"No," he answered briskly. "Sam and Jared are the only ones."
"Hmm," I said, trying to sound only politely interested. I was relieved, and I tried to explain my reaction to myself. I decided I was just glad he didn't claim there was some mystical, wolfy connection between the two of us. Our relationship was confusing enough as it was. I didn't need any more of the supernatural than I already had to deal with.
He was quiet, too, and the silence felt a little awkward. My intuition told me that I didn't want to hear what he was thinking.
"How did that work out for Jared?" I asked to break the silence.
"No drama there. It was just a girl he'd sat next to in school every day for a year and never looked at twice. And then, after he changed, he saw her again and never looked away. Kim was thrilled. She'd had a huge crush on him. She'd had his last name tacked on to the end of hers all over in her diary." He laughed mockingly.
I frowned. "Did Jared tell you that? He shouldn't have."
Jacob bit his lip. "I guess I shouldn't laugh. It was funny, though."
"Some soul mate."
He sighed. "Jared didn't tell us anything on purpose. I already told you this part, remember?"
"Oh, yeah. You can hear each other's thoughts, but only when you're wolves, right?"
"Right. Just like your bloodsucker." He glowered.
"Edward," I corrected.
"Sure, sure. That's how come I know so much about how Sam felt. It's not like he would have told us all that if he'd had a choice. Actually, that's something we all hate." The bitterness was abruptly harsh in his voice. "It's awful. No privacy, no secrets. Everything you're ashamed of, laid out for everyone to see." He shuddered.
"It sounds horrible," I whispered.
"It is sometimes helpful when we need to coordinate," he said grudgingly. "Once in a blue moon, when some bloodsucker crosses into our territory. Laurent was fun. And if the Cullens hadn't gotten in our way last Saturday . . . ugh!" he groaned. "We could have had her!" His fists clenched into angry balls.
I flinched. As much as I worried about Jasper or Emmett getting hurt, it was nothing like the panic I felt at the idea of Jacob going up against Victoria. Emmett and Jasper were the closest thing to indestructible I could imagine. Jacob was still warm, still comparatively human. Mortal. I thought of Jacob facing Victoria, her brilliant hair blowing around her oddly feline face . . . and shuddered.
Jacob looked up at me with a curious expression. "But isn't it like that for you all the time? Having him in your head?"
"Oh, no. Edward's never in my head. He only wishes."
Jacob's expression became confused.
"He can't hear me," I explained, my voice a tiny bit smug from old habit. "I'm the only one like that, for him. We don't know why he can't."
"Weird," Jacob said.
"Yeah." The smugness faded. "It probably means there's something wrong with my brain," I admitted.
"I already knew there was something wrong with your brain," Jacob muttered.
"Thanks."
The sun broke through the clouds suddenly, a surprise I hadn't been expecting, and I had to narrow my eyes against the glare off the water. Everything changed color -- the waves turned from gray to blue, the trees from dull olive to brilliant jade, and the rainbow-hued pebbles glittered like jewels.
We squinted for a moment, letting our eyes adjust. There were no sounds besides the hollow roar of the waves that echoed from every side of the sheltered harbor, the soft grinding of the stones against each other under the water's movement, and the cry of gulls high overhead. It was very peaceful.
Jacob settled closer to me, so that he was leaning against my arm. He was so warm. After a minute of this, I shrugged out of my rain jacket. He made a little sound of contentment in the back of his throat, and rested his cheek on the top of my head. I could feel the sun heat my skin -- thought it was not quite as warm as Jacob -- and I wondered idly how long it would take me to burn.
Absentmindedly, I twisted my right hand to the side, and watched the sunlight glitter subtly off the scar James had left there.
"What are you thinking about?" he murmured.
"The sun."
"Mmm. It's nice."
"What are you thinking about?" I asked.
He chuckled to himself. "I was remembering that moronic movie you took me to. And Mike Newton puking all over everything."
I laughed, too, surprised by how time had changed the memory. It used to be one of stress, of confusion. So much had changed that night. . . . And now I could laugh. It was the last night Jacob and I had had before he'd learned the truth about his heritage. The last human memory. An oddly pleasant memory now.
