by Kathryn Shay
Something he was good at. The best. Too bad he’d forgotten that was his MO—his modus operandi. He downed the rest of the beer in one big swallow. It was over. Finis. “Quoth the Raven,” he said aloud in self- mockery, toasting Edgar Allan Poe and Alexis with his empty bottle. “Nevermore.”
Rightly so. Even she’d have to agree. With her quick logical mind, she’d understand that this overt denial— this outright lie—was more than any man could bear. He just wished it didn’t hurt so much.
Maybe he had a bottle on board. Scotch might do the trick. Making his way down below, he stopped short and stared at the sofa, remembering the first time Alexis had been on his boat and fallen asleep. He’d seen her as some corporate raider and Austin’s Yes-Woman. Later, he’d come to believe he’d been wrong about her, and had spent weeks berating himself for misjudging her.
Little did he know she’d raid his heart and freeze the asset for Daddy. Had he known, he would have let her sleep and abandoned ship. At least he hadn’t proposed. At least it wasn’t too late to bail out.
Locating the scotch, he poured himself a glass and gulped it. The eighty-proof liquor burned all the way down, but it couldn’t compare to—no, don’t dwell on the pain. Think about something else.
He leaned against the counter, sipping now, and considered his future. Maybe he’d take a leave of absence from Guardian after Labor Day. Go south for a while. It would be good to get away. Suddenly, the Caribbean appealed to him. Get “lost in Margaritaville” like the song. There was no one here to stick around for—not Jeff, not Alexis.
For a split second, he pictured Jamie’s face, and the pain pricked at him briefly. He was gonna miss the little urchin. She’d become, ironically, the daughter he’d never had. He’d been better with her than he’d ever been with Jeff.
After downing another slug of Johnnie Walker, he headed back up to the deck with the bottle in one hand, the glass in the other. In his jacket pocket, the jewelry box knocked against his hip. It doused his melancholy and, sparked by the liquor, kindled a rage inside of him that he’d tried to suppress. Topside, he was about to reach for the little box when he caught sight of the Starfish—which Jamie had whimsically named The Ugly Duckling— knocking up against his cruiser. Spinning around, he saw Alexis’s silhouette outlined in the moonlight. His heart beat like a pagan drum in his chest. His rage warmed. Staring at her, he took in the details, ludicrously—like the lovesick fool he’d once been. She’d changed into a long white gauzy dress...she was barefoot...her hair was wild around her face. So different from the power suit and bun Miss Alexis had worn tonight. “How did you get on board?” he demanded.
“The ladder was down.” He ignored the rawness in her voice. And prayed to God she wouldn’t cry. She’d already suckered him in that way once.
“I forgot to pull it up.” He’d been going to take a swim but couldn’t summon the energy to change his clothes. “Why are you here?” he snapped.
She took three steps closer to him, entering the light that shone up from the cabin below. Her face was ravaged—her eyes red and swollen. She wrung her hands together. “I should think that would be obvious, Spence.”
His rage began to simmer now. “Sweetheart, nothing’s obvious with you.”
She stepped back as if she’d been slapped. “I need to explain what happened tonight.”
The laugh that escaped him was grim. “The only person who doesn’t know what happened tonight is your father.” He circled around her, dropped down on the padded bench and poured another scotch. He toasted her sardonically. “And that, after all, was the point of your little charade, wasn’t it?”
“Yes, of course. But you don’t know why I did it.”
“I don’t want to know why.”
“I think you do.”
“I don’t.”
As always, the corporate executive in her surfaced. He could see the transformation from vulnerable woman to CEO. “Then, let me put it another way. I’m not leaving here until I tell you.”
“Why? What does it matter?”
“It matters because I love you, Spence.”
That was the last straw. All night he’d kept his temper in check. Her words finally unleashed it. His feet hit the ground with a thud. The bottle clamored to the deck—spilled but didn’t break—and the strong scent of alcohol stung his nostrils. The glass clattered next to it with a plunk. Digging his hand in his pocket, he yanked out the jewelry box and grasped her wrist roughly. “Look at this, Alexis,” he shouted. “There’s a ring inside here. I was gonna give it to you tonight.” He grasped her tighter. “I love you, too, sweetheart, and I thought we had a future together.”
