“First,” he began, “you need to know something.” He reached for her hand as he drove, clasping it gently in his.
An eighteen-wheeler suddenly swerved into his lane, cutting him off. Startled, he jerked his hand away to grab the steering wheel as he instinctively hit the brakes. Shani yelped as they skidded.
“That fucking jerk,” he swore automatically, his heart thudding as the huge truck roared away. He guided the car to the shoulder of the highway and rolled to a stop. “Sorry about that,” he said, parking the car and turning on the hazard lights.
“It wasn’t your fault,” Shani asserted. “That guy totally cut you off.”
Adam unclicked his seatbelt and turned to her. “He did,” he agreed. “But it’s better if we’re parked for this anyway.”
“You’re making me a little nervous,” Shani said, her expression bemused. “This isn’t one of those, it’s-been-real-but-now-it’s-over speeches, is it?”
“What?” Adam asked. “No. God, no,” he asserted. “Quite the opposite.” Again he reached for her hand, fixing his gaze on her lovely face. He would just lay it all out there, and she could do with it what she would.
“I love you,” he said. It was the first time in over a decade he’d uttered those words, but they slipped effortlessly off his tongue. “I know it’s really soon to be saying that, but my heart knows what it knows. I don’t want to go all cornball on you, but it’s like you’re the missing piece of my soul. I’ve been running so far for so long, both in fact and in spirit, that I don’t even remember why. But when I met you, something changed. For the first time, I’ve put down my metaphorical bags. I’ve found my home. And it’s with you, Shani.”
She opened her mouth to say something, but he barreled on. “Look, I know it’s really fast and it’s sudden and it’s a lot to take in. And I totally get it if you don’t feel the same way, or need more time, or whatever. I’m willing to do whatever it takes, and wait as long as it takes, until you’re ready. I’ll cancel all my upcoming gigs. I’ll move to Desire Island, if you want, and work there as a staff Dom, if they’ll have me.”
The words had slipped out, born of his desperate desire to keep Shani close. But even as he uttered them, it made his gut churn to think of Shani still working as a staff slave. Could he tolerate other guys engaged in casual scenes with his Princess?
Yes, he told himself. If that’s what it takes to have her in my life, then that’s what it takes. We’ll work it out.
Aloud, he said, “This is totally new for me. I’ve never felt this way. I just know I can’t be without you. I want you in my life. I love you, Shani.”
Afraid he was blathering, he snapped his mouth shut. She was staring at him, her lips parted, her big, dark eyes wide. Had he said too much? Not enough? He held his breath as he waited for her to react.
“Adam,” she said softly, squeezing his hand. “I love you, too.”
He remembered to breathe then, his heart lifting with happiness.
Her eyes were shining, a combination of hope and joy in her expression. “It’s so amazing you’re saying all this. I’ve been thinking about so many things since that crazy dream last night. When I woke up, I felt so empowered. Since the disaster with Brandon, my spirit had left me and I didn’t know how to get it back. But last night, during that dream, I actually felt my spirit return. And it wouldn’t have happened if I hadn’t met you.”
She shook her head. “Wait. I’m not saying that right. I don’t mean to imply that you’ve somehow saved me—that I’m some weak-minded girl who needs a man to take care of her. But what you did do, with your kindness and love, was help me to remember who I am. I’m not afraid of him anymore. I almost hope we run into him tonight at the Fetish Fair so I can give him a piece of my mind.”
Adam laughed. “You give him a piece of your mind, and I’ll give him my boot up his ass. Who knows how many others that bully has terrorized? At the very least, we have to make sure that never happens again.”
“Agreed,” Shani said staunchly, a fire in her eyes. But then her expression softened, the fire replaced by sadness. “I’ve been thinking about a lot of things since coming home. I’ve been dreading the thought of flying back across the continent. Of leaving you and my family behind. I hadn’t allowed myself to realize how much I missed them since I’ve been gone. Or how much sway Sir—I mean Brandon”—she touched her close-cropped hair—“still affected me. I’ve been trying to escape this whole time, both from what happened, and from my own responsibility in the matter. I never dealt with it. I never confronted him. I never told my mom the real reason I left. I just took off. I found comfort and refuge on the island, but…”
She paused for a long time. Adam’s mouth tingled with the desire to kiss her. His arms ached with the need to pull her close. He pressed his lips together and clenched his hands to keep them still as he waited for her to speak.
