by C D Cain
I turned from the woods to face her. “What is it? Are you okay?”
“I’m going to be okay. Dis ain’t ‘bout me. It ‘bout you. Addie and I had talked ‘bout dem eyes of yours. Dem you had a when you looked at yo’ phone and then dem you had a second ago. They be filled with so much happiness and den in a blink of an eye so much sadness. Tore us up to see dem on you when they flashed like’n dat. Damn near broke Addie’s heart every time.” She raised her bottle and inspected the last little bit of liquid in the bottom. She stood. Her knees wobbled for a second until she steadied herself with the arm of the chair. Its opposite side raised off of the ground against the weight of it. She took a step toward the fryer. “She done fell to the same time dat yo’ momma fell into. She left’n something unsaid to you.” She raised the metal lid but kept her back to me. “You ready?”
Ready for what? Another beer or what it is Meems left unsaid to me? Yes. Yes to both.
“Yeah. I’ll take another.” I put my empty in the hand she offered behind her back.
I watched her shoulders rise and fall with the depth of the breath she took. Another came and went before she turned to me. Her eyes showed the many thoughts behind them. Slowly, she handed me a beer. She didn’t let it go after I had gripped it but instead held onto the neck. I looked into her eyes until I felt the full weight of the bottle in my hand. She held my stare a moment longer before she spoke again.
“Addie really liked dat friend of yours. She told me so. She told me in secret.” She looked up at the sky before stepping away from me to sit in the chair. “I’m not betraying her you know. If’n she was here, she’d want me to say dis. I know’d it in my heart. I feel like she’s telling me to tell you. Like her hands are on my shoulders right dis minute. Pushing me to tell you.” She swiped hard at her cheeks. She took a long swig of her beer. “She done told me the way dat girl looked at you. She know’d you were loved.”
I felt a sudden spin from the alcohol or the words she was saying, I wasn’t sure which was the reason. I couldn’t move. I couldn’t swallow. I couldn’t blink.
Flossie rubbed her thumb over the lip of the bottle. “She know’d you two loved each other in a way she had found with’n yo pa.”
My heart raced in my chest.
She looked at me and placed her hand on my knee. She held me in her eyes. I’ve no doubt she saw the fear mine held. “She saw the way you looked at her too. She saw love, baby girl. I saw’d it.” She squeezed my leg. “It yo’ life to do what you want. What dis old lady saying don’t mean a hill of beans. It yo’ life to make it. But I’ma figurin’ you need to know how Addie felt before you puttin’ down the roots you talkin’ ‘bout with dat boy. We saw’d the love you girls held in dem eyes and we thought…she thought…it was a beautiful thing. She gone up in Heaven, knowing her baby girl was loved.”
I felt my head shake in disbelief. No. No. She didn’t know. “No, Flossie. No. She didn’t know. Tell me she didn’t know.” My hand hurt with the tension of my grip on the bottle.
“Aw hell, sis. She know’d you.” She squeezed my leg again and followed it with a pat. “She was proud of you. It done her heart some kind’a good to know’d you found love. She wouldn’t want to see dis hurt back in yo’ eyes. I don’t know what happened between you two but if’n it can be fixed, I wanted you to know Addie was so damn proud of you and would want you to be fixin’ it. She loved you more than anything on dis earth. Ain’t nothin’ ever gonna change dat.”
The chair could no longer hold me as I slid to the ground on my knees. She met me there. My jeans became wet with the beer as it spilled from the overturned bottle. Her arms engulfed me and held me tight against her.
Brown sugar and honey.
“I do declare, Charlie Grace, these here shrimp things are to die for.” Nadine Thibodeaux had apparently found the pounds Charlie Grace had lost. Seemingly, she wasn’t done with her additional poundage as she shoved the coconut shrimp beignets in her mouth as fast as the server added them to her plate. A drop of red pepper jelly hung to her bottom lip.
I looked around to see if anyone had taken notice. Grant was texting on his phone. Charlie Grace stared blankly at the food in front of her. Jacques and Ned swirled their scotch and sodas as they whispered to each other.