Abruptly, he released her and stalked to the grab rail of the deck. Whipping back his hand, he pitched into the lake, as hard and as far as he could, the precious, lovingly purchased ring. Then he whirled on her. “That’s what I think of your declaration of love, Miss Alexis, and of my own, stupid feelings for you.”
Her gasp was loud in the still night air. She clapped a hand to her chest. “Oh, Spence,” she moaned.
He didn’t think he could feel worse, so he was surprised at the ripping in his heart. His hands began to shake and his knees went weak. “Get out of here, Alexis,” he ground out. “Go back to Daddy.”
Stumbling, he made it to the stairs to go below, before she stopped him with a firm grip on his shoulder. “No, Spence. The least you can do is listen to me.”
He froze, depleted suddenly, by the eruption of his wrath. “Go ahead then,” he said, but he kept his back to her.
“Jamie’s father called me yesterday to say he wanted to see her. It resurrected that whole time for me, and for Dad—all the pain and suspicion surrounding Greg’s motives. Dad came to the lake with me to help Jamie cope with her father.”
Still, Spence said nothing, though his gut ached for Jamie, and even for Alexis, thinking that this extra stress couldn’t be good for her.
“I was going to tell Dad about us before I came back today, but after the phone call, I chickened out. I was wrong. I know it. I admit it.” She hesitated. “I should have told him by now, and at the very least, I should have told him when you came over tonight. I’ll do it right away, Spence.”
Finally he said, “I see.”
“Thank God.”
“But it doesn’t matter.”
Silence.
“I can’t keep doing this, Alexis. It’s too much to ask.”
“I love you. It shouldn’t be too much to ask if you love me back. If you love me enough.”
Gripping the rail, he said, “Then maybe I don’t love you enough. The only thing I’m sure about is that it’s over between us.” Not trusting himself to look at her, he took the first step below deck. “Be careful goin’ across the lake. It’s dark. You’re not used to driving a boat, and the Starfish is small.”
And then he descended the stairs.
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
FOR THE LAST TIME, Alexis pulled open the front door of Guardian Flight Base and stepped inside. Its familiar smell—a faint odor of gasoline from the bay, and rich, strong coffee brewing in the back of the reception area—elicited emotions she didn’t want to feel. So many memories...meeting Spence for the first time...seeing him perched on the edge of the couch, watching the soap...going up in the helicopter and sharing the wonder of the sky with him.
There would be no more sharing. No more anything.
Your fault, Lexy said.
Yes, of course it was. She understood that, now, and it was too late. The past week without Spence had taught her a lot about herself. About the man she loved. She missed him so much. She felt like a junkie getting off drugs, desperate for another dose of him. Except her addiction was more than just physical.
“Alexis, hi.” From his office doorway, Grant Richards had noticed her standing in the entryway. She probably looked like a block of marble. Appropriate image—cold, unfeeling, robotic.
Don’t you wish.
“Hello, G
rant.” Another wave of a different emotion—she’d come to care about these people. More than she’d realized.
“What can we do for you today? You didn’t specify in your call, and I don’t have anything set up.”
“I’ve come to say goodbye.”
Kind brown eyes darkened. With sorrow? It couldn’t be. These people were, after all, interested in her because of the funding.
Not fair.
We liked having you around. And it wasn’t just for the money. Betty had told her once. We’ll get that second helicopter somehow.
Grant ushered her into his office and she took a seat across from him. “We’ll miss you.”
“Thanks. I’ve enjoyed being here.” Best to get to business. “We’ll be notifying you about the money in the next few weeks, Grant.”
“Fine. You’ve seen what we do. Who we are. We’ll be waiting.” He studied her. “Are you feeling well? Is everything all right?”
Nervous, she tugged at the hem of her above-the-knee white skirt. The striped top she wore with it had been one of Spence’s favorites. “Yes, thanks.”
