“What you did was shitty, and inconsiderate, and hurtful,” she listed and each word felt like being checked into the boards. He deserved it. “But,” and that was not something Connor had expected so he looked up, not sure if he’d heard Ashley right. “I miss you. Miss the way you’ll just sit on the sofa with me, I miss how you’ll tell me about hockey even though you know I know nothing about it. I miss your attentive listening even when I know you don’t know what it is I’m talking about. I miss how you smell and I miss how you feel . I really fucking miss you, Connor, and I really fucking hate that you made this so hard for us both.”
Ashley’s words seemed to break something in Connor’s chest. He wasn’t sure if it was his heart or the first crack of the walls he’d tried to build around himself, letting some hope through after weeks of despair. “I miss you too,” he said, sincerely. “Everything about you.”
That wasn’t what was most important, though, because missing Ashley was Connor’s own fault. “I hate that I hurt you,” he agreed. “I know I deserve to miss you, but you didn’t do anything to deserve feeling like I didn’t value you. I know giving you the choice to take the job doesn’t fix that, but I wanted to do something , fix whatever part of it I could fix.”
Connor shook his head, having to make a conscious effort not to close the distance between them. “If there were anything I could do to not have hurt you, I would. Even if it were to leave the Howlers.”
“Don’t be stupid,” Ashley said shaking her head, an instant response to Connor’s proclamation. “It’d make you miserable, I would never want that.” Not that leaving the Howlers would achieve anything anyway. It wouldn’t magically fix this, but Connor really would do anything to take away the hurt he’d left behind.
He watched Ashley tap her fingers against the kitchen counter. She seemed to be thinking about something. Not for the first time he wished he could just read her mind. This would all be so much easier if Connor could read her mind.
“Would you want to try again?” She asked looking up at Connor. “Even if I did move to Dallas?”
Connor’s heart gave a lurch because he hadn’t thought it was possible for them to try again. It did also ache in his chest at the thought of Ashley moving. Now that he knew what it was like to have no Ashley, he knew that even seeing her infrequently would be better than not seeing her at all.
Still, Connor paused. Not because he had any hesitation, but because he wanted to show Ashley that he was thinking it through. He wasn’t rushing into this as blindly as he’d rushed into hurting her. “I would,” he finally said. “I’d miss you, and it would be hard, but knowing you were doing what made you happy would make it easier.”
He ran his tongue over suddenly dry lips and did take a half-step forward. “Is that something you’d consider?” he asked, trying not to let hope overpower him, and failing spectacularly. Ashley could break his heart now. She could tell him she’d never take him back. Connor trusted that she wouldn’t be spiteful enough to hurt him that way deliberately .
The pause felt like forever. Connor was willing to wait if it meant that on the other end of it he might be with Ashley. He’d never wanted anything so much in his whole life, except maybe to play hockey for the NHL. Connor knew how good that felt. To imagine that he could have two things in his life that felt that good, it was almost overwhelming.
“I can’t just forget what you did, how much it hurt me,” Ashley said. “But I do believe that you’re sorry. I don’t want to hold a grudge for the rest of my life. Yeah, it was shitty of you. It was possessive in a way that really frightened me, but I don’t think you meant it possessively.”
“I didn’t,” Connor confirmed quickly. “I can see how it seemed that way. It doesn’t make it any less shitty, but I really didn’t mean it to be controlling.” Connor’s reasons had been bad. In hindsight that was obvious, but he’d never intended - or wanted - to control Ashley’s life choices.
“No,” she agreed, and Connor was almost surprised by how much relief he found in that agreement. Ashley knew him well enough to know that while his decisions had been shitty, they hadn’t been anything more than shitty with good intention. “Will you promise to always talk things through with me? To never go behind my back even when you think it’s for the best?”
Connor didn’t have to hesitate over that, at all. “I promise,” he said, taking another half-step. He wanted to pull Ashley into his arms and kiss her, pour all his regret and hope and longing into physical action, but he held back. “I’ll talk to you, even when I think I’m not going to like what you have to say. I’ll actually listen, and try to put myself in your shoes.”
It was a lot to promise. Connor knew all he’d have to do was remind himself what it had been like to lose Ashley completely, and then any conversation, no matter how hard, would seem like the better option.
