by L L Shelton
Lily Ann leaned her head back on Carly’s chest. Carly’s chin rested on the top of her head. “No, I don’t want to stop. I don’t give up that easy. How do you manage day after day?”
“I have no choice. There are good days and bad days. Like the cliché says, you learn to live with it. Tell me what you’re feeling?” Carly knew the answer to her question, but she wanted Lily Ann to say it out loud.
“Confused, angry, and scared to move.” Lily Ann felt calmness settle as she remained cradled in arms. “Most of all. No control. I feel like I have no control over the situation. A simple thing like grabbing an item from a cabinet is challenging. Makes me want to scream.”
“I get it. Think about what you can control, then let go of what you can’t. So, let us break this down. Ready to try?”
“I am.”
Carly released the tightness of her hold. “Great. Take a deep breath for me.” She waited to feel the woman’s shoulder rise and fall. “First, we figure out where we are.”
“Standing in front of the sink,” Lily Ann chimed in. That was simple since she held the cold metal of the sink in a vice grip for the last twenty minutes.
“Then we say, what is the goal?”
“Get the wine glasses.”
“That’s right. Now, what do we know?”
“I know that they are in the cabinet by the fridge,” Lily Ann said. “I know the fridge is to my right about five feet away.”
“Good. I taught you for every foot of space, you need to take one-half steps.”
“Right. Right.” Carly heard the uplift in her company’s voice. “And, also, there is nothing between the sink and the fridge. That means I won’t run into anything or trip.”
“Excellent. What can’t you control?”
Lily Ann thought for a moment. “I may end up in the wrong space.”
“And?” Carly added.
“And that’s okay. Everything is fixable.”
“Fantastic.” Carly released her hold and took a step back. “Go ahead. You can do this.”
With a deep inhale, Lily Ann turned to her right and counted her steps. Her arms bent at the elbow in an outreached position, she sounded out, “One, two, three.” At the four-count, the cold of the steel pressed against her palms. She found the fridge. She couldn’t remember if the cabinet was on the right or left? With a 50/50 guess, she thought for a minute, then reached to her right to find wood. It took a few tries, but she found the glasses on the second shelf in the exact spot Carly had said. She did it. A few minutes ago, she stood frozen in place, but she worked through the fear. “Got them!”
“I knew you could do it.” Carly grabbed the plate of strawberries and cheese. “I’ll come back down for the wine. Ready to go up top and enjoy the evening?”
“I can carry the wine and glasses,” Lily Ann said as she made her way back over to the sink, where the wine bottle sat open. She lifted her hand and brought it down until she felt the cold bottle against her fingers.
“Are you sure you can handle the wine and glasses?” Carly asked.
“I think so. We’re going to the upper deck, which is four steps straight, left twelve steps, up four steps, and when we get to the top, the couch is ten steps to the left.”
“Good memory. I’ll talk on the way out so you can follow my voice.”
Once above deck, Carly placed her plate on the coffee table before she sat back and took a few breaths of the night air, the warmth tickling her face with a breeze. Mother nature tossed smells of the harbor around. The boat was still in the water, not rocking like her insides.
“Okay, spill it,” Lily Ann said as she leaned back on the couch. “What’s bothering you?”
“How could you tell something’s bothering me?”
“I heard it. The inhale you just took. You were right; other senses enhance when one gets taken away.”
Carly laid her head back. She should be in a great mood. She was sitting and talking to someone in her situation — a person with no sight. Carly tried to chip away at the emotion of being lost that dug into her soul like a nail in a coffin. At least, that’s what she thought. Lily Ann spent ten hours blindfolded with her, and she still felt empty. The only time that gut feeling of hollowness left was around Avery. Saving the turtle, driving, and tossing fish breathed life back in her. Carly took the next ten minutes to explain this to Lily Ann, who sat quietly, listening.
“Sounds like you and Avery have gotten closer.” Lily Ann laid her hand on Carly’s knee. “Can I speak?”
“Yes,” Carly said.
“This is just my opinion. I think you hired me to have someone in your world. Telling me how alive you feel with Avery leads me to believe you need what Avery offers.” Lily Ann took a deep breath of her own. “You can tell me to leave if I’m crossing a line.”
