by Jill Shalvis
“We’ll be right outside if you need us,” Sadie told her.
Her throat tightened, but she didn’t take her eyes off Lucas. “Thanks,” she managed.
“Right outside,” Sadie repeated, and then Molly and Lucas were alone.
“Molly,” Lucas started. “I—”
“You lied to me.”
“No,” he said. “I omitted.”
“Same thing.”
“Not the same thing,” he said. “When Archer realized you were going to take this case regardless of what he’d told you, he asked me to keep you safe.”
“And you do everything Archer tells you to?”
He grimaced when she tugged free and took a step back.
Archer stuck his head back into the cubicle just then and she pointed at him. Clearly everyone was still eavesdropping, not that she was surprised. “I’m not on the clock,” she grated out. “Which means you’re not my boss right now, so when I tell you to get the hell out, you can’t fire me for it.”
“Molly—”
“Get the hell out,” she said and then looked at Joe, who’d also stuck his head back in. “You too.”
“I’ve got this,” Lucas said to the clearly reluctant men.
Archer ducked out.
Joe held Lucas’s gaze. “You sure, man?”
“Oh my God!” Molly yelled.
Joe skedaddled.
Lucas held out a hand for Molly, an unspoken request for her to come closer.
Instead she crossed her arms over her chest, which hurt her hand, not that she intended to admit any such thing.
“Molly.”
“You were asked to protect me, which you agreed to,” she said. “And then didn’t tell me.”
“It wasn’t exactly like that.”
“Okay, then tell me, Lucas. What was it like exactly?” she asked.
“Archer tried to tell you that he didn’t want you to take this case.”
“Because he thought there was no case.”
“Because he’s booked up for two straight months,” Lucas said. “Whatever he thought of the case, he didn’t want to take it on because he didn’t have the ability to give it his all, and that’s his prerogative.”
She looked away.
“And yes,” he said quietly. “I agreed to try and dissuade you from taking the case in the first place. But then I met the elves and realized they were right and something was going on. And plus, you were onboard no matter what anyone said.”
“So that’s when Joe and Archer put you on the case with me,” she said. “I get that, misguided and stupid as that was. But you . . .” She shook her head, feeling her chest tighten as she realized the horrifying, pathetic truth. “You were working, and I thought we were . . .” She closed her eyes and turned away.
“Molly. We were.”
“We weren’t.” She was proud of one thing, that her voice remained even. No way was he going to know how much that hurt. “We were just coworkers, and you know what? That’s what we told everyone anyway, so it’s fine. We’re all on the same page now.”
“It’s more than work between us, Molly, and you know it.”
“Do I?” she asked.
“You love me.”
She stilled and then whipped back to face him.
“Yeah,” he said. “I heard you say it, back in that storage room.”
From the other side of the curtain came a sudden rush of barely there whispers like a bunch of kids in the back of church.
“She told him she loved him?”
“What the hell’s been going on when they were working?”
Molly whipped the curtain open and all the faces that had been up against it pulled back. Everyone bumped into each other and they shifted, trying to look very busy.
“Go away,” Molly said.
As a collective whole, they backed up a few feet.
“Further,” Molly said, then whipped the curtain closed again and stared at Lucas. “You were unconscious.”
“I was in and out. Okay, mostly out, but I definitely heard you say you love me and ask me not to die so sweetly that I told myself I had to make it just so I could say it back to you. I love you too, Molly.”
Her heart kicked. “You love me. But you lied to me. Love doesn’t lie, Lucas.”
He didn’t smile, didn’t blink, just let his dark eyes lock onto hers. His mouth curved into a soft, remorseful smile that made it difficult to remember to keep her distance. So did the white bandage around his head.
“You know that I’m not good at this,” he said, worry in his expression. Or maybe it was regret. “I’m out of practice.”
“So am I,” she said. “But I didn’t lie to you. I wouldn’t.” She was aware that she was self-destructing this, but couldn’t seem to stop herself. Maybe because a little tiny part of her was relieved that there was an out.
“Molly—”
“I’ve got to go.”
“Wait,” he said. “What about me—”
“You do what you want.”
“No,” he said. “Don’t go. I can’t come after you—”
“I don’t need you to.” She backed away from him. “Take care of yourself, Lucas.”
And then she forced herself to walk away.
Chapter 26
#IOnlyWantYouForChristmas
Lucas watched Molly walk out of the small cubicle and—he was afraid—out of his life. He struggled to sit up and had barely made it upright before everyone except the one person he wanted crowded back in.
“Man,” Archer said. “Even I know that when a woman says ‘do what you want,’ you don’t do what you want.”
“What do you do then?” Lucas asked wearily.
“You go perfectly still. You don’t blink. You don’t even breathe. You just play dead.”
Lucas closed his eyes. He felt half dead and wondered if that would count . . .
A harried-looking nurse showed up and gasped at the number of people squeezed into the small space. “Is this a party or a hospital?” she asked tartly.
“It’s both,” Elle said. “But the party’s really just a pity party for our dumbass friend who just screwed it all up with the love of his life. I know you said only two of us at a time back here, but it’s going to take all of us ganging up on him to make him see the light and rectify his dumbassness.”