"I miss that," Jacob said. "The way it used to be so easy . . . uncomplicated. I'm glad I've got a good memory." He sighed.
He felt the sudden tension in my body as his words triggered a memory of my own.
"What is it?" he asked.
"About that good memory of yours . . ." I pulled away from him so that I could read his face. At the moment, it was confused. "Do you mind telling me what you were doing Monday morning? You were thinking something that bothered Edward." Bothered wasn't quite the word for it, but I wanted an answer, so I thought it was best not to start out too severely.
Jacob's face brightened with understanding, and he laughed. "I was just thinking about you. Didn't like that much, did he?"
"Me? What about me?"
Jacob laughed, with a harder edge this time. "I was remembering the way you looked that night Sam found you -- I've seen it in his head, and it's like I was there; that memory has always haunted Sam, you know. And then I remembered how you looked the first time you came to my place. I bet you don't even realize what a mess you were then, Bella. It was weeks before you started to look human again. And I remembered how you always used to have your arms wrapped around yourself, trying to hold yourself together. . . ." Jacob winced, and then shook his head. "It's hard for me to remember how sad you were, and it wasn't my fault. So I figured it would be harder for him. And I thought he ought to get a look at what he'd done."
I smacked his shoulder. It hurt my hand. "Jacob Black, don't you ever do that again! Promise me you won't."
"No way. I haven't had that much fun in months."
"So help me, Jake --"
"Oh, get a grip, Bella. When am I ever going to see him again? Don't worry about it."
I got to my feet, and he caught my hand as I started to walk away. I tried to tug free.
"I'm leaving, Jacob."
"No, don't go yet," he protested, his hand tightening around mine. "I'm sorry. And . . . okay, I won't do it again. Promise."
I sighed. "Thanks, Jake."
"Come on, we'll go back to my house," he said eagerly.
"Actually, I think I really do need to go. Angela Weber is expecting me, and I know Alice is worried. I don't want to upset her too much."
"But you just got here!"
"It feels that way," I agreed. I glared up at the sun, somehow already directly overhead. How had the time passed so quickly?
His eyebrows pulled down over his eyes. "I don't know when I'll see you again," he said in a hurt voice.
"I'll come back the next time he's away," I promised impulsively.
"Away?" Jacob rolled his eyes. "That's a nice way to describe what he's doing. Disgusting parasites."
"If you can't be nice, I won't come back at all!" I threatened, trying to pull my hand free. He refused to let go.
"Aw, don't be mad," he said, grinning. "Knee-jerk reaction."
"If I'm going to try to come back again, you're going to have to get something straight, okay?"
He waited.
"See," I explained. "I don't care who's a vampire and who's a werewolf. That's irrelevant. You are Jacob, and he is Edward, and I am Bella. And nothing else matters."
His eyes narrowed slightly. "But I am a werewolf," he said unwillingly. "And he is a vampire," he added with obvious revulsion.
&n
bsp; "And I'm a Virgo!" I shouted, exasperated.
He raised his eyebrows, measuring my expression with curious eyes. Finally, he shrugged.
"If you can really see it that way . . ."
"I can. I do."
"Okay. Just Bella and Jacob. None of those freaky Virgos here." He smiled at me, the warm, familiar smile that I had missed so much. I felt the answering smile spread across my face.
"I've really missed you, Jake," I admitted impulsively.
"Me, too," his smile widened. His eyes were happy and clear, free for once of the angry bitterness. "More than you know. Will you come back soon?"
"As soon as I can," I promised.
6. SWITZERLAND
AS I DROVE HOME, I WASN'T PAYING MUCH ATTENTION TO the road that shimmered wetly in the sun. I was thinking about the flood of information Jacob had shared with me, trying to sort it out, to force it all to make sense. Despite the overload, I felt lighter. Seeing Jacob smile, having all the secrets thrashed out . . . it didn't make things perfect, but it made them better. I was right to have gone. Jacob needed me. And obviously, I thought as I squinted into the glare, there was no danger.
