by Kathryn Shay
She grinned. “That’s a good sign.”
“Life goes on.”
“But you’re changed a little every time, aren’t you?”
“Yes.” He sought out her gaze, then stared deeply into her eyes. “Life becomes more precious; I realize how important it is to use every day, wisely. Not to shy away from feelings. From takin’ risks.”
She gave him an answering look.
“How about if I fix you breakfast?” he asked.
She shook her head.
The grim lines reappeared on his face.
“But I’ll fix it for you,” she said.
“Miss Alexis can cook?”
She raised her chin. “I’ll have you know, Lexy’s a real short-order chef when she has to be.”
“Okay, but I’ve got all the ingredients so you can do it in my kitchen while I clean up.”
Suddenly, she felt self-conscious. “I should change.”
He shook his head. “Nope.” Standing, he reached for her hand again. “That satin suits me just fine. Come on, you’re more covered up than if you put on a bathing suit.” He pulled her up.
“All right, show me the kitchen.”
CHAPTER TEN
SHE LOOKED GOOD standing at his sink, rinsing the pans she’d used to make breakfast. Her legs peeked out from underneath that feels-like-sin robe, while the silken tresses of her hair tumbled onto her shoulders. And, Lexy was a great cook. She’d fixed an omelette a French chef would have been proud of, and had done something fancy with the toast that had made his mouth water. He patted his stomach. As he lazed back in his chair studying her, he felt a hell of a lot better than he’d expected to feel today.
It wasn’t just the food. It was her. He’d been gravitating to Alexis for days, weeks maybe, noticing little things about her—the way her long-fingered hand went to her stomach when she was upset, how her eyes sparkled when she talked about Jamie, the slight way her shoulders stiffened when she felt challenged.
Now, at this very minute, he’d give his right arm to touch her. A line from Andrew Marvell’s poem, “To His Coy Mistress” came to mind. Had we but world enough, and time; This coyness, lady, were no crime. But it was the vision of a pink sneaker never to be worn again that prodded him to rise and start toward her. Life was short, he thought darkly. Nobody had enough time, nobody knew when his number was up. On this bright and beautiful morning, he was determined to make the most of his life.
He came up behind her. Standing close, his chin rested on the top of her head; her hair smelled like the flowers in his window box. She seemed small and slight to him, in contrast to the dynamo she usually presented to the world. And she was very still. Slowly, he placed his hands on her shoulders. She didn’t stiffen. After a moment, she leaned back into him, tilted her head to the side. Brushing away her hair, he slid the robe off her shoulders until it slipped to her arms. The beautiful slope of her neck was revealed, bisected by a thin strap of satin. He lowered his lips to the strap; then to her skin. Perfume, or some sultry lotion, filled his nostrils. She was softer, silkier than the cloth. When he increased the pressure of his lips, she sighed. Into her ear, he whispered, “Lexy.”
Her hands gripped the edge of the counter.
“Lexy,” he repeated. “Have you wanted this as long as I have?”
Still silent, still facing away from him, she nodded. He smiled against her hair and eased the robe all the way off. It tumbled to their feet in a satiny puddle. His hands glided down to encircle her waist. And like when they’d water-skied, he reveled in the soft and supple flesh under his fingers. Suddenly, he had to touch her skin, there. He sneaked his hands beneath the satin and skimmed needy fingers along bare flesh. She moaned—one sexy vibration that made him painfully hard. He didn’t hide it from her; instead, he fitted her snugly against him. “Your skin is so soft,” he breathed. His fingertips crept lower, just beneath the waistband of her tap pants. He kissed her shoulder again and closed his eyes, savoring the taste. “I want to see you.”
Exerting gentle pressure, he turned her. Eyes cloudy with desire and a face flushed with arousal greeted him. Her lips parted. He tilted her chin and stroked his hand along her throat, up and down. She leaned into his touch. With his fingertips, he traced her cheekbone, high and prominent. He kissed her eyelids shut, and brushed his lips over her nose, where a slight sprinkling of freckles had breached her clear, creamy skin. With both hands, he cupped her face and whispered, “Look at me.”