“And that girl of yours? I’ll bet she’s chomping at the bit to get back to her friends in the city.”
“Hardly. She likes it in Catasaga even more than I do.”
For a long moment, Grant steepled his hands and stared at her over them. “How old are you, Alexis?”
“Thirty-five.” Until she answered, it didn’t even occur to her how outrageously personal his question was.
“If I’m out of line, I apologize. But it’s not too late to change your life, you know.” When she watched him mutely, he took a quick survey of his office. “I was forty-five when I decided to start Guardian.”
“It’s impossible!” she blurted out, her heart thudding in her chest. “Even if I wanted to, it’s too late.”
Leaning over, he braced his arms on the desk. “It’s never too late.”
Afraid tears might follow, she steeled herself against a swamp of emotion. She wrapped her arms around herself protectively and choked out, “I’d prefer not to discuss this, Grant.”
“It’s hard to talk about things that hurt.”
Again, she just stared at him.
“All right, let me say one more thing. I’ve enjoyed getting to know you. I liked your involvement in our company. Even if we don’t get the grant, you’ve added to our lives.” He hesitated, seeming to make a decision. “Especially Spence’ s.”
Alexis’s jaw dropped.
“He’s a great guy, Alexis,” Grant went on. “Stubborn as all get out. But he’s got a heart of gold that he keeps hidden like a buried treasure.”
Overwhelmed with feeling, she lowered her head. After a moment, she heard a chair scrape back and saw, from the corner of her eye, Grant stand. “Let’s go say goodbye to the rest of the gang. Unless of course you’d like to hang around till the night shift arrives?”
Her head snapped up. “Is he on tonight?” she asked hoarsely. She’d checked to make sure that he wasn’t working today.
“Yes.”
“I need to leave before he gets here.”
“Then, let’s go.” As they exited his office, he added, “Our best shot at getting the gang all together is—” He glanced at the clock “—you know where.”
She tracked his gaze. Two-forty-five. She couldn’t help but smile.
The smile died, however, when she entered the break- room. On screen, a tortured Ray gripped Jenna’s arms roughly. Alexis had stopped watching the soap after her father’s operation.
“I can’t believe you’d do this to me.” Ray’s voice was full of anguish.
Jenna raised her sculpted chin, and tears sparkled in her wide blue eyes. “I’m only asking you to wait. I’m just not ready to take on my family and friends yet. They’ve been against us from day one.”
Ray stared at her. A shock of hair fell in his eyes. “I won’t accept this, Jen.” The camera zeroed in on him, then the screen darkened.
Silence in the room. “That’s a downer,” said Evan Redman, who sat on the couch with Betty and Patty.
“She’s a jerk...” This from Jim Wolinski, the paramedic.
“No, I understand...” Marcia put in.
“Hi all,” Grant interrupted. “Alexis has come to say goodbye.”
The rest happened in a daze. Betty hugging her and telling her to stay in touch. Sally and the other office personnel wishing her well. A firm handshake from the pilot, Jack Smith. And Evan’s courtly “We’ll miss you.” Through their goodbyes, and the warm, affectionate hug from Grant at her car, she kept seeing Ray’s disbelieving eyes stare at the woman who was betraying him.
Just like Spence had stared at her.
o0o
ONE MINUTE, THE eight o’clock sky was clear and starry and the early evening air was still, with no storm in sight. The next, Mother Nature turned against Spence and Teddy, like some wrathful witch out to test her powers.
The ship had landed in Letchworth Park Gorge, entrapped in the Wonder-of-the-World type rock formation in upstate New York. Two hikers, relying on the calm summer evening, had been traversing one of the ledges when the twenty-year-old woman had fallen about ten feet, and suffered minor bruises and a nasty blow to her head. In trying to play Superman, her boyfriend had jumped down and broken his leg.