“I don’t think I belong on Desire Island,” she finally continued. “Not anymore. I made some truly wonderful friends there, but I can’t imagine scening with the island guests—with strangers who mean nothing to me, and to whom I mean nothing. Not when I know you exist in the world.”
A crazy, wild joy propelled Adam from the car. Racing around to the passenger side, he pulled open the door and held out his hands.
Shani released her seatbelt and reached for him, allowing him to pull her up and out of her seat. He smiled down at her radiant face. “I love you,” he repeated, happiness nearly lifting him off his feet. Then he took her in his arms and kissed her.
Chapter 13
Nina sat in the rocker on the front porch, shelling peas into a large bowl on her lap. She looked up and smiled as Adam pulled the car into the dirt driveway beside the tract house. Nina’s ancient pickup truck sat in the driveway, one of its tires clearly flat. No one else had arrived yet, which pleased Shani. While she was looking forward to another of Nina’s home-cooked meals with all the family in attendance, she wanted a little time alone with her mom.
As they climbed up the porch steps, Shani saw her little niece, Naira, sitting near Nina’s feet, a small red ball and some shiny metal jacks in front of her. Since she had retired from nursing, Mama often watched her girls’ children when she was needed. Maybe someday Shani would have a little girl of her own to add to the brood. Would she have Adam’s brilliant green eyes?
Nina set her bowl aside and rose to her feet, holding out her arms. Shani stepped into them, inhaling Mama’s special scent—a mixture of fresh bread, the rich earth she loved to garden and the rose water she always dabbed behind her ears.
When they parted, Adam, who had hung back a little, stepped forward and took Nina’s hand. “Nice to see you again, Nina.” He glanced over at Nina’s truck. “I see you’ve got a flat tire. If you have a spare, I’d be glad to change that for you.”
“Thank you, but my son-in-law, Jacy, is a mechanic. He’s bringing me a new tire. He’ll take care of it after the meal.”
Shani turned to Naira. “Hi, baby,” she said, smiling down at the little girl. “Remember us from yesterday? I’m your Aunt Shani and this is my friend, Adam.”
“I got jacks,” Naira said in her high, piping voice. She bounced the ball and scooped a handful of jacks into her tiny hand.
“Those are so shiny and pretty,” Adam said enthusiastically. “Can you show me how to play?”
“Okay,” Naira said, a shy smile on her face.
Adam crouched down and sat cross-legged across from Naira. Shani cast him a grateful look. She had told him as they neared the reservation that she wanted to tell Nina, finally, the real reason she’d fled from home. With Adam watching Naira, it was the perfect opportunity.
“Mama,” she said now, “will you show me your vegetable garden? I didn’t get a chance to see it yesterday.” She looked over where Adam and Naira sat, heads bent over the game. “These two should be fine for a few minutes.”
“I’d be glad to,” Nina said, getting to her feet. She placed
the bowl on the seat of the rocking chair and regarded the pair playing together. Adam appeared totally absorbed as little Naira gravely explained rules. Shani’s heart clutched at the sweetness of the scene.
They walked together around to the side of the small house, where Nina’s vegetable garden was planted. There were tomatoes, peas, lettuce, corn, beans and squash laid out in rows and carefully screened-in to keep out animals looking for a tasty snack. A couple of chickens scrabbled and pecked in the dirt in their nearby pen.
Shani admired Nina’s garden, listening as her mother detailed the successes and failures of her yield this year. After a few minutes, Nina said, “Tell me what’s on your mind, daughter. If I stuck a pin in you right now, I think you’d burst from whatever it is you’ve got to say.”