“No, it’s okay.” Carly wiped at her eyes. “Honestly, I don’t know what I want or expect from our sessions.”
“Why does your boat sit? It’s beautiful. I saw the pictures in your room. The ones with you fishing. You seemed so happy.” Lily Ann knew she was pushing the limit, but if Carly hired her to help, then maybe this was the way.
“The dream of being a fisherman disappeared the day I lost my eyesight.”
“Maybe, but what if it didn’t? What if you buried it because it scares you? Maybe you’re afraid.”
“Fuck you! What do you know? You’ve been without sight for two visits. Try it every day. Every fucking day.” The words choked out of Carly before she crumbled into Lily Ann’s arms. “Every fucking day,” she repeated. This time her words came between sobs.
Lily Ann sat there, rubbing her back for the longest time. Sobs became sniffles and then hiccups. “You told me what made you feel alive. It’s right there at your grasp. Don’t lose sight of it.”
Carly laughed. “Was that a pun?”
Lily Ann laughed along. “Was it bad?”
“It sucked. It totally sucked.” Their bodies rocked as laughter filled the night air. Carly broke off into a chuckle. “I needed to laugh,” she admitted. “I’m sorry for the outburst.”
“ We all need to release our emotions sometimes. I owe you a thank you. You were right about my sister. She’s getting bullied at school.”
“Are you going to kick the person’s butt?” Carly asked.
“Let’s just say she won’t get away with it. My family always comes first.”
Lily Ann reached out and found Carly’s hand, placing hers on top of it. Carly slipped her other hand on top of hers. Lily Ann repeated the movement with her free hand. Then the game started. Carly pulled out and slapped her hand on top of the pile. Lily Ann repeated. Over and over, they played.
“Thank you, Lily Ann,” Carly whispered. “You’re a good person.”
17
Hormone-ravished teenagers roamed the grassy areas of the football field with youthful men slamming into each other and the lovely ladies kicking and dancing in routines. Veronica stood in the middle of the cheerleaders with her blow horn in hand. “Again! Again!” The annoying word screamed over and over, each time louder than the last.
Lily Ann leaned on the corner of the metal fence by the bleachers. Sunglasses disguising her eyes from the one she watched, she waited. A little research showed that Veronica was from one of the first families of the city. Her aunt was on the city council, and her mother was the president of the woman’s club. Veronica broke away from her drill sergeant duties and took off in a run toward the bleachers. Lily Ann held her breath in anticipation of being caught, but a quick turn and the adolescent girl ducked under the metal seating at the other end of the stadium.
Lily Ann used a light pole to shield her from the girl’s vision. What’s this girl doing? Veronica stood with her back to the field, deep in the shadows. She twisted around, searching for watching eyes. Lily Ann took her phone out and pointed it in the general direction of the girl hitting the record button. Veronica’s hand reached down the front of her shirt when they reappear
ed, a lump of tissue sat in her palm. The fake Barbie doll squeezed and molded it back into the perfect ball before tucking it away. Oh, you foolish young lady, we’re stuffing the bra — got you, Lily Ann thought. Another quick look around, and the bra-stuffing teenager joined her squad.
Lily Ann leaned against the out-of-place red sports car in the school parking lot an hour later; an easy pick since the license plate read Spoiled. Three girls emerged from a door at the side of the school, showered, blow-dried hair and skinny jeans plastered to their bodies. The cloned teenagers walked with their heads buried in their phones, walking telephone zombies. As the three girls separated into three different pathways, Veronica was on top of her before she came up for air from the phone. She slammed her feet to a halt.
“Um, lady. That’s my car you’re leaning on.” A flip of the hair followed. Lily Ann didn’t move. “Did you hear me? Hello. Get off my car.”
This dim wit didn’t even recognize me. Lily Ann stood when one of the other girls screamed from across a few parking spaces, “V, you okay?”
Veronica was about to say something when her jaw went limp. Lily Ann took her sunglasses off and folded one arm before stuffing the other down the front of her shirt. “Tell them you’re fine.” Lily Ann stepped closer with an inch between the two women. “You may not want them to see or hear this.”
