I stand up, brushing the dirt off my butt flap. “Inside, being doted on by my entire sorority. Other than gaining a few extra pounds, she’s perfectly safe.”
“She’s coming home.” Devin grabs the doorknob, but I slam a hand into his chest to get the monster’s attention.
“No. She’s not. Like I said on the phone, you coming over was not a good idea.” He growls at me, not stepping back. I hold my ground, my eyes locked on his to let him know he doesn’t scare me. I know this beast sleeps in a giant heap of pillows, puts half a bag of sugar in his coffee and loves to cuddle more than anything. He’s not intimidating anyone on this porch.
He leans forward, putting pressure on my hand in his chest, but my arm doesn’t buckle.
“She took off because you were being an overbearing jerk. Take it from a girl with three brothers, you go in there now with this attitude and you’ll only make it worse. She’ll rabbit on you again. And next time, she’ll go somewhere you aren’t going to find her so easily.”
He shakes his head and steps back.
“Not to mention, my sisters might murder you before you get to her. She’s become a bit of a Kappa house mascot.”
He lets out a quick hum. Not quite a laugh, but almost. He runs his hands through his dark hair and those coal-black eyes take me in.
“What the hell are you wearing?”
I smile and wiggle my eyebrows. “This old thing? You like?”
He shakes his head and lets out a full laugh this time. He’s quiet for a bit, staring off into the night. “How bad is it?” he asks, a deep frown on his face.
I let out a long breath, letting it whistle through my lips. “Pretty bad. She was bawling her eyes out when she showed up.”
“Fuck,” he curses himself under his breath.
I plop down onto the stoop and tap the spot next to me. “Pull up some porch, Big Man.”
He eases his hulking frame down next to me, his legs wide, brushing against mine.
“So, wha’chya do?” I ask, keeping my voice light.
He lets out a long sigh and slumps forward, like the weight of the world is crushing him. “I fucked up, JB. I said some shit I shouldn’t’ve. Then she took off and I lost my fucking mind. I can’t lose her too.”
I slide my hand into his, resting my chin on his shoulder and keeping quiet. He looks at my hand in his.
“When Becs was born, she was so small. Her little hand barely fit around my finger.” Devin sandwiches my hand with his, flipping it over and over and studying it like I’m another species. “She was a preemie. Two months early.” His expression goes blank and his eyes are vacant. He’s staring off into the night when he begins again. “I tried to make sure my dad didn’t touch my mom while she was pregnant. Took enough beatings for the both of us. But one night, he came home after a poker game. Broke. Drunk. And pissed. I shoved him as soon as he walked in the door, picking a fight. He beat me almost unconscious. Mom tried to pull him off, scared he’d kill me. He tossed her against the wall and her water broke.” His voice is cold and flat. “I was eight.”
My chest breaks wide open for him. For his mother. For an unborn baby Bennett. Tears sting my eyes. I grab his hands with both of mine, our twenty fingers curling together in a human puzzle. I don’t say anything. There’s no apology big enough for what he’s been through.
“Becs doesn’t know she was born on our living room floor, surrounded by paramedics right after our dad got carted off to jail. She doesn’t know how bad it was. How hard I tried to keep the three of us together. How scared I am that part of him is in me.”
I grab his chin and turn him to face me. I shake my head as tears trail down my face. “You are not him. You’d never let anyone hurt her.”
“I hurt her!” he snarls, ripping his hands out of mine. “I told her she’s stupid and selfish like our mother. I scared her.” He drops his head into his hands and sobs. He looks just like his baby sister did a few hours ago. Broken. “And she told me I was just like him.”
I run my fingers through his hair and squeeze his knee, desperate to provide any comfort I can. “She didn’t mean it. You didn’t mean it. You were both hurt and upset.”
He lifts his head and gazes into me. His eyes are black holes, liquid darkness swirling with years of pain. “What if she’s right? What if I hurt people, like him?”
“You’re not. I see you.” I lean into him, sealing my mouth on his and pouring my love into him. Against his lips I whisper, “You think you’re tough, making people scale those walls you’ve built. Barbed wire and all. But, behind it, you’re the most loving man I’ve ever met.”