“I’m glad you like them, dear.” Charlie Grace finally took notice. She used her napkin to dab at the corner of her own mouth.
Nadine brushed her fingers across her lip until the jelly fell into her lap. “We need to write the name of these things down. They’d be good horse whatever you call them for the wedding.”
I’m pretty sure I rolled my eyes. I caught Flossie’s snicker. Yeah, I had rolled them.
As if to deliberately have the meal unlike anything we had done in the past, Charlie Grace held it in the formal dining room instead of the sun porch. The walls were a fresh coat of a deep merlot wine color not unlike that within my glass. A wave of indigestion rolled across my stomach with the thought of mixing the red wine with the several beers Flossie and I had shared earlier in the day.
Charlie Grace gave the smile I had known for most of my life. Yet this time, I caught the shadow of the creases in her cheeks. “Yes, they would be a good addition to the menu. We’ll need to try to finalize all of that before too long. I’ll want to make sure I can reserve my chef.”
Ned downed his remaining scotch as the servers came to pick up his and Jacques’s glasses. “Can’t let old scotch like that go to waste.” He looked down at the bowl of butternut squash soup the server had placed in front of him. “This is a fine spread you folks have invited us to.” He elbowed Grant. “Ain’t it, son?”
Grant looked up quickly and nearly dropped his phone. “Oh yes, Dad. It sure is. Thanks so much for inviting us to share Thanksgiving dinner with you.”
“Nonsense, my boy.” Jacques blew on the hot soup as he brought a spoonful to his mouth. “You’re practically family now.” He smiled at Charlie Grace who nodded in return.
I looked away before I rolled my eyes again. Cora sat next to Flossie with her two guests—her mile-high black volcano of hair and Harold Whitehead. I was thankful the motif of the room had not included any type of flamed candle. Harold sat upright with a stiffened spine. He was bald except for the thickened beard and a ring of hair over his ears. His hair was starch white, excluding his mustache and eyebrows which were quite similar to that of Cora’s hair. Flossie was right. Cora was a ball of giggling nerves as she sat next to the man she couldn’t seem to take her eyes from. Seemed the rolling of the eyes was an epidemic in the room as I caught Flossie roll hers when Cora placed Harold’s napkin in his lap. I let the knowing smile drag across my face as Flossie glanced at me. She gave a guilty smile back.
The conversation over the next course of duck-stuffed turkey breast, braised greens, and oyster cornbread stuffing was muted with the enjoyment of the meal. Small topics varying from school to the wedding filtered in the air between us. I watched the controlled look on Grant’s face. He didn’t give a hint to his plans of moving to New York. He conversed with them of the town, of graduation, and of the future. Never did his poker face change to let on he wasn’t returning to the life they believed he would be coming back to.
“I’ve found a grand location as you leave downtown going into the Garden District.” Charlie Grace sipped the light red wine from the crystal stemware she held in her hand. “It would be perfect for a dual practice. The grounds are divine. There’s sufficient room for a decent parking area without the need to lose the curb appeal of the property.”
Grant piled a bite of braised greens onto a small piece of turkey. “It would be ideal if it were close to the hospital for on-call days.”
Charlie Grace nodded her head. “Oh yes. It’s a short walk through the trees lining the back property. The trees provide a coverage to show the façade of distance between the hospital. It was one of the appealing factors
that separated this property from the others I looked at.”
“Sounds like you’ve done your homework.” Grant shoved the prepared bite into this mouth.
I watched him construct another bite onto his fork. It was the perfect blend of greens, turkey, and stuffing. A combination of each dish offered on his plate. I felt the nausea swirling in my gut. The perfect blend of his own design. Had I become not much more to him than that bite? We were a carefully constructed plan. Was he going to leave his family, my family, and the town oblivious to his true post-graduate ideas until we too had been carefully designed? It was a side of him I had not seen before but one I surely couldn’t deny since our car ride over.