“I’m fine, Tiffany. I will see you at the party!” Veronica yelled out. Her head never turned away from Lily Ann. “What is this? Big sister coming to the rescue.”
“Something like that. It’s family taking care of family,” Lily Ann answered just as a huff of air escaped the young girl. Lily Ann bit her lip to remind herself this was a teenager. “This is how this will go. I know your aunt and mother. Leave my sister alone. I don’t expect you to be friends with her, because she doesn’t need a tight ass bitch like yourself as her friend.” Lily Ann stepped closer with her ear next to Veronica’s ear. “Back the fuck off. Do not look at her. Keep those blow job lips closed. No talking to or about her.”
Veronica jerked away with a second hair flip. “Or what? You going to tell my mommy what I did?”
Lily Ann smiled. “No. I’ll show all your friends and non-friends how those titties get enhanced.” She held her hand out with her phone playing the video of her under the bleachers. “The entire school will see this.” Lily Ann watched as the blood drained from the young girl’s face. She stood there, pure white, watching the video without blinking. Her lips pursed with only a thin line making her mouth. “We good? We understand?” Lily Ann received a nod to her questions. “Excellent.” She pulled her sunglasses out, placing them back over her eyes. “I think I’m a lot easier than my little brother. He kicked your ass. Have fun at the party.” Lily Ann stepped away.
Luna Lounge was quiet for a Saturday night, with only a dozen women mingling in clusters. It was a pleasant mixture with a sample of butches and femmes of all sorts. Jewell sat at the bar, watching an argument over a pool game. One woman was Bonnie, the best pool player in town, and Jewell found enjoyment in the rookie’s attempt to reverse a shot call. Jewel rubbed her right itchy palm over her thigh. She flipped it over and looked at the bright pink skin, hoping her mother’s words came true. Itchy palm meant you would shake hands with a stranger. Turning on the stool, she gave a bottle of IPA beer the last drop tilt. With a nod and a raise of her bottle, she ordered another.
“Hi. I thought that was you. Nice to see you not so teachery.” Lily Ann’s voice rang out over the music as she jumped up on the stool next to Jewel. “Is this okay? Are you waiting for someone?”
Jewel smiled. “I am not.” Jewel dragged the three words out as her eyes scanned her arrived company. “Teachery? I don’t believe that’s a word.”
Lily Ann shrugged her shoulders. She pointed to the beer the bartender placed in front of Jewel. “Can I get one of those, please, and some nachos?” She turned to Jewell. “You like nachos?”
“Who doesn’t? All that cheesy gooey goodness,” A smile plastered her face at the sight of the woman in front of her. Lily Ann was gorgeous in her black jeans and white top that draped off the shoulders. Her long strawberry hair half pinned. Stunning.
“Want to clink?” Lily Ann voiced, snapping Jewel back to reality.
Jewel’s eyes got drawn to the beer bottle held out for a toast. “Oh, yes, clink.” Their bottles hit, the vibration running through her fingers. “To Saturday nights,” Jewel toasted.
“To Saturday nights,” Lily Ann repeated. “Where did you go a few minutes ago?”
A chuckle slipped from Jewel’s throat. “I was thinking about how nice you look. Sorry, guilty.”
Lily Ann studied Jewel for a moment. She admitted this woman looked good with her leather jacket, t-shirt, and skinny jeans. Her brown hair curled at her neck. “You look very nice, also. Not teachery.”
A blush crept up her neck. Jewel took a long draw from her bottle to gather a bit of courage. “So, you are gay? I mean, Bobby said you like girls, but you know how kids are.” She reached out, grabbing a nacho. Her nerves showed in trembling hands.
“Yes, I am. And you?”
Jewel raised her bottle in a make-believe toast. “Team player.”
“The night I blessed your shoes with my supper, my gaydar must have been way off. I didn’t pick up any signals.”
“You did have a lot of things to deal with that night. Who knows? Maybe I don’t scream lesbian.” Jewel grabbed another messy chip.
Lily Ann laughed. “I don’t think lesbian is the first word that screams to me about you.”