He lets out a ragged breath. “I don’t blame my mom for taking off. Or for not taking me with her. I look just like him. Don’t think she ever really trusted me ’cause of that.” He chokes on the held-back tears. “But she should’ve taken the baby. Becs deserves better than me.”
“You both deserved better.” I pepper his face with soft, slow kisses.
He pulls me into his lap, wrapping me in his arms and burying his face in my neck. He takes slow, deep breaths, squeezing me to him. I hug him in turn, trying to convince him he’s everything a man should be.
* * * *
I have an emotional hangover from last night. Between finding Becs sobbing and Devin’s confession about his past, my heart is still recovering. A girl can only take so much.
My first class isn’t until ten this morning, so I have plenty of time to sip my coffee and think of the best strategy for talking to Becs. I understand why she’s upset. With three bossy brothers looking over my shoulder, I know exactly how she feels. She just wants to stretch her wings and Devin’s keeping her shackled to the ground. He thinks telling her how dangerous it is to fly will keep her from wanting to feel the wind on her face.
Not gonna happen, bud.
I know he just wants to keep her close. Keep her safe. He’s lost everything and losing her too might just destroy him. But the harder he fights to keep her, the more she’ll want to get away. I can see both sides, but I hate being in the middle. Someone’s got to keep the peace, and since I love the hell out of both of them, I guess today that someone is me.
“Rise and shine, lioness.” I pull back the hood on the lion onesie Michelle let Becs borrow last night, and the lump of blankets starts to move. And groan.
“Five more minutes,” she whines.
I tug off the rest of the blankets. “Not happening, sister.” I slap her on the butt and she sits upright. “How you feeling this morning?”
She takes the coffee. “Pissed. And tired.”
I hum in acknowledgment. “So, what’s the plan?”
“I don’t know. I want Notre Dame so bad. But the way Devin reacted last night…” She sighs, her shoulders sagging. “He’s going to make me choose. Him or my dream school.”
I sink down into the couch next to her, propping my elbow on the back and resting my head on it. “I think he reacted so bad because he found out instead of you telling him about it. He kinda hates being the last to know. Trust me.”
Becs nods. “Yeah, I guess that didn’t help. But, seriously, do you think my brother will ever let me get farther than arm’s reach?”
“Give him some time. Let him get used to the idea.” I don’t hide my uncertainty. Devin hates change and he’s terrified of losing the people he loves. Becs leaving is pretty much his worst nightmare. Guess I shouldn’t tell him about the grant any time soon.
“I should just go. Wake up one morning and be gone. The jerk deserves that,” Becs snaps.
I shake my head and give her a stern look. “No, he doesn’t. And you know it.”
“He’s smothering me. He’s not my dad,” she whines. I bite my tongue. Devin’s been more of a father than a brother her whole life, and now I know why.
“He’s not, but he loves you. And you’re the only real family he has.”
“For now, maybe.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
; “That maybe if you gave him a couple babies of his own to worry about, he’d get off my case.”
I let out a nervous laugh. “My womb is not your golden parachute, BB.”
“Fine. It’d take too long to get you knocked up anyway. If I miss Freshman orientation next week, I forfeit my spot.”
Jake’s words filter back into my mind. ‘Spend too much time doing what makes everyone else happy and you’ll end up miserable.’ Devin isn’t ready to let her go yet, but it will destroy him to know he kept her from her dream.
“Then go,” I declare. “It’s just a weekend, right? And it’ll keep your options open until you can have an adult conversation with Devin.”
Her eyes go wide. “Are you kidding? He went berserk, nearly calling the cops when I stormed out of the house for a few hours! Can you imagine what would happen if I left for a whole weekend? He’d drive to Indiana and drag me back kicking and screaming.”
“What do Rob and Mandy have to say?” I ask, wondering for the millionth time why her parents aren’t the ones having this conversation with her. And with Devin.