She opened her eyes, and with a single look spoke to him without any words—Kiss me, I want you too. Yes, Spence. He lowered his lips to hers.
He wasn’t prepared for the wave of emotion, the waterfall of desire that washed through him when their mouths met, melded. It was as if he’d been damming it all up—for how long?—and some invisible lever had released it. He locked his hand at her neck, angled her head and feasted on her mouth. She returned the kiss with equal hunger, her hands clutching his shoulders, much as she’d grasped his arm during the ride on the Ferris wheel. He pulled her up higher, deepening the kiss, parting her lips, letting his tongue explore her with dizzying speed. His other hand crept to her waist, then lower, curving around her hip to her bottom to mold her more snugly to him. She arched against him as if she were trying to get into his skin. His lips abandoned her mouth and journeyed back to her neck, where his teeth scraped her skin gently, until the erotic nibbling wrested a moan from deep within her.
Inching his hands under her top, he caressed her back, desperate to feel more of her. His fingertips slid along her rib cage, then skimmed the undersides of her breasts. Finally, he cradled them in his hands, glorying in the full womanly weight of her.
She mumbled something, a harshly whispered, “Spence...”
The sunlight beamed through the kitchen window, down from the skylight, reminding him where they were—that the doors to the house were open, that anyone could walk in on this newfound, precious intimacy. He cuddled her tight to him and urged softly, “Let’s go upstairs.”
Burying her face in his neck, she curled into him further.
“Lexy, let me take you upstairs.”
She shook her head.
He couldn’t believe he’d read the gesture right. His body was thrumming with need. So was hers—her skin hot, her heart beating wildly against his. “Lex?”
Again, she shook her head. He stilled. Felt her suck in a deep breath. Then she pulled back. Her eyes were dreamy with desire, but he caught something else in them—a tiny spark of regret—that hadn’t been there before. Once more, silently, she watched him as she shook her head no.
“I don’t understand.” He rubbed his hands up and down her arms and watched her shiver. “I can’t have misread your response.”
“No, you didn’t.” Her voice came out in a rasp, and incredibly sexy. “I’ve wanted you for a while.”
A spurt of anger flared in his gut. “Then why put on the breaks?”
She shook back her hair, a gesture he’d seen before—when she’d faced down Jamie, or her father. The anger inside him spiked. But with it, something in the pit of his stomach twisted into an ache.
“I can’t do this, Spence.”
“You were doin’ just fine, before you started to think about it.”
“I...I didn’t mean to lead you on.” She gave him an imploring look. “I just couldn’t resist.”
“But you had no intention of following through?”
“Not now.”
Had he heard her right? He stepped back, raked a hand through his hair. “You’ve thought about us? Together?”
“Of course,” she said, defensively. “So have you.”
“No, I mean, you’ve thought about us in terms of a time line.”
The flush on her face answered him loud and clear. “No, not exactly.”
“Then what, exactly?”
“Spence, I’m attracted to you. I’d like to explore where this might lead, but I can’t do it now. I’d be compromising my work
at Guardian.”
“You wouldn’t have to. You told me once you never let personal matters affect business. You can be objective.”
“Yes, I might be able to do that. Unfortunately, other people might not see it the same way. They could think you’re sleeping with me to get the grant.”
“What?”
“I don’t think it,” she said quickly. Too quickly. “But others might.”
“Are you sure you don’t?”
This time, she hesitated, too long. “I’m sure.”
That she could even consider such a possibility bothered him, but he let it go. “Then nothing else should matter.”
She tensed. “Maybe not. But there’s too much at stake here to take the risk.”
Briefly, Spence thought about the new aircraft and Grant’s dream of an expanded base. Would he be endangering both by succumbing to his desire for this woman? He jammed his hands into the pockets of his shorts and sighed heavily. When he looked back at her, he saw that Miss Alexis had returned in full force.