Shani laughed. “You could always tell.” She glanced back toward the house. They could see the pair through the slats of the porch railing, still engaged with their game. “Is Naira okay with Adam a while longer? I was thinking we could walk down to the quiet bench for a few minutes.”
Nina followed her gaze. “She doesn’t usually cotton to strangers, especially men. But Adam’s got that child spark kids intuitively recognize. He’ll be a good father someday.”
Shani smiled, delighted at Nina’s approval. It would make her confession a little easier, now that she was back on the right path in her life.
They walked the few yards of Nina’s tiny backyard to the creek that marked the end of her property. The quiet bench, as it had always been called since Shani could remember, was a simple straight-backed structure built from salvaged wooden planks her father had built when the sisters were small. It faced the creek, and was supposed to be a spot for quiet contemplation.
In fact, at least when the girls were small, it was used primarily as home base during games of tag and hide-and-go-seek, or as the throne for whichever sister had earned the honor of Chief Noble Warrior Princess on any given day.
Now they sat side-by-side on the bench. The burbling creek offered a comforting, familiar sound as Shani composed herself. Nina sat quietly, a small smile lifting her lips as she regarded the clear water rushing over the smooth stones. It was time for Shani to tell her mother what had really happened.
“I wanted to talk to you about why I left last year,” Shani finally began. “I mean,” she hurried on, “I told you part of the story—that I had a bad breakup and a good opportunity for a resort job. But I didn’t tell you what really happened…” She paused, shame at having let things go so far with Brandon washing over her.
Nina turned to her, the small smile still in place, though her eyes were sad. “You didn’t have to, daughter. I could see. A man had hurt you. Hurt you bad. There were no outward bruises or broken bones, but I saw the bruised spirit and the broken heart.” She reached out her hand and gently stroked Shani’s shorn head. “You have been grieving, daughter, for the loss of your innocence and the betrayal of your trust. And now the time for grief is over. I knew you would come back home—when you regained your courage and your strength—when you were ready.”
Relief flooded through Shani, while tears leaped to her eyes. Nina had known all the time. Of course she had. None of them had ever been able to keep secrets from Mama. “Yes,” she admitted simply. “You’re right on all counts, as usual. I needed the time away. But I’m back now. I’m ready to come home.”
Nina’s gentle smile broadened to a wide grin. She took Shani’s hand in hers and squeezed. “I’m so glad, daughter. We’ve missed you.”
~*~
Adam looked around the full table at the end of another delicious meal, content to watch and listen. The two little boys had been excused to go outside to play, their little limbs fairly vibrating with repressed energy. Naira was asleep in her grandmother’s lap, her round cheeks rosy, her dark lashes brushing her cheeks. Shani’s brothers-in-law, George and Jacy, were arguing good-naturedly about their favorite sports teams while the sisters were chatting animatedly about everything from local politics to Shani’s G-rated version of her time on an island resort to which of the remaining single sisters would marry next. Their eyes kept sliding to Adam as they talked, knowing smiles on their pretty faces. Shani’s eyes were shining, happiness radiating from her like sunlight. When she met his gaze, her smile lit up Adam’s heart.
He had never thought he’d marry again. He’d always enjoyed the variety of submissive and masochistic women he scened with during his constant travels for his work. But the play had always been just that. It was fun and sexy, but when it was over, Adam moved on, his mind already on the next thing.
But now, everything had changed. For the first time in his life, he was in love. Sure, he’d loved his first wife, Joanie, as much as he’d been capable of love back then. But everything had always been so complicated, and so fraught with conflict, confusion and secret shame.
With Shani, from the second they’d met, it had been different. Easy. Right. Perfect.
Yes, he understood that they hadn’t known each other long, and that there would be bumps along the road of their developing relationship. But there was an underlying surety—a deep sense of peace and profound joy—that made him certain they would be up to any challenge, as long as they faced it together.
The meal over, George and Jacy headed outside to change Nina’s flat tire. Yareli took the sleeping child from Nina’s arms and carried her from the room while the other sisters began to clear the table.
When Adam stood to help, Nina said, “The girls will take care of all that. Would you like to take a walk with me down to the creek?”