She groans. “Nothing. They’re sweet and supportive and tell me I can be anything I want. But what does that matter if I leave and my giant butthead of a big brother never wants to speak to me again?”
I reach out and squeeze her knee. “He’s pissed, but I think he’s hurt and scared more than anything. He’s not going to cut you out of his life, you have to know that.”
She looks down at her hands and her eyes get watery. “I don’t know, Jessie. Some of the things he said last night…”
“You guys both said some stuff you didn’t mean.”
She nods, swallowing to hold back the tears.
“You’re going to Notre Dame and Devin’s going to be okay with it,” I tell her, my voice light and enthusiastic.
Becs stares at me like I suggested we climb Mount Everest butt naked.
“I’m dead serious. We can make this happen. Apply a little time and a bit of pressure and that brother of yours cracks open like a cheap piggy bank. Trust me.” I give her a wicked grin.
“Pressure I’m fine with. But I don’t have time. Freshman orientation is next weekend.” She deflates.
“Then I’ll go for you.”
“What?” She pops up, spilling her now lukewarm coffee over the front of Michelle’s lion onesie.
“You just need someone to show up and sign your name, right?” She nods vigorously, spilling more coffee. I pry it out of her hands and stare at those big, pleading eyes. “Then I’ll go for you. You’ll keep your spot and we’ll work on warming Devin up to the idea.”
“You’d do that for me?” Her lip quivers.
“Anything for you, BB.”
She shoots across the couch and tackles me in a bear hug, spilling my coffee this time.
“Thankyouthankyouthankyou,” she says all in one breath. “You know Devin’s going to be pissed at you for this, right?”
I wince. “Maybe we wait to tell him until he’s had time to adjust to the idea of you going away to school.”
“He likes secrets about as much as he likes change.”
I’m not comfortable with hiding something like this from Devin, but I don’t see any other option right now. Trust doesn’t come easy for him and helping his baby sister leave the state would pretty much be the ultimate betrayal. Add to it that I’m thinking of taking a job that would require me to travel across the state for the next five years and I’m pretty sure he’d never forgive me. I just need to buy a little more time.
“Well, guess we better make sure he doesn’t find out, then.”
Chapter Twenty-Six
Devin
Jessie sends me a text to let me know she’s back. She’s been distant and cryptic for the past week, telling me she was going to be out of town for a few days but never saying where or why. I could ask, but I’m pissed I have to. My girlfriend still doesn’t seem to want to tell me what’s going on in her life. After finding out what a piece of shit my father is, the kind of things I’m capable of, I’m not surprised she’s been distant. Who’d want to be with someone who’s got a devil scratching to get out of them?
Pissed or not, I finish up at work and head straight to her place. I need her help, her advice on how to fix this shit with Becs. But I also need to see her sweet smile. Hold her soft curves against me. I need to know she’s still here. Still mine.
She opens her front door with a surprised, happy look on her face. Those green eyes sparkle even brighter than I remember. She squeals with joy, wrapping her arms around my neck and her legs around my waist. I chuckle, burying my face in her neck and breathing in her sweet vanilla smell. I let out a heavy sigh, my body relaxing for the first time in days.
“Hi,” she whispers in my ear.
“Hey,” I mumble back.
She hops down, grabs my hand and drags me up to her room. The door closes and I’m on her, pressing our bodies together and stealing kisses. A warm hum rumbles in her chest.
I drop my forehead to hers. “I missed you.”
She giggles, tips up on her toes and plants a chaste kiss on my lips. “I can tell.” She turns and struts over to the bed, leveling me with the naughty look in her eye.
“Come here, Big Man.”
I slide over to her desk, keeping my eyes locked on her as she lies down on the bed. My dick aches to be between those long legs. Without looking, I open the drawer where she keeps her condoms and rifle around, but come up empty. Finally tearing my eyes off her, I look down and realize I opened the wrong drawer. Instead of condoms, I’m staring down into a stack of letters. My brain can’t make sense of what I’m seeing, but the sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach grows when I pick up the pile.
“Devin…” Jessie’s voice sounds distant as it echoes in the back of my mind.
