.
“You feeling better yet?” he asked before licking from the bottom to the top.
I nodded but didn’t say anything right away. “Yeah,” I got out after another few seconds of pleasure.
“Good.” He went back at it.
I pushed toward his face, making sure to give him every drop of my tastiness. I worked my body into overdrive trying to ride his face, and he took every ounce of it. Master nor Myeisha had anything on Egypt. They were the only two who had ever done it to me, and Egypt was putting them both to shame.
I pulled the back of his head, smashing his face further in. “Go faster
, you owe me,” I moaned out in a trance.
He sucked harder and faster as I moved with more force. Seconds later, I was climaxing and screaming for him to put it in. Egypt laughed at my hastiness, but he slid in, giving me what I’d been asking for. The way he moved his hips with so much gusto and force had my bed shaking from his strokes.
“You said I owe you?” he asked me with one of my breasts in the palm of his hand.
“Hell yeah. You’ve been so mean to me. You owe me some good loving.”
He licked his lips and winked at me. “I’ll give you whatever you want from me, Azayna.”
That moved me like no other. I didn’t know if he was just caught up in the moment or he was really serious. All I knew was that I’d never been told anything like that by any man. I was so overwhelmed that I ended up pulling his card without thinking about how it would make me sound.
“What if I want love?” I wrapped my legs tighter around his back, subtly snatching him closer to me. “What if I want you to love me?”
His face was serious as he stared down at me while still feeding me his monstrous girth. His hands were holding tightly onto both sides of my waist as his hips delivered one deep stoke after another.
“You wanna be in love with me?” The tone of his voice made me weak.
When I didn’t say anything, he pinched the soft skin of my stomach.
“Answer me.”
“I think I do.”
He shook his head before leaning down and picking me up from the bed. I wrapped my arms and legs around him as he carried me to the futon in the corner of my room. He sat on it, making me straddle him. His eyes roamed all over my body as I rode him seductively.
The way he watched me while still rubbing all over my body made me feel so wanted that I lost control. I was giving this man so much of me that I could feel myself weakening beneath his love, and I hadn’t even gotten it yet. Our moment was just that intense. His touches were so soft and passionate that I felt like he loved me when I was sure he didn’t.
“If I loved you, you probably wouldn’t even be able to handle it,” he told me just before leaning toward me and taking one of my nipples into his mouth. “Talking about you think.” He slid his tongue from one nipple over to the other. “Thinking ain’t good enough for me. You have to know.” He pushed upward at the same time that he blew me an air kiss.
I grabbed his neck and kissed his mouth so hard that I scared myself. I’d known I was showing out for him before, but that kiss confirmed it for me. I had a point to prove, and I was going to prove it. For some reason, I wanted him to know that I was more than just sex. I could be his woman, his love, his queen.
“Tell me, Azayna, you want to be in love with me?”
This time, I nodded. Slowly, but he saw it. “But only if you love me back. I don’t want to do it alone.”
Egypt’s head fell back as he grunted lowly. “With me, you’ll never be alone.”
I felt that shit in my soul when he said it. I was so worked up that I ended up leaning closer to him so that our chests were touching. I needed to be as close to this man as possible. With his dick still sliding in and out of me, I burst. My orgasm took over my entire body so strongly that I started shaking and crying all at once. With tears rolling down my cheeks, I held onto him for dear life, and he held me back.
“Look at you giving me this good pussy.” His hands rubbed up and down my back as I tried to catch my breath. “You trying to make me fall in love with you for real, ain’t you?”
“Only if you’re going to stay with me when you do.”
For the thousandth time that night, his face grew serious. A few moments later, he climaxed as well. Even his sex face was mouthwatering. I’d probably never get tired of looking at his handsome face. It was so strong with those deep ass eyes. He was breathing hard like a dragon for a few moments until he calmed down some.
“You for real right now? This ain’t just sex talk?”
I slowly shook my head.
He rubbed his chin as he bit his bottom lip. I felt a little nervous as I waited for him to express his thoughts about my suggestions.
“I want to believe you, but I don’t know if I can for two reasons.”
“What are they?” I interrupted him in a hurry.
“You’re one of Master’s girls. You probably say shit like this all the time, and I ain’t feeling that shit.”
I looked down, feeling dejected. I wanted to explain myself, but I’d done that already, and he was clearly still holding it against me. I was about to try to explain again but decided to wait until he told me the second reason, but only if I felt it was still worth explaining myself.
“Second reason?” I spoke just above a whisper.