“Well, son.” Ned stretched his back and slid down in the chair. For a moment, I wondered if he had unbuttoned his pants to accommodate the swelling in his belly. He had stopped the caterers twice already as they walked by with the entrée dishes. “Since Charlie Grace opened the can of worms, I’m going to put my two cents worth in. Me and your momma weren’t going to say anything until it was closer to your hitching date but we’ve started clearing the land out behind that field your grandpa used to farm. It’s right nice back there. A piece away from us but close enough Nadine can watch them babies of yours.”
Nadine squealed and clapped her hands which squeezed her large bosoms together. “I sure can. You doctors can just drop them beautiful babies off every single day. I’ll spoil ‘em some kind of rotten before you take them home.”
Babies?
Jacques chuckled and tried not to choke on the scotch he had sipped from his fresh drink. “Between all of us, those kids are going to be so rotten they’ll smell.”
Nadine saw the dessert being brought into the room and pushed her plate to the side. “Y’all aren’t going to want for a sitter. And just think of all the weekends you’ll get to work on more babies when they stay over at our house.”
Grant laughed. “They have surgeries for that now, Mom. But we can still practice, eh, Rayne?”
Are you fucking kidding me right now?
The nausea turned into a sickening taste in my mouth. I couldn’t believe I was sitting here listening to this. Flossie across from me fidgeted with something in her lap. Jacques kept eating at the remaining piece of turkey on his plate. Cora was practically spoon-feeding Harold. And here I sat wondering what in the hell was going on with this conversation. I looked at Charlie Grace. Why, I have no idea, but I did. The smile on her face was the smirk I was accustom to. It was what I saw most. She sipped her wine and tipped it toward me. What? What is she saying? I felt Grant’s hand on the top of my thigh and my knee hit the underside of the table.
His look was controlling. His eyes were on the verge of stern. “Isn’t that right, honey? But we’ve got a couple of years before we start popping out kids.” His grip tightened and I looked up at him.
Honey? Popping out kids? Had some medical miracle occurred to where he was going to start popping out kids? This would surely be news to me.
“Ned, I didn’t know you and Nadine were planning on the kids building out on your land.” Charlie Grace used her fork to cut a bite off of the pecan praline semifreddo. She spread the bite across the bourbon caramel that had pooled around the bottom of the dessert but left the fork resting across the plate.
“Yep, me and the Mrs. been racking our brain, trying to figure out what to get these lovebirds for their wedding present. Figured this would be graduation and wedding all wrapped up.”
Not much one for dessert, Jacques folded his napkin onto the plate. “I say we all take a drive out to the land tomorrow to take a look around.”
“That’s an excellent idea, Jacques.” Grant shoved a loaded fork into his mouth and wiped at the caramel dripping off of his lip.
My head snapped up. I could take no more of this. These lies of omission Grant obviously found to be okay to leave on the table. Lies of omission. The words stuck a chord and held heavy in my mind. I searched the table again before landing on Flossie’s eyes as they held me. A simple nod was all she gave me. It was all I needed. A simple nod from one who knew the tumult soul beneath my shell.
Listen to the voices. Different but the same.
The table kept with its conversation. The voices became an unconscious understanding of mumbled words. The massage of my fingertips against my temple didn’t quiet nor add comprehension to the growing agitation of words around me. Words of lies of omission grated on me like sandpaper on raw skin. Pain. Omission—I was no better than the voice of Grant’s that was causing a cringe in my soul. Under the table, I felt the edge of the diamond dig into my finger as I held it with a tightened pinch. I was no better than Grant. I had fallen in love with a woman. I had given my body all the pleasures I had for so long denied it in the arms of another woman. Lies of omission that I could ever go back to a man’s arms.
“She know’d you. She loved you more than anything.” I heard Flossie’s voice in my head.
Mo’s face appeared so perfectly in my mind I thought for a moment I could reach out to trace the bottom lip of the smile I was being given. Sam’s tear-streaked face was a vision right behind hers. Then, with all the strength I needed, Meems with her blue eyes smiling at me and loving me for who I was came into my sight.