The nurse eyed Lucas. “You screwed up?”
“Yeah.”
“Men,” she said with a shake of her head, and started checking his vitals. She pulled the stethoscope from around her neck to have a listen and then gave him a long, hard look at whatever she heard.
Probably his heart dying.
“You need to rest,” she said and turned to Elle. “I’m sorry to interrupt The Dumbass Intervention, but—”
“Hey,” Lucas said, closing his eyes. “Lying right here.”
“You’ll have to fix his life for him later,” the nurse went on. “He really does need some quiet.”
When she’d shoved everyone out, Lucas felt relief. Finally, he could hear himself think. But . . . he could hear himself think. Molly was gone, and given the look that had been in her eyes, she was going to stay gone.
Which meant it was official—he really was a dumbass.
He woke to an annoying beeping that told him he was still in the hospital. He sat straight up and then went utterly still, fighting both pain and nausea.
Thanks to an infection in his leg, they’d admitted him instead of letting him go home. That had been two days ago. Two long, restless days and nights of high fever and barely consciousness. He’d dreamed that Molly had been at his side the whole time, alternately holding his hand or stroking his hair from his eyes. He was certain he’d heard her mutter “dumbass” affectionately as well, but every time he managed to wake himself up and crack open his eyes, the chair by his bed remained empty.
He sat up now, staring at it. Wishful thinking, no doubt.
“Problem?” Joe asked, coming into the roo
m.
“I thought I heard . . .” He shook his head.
“What?”
“Nothing.”
Joe tossed a duffle bag to the bed. “Thought you might want some clothes that your ass won’t hang out of.”
Lucas stripped off the hated hospital gown. “If I don’t ever see another of these in my entire life, it’ll still be too soon.” He gingerly set his feet on the floor. His thigh was healing where the bullet had ripped through, but it still hurt like a sonofabitch. He very carefully slid his legs into the jeans Joe had brought, forgoing underwear since he didn’t know if he had enough in him for the extra step. “Tell me what happened with the case.”
“Let’s start with why you kept it from me. I get why Molly did, but not you, Lucas.”
Lucas drew a deep breath, which hurt like hell. “She’s good, man. She deserved a shot at this case. And it wasn’t for me to decide to bring you in on it. She’s her own person and not only that, she’s good at this. You’re going to have to come to terms with that. Now tell me what the hell happened when I was passed out.”
Joe took in what Lucas said and nodded, not looking happy but resigned. “It turns out that Santa had told the elves the truth on one thing—the Christmas Village itself really wasn’t making much money. One to two grand a weekend. But their gambling profits were coming in at ten to twelve grand and they were stupid enough to be claiming the illegal gains in order to wash the money through a legitimate business. They cooked their books, but didn’t count on one thing.”
“Molly,” Lucas guessed.
“Molly,” Joe agreed. “Tommy Thumbs and Janet are going away for money laundering, conspiracy to launder illegal gambling profits, racketeering, and lots of other fun stuff including murder one. Santa’s already six feet under.”
Lucas nodded and reached for a T-shirt. “So,” Joe said casually as Lucas pulled it over his head. “You and my sister.”
Lucas pushed his arms through the sleeves and shoved the shirt down before looking at Joe. “Yeah. Me and Molly.”
“So you freely admit it, that you were fucking around with my sister when you were supposed to be protecting her.”
“I was protecting her,” Lucas said. “And it wasn’t fucking around.”
Joe raised a doubtful brow.
“It wasn’t,” Lucas said, closing his eyes. Even though all he’d done for days was sleep, he felt exhausted to the bone. “It’s different with her.”
“So different that you did your usual be-a-dick until you’re dumped move?”
“You want to go there with me?” Lucas asked. “Because whose fault is it that she’s mad at me for lying? I fell in love with her, Joe. I didn’t mean to, and God knows I didn’t want to, but it’s the truth. I know she doesn’t believe me, but that doesn’t make it any less real. And seems to me that only a few months ago you fell for Kylie while protecting and helping her as well, so please, tell me more about this whole thing being so wrong.”
Joe sighed. Scrubbed a hand down his face. A rare tell and an admission of guilt. “In case you’re confused on the details, she dumped you.”
Lucas nodded. “I’m going to fix that.”
Joe looked at him for a long moment and Lucas knew this could go one of two ways. Either they were still friends and partners or they weren’t.
Joe sighed again. “She was here.”
“What?”
“You woke up looking for her, right?” Joe asked. “Because she was here. Pretty much the whole time, actually. Wouldn’t leave your side, and believe me, I tried to convince her otherwise, but she refused to go and get the rest she needed until she knew you were out of danger.”
Lucas’s heart squeezed painfully. “I’m going to make things right, Joe. I’m going to get her back.”
Joe snorted. “Good luck with that. Getting Molly to change her mind once she’s set it is . . . well, you’d have a better shot at getting hell to freeze over.”
Lucas shoved his feet into his beat-up running shoes. “It’s going to happen.” He straightened. “Are we okay?”