Luckily, a nearby rock climber had witnessed the accident and called for help. Teddy and Spence had flown to the rescue, maneuvered into the narrow crevice between the rock walls and had, after the proper packaging, hustled both patients into the back of the helicopter. They were off the ground, halfway up and out of the steep gorge, when the night sky darkened, the wind whipped and the rain pelted against the ship’s window. It was a Wizard of Oz type of storm in its intensity and instantaneous origin.
“We okay, buddy?” Teddy asked, from the rear of the ship. Thankfully, both patients remained calm and stable.
“I’m not sure.” Spence concentrated on his location instruments while the aircraft shimmied. “My gut tells me to keep headin’ out instead of landin’ back down there again. But I can’t see much, and I know the gorge narrows at the top.”
“Go with your gut, Keag. It’s been right before.”
Not always, Spence thought, but pushed the personal reminder from his consciousness. Instead, he eased the throttle forward and prayed.
Slowly, he inched the ship upwards. It was like flying out of a box. Sweat beaded on his forehead. There had been helicopter crashes in the past. Pilots and paramedics had died during rescues. God didn’t always watch over Guardian angels. Sucking in a breath, Spence concentrated harder.
In minutes, they’d cleared the gorge. Though the wind was fiercer without the buffer of the rocks, the rain had eased down and the horizon had lightened. Spence relaxed. He could handle the storm now, which abated dramatically as they flew toward City Hospital.
After the emergency-room crew met them, Spence and Teddy left the ship on the heliport and followed the medics to ER, assisting with the two patients. By then the weather had worsened again, so they waited out the rest of the storm in the hospital cafeteria.
Teddy’s usual mischievous face was etched with the strain of having narrowly escaped death. His black eyes were somber. “What’d you think about when we were trying to get out of that gorge, Keag?”
“How we were gonna look like bugs splattered on a windshield.”
Teddy scowled at Spence’s levity. The medic ran a finger around the top of a plastic cup of steaming coffee. “I kept thinking about Sally. I’m gonna ask her to marry me.”
Closing his eyes, Spence tried not to conjure up visions of Alexis. “Decisions made in life and death situations aren’t necessarily the best ones,” he cautioned.
“Yeah, but you can hedge your bets forever and wake up one morning old and alone.”
“You’re only thirty-five, Ted.” Alexis’s age.
“I know. But I love Sally and I want a kid and a family life.” He peered over
at Spence. “You ever want another kid?”
Despite his iron control, Spence pictured Jamie’s face. It had been a week since he’d seen Alexis, but Jamie had visited every day to chat or to wheedle him into taking her and Max waterskiing. Jamie had seemed tense and confused, though, and his heart ached for her. This morning, after his and Teddy’s near tragedy, he realized with a jolt that he wanted to help Jamie through this thing with her father. And that he could, given his own experiences.
“Keag, where’d you go?”
Spence focused in on Teddy. Suddenly, he realized he was tired of being aloof—tired and lonely. “I was kinda hoping that Jamie Castle would be my stepdaughter.” Though the disclosure was tough, it felt good, too. Even if Spence couldn’t have Alexis, he could still have friends—real friends.
Teddy watched him carefully. “I thought something was going on between you and Alexis. You worried about the grant?”
“No. Alexis is fair. She’d never let personal feelings interfere with a business decision.” He made a split-second decision of his own. “Just the same, I’m gonna tell Grant how I complicated the funding.”
“So why do you sound sad? What else haven’t you told me?”
“We couldn’t work it out between us.”
“Ah. I’m sorry.” He paused and then added, “When we were trying to get out of that gorge?”
“Yeah?”
“I decided the only thing that couldn’t be changed was death.”
The words, though somewhat clichéd, stayed with Spence for a long time.
o0o
“WHAT DO YOU mean she’s not here?”
Portia looked up from where she sat on the couch, leafing through magazines with her mother. “I haven’t seen her since last night.”
A cold chill swept through Alexis. “Jamie didn’t stay overnight with you?”
The color drained from Portia’s beautiful complexion. “No, she told us you two had plans early this morning and that she could only stay until eleven. We made popcorn and watched TV, then she left. I watched her cross the yard to your deck. Didn’t she come inside?”