“I don’t see why we can’t just delay this attraction between us. Why we can’t wait until the end of the summer to...get together.”
That made him mad—and increased his suspicion that she somehow doubted his motives. “A relationship can’t be plotted out, Alexis. It’s not lunch. You don’t write in your day planner when it would be convenient for you to...get together with me.”
“No need to be sarcastic. I only meant that maybe we could put our private life on hold for a while. Until I’ve made my decision about funding Guardian.”
His anger notched up. God, why had he been so blind? She was just like his father. All business. All cut-throat suspicion. And she expected him to fit into her schedule, her time line, just as the old man had.
Crossing his arms over his chest, he leaned back against the counter and shook his head. “No, thanks, sweetheart. I don’t plan my love life out, like you obviously do. And my body won’t be put on hold that long.”
She seemed surprised. Goddamn, did she really expect him to go along with her plan? Then he saw it—the calculated look—the narrowing of her eyes. She was plotting how to approach him, how to get what she wanted. Nothing could have doused his ardor quicker.
“Let me spell it out for you, Miss Alexis. You don’t have to worry about my intentions or about compromisin’ your business integrity. All this talk about scheduling me into your life has made going to bed with you very unappealing. I’m afraid I couldn’t perform in your time frame there, either.”
“You don’t have to be crude, Spence.”
“Hey, I don’t play in the big leagues like you do. I’m in the dark about the damn etiquette.” He angled his chin at the door. “Let yourself out, will you? I’m tired and I need some sleep.”
With that he turned and stalked to the staircase.
o0o
ALEXIS WAS SHAKING—with hurt and with unfulfilled desire—as she opened the door and stumbled out of Spence’s house, onto his beautiful front porch. The bright sunlight stung her eyes; she grasped a post and leaned her head against the hard wooden surface. How had she made such a mess of it? He’d been angry—and hurt—and she’d kept saying the wrong things, especially that slip about how their relationship might look. Because of her past. Gulping deep breaths of the morning air, she replayed the scene in her mind and analyzed it.
She’d enjoyed his kisses and caresses. Craved them. For days. And this morning, when he’d been so sad and in need of comfort, she’d completely let her guard down.
She’d spoken the truth, but she hadn’t meant to insult him. All she’d wanted was to delay taking their relationship further.
She sighed. Maybe they didn’t belong together. They were so different. Because of his father, he had complicated hang-ups about business people like her. Eventually, they would have broken up anyway.
But the driving need inside her wouldn’t go away; she could still feel the heat from his hands. Never had she been so aroused by a simple touch. Not even with Jamie’s father. When Spence had kissed her, she’d lost all rational thought. In that instant, she would have sold her soul for another kiss. It was only after he’d suggested his bedroom, that she’d regained her sanity.
Her stomach cramped. Damn, she wasn’t going to let an argument upset her.
No, you’ll just let him go, Lexy’s internal voice taunted.
“What choice do I have?” Alexis asked aloud.
March back in there. Go upstairs, crawl into his bed and forget the consequences.
Like she had with Greg. And her life had changed forever.
“I can’t do it.”
Fine, said Lexy, then let him go. Live the rest of your life wondering what might have been.
“I can’t compromise my position again. I can’t face all that shame and innuendo.”
Lexy was silent. Would she go away forever? The notion hurt.
Alexis’s gaze was drawn to the windows above her. Why was everything in life a choice? Why did it have to be so black and white?
She scowled. Just because he’d said it was over, didn’t mean it was. She let her anger rise. It loosened the knot in her stomach. Pivoting, she yanked open the screen door; it banged behind her. She did indeed march through the designer kitchen with its state-of-the-art appliances and skylights and followed the path he’d taken. She was dimly aware of a beautiful dining room to the left and a gorgeous hand-carved oak staircase ahead.