“You really think you can fix it with Molly?”
“I have to believe it.”
Joe stared at him for another long beat and then nodded. “Then we’re okay.”
Two days later Lucas showed up at the office. Once again he wasn’t yet cleared for work, but also once again, he was going batshit crazy at home with nothing to do.
Especially when everything he needed was here.
He walked up to Molly’s desk. She lifted her head and met his gaze, and for a beat he saw so many emotions there he couldn’t breathe. But in the next beat, she shut herself down and gave him a look utterly clear of any emotion.
“You’re not cleared for work,” she said. “Doctor said you have to stay off your leg.”
“I know.”
She arched a brow. “And yet you’re on your leg. Where’re your crutches?”
“Probably wherever your cane is.”
She sighed and went back to her keyboard, her fingers moving at the speed of light, but he could tell she wasn’t in it. Her attention was still on him.
Good, because he had something to say. “You were looking for an out, and when you found one, you took it. Tell me that’s not what you did.”
She opened her mouth and then closed it. Her eyes too. Then she drew a deep breath and opened them again. “I can’t tell you that,” she admitted. “Because that’s what I did. But for whatever it’s worth, I regret it and I’m sorry.”
He nodded, accepting that for gospel, because another thing Molly didn’t do was lie. Feeling tentatively hopeful for the first time in days, he set an iPad down in front of her.
“What’s this?” she asked warily.
“Why don’t you look?”
Instead, she stood and walked around the desk toward him. She was limping pretty badly, more than he’d seen in a long time, and he reached for her.
She let him pull her in and he let out his first real breath since that night in the bingo hall, the one that was haunting him because she’d gotten hurt on his watch.
“You’re shaking,” she murmured and pulled back an inch to look into his face. “Are you okay?”
His throat went tight. She’d been through hell too, and yet she wanted to know if he was okay. He ran his hand up her back and into her hair to palm the back of her head, holding her to him. “Better now,” he said, wondering if she’d let him hold her like this for the rest of time. “You turned off your phone. Didn’t answer your door. When I went to your dad’s, he threatened to shoot my balls off from where he sat.”
She gasped. “He did not!”
“He did. And I risked said balls to ask him to get you to call me.”
She shifted free of him and looked away. “He told me that part.”
“You didn’t call.”
She bit her lower lip. “I almost did.” She turned to her desk and the iPad he’d set on it. “But I needed to think.”
“About . . . ?” he asked.
“Relationships. How I self-destruct them when I’m scared.” She slid him a look. “You lying to me . . .”
Ah, and now onto the gut-wrenching portion of the day. Reaching for her hand, he tugged her back into him, waiting until she met his gaze. “We already talked about this,” he said quietly. “I didn’t lie to you. I will never lie to you. I did withhold the truth. I had my reasons at the time, but I regret them too. Deeply.”
She stared at him, her thoughts hidden. “Keep going.”
“Yes, I was asked to watch after you. I was happy to do so. I didn’t consider it a betrayal, I considered it a job—”
She sucked in a breath.
“—Which lasted about two seconds,” he said. “Until I realized that not only did you have a real case, but that you weren’t going to let it go until you’d done right for Mrs. Berkowitz and her friends, and that scared me.”
“I thought you weren’t scared of anything,” she said.
“You thought wrong. I’m scared of plenty. One of which is letting you get hurt.” He let out a deep breath. He hated facing his fears, much less admitting them. “Another is losing you.”
“I understand that,” she said quietly, surprising him. “You’ve had losses, too many. Carrie. And Josh . . . But you need to know, Lucas, I’m not them. I’m . . . me.”
“I know.” He cupped her face and pressed his forehead to hers. “And I was working through all of that, about how I’d buried my emotions deep, how I’d closed myself off . . . it was all coming to a head for me right about that very first night when I woke up with you in my bed—all over me like white on rice.”
She narrowed her eyes. “That did not happen.”
He lifted his hand as if taking an oath. “All over me.”
She blushed. “Whatever. You sleep like a furnace and my feet were cold.”
He smiled. Her feet hadn’t been cold. His smile faded as fast as it’d come. “You have a lot of people who love and care about you very much, Molly.”
She rolled her eyes. “Some of them are way too overprotective. Joe and I are going to work on that together, probably the hard way. Now tell me something I don’t know.”
“I’m one of those people. It’s in my nature to protect and defend. It’s ingrained deep, and I won’t apologize for it. What I will apologize for is not fully understanding just how strong and capable and amazing you are.” He paused to let that sink in. “You don’t need someone to stand at your back, Molly. But I’d sure like to stand at your side, if you’re done self-destructing us.”
She just looked at him. Not angry and closed like before, but not quite on board with him yet either.
“Look at the case file I brought you,” he said, nudging his chin toward the iPad.
She swiped the screen active and skimmed the summary sheet. “This is a custody case gone bad. We don’t take these kinds of cases.”
“No,” Archer said, coming into the room from the back. He nodded a greeting at Lucas and they fist-bumped. “But our newest investigator does.”