“Sure,” Adam said, catching Shani’s eye. Shani, carrying a stack of dirty dishes, nodded and smiled.
Adam walked with Nina past the boys, who were racing wildly around the little yard, whooping and laughing as they hurled a Frisbee between them.
Nina and he sat down on the wooden bench. Though Shani’s mom didn’t speak right away, Adam sensed she had something she wanted to say. He liked her stillness, so different from his own flighty mother, who would ramble incessantly about nothing very much while his father stared off into space, totally ignoring her.
Eventually, Nina said, “Shani’s been through a lot, Adam.” She fixed him with a penetrating gaze. “She’s very taken with you. I’ve never seen her like this. I can see that you mean well, but you’re young and things change. I don’t think I could bear to have my girl hurt again.”
“I understand your concern,” Adam replied gravely. “Meeting you, I understand where Shani got her inner strength and courage.” Allowing himself a small smile, he added, “And I’m not that young. I’m thirty-six years old and I know what I want. It’s true Shani and I haven’t known each other long, but I love your daughter, Nina. I’ve always traveled for my work, but I’m ready to make Portland my home base so Shani and I can be together. I’m content to wait as long as Shani needs, but I hope someday to make her my wife. And I hope, someday, you’ll give us your blessing.”
Nina took his hand and gave it a squeeze, her dark eyes looking deep into his. She smiled then, a broad smile that lit up her features, making her as beautiful as Shani. “You have it now, Adam. May you both always walk hand-in-hand, with beauty and joy.”
~*~
The second night of the Fetish Fair was as busy as the first. Adam looked good enough to eat. His black leather pants sleeked along his long legs as if the lean muscles had been dipped in ink, in pleasing contrast to his white silk pirate’s shirt. Shani wore a sheer black mesh dress with a plunging neckline. Her only adornment was a pair of dangling earrings shaped like large feathers she’d made with leather, sequins and tiny crystals.
Allie came out of her storefront as they were setting up Adam’s booth. “Hi, there! I wanted to talk to you last night but things got so busy I didn’t get a chance. How did you do with your sales?”
“I sold out,” Shani said, unable to hide her grin. “It was crazy. I honestly never thought this was something I could actually make a l
iving at, but maybe…”
“You kidding?” Allie countered. “You’re an artist.” She reached out and lightly touched one of Shani’s feather earrings. “This is great. Yours, right?” As Shani nodded, Allie said, “If you’re thinking about doing this in earnest, I can help you with the business side of things. You can learn from my mistakes,” she added with a grin. “And believe me, I made plenty. The cool thing with jewelry making is you can work from anywhere, even a tiny island in the outer banks of North Carolina. I’ll show you how to set up an online store, if you want to go that route.”
“About that,” Shani said, still not quite believing everything had changed so rapidly in her world. Yet, she knew in her bones she was making the right decision. “I’m going to leave Desire Island. I’m coming back home to Portland. Adam is going to make it his home base as well.”
“Oh, Shani, that’s wonderful,” Allie cried. “Rylee had a great time scening with you guys last night, and I can already tell we’re all going to be wonderful friends. And whenever you’re ready, I have a jewelry design studio with space for another person. It would be awesome to have someone else to work with. We could pool our resources on supplies and bounce ideas off each other. A line of Native American-inspired BDSM jewelry would be just amazing.”
“It would,” Shani agreed, dozens of ideas already buzzing in her brain like a hive of honey bees. “I’d love to talk to you about it all in detail.”
“We absolutely will,” Allie agreed. “As soon as you’re ready.” Allie reached for Shani’s hands and clasped them in her own. “I’m so glad we met, Shani. I have a feeling—this is the start of something big.”
Sales of Adam’s leather impact toys were brisk during the first two hours before the dungeon opened for play and Adam had a long list of backorders. There was a heart-clutching moment when Shani thought she saw Brandon Parker’s curly blond head and ruddy face bobbing along in the crowd. But when she looked again, he had disappeared.
Five Stars (Desire Island Series Book 5) Page 10