It came out of nowhere. One minute there was nothing but bright highway in my rearview mirror. The next minute, the sun was glinting off a silver Volvo right on my tail.
"Aw, crap," I whimpered.
I considered pulling over. But I was too much of a coward to face him right away. I'd been counting on some prep time . . . and having Charlie nearby as a buffer. At least that would force him to keep his voice down.
The Volvo followed inches behind me. I kept my eyes on the road ahead.
Chicken through and through, I drove straight to Angela's without once meeting the gaze I could feel burning a hole in my mirror.
He followed me until I pulled to the curb in front of the Webers' house. He didn't stop, and I didn't look up as he passed. I didn't want to see the expression on his face. I ran up the short concrete walk to Angela's door as soon as he was out of sight.
Ben answered the door before I could finish knocking, like he'd been standing right behind it.
"Hey, Bella!" he said, surprised.
"Hi, Ben. Er, is Angela here?" I wondered if Angela had forgotten our plans, and cringed at the thought of going home early.
"Sure," Ben said just as Angela called, "Bella!" and appeared at the top of the stairs.
Ben peered around me as we both heard the sound of a car on the road; the sound didn't scare me -- this engine stuttered to a stop, followed by the loud pop of a backfire. Nothing like the purr of the Volvo. This must be the visitor Ben had been waiting for.
"Austin's here," Ben said as Angela reached his side.
A horn honked on the street.
"I'll see you later," Ben promised. "Miss you already."
He threw his arm around Angela's neck and pulled her face down to his height so that he could kiss her enthusiastically. After a second of this, Austin honked again.
"'Bye, Ang! Love you!" Ben shouted as he dashed past me.
Angela swayed, her face slightly pink, then recovered herself and waved until Ben and Austin were out of sight. Then she turned to me and grinned ruefully.
"Thank you for doing this, Bella," she said. "From the bottom of my heart. Not only are you saving my hands from permanent injury, you also just spared me two long hours of a plot-less, badly dubbed martial arts film." She sighed in relief.
"Happy to be of service." I was feeling a bit less panicked, able to breathe a little more evenly. It felt so ordinary here. Angela's easy human dramas were oddly reassuring. It was nice to know that life was normal somewhere.
I followed Angela up the stairs to her room. She kicked toys out of the way as she went. The house was unusually quiet.
"Where's your family?"
"My parents took the twins to a birthday party in Port Angeles. I can't believe you're really going to help me with this. Ben's pretending he has tendonitis." She made a face.
"I don't mind at all," I said, and then I walked into Angela's room and saw the stacks of waiting envelopes.
"Oh!" I gasped. Angela turned to look at me, apologies in her eyes. I could see why she'd been putting this off, and why Ben had weaseled out.
"I thought you were exaggerating," I admitted.
"I wish. Are you sure you want to do this?"
"Put me to work. I've got all day."
Angela divided a pile in half and put her mother's address book between us on her desk. For a while we concentrated, and there was just the sound of our pens scratching quietly across the paper.
"What's Edward doing tonight?" she asked after a few minutes.
My pen dug into the envelope I was working on. "Emmet's home for the weekend. They're supposed to be hiking."
"You say that like you're not sure."
I shrugged.
"You're lucky Edward has his brothers for all the hiking and camping. I don't know what I'd do if Ben didn't have Austin for the guy stuff."
"Yeah, the outdoors thing is not really for me. And there's no way I'd ever be able to keep up."
Angela laughed. "I prefer the indoors myself."
She focused on her pile for a minute. I wrote out four more addresses. There was never any pressure to fill a pause with meaningless chatter around Angela. Like Charlie, she was comfortable with silence.
But, like Charlie, she was also too observant sometimes.
"Is something wrong?" she asked in a low voice now. "You seem . . . anxious."
I smiled sheepishly. "Is it that obvious?"
"Not really."
She was probably lying to make me feel better.
"You don't have to talk about it unless you want to," she assured me. "I'll listen if you think it will help."
I was about to say thanks, but no thanks. After all, there were just too many secrets I was bound to keep. I really couldn't discuss my problems with someone human. That was against the rules.