Sounds from upstairs let her know where he was. The closing of a door, the running of water. She found her way to the master suite easily.
He stood in front of the open French doors, which led to another wide spindled porch. He’d shed his shorts and cotton T-shirt and wore only navy boxers low on his hips. His arms were braced on the doorjamb and his broad back was tense, as he stared out at the lake.
Alexis was hit by a wave of desire so potent it almost leveled her. She wanted this man. And because of that, she gathered the strength to utter, “I need to talk to you.”
He whirled around, shock claiming his face. Good.
Recovering quickly, he cockily resumed his position. “I thought I made it clear I didn’t want to talk.”
“You did. But I’m not finished with you yet. If you still want to kick me out after I say my piece, then I’ll go. But I’m not giving up without a fight.” She shook back her hair. “At least, Lexy isn’t.”
His eyebrow arched. It only made him look sexier. “Fine, go ahead, then.”
“When I was twenty-two, I worked in the aerospace division of Castle Enterprises in Dallas. For a year, I managed the advertising department. I was young and naïve, and so anxious to take my brother’s place that I did everything my father told me to do.”
“I don’t see that’s changed much.”
“It has. I learned a valuable lesson. I got involved with a graphic designer—one of my employees. Greg was my age, and a real free spirit. He was bright and talented, with a great sense of humor.” She stared at Spence meaningfully. “A lot like his daughter.”
Spence watched her for a minute. His expression softened a little. “Jamie.”
“Yes.” Alexis smiled. “She even looks like him. Anyway, we had an affair, and I got pregnant. I panicked and told Greg.”
“What did he say?”
“He suggested an abortion.”
“The bastard.”
“That’s how I felt, too. I had nowhere else to turn. So I went to my father.”
“I’ll bet Daddy took the news well.”
“He was furious. Rightly so. I’d embarrassed him throughout the company by getting involved with one of the employees. People said nasty things—implied Greg had slept with me to get ahead in the company.”
“So you are suspicious of my motives.” His face darkened. “You think I’d sleep with you for a lousy million dollars?”
“No, not really. Well, maybe I did just for a little while.” She had to make him understand. “It’s hard to put
my past behind me, Spence.”
He seemed to understand that. “What happened in the end?”
She shook her head. Felt twenty-two again—alone and scared; the tears threatened but she battled them back. “Dad wanted me to go away, have the baby and give her up.”
“Oh, a great alternative.”
“I refused. I told him I’d have her, and keep her.” Alexis bit her lip. “It’s the only time I’ve stood up to him in my whole life.”
“And?”
Alexis threaded her hair off her face. “He arranged for an on-paper marriage and a quick divorce.” Again she forced the tears back and willed her voice not to shake. “I think he paid Greg to cooperate, which only confirmed everybody’s suspicions.”
Spence let loose a crude expletive.
“It all worked out, eventually. Greg left and I had Jamie. Life went on. My father didn’t let me forget for a long time how much I’d disappointed him, though.”
Frowning, Spence said, “He seems to care about Jamie.”
“That’s the irony. He does. He cares about her as if she were his own child.”
Spence shook his head, the motion sharp. “I’m not sure he’s done so well by his own child, Alexis. You made a mistake when you were young. He’s had no right to punish you this long with it.” He straightened. “And it’s made you suspicious of everybody’s motives, including mine.”
“He hasn’t punished me.”
“Of course he has. He still is. He controls you with the past, manipulating your fear of disappointing him again and your fear of being used to make you do what he wants.”
“I’ve made my own choices. I’ve lived the life I’ve wanted.”
“A few minutes ago, you wanted me. I could tell. You let your fear of Daddy and company gossip stop you.”
“No, no, Spence, I let my integrity stop me. I can’t make the same mistake again. I can’t get involved with someone from work.”
“Alexis,” he said gently, “you’re thirty-five years old. It’s time to live your own life and not let the opinion of your father or his company control you.”
“You don’t understand.”
