by Ronica Black
But truthfully, anything was better than where she’d been a little over a year ago. Ambling zombie-like through a small doctor’s office as a medical assistant, calling patients back to be seen, and taking vitals. It had become mind-numbing and tedious, and she’d longed to break out, to be free, to go off and learn something new. After years of unhappiness, she’d finally gained the courage to make those changes and some days she still had a hard time believing she was actually in school and working toward her degree in nutrition. She was more content now than she’d ever been. So feigning boredom during long lectures was something she was more than happy to put up with.
Dr. Rosenberg closed her lecture for the day, and the class stirred slowly to life, as if rising from the dead. Olivia put her notes in her satchel and had an urge to groan as she stood. It had been a week since she’d run up the mountain, but her body still ached like it had just happened yesterday. The continued pain and stiffness of strained muscles frustrated her and tested her patience. She wanted to pick things back up again. Get moving. Continue on her journey to change. But her body wasn’t having it.
“Tomorrow,” she mumbled as she stepped out into the bright sunshine. She recoiled, shading her eyes with her hand, like a vampire terrified of evaporating. But soon her eyes adjusted, and she walked toward the student union. “Tomorrow I’ll go and try again.” Even if she was too sore to run, she’d still try. And if she couldn’t, she’d hike. She’d do anything to get and keep a momentum. If she didn’t, if she waited much longer, she feared she’d lose her ambition. And God only knew if it would ever return.
She tried to relax a little at having made up her mind about returning to the mountain. But thoughts of Eve came. There was a chance she’d run into her again on the trail. If not tomorrow, then another day. But what could she do about it? She wasn’t about to stay away or change her plans. Eve was just a woman. A nice woman. And Olivia had the ability to tell her no. It would just be a little difficult is all. Maybe more so than usual. Okay, a lot more. Because unlike the other people she had to tell no, Eve was someone she actually wanted to say yes to. And good God, was it tempting.
She fought off a curse, still well trained from her childhood not to do so, and forced herself to focus on her surroundings, hoping against hope it would keep the thoughts of Eve at bay. Dozens of students bustled about the campus of the community college, with their minds no doubt on their own problems. Most had eyes trained on their phones, only glancing upward every so often to make sure they were still on the right path. Others whizzed by on their longboards with music loud enough for her to hear blaring from their earbuds. Some days being surrounded by all those young adults made her, at thirty-two, feel ancient. But today, she just felt grateful to be there with them, building her brain, ensuring herself a better life. It also helped that she’d met several other students around her age or older also seeking an education.
She crossed the busy sidewalk to the union. It was early afternoon, so the heavy lunch crowd had mostly dispersed, leaving a few tables open under the ramada. She slid onto a bench seat and placed her bag on the table. And just as she was about to check her phone for any messages, her friend and fellow student, Jake, eased in across from her.
“Ugh, can this day get any worse?” He handed over her Monday afternoon coffee and then slurped his own.
“Thanks.” She took a sip and wanted to melt. It was still piping hot, and the smell and flavor of the caramel seemed to saturate her senses immediately. She couldn’t have needed this more. “Thank you so much.”
Jake was always good for their Monday afternoon coffee. He never forgot and he never got her order wrong. Her schedule was full on Monday mornings, so by the time afternoon rolled around, she almost always needed some sort of caffeine. She took another sip and winced as she readjusted herself on the seat. She just couldn’t get comfortable anywhere, not even at home on her couch. She was really paying the price for that run.
“You okay?” Jake ran his hand through his striking blond locks and then rested his elbow on the table. “You’re not still sore, are you?”
“Mm, a bit.” That was the understatement of the century.
“You know I so badly want to say it, but I won’t.”
She swore she could see the playfulness in his eyes through the lenses of his Prada shades.
“Please, don’t. Believe me I got the message.”
Jake had flipped out when she’d shown up last Monday barely able to move. And after he’d heard what she’d done to cause such misery, he flipped out again, furious that she’d done something like that without telling him first. Because, according to him, he would’ve stopped her. He would’ve told her she was crazy. She’d told him she was going running, yes. But she’d never said anything about running up a mountain.
“I hope so. Because I hate having to tell you you’re a moron.” He shook his head as if he still was going to do so, as if he couldn’t stop himself.
She braced herself for the onslaught.
“I swear, Olivia, you are like the most clueless smart person I’ve ever known. You are super intelligent with this incredible photographic memory, which, as you know, I seriously hate you for, and yet you have absolutely no common sense whatsoever.”
“That’s so not true.” But as the words fell from her mouth, she recalled her sheltered life. She’d been raised in a very strict religious household. One where, next to God, her parents were the center of her universe. They made the rules, they made the calls. She was never to question them, even when she knew they were flat-out wrong. And friends? Sure, she had them. But most were from the church and brought up just as she was. Her world was very carefully controlled, and there were many, many things, she now knew, that she hadn’t been exposed to. And very little of that changed when she got married. Control had shifted from her parents to her husband and the church had still been a big influence. Outside of work at the doctor’s office, she knew very little of the world around her. But that didn’t mean she was clueless did it?