I thumb through the papers, reading the names and addresses on the fancy letterhead. Graduate school acceptance letters. Graduate schools out of state. We’ve never talked about it, but I assumed she was staying here. Her family is here. Her friends are here. I’m here. She’d tell me if she was leaving.
“What is this?” I ask, blindsided.
“It’s not what it looks like.” She scrambles off the bed, her hands held up in surrender and a guilty look on her face.
“Then what is it?” My voice is sharp when I slap the letters down on her desk.
“They’re just acceptance letters, that’s all.” She swallows and bites her lip, looking guilty as shit when she adds, “But there’s something I’ve been meaning to talk to you about. I have an opportunity—”
I shake my head. “Opportunity,” I repeat her word, rolling it over and over in my head. Escape. That’s what she means. Escaping this town. This life. Me.
In the middle of Jessie breaking my heart, my baby sister comes bounding in with one of Jessie’s sorority sisters hot on her heels. “Jessie? How was it? Did you love the campus? Tell me everything.” My sister’s singsong voice fills the small bedroom.
“Becs,” Jessie shouts out a quick warning, shaking her head. Becs and the other girl stop dead in their tracks. Becs’ eyes go wide and she gasps in shock at seeing me standing in my girlfriend’s room.
“No, JB. Tell us. I want to know. How was the campus?” I spit venom, glaring at her with sheer loathing in my eyes.
“Devin…” Jessie’s voice is a soft warning.
I snatch up the pile of acceptance letters. “Which one was it? Northwestern?” I toss the letter in the air, moving on to the next. “Michigan? North Carolina?” I glare at Becs frozen in the doorway. “Indiana?” I toss the rest of the letters at Jessie’s feet. “That’s where you went this weekend, isn’t it? To look at some school a thousand miles away.” My heart is surging in my chest, ripping itself apart with the need to hear her tell me it’s not true. She’s not going anywhere. She’s staying here. Staying mine.
“Yes. I went to look at a school out of state,” Jessie answers flatly, her bac
k straight and her eyes clear.
“Devin, it’s my fau—” Becs starts, tears in her eyes as she glances back and forth between Jessie and me.
“Becs, this has nothing to do with you,” Jessie cuts her off. “This is about your brother not trusting me.” Jessie and I square off, eyes locked, wills warring. “I thought we could have a calm and rational adult conversation about our future, but I guess I was wrong.”
The air has been sucked out of the room and I’m suffocating.
“What future? You’re leaving.” I look over at Becs. “You’re both fucking leaving.”
“That’s what you think? That we don’t have a future?” Jessie’s eyes narrow and her nostrils flare.
“You leaving?” I answer her question with a question.
“It’s complicated.”
I shake my head and glare at her. “No. It’s not.”
Feet shuffle by the door and in my peripheral vision I see the girl I don’t know put a hand on Becs’ shoulders before she says, “We should go.”
“No,” I snarl. “I’ll leave. It’s my turn, isn’t it?” I cross the room to Jessie, stepping into her until our chests collide. She holds my gaze, strong as steel. I lean down to her, brushing the pendant around her neck with the pad of my thumb, and whisper, “You’ve got your freedom now, little hummingbird. Fly away. See if I care.”
Her face is unmoved, sneer locked in place. The only signs she heard me at all are the few quick blinks of those beautiful green eyes that are shining with tears.
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Jessie
My heart races with rage and frustration. The moment I see Devin’s back disappear through my bedroom door, I let out an exasperated roar.
“What an asshole!” If he’s still in the house, he must’ve heard me. A fire blazes in my chest and I collapse onto the bed, gasping for breath. My shoulders tremble with the mix of fury and heartbreak.
Becs and Michelle rush over, each taking a seat beside me. They wrap their arms around me and speak soothing words into my ears, but I can’t hear any of it. Devin’s gone. He walked out like it was nothing. Like I meant nothing. I didn’t even get the chance to tell him about the grant, to ask him to come with me. One misunderstanding was all it took for him to give up on me. On us.
This is So Happening (So Far, So Good Book 2) Page 17