And yet, with a strange, sudden intensity, that's exactly what I wanted. I wanted to talk to a normal human girlfriend. I wanted to moan a little bit, like any other teenage girl. I wanted my problems to be that simple. It would also be nice to have someone outside the whole vampire-werewolf mess to put things in perspective. Someone unbiased.
"I'll mind my own business," Angela promised, smiling down at the address she was working on.
"No," I said. "You're right. I am anxious. It's . . . it's Edward."
"What's wrong?"
It was so easy to talk to Angela. When she asked a question like that, I could tell that she wasn't just morbidly curious or looking for gossip, like Jessica would have been. She cared that I was upset.
"Oh, he's mad at me."
"That's hard to imagine," she said. "What's he mad about?"
I sighed. "Do you remember Jacob Black?"
"Ah," she said.
"Yeah."
"He's jealous."
"No, not jealous . . ." I should have kept my mouth shut. There was no way to explain this right. But I wanted to keep talking anyway. I hadn't realized I was so starved for human conversation. "Edward thinks Jacob is . . . a bad influence, I guess. Sort of . . . dangerous. You know how much trouble I got in a few months back. . . . It's all ridiculous, though."
I was surprised to see Angela shaking her head.
"What?" I asked.
"Bella, I've seen how Jacob Black looks at you. I'd bet the real problem is jealousy."
"It's not like that with Jacob."
"For you, maybe. But for Jacob . . ."
I frowned. "Jacob knows how I feel. I've told him everything."
"Edward's only human, Bella. He's going to react like any other boy."
I grimaced. I didn't have a response to that.
She patted my hand. "He'll get over it."
"I hope so. Jake's going through kind of a tough time. He needs me."
"You and Jacob are pretty close, aren't you?"
"Like family," I agree
d.
"And Edward doesn't like him. . . . That must be hard. I wonder how Ben would handle that?" she mused.
I half-smiled. "Probably just like any other boy."
She grinned. "Probably."
Then she changed the subject. Angela wasn't one to pry, and she seemed to sense I wouldn't -- couldn't -- say any more.
"I got my dorm assignment yesterday. The farthest building from campus, naturally."
"Does Ben know where he's staying yet?"
"The closest dorm to campus. He's got all the luck. How about you? Did you decide where you're going?"
I stared down, concentrating on the clumsy scrawl of my handwriting. For a second I was distracted by the thought of Angela and Ben at the University of Washington. They would be off to Seattle in just a few months. Would it be safe then? Would the wild young vampire menace have moved elsewhere? Would there be a new place by then, some other city flinching from horror-movie headlines?
Would those new headlines be my fault?
I tried to shake it off and answered her question a beat late. "Alaska, I think. The university there in Juneau."
I could hear the surprise in her voice. "Alaska? Oh. Really? I mean, that's great. I just figured you'd go somewhere . . . warmer."
I laughed a little, still staring at the envelope. "Yeah. Forks has really changed my perspective on life."
"And Edward?"
Though his name set butterflies fluttering in my stomach, I looked up and grinned at her. "Alaska's not too cold for Edward, either."
She grinned back. "Of course not." And then she sighed. "It's so far. You won't be able to come home very often. I'll miss you. Will you e-mail me?"
A swell of quiet sadness crashed over me; maybe it was a mistake to get closer to Angela now. But wouldn't it be sadder still to miss out on these last chances? I shook off the unhappy thoughts, so that I could answer her teasingly.
"If I can type again after this." I nodded toward the stack of envelopes I'd done.
We laughed, and it was easy then to chat cheerfully about classes and majors while we finished the rest -- all I had to do was not think about it. Anyway, there were more urgent things to worry about today.
I helped her put the stamps on, too. I was afraid to leave.
"How's your hand?" she asked.
I flexed my fingers. "I think I'll recover the full use of it . . . someday."
The door banged downstairs, and we both looked up.
"Ang?" Ben called.
I tried to smile, but my lips trembled. "I guess that's my cue to leave."
"You don't have to go. Though he's probably going to describe the movie for me . . . in detail."
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