“It’s not,” she said again, this time more for herself.
He gave her a look. “Please, honey. Don’t even.”
“Okay. Maybe I’m not up to speed on everything around me, but I can figure out how to exercise.”
“Obviously not.”
“I can. I just…” Eve’s words came to mind. “Bit off more than I can chew.”
“I’ll say.”
“I just want it so much. You don’t understand.”
“What, you think I don’t understand what it feels like to want something right away? Sweetie, my least favorite word is wait. My middle name is now. I hate waiting more than anything. But I’ve learned that some things take time, whether I like it or not. Getting into shape is one of those things. You’re going to have to accept that.”
She lowered her gaze to stare at the grated table. She didn’t want to wait. She wanted her new life now. All of it. She’d waited long enough. Stood stagnant for years in a smothering marriage. Wasn’t that enough? Hadn’t she put in her time?
“Olivia, look at me.” He held her hand. “Think about all the changes you’ve experienced in just a little over a year. You left your husband, moved into your own place, quit your job, started school. It’s mind-boggling what all you’ve done and had to adjust to. So, cut yourself some slack. Take some time to breathe. Getting fit is going to take time whether you slow things down or not. That’s just a fact. So why not just relax and go about it the right way? You know, the way that won’t get you killed?”
He squeezed her hand. She had been through a lot. More than she ever had before. Maybe she should think about slowing down.
She nodded. “I’ll consider it.”
“That’s a girl.”
She smiled and squeezed his hand in return. She might decide to slow things down, yes. But stop altogether to rest? Even for a short while? No way. A week had been long enough. Possibly too long.
She was going to return to that m
ountain. And she was going to do it tomorrow.
Chapter Six
Eve inhaled the beautiful morning air as she walked along the top of the mountain after a second successful yet rigorous run up the trail. She kicked out her legs and kept moving, hands on hips, chest and chin up. She checked her pulse and took a few small sips of water. The view of northern Glendale was spectacular in the sunrise, and she usually enjoyed taking it in. But every trip to the mountain brought with it the secret hope that she’d see Olivia. And every time she’d left, after having to accept Olivia’s absence, she felt both relief and disappointment. She’d never been so confused by her feelings for a woman.
She jogged a little in place, the orange and pink bursting sky doing little to ease her mind. She knew she should head back down to go start her day, but a part of her wanted to stay for a while. She could kid herself into believing she was doing so simply for the beauty of the view. But truthfully, she knew the longer she hung around, the better chance she had of running into Olivia.
She checked her pulse again and stared out at the dozens of Spanish-tiled rooftops. She imagined people tucked away in their quiet homes, some probably slightly stirring from sleep by the sound of the mourning doves. Sunrise was her favorite time of day and had been since she was a child. She could still remember waking early and sitting in the backyard, enjoying the calm, the stillness, watching as the gray world around her began to tint with color as light crept in. Those quiet moments alone had been her safe haven, her only peace in a house full of chaos. It had been difficult to find any moment alone, much less a peaceful one. But then there came a day when she’d awakened early from a dream. The calm of her house had felt strange, and she’d ventured into the kitchen for a glass of water. She’d been standing at the sink when she’d seen it in the first light of the day. A hot air balloon. Big, beautiful, and bursting with color, it was moving slowly above the homes, gliding across the sky. She’d rushed outside and stood in the middle of the yard staring. She could see the people in the basket and they’d waved at her. More than excited, she’d waved back and watched as flames torched upward into the hollow part of the balloon. She could hear the distant, deep hiss of the heat, and she’d felt so special, knowing she’d witnessed something her siblings hadn’t. Seeing that balloon by herself in her backyard, it had felt like that experience was solely hers. Something no one else could take away, something she didn’t have to ever share. And she hadn’t. She’d kept it to herself and she’d set her sports watch alarm to wake her the next morning and the one after that. She’d eagerly bolted from bed and dashed into the wet grass in her bare feet and waved at the subsequent balloons as they floated by. None had ever come as close as that very first one had, but there they’d been, gliding across her sky, day after day, for weeks at a time and every early spring thereafter. She’d never told a soul.
Sometime shortly after that first spring, she’d learned that the vacant desert just beyond her subdivision, where all the kids liked to explore, was a popular place for crews to unpack and stretch out their balloons for launch. When she’d grown older, she’d taken her bike there and watched as a dozen or so balloons were raised into the awaiting dawn.
She’d stared up in amazement at all those bubbles of color dotting the sky.
It had been a sight to behold.
She blinked back into the present as she caught sight of a balloon in the distance. It was that time of year again, and soon there’d be more. She pulled her leg up behind her for a hamstring stretch. Then she lowered it and did the same to the other. She caught sight of something out of the corner of her eye. She turned and saw someone emerging, having reached the top. The woman was wearing a white ball cap, matching tank top, and dark blue athletic shorts. She bent over with her hands on her knees. Eve pushed her sunglasses up on her head for a better view. She moved closer and noted similarities. Her heart fluttered a bit at the possibility. Then the woman straightened, and Eve got a clear view of the beautiful, classical features of her face and those delectable, head-turning curves.