When Ashley didn’t say anything straight away, Connor wondered if he needed to make even more promises. He could, and he would have, gladly. Then Ashley gave a nod. Connor’s heart leaped in hope. “Alright.” Before Connor could ask what that meant , Ashley had crossed the kitchen, her lips against Connor’s. The kiss wasn’t soft, but then Connor didn’t care , his hands instantly coming to wrap around Ashley and pull her in closer.
She felt so perfect in his arms. For an instant, Connor wondered if this was all a dream he was going to wake up from, until Ashley bit down lightly on his lower lip, making Connor moan. She took advantage of his open mouth, sliding her tongue in. This was really happening.
Connor lifted Ashley almost off her feet, one hand at the small of her back and the other sliding into her hair. It was every bit as hot and intense as the first time they’d kissed, only more . Connor pushed Ashley back toward the kitchen wall, lining his body up against hers.
There was a small sound that Ashley gave against his lips when her back hit the wall. She then brought a hand up to tug Connor in closer by his hair, so he took it to be a good sound. Ashley’s other hand was pulling Connor’s shirt up and she wrapped her legs around his waist, with Connor’s hand supporting Ashley’s weight. He pulled back only briefly enough to let her pull his shirt off, Connor’s hand sliding under Ashley’s shirt.
Ashley gave another moan in the kiss, hips rocking against Connor’s already half-hard cock. He pulled back to give her jaw a small bite. Leaving a trail of kisses against Ashley’s neck, he enjoyed the way her breath hitched in response.
“Fuck,” Ashley breathed. “I really fucking missed you touching me.”
Connor almost growled in response, the sound rumbling through his throat. “Want to do more than just touch you,” he assured her, before kissing her again. The longer it went on, the more Connor wanted . Judging by the noises Ashley made, and the way her nails scraped against his back, she fully agreed.
“Come on,” Connor urged, forcing himself to pull back. If they didn’t go to the bedroom soon , he was going to end up getting Ashley naked in her kitchen. Connor would prefer not to make love in the room where they’d so recently argued. “Shall I carry you to the bedroom again?” he asked, remembering how Ashley had appreciated it the last time.
She only had to nod, and then Connor had lifted Ashley up in his arms, cradling her against his chest as he carried her through to gently drop her on Ashley’s bed.
Chapter Twelve
Ashley really, really had missed Connor. At first, she’d told herself that she shouldn’t. Then she’d felt guilty for missing him, but it hadn’t negated the fact that she really had. There wasn’t an excuse for what Connor had done and Ashley didn’t want to excuse him. It had been shitty and it had hurt her a lot. That had added to Ashley’s guilt for missing him.
What had helped a lot was talking to her mom. Ashley had gone over everything that had happened, starting with the fake soulmates thing and finishing with how she thought that there was a chance that Connor was her soulmate.
At first, Ashley had been somewhat worried about what her mom might say.
Holly Walton had married someone who didn’t have the name of her soulmark, she’d raised Ashley with the knowledge that a soulmark didn’t have to define who you ended up with. It seemed a little bit like she was going to let her mom down by telling her that actually, Ashley thought she might be in love with the man who did carry the same name as her soulmark.
Holly hadn’t disapproved. Instead, she’d listened patiently and then reminded Ashley that men - whether ones who were your soulmark matches or ones who weren’t - in general, were pretty fucking stupid. It had startled a laugh from Ashley. From there on, she’d begun putting what had happened behind her.
Then Connor showed up, telling her how he’d gotten her job in Dallas back for her. He’d apologized and truly sounded like he recognized why what he’d done was wrong. Ashley wanted to get past it. She couldn’t forgive him but that wasn’t really necessary. Ashley could still think that what Connor had done was shitty but also try to have them both move past it.
His genuine regret made Ashley willing to try .
“Fuck,” Ashley’s breath caught when Conner dropped her down on her bed, bouncing them both. She slowed down then, brushing her hand over Connor’s bare side. His skin felt hot and Ashley suddenly felt so overcome with emotion. She’d missed this, missed him . Having her fingers now free to roam Connor’s body, it felt like he was coming home to her. Or maybe like she was coming home to him. Connor seemed to notice her hesitation. He paused to make sure she was okay.