I pulled at the band of gold and stone until my finger was free of it. Among the intermingling voices, I slowly brought my hand from under the tablecloth. The gold snapped against the cloth-covered wood as I placed the ring on the table.
“I can’t do this anymore.” I heard the flatness in my voice. I heard the tone to its words.
No one stopped chattering.
A smile played at Flossie’s lips as she gave me another supportive nod. “I’m right here. You can do this,” she mouthed.
I cleared my throat. “I said I can’t do this anymore.”
Charlie Grace blinked at me. “Can’t do what?”
Shit. I had their attention. Can’t do what? Can’t marry Grant? Can’t pretend I’m someone I’m not? Can’t do what, Rayne?
I lifted my hand from the table to reveal the jewelry hidden under my palm. “I can’t pretend anymore.”
Grant stared at the ring on the table.
I caught his eyes as he looked away from the gold. “I can’t pretend we want the same things anymore, Grant.”
His eyes closed for longer than a blink. He opened them and was no longer looking at me.
I gently placed my hand on his arm. The rest of the room was silent. “We’ve grown to want other things.” The rest of the truth could stay private until the time we both saw fit to reveal it. This was not the time for me. Yet I knew its time was closer than I had once thought. “We’ve grown to see a different direction in our lives and I can’t pretend that isn’t there. I can’t keep going down a path that sees us married when we both know in our hearts we’ve grown to want different futures.”
He shook his head silently but didn’t look up.
“What on earth are you talking about, Rayne Amber?” Charlie Grace asked. Her voice was laced with irritation.
“Mother, this is between Grant and me.”
“It would seem we could argue that point as you are saying this in front of all of us.”
“Charlie Grace.” Grant looked up at her. “It’s okay.” He held his hand up as if to tell her he had the understanding to all of this.
“What?” Cora had awakened from her ogling over Harold. “It most certainly is not okay. You can’t do this to yo’ poor momma. She needs this wedding.”
Flossie turned to Cora. “Then you be giving her a wedding to plan. Dis Rayne’s life, not yo’s or her momma’s.”
“Wait a minute here. Let’s just wait a minute.” Nadine put her fork down next to her plate. “What’s happening here?”
“I believe our boy is getting dumped.” Ned reached over, grabbed Jacque’s scotch, and slammed th
e rest of its contents back.
“Mom…Dad…it’s nothing like that.” Grant’s voice was calm if not emotionless. “Rayne and I have some things to be discussed. I don’t think she is trying to say we are splitting up. We just have some things we need to talk about.” He looked at me. “Right?”
Not the place. Not the time.
“We have many things we need to talk about. Yes.”
“Well, at least you haven’t lost your sense of drama.” Charlie Grace crumbled her napkin into a ball and tossed it across her plate. “Must the attention always center on you that we can’t have a decent meal with friends and family without it being about you?”
“Drama?” Had she just called me dramatic? “I’m dramatic. I’m the one demanding attention? You walk around here snapping at everyone. Changing every single tradition about our Thanksgiving all on your own and I’m the one who is ruining our holiday?”
“Well, pardon me for not living up to your standards.” Charlie Grace stood from the table.
I followed. “Are you kidding me right now? As if you’ve ever shown me I lived up to yours?”
Jacques stood up and waved his hands between us. “Now…now…let’s take a breather.” He put his hand on Charlie Grace’s shoulder. “Honey, sit down. Let’s not do this right now. It’s Thanksgiving.”
Her stare didn’t falter. Her gaze burned through me. “I’m fine and will not be man-handled thank you very much,” she said through gritted teeth as she shrugged his hand from her shoulder. “Let’s have it. Let’s all hear about how I’ve wronged you as a mother. How you’re breaking this man’s heart, throwing all of the hard work we have put into establishing a future for you here in our faces because of me being a failure as a mother. Let’s hear it, Rayne. You think you could hurt me anymore at this point?”
“Hurt you? How have I hurt you?”
I felt the caress of a hand within mine and realized Flossie had come to stand by me. “Come on, baby girl. Let’s let dis breathe for a minute.” She led me from the table.