“You’re so fucking mean all the time.” He chuckled. “I don’t like all that hostility.” The pads of his fingers rubbed circles on my skin. “I’m a mean nigga, so I need peaceful women who respect me, themselves, and what we have.”
There it was. He didn’t think I respected myself. I wanted to tell him everything that I’d been thinking for years, but what would it help? He’d already heard it and had still formed a negative opinion of me, that he probably wouldn’t change whether I explained or not.
“Tell me what’s on your mind,” he softly told me.
“I don’t know what to say.”
“Tell me what you think about my reasons.”
I didn’t even bother to open my mouth. Instead, I climbed from his lap and walked into my bathroom. My tears were back, and I was tired of crying in front of him. I was ready to get back to my mean self, and for the life of me, I just couldn’t. I turned the shower on and stepped beneath the water. I didn’t even try to cover my head at this point. I didn’t give a fuck about this damn hair. It could get wet and curl up if it wanted to.
“Why you leave me?” Egypt asked as he stepped into the shower with me.
The cool air made me shiver until he’d closed the door back. I wasn’t exactly sure what I wanted to say, so I said nothing. On top of that, I was doing my best to hide my tears with the shower water.
“I didn’t mean anything by what I said. I hope you’re not mad at me.”
I shook my head. “Nah, I’m okay. I just needed a shower. I’m really sleepy.”
He was quiet, probably afraid I was about to throw his ass out. Which I should have since he’d gotten what he’d come for. Seconds later, I felt him moving behind me. I turned to see what he was doing, and he’d sat on the side of the tub.
“Talk to me, Azayna. I’m feeling real left out right now.”
I exhaled trying to decide what I wanted to do. Did I want to tell this man why I was the way I was, or did I want to ignore it like I’d been doing all of my life and allow him to think whatever he wanted to think of me? The more I thought about it, the more I realized I had nothing to lose.
“Sorry,” I told him as I slid down the wall of the shower so that I was seated on the floor. “I’m just torn. It’s like I want to explain myself because I don’t want you to think of me as the mean hoe, but then again, I don’t give a fuck because you’ll probably still think of me in the same light.”
He smiled at me and kicked his leg out a little more so that it was touching my arm. “Tell me. I want to know you… and I don’t think you’re a mean hoe, baby girl. Maybe misguided, but that’s it.”
I smiled. “That’s what you just said in so many words.”
“No, I didn’t. Well, I didn’t mean it that way.”
“I had sex with you and many other men because it makes being me easier.” I paused, trying to think of what I wanted to say next. “Men have been mistreating me and using me until my heart is broken for as long as I can remember, so to avoid that kind of pain, I just have sex with them and keep it moving. No strings attached, no feelings involved, just money. We do what we do, and that’s it. I’m only mean because I’ve been dragged through the mud a million times, and that shit breaks me down on the inside. If I’m mean
, people will either stay away from me or be too afraid to cross me.” I shrugged as I played with the hair on his leg.
He didn’t say anything for a minute. Either waiting for me to continue or thinking about the things I’d said. My stomach was flipping like crazy in anticipation of what he was going to say.
“I understand. I hate that it’s like that for you, but I see where you’re coming from.”
I didn’t say anything.
“You’re a queen, Azayna. You should never do these things. If you don’t want your heart broke, stop fucking with nothing ass niggas who break it, but don’t fuck off and ruin yourself for the man who’s capable of loving you correctly.” He scratched his head as if nervous about what he was saying. “And you have to stop doing the shit you’re doing. No real man is going to want that. I don’t care how you put it. Nobody is going to love you like that.”
When my tears returned, I made eye contact with him. “You broke my heart today. The way you treated me in front of everybody, it made me feel like you feel the same way about me that they do when you shouldn’t. I’ve done a lot of stuff that I probably shouldn’t have, but I’m a good woman.” I sniffed. “A good person. People just never try to see me. Not that I give them much of a reason to, but still.”
I don’t know if I looked too pitiful or what, but he grabbed my hands and pulled me to him. Since I was still seated, my head was near his thigh. I laid it against his leg and closed my eyes as he rubbed my scalp.
“I see how good you are, Egypt. I told my sister that the other day. This afternoon just blew me. Too much shit popped off at once, and my emotions were all over the place. I’d never put you down in front of people on purpose. I just got mad as hell when I saw you pulling up with Myeisha. Then, once shit started happening, it happened too fast for me to control.”
Listening to him talk so detailed and warm made me feel better about all the things I’d done, but it also only made me yearn more for him. I wanted to be loved right, by him, if that was at all possible.
“I’m sorry for always being so mean.”