“Awe, do tell?” Jewel leaned forward. “What is screaming at you?” She flashed a soft, tempting grin.
Before an answer escaped Lily Ann’s lips, the music and lights flipped in the bar, and a slow tune with soft glows illuminated the area, filtering through the atmosphere. Jewel watched as couples made their way to the dance floor. “You want to dance?” Jewel turned to ask, only to find Lily Ann standing.
“I do,” Lily Ann replied.
Jewel walked them to the dance floor. With a turn, she pulled Lily Ann into her body, placing her hands on her hips. They stood the same height, which made staring into Lily Ann’s brown eyes a delight. The smell of her was intoxicating. Hips bumped in rhythm, swaying like a summer breeze. Jewel pulled her closer, and Lily Ann settled into her arms. The fingers that teased the base of her neck distracted Jewel. She forgot to sway. Jewel closed her eyes as her hands ran up Lily Ann’s back. So close, their hearts synchronized. The music slowed along with their taken breaths. Lily Ann lifted her head from the shoulder. “I rarely do this,” she whispered.
“Do what? Dance?” Jewel asked as the music turned to an upbeat tune. They stood in the middle of the floor while ladies jumped around in attempted dance moves.
“Come out like this. I best leave.” Lily Ann went to leave when a hand touched her elbow.
“We’re just having fun. No plans, just time away from reality. Let’s have another drink.”
Lily looked into this woman’s eyes, biting her lip in self turmoil. “Okay, but no more dancing.”
Jewel laughed. “Did I suck that bad?”
Lily Ann leaned in by her ear before whispering, “You were that good.” She pulled back. “Darts? Let’s go play.”
18
“I just got hustled.” Lily Ann pulled the darts from the board, a relaxed feeling embraced her, which was an escaped memory. How long had it been since she enjoyed a night out? Two years? No, more like three. Wrapped up in keeping her family safe, she forgot what it was like to have fun. A few of her clients were at the establishment. They nodded her way, keeping the secrets between their eyes. Having a great time with a beautiful woman, feeling this comfortable, had Lily Ann’s thoughts mixed.
“Excuse me. It wasn’t my idea to play darts.” Jewel handed Lily Ann a beer. “You’re beautiful.” She stepped closer, their bodies mere inches apart. Jewel looked into Lily Ann’s eyes with desire.
“Jewel.
” The name breathed off Lily Ann’s lips. She wanted to kiss this woman. When Jewell bit her bottom lip, a tug between her legs arose. She just needed an inch. So close. A simple kiss. No harm.
“Jewel,” The name came louder, but this time from behind the two ladies. They both looked over to find Carly and Avery standing behind them.
“Hey, Carly. I didn’t know you were coming out tonight. I want you to meet Lily Ann.” Jewel turned her attention back to the strawberry blond woman who stood wide-eyed. “This is Carly, my best friend, and her friend Avery.”
Lily Ann stood there speechless for a moment, trying to take it in. Her face was an empty slate, but the wheels turned in her head in search of the quickest escape route. Jesus! she thought. “Hi. Hello, yeah, hi, Carly.” The unformed sentence muddled from her lips.
Carly stood in a daze. She couldn’t believe the name she heard. Can’t be. There was no way her hired escort was with her best friend. “Hi.” The only word she could think to say, at the moment.
“Carly?” Avery chimed in, bringing Carly from the fog she was roaming in. “You know Lily Ann? What’s going on here?”
“You know her? How?” Jewel asked.
Lily Ann looked from one set of eyes to others. She needed a life preserver. Carly needed to take the lead in an explanation. Lie, truth, something. Anything she could follow. Throw me a bone here. The deafening silence between the four told a story of its own. “I think I need to leave,” Lily Ann blurted out. The night was amazing, but the bottom just fell out. Awe, who was she kidding, not like she could ever date anyone. Jesus Christ! Did I just think I could have a relationship? She shook her head back and forth to tell herself to stop. She needed to get out of there.
“Wait. Don’t leave.” Jewel slipped in front of her, looking into her eyes, searching for emotion. They were blank. “Tell me what’s happening here?”