Olivia.
Absently, Eve put her hand to her chest. She felt the hard pounding of her heart and wondered if she’d subconsciously put her hand there to keep it from leaping from her body.
“Olivia.” She hurried toward her, and concern grew as she drew closer. Olivia had a plume of red on her cheeks and neck. Her legs were shaking, and she couldn’t seem to get enough oxygen. Eve was almost to her when Olivia spotted her, and within a split second, her face seemed to brighten with surprise and then fall with what looked like guilt. Eve skidded to a stop feeling like she’d been slapped.
She stood still, unsure what to do. An awful gut-wrenching feeling set in. It had been a long time since she’d last felt rejection, but she’d know that soul crushing feeling anywhere. And as if to solidify the reality of the rejection, Olivia raised her hand to keep Eve from coming any closer.
“I’m fine,” she said. She bent once again and rested her free hand on her knee. Her breathing was sporadic, and she was covered in sweat. She didn’t look good at all.
Eve worried she might even pass out. The strong pull to help her doubled, despite the rejection. Her concern for her was very real, and she didn’t understand how she could continue to care so much about someone’s well-being when they obviously didn’t want her to. But at the moment, it didn’t matter, her need to make sure she was okay won out, regardless.
“Let me help. I can—”
“It’s not as bad as last time,” Olivia blurted, before Eve could finish. “I didn’t run the whole way up.”
Then why do you look like you’re going to die?
“I don’t think I quite believe that, based on your current state.” She spoke softly, careful not to be too hard on her. “But it ultimately makes no difference because the bottom line is you shouldn’t be running any of it. Not yet, anyway.” She rubbed her brow. “You’re going to seriously hurt yourself.”
Olivia glanced away from her, and Eve studied her closely, more curious than ever. What all was she hiding? Was she afraid to tell her the truth about how much she ran because she feared criticism and judgment? Or was it the attraction between them that was bothering her?
“I’m good. Really.” She straightened and smiled. It looked forced. Like she was trying to convince Eve that she was fine.
She failed. Miserably.
Eve searched her mind for the right words. Words that would break through Olivia’s stubbornness.
“Please, at least let me help you back down the trail.”
That look of panic, the one she’d seen just before Olivia had climbed in her car and sped away, was back.
“Oh, no, no, no. That’s not necessary.”
Am I really that scary? And what exactly is it that she’s afraid of? At the moment, with the current look on her face, Eve honestly couldn’t tell. Eve felt herself soften.
Maybe Olivia didn’t dislike her.
Maybe she was just uncomfortable. For whatever reason.
Eve spoke again, and she did so gently, as she had before.
“Olivia, you can hardly stand. And you know it would be a lot safer if you had some support walking back down.”
Olivia continued to avoid her gaze, choosing instead to look out at the vast array of houses below.
“I’m fine. Really.”
Eve didn’t believe her. Not even for a second. There was no conviction. And the words had been said so softly she’d barely heard them.
Olivia’s stubborn barrier was crumbling.
Eve struck again, hoping to knock the cement blocks down once and for all.
“Look, no strings attached, okay? I won’t pressure you to call me and I won’t tell you what you should or shouldn’t do. I’ll just be a beam of support, holding you tight, making sure you don’t stumble and fall.”
Eve smiled, convinced Olivia would see that things were okay, that she was safe, that she could trust her. But to her shock, the promise only seemed to reig
nite Olivia’s panic.
She shook her head vehemently. “No. No, thanks. I got this.”
What the hell?
Eve exhaled and gripped the back of her neck. That was it. That was all she had. There was nothing more she could do. Absolutely nothing.
Olivia was on her own.
“Okay, then. I’ll leave you to it.” She kicked absently at a pebble. “Just…” She looked up at her and was a little taken aback when she saw Olivia’s eyes already trained on her. “Just be careful, okay? I truly only want for your happiness and your health.”
Eve lowered her shades and turned to head out.
“Thank you.” The words came on a breeze. Eve straightened her shoulders and accepted that those would be the last words she’d probably ever hear from this mysterious woman named Olivia. It was a finality that left her with a surprisingly deep and nearly overwhelming sadness. It was so heavy and so powerful, she hoped she’d never feel anything like it again.
Chapter Seven
Olivia watched helplessly as Eve walked away from her. She wanted to call out to her, to stop her, to apologize to her for being such a jerk. But she didn’t. She couldn’t.
She winced in pain from the pressure she’d had to put on her foot. She lifted it slightly but remained where she was. Eve couldn’t know she was hurt. She’d absolutely insist on helping her, fighting her harder than she’d just done. But the mere thought of Eve next to her, pulling her in close and tight, close enough to feel her body and strength again, to smell her enticing scent, really worried her. And she didn’t even want to acknowledge what having her so close would do to her loins. After their first encounter, it had taken hours before she’d regained some control over her thoughts and body, despite the rigors she’d felt from the run. The heat and the throbbing Eve had caused, they’d been new to her and overpowering, and the long, cold shower she’d taken hadn’t doused either. She feared if those feelings came on again, she might do something crazy. Like act on them.