That just made Ashley want him more . With one hand against Connor’s side, Ashley brought her other to brush over his cheek. “It feels good, to have you so close again,” she told him gently. Her hand was caressing over Connor’s skin, fingers every so often sliding over his waistband. She wanted to show him how much she missed him. Wanted him to show her how much he’d missed her .
Connor settled his weight to one side of her, holding himself up so he wouldn’t pin Ashley to the mattress. He pressed a kiss to her jaw. His warm breath against Ashley’s ear, sent shudders down her spine. When he kissed her again, sucking her earlobe between his lips and teasing it with his tongue, Ashley felt like her whole body might melt.
“I want to make you feel good,” Connor said, his voice a low rumble. He ran his fingers slowly down Ashley’s side, skimming over the material of her top. He seemed in no hurry, lifting it only enough for him to expose a strip of bare skin over the waistband of Ashley’s jeans. His hand was warm as it settled against her hip, thumb rubbing teasingly against her stomach. “I missed all of you,” he promised. “Not just this.”
The words made Ashley’s body heat up more. She enjoyed how slow Connor was. It felt like he wanted to drink her in, take his time. She liked the idea that they could, that there was plenty of time to take. Ashley’s hands brushed over Connor’s shoulders as she tilted her head back so he could kiss her. His lips were soft. Ashley took her time to savor the taste, her tongue running over Connor’s lower lip almost exploratorily.
This felt different . It felt more . There was a need between them. Ashley wondered if it was brought on by longing, because she had longed for Connor. Now having him here, between her legs, with her pressed against the bed, it felt right.
“I missed all of you, too,” Ashley murmured truthfully. “Not just this,” she added before giving Connor a grin. “But also definitely this.” She loved having his body pressed up against hers. She could trace her fingers over every muscle. She wanted to feel more of Connor. “Help me take my shirt off?”
He kissed her while his hands moved slowly over her skin, like he was relearning the shape of her body. He only pulled away when he had to, helping her tug the material over her head. Kissing her again, he ran fingers through her hair before he shifted to straddle her. His mouth was so hot as it moved down Ashley’s body, pressing kisses to her throat and her shoulder. “Definitely this,” he agreed, as his hands swept up to cup Ashley’s breasts through the lace of her bra.
He teased her nipples until they were hard against the fabric, then brushed his thumbs over both of them at once. It almost took Ashley’s breath away. Pleasure sparked from everywhere Connor touched her. He pulled back, gaze moving over Ashley’s body while he sucked his lower lip between his teeth. “You’re so beautiful,” he said, leaning in once again to kiss the upper curve of Ashley’s breast.
She knew he meant it, too. The way Connor’s eyes seemed to roam her body like he truly admired it, it made Ashley feel beautiful. “You’re not too bad either,” she told him, the tone teasing. Connor was a great deal more than just ‘not too bad’ and Ashley knew he knew it. Her hands stroked over his beautiful arms, so strong and muscled. Then to his back, equally stunning. Ashley’s hands ran lower until she gave a playful squeeze to Connor’s ass through his pants.
His lips then brushed over her nipple, through the material of the bra. Ashley’s breath caught, the sensation shooting all the way through her. Connor’s touch was gentle but definitely firm. His hands slid down to her hips, brushing over the material there, before running up again, exploring her stomach. His fingers were hot and Ashley liked just how much care he took to kiss her breasts.
“Want to help me out of the bra?” She asked, certain that they both would enjoy this even more if she was fully topless.
“I thought you’d never ask,” Connor answered, with a playful smile. Almost immediately he sobered. Ashley knew, without needing to hear him say it, that Connor really had thought they’d never have this again. Ashley had thought so too. The relief that it wasn’t the case washed over her. Connor seemed to feel the same, judging by the way he pulled her close to kiss her again. “I -” He stopped, lowering his head to nuzzle against the curve of Ashley’s breast.
His strong fingers easily found and opened the clasp of her bra, and he pulled back to help Ashley free herself from it. When she met his eyes, he was smiling at her with such genuine affection. “I don’t want to think about it right now,” he said, his tone imploring. “Let’s focus on this.”
For a very short moment, Ashley wondered if they should talk. Then Connor pressed another kiss against her lips. No, they didn’t have to. Not right now. They had plenty of time . Right now, Ashley wanted to do just as Connor had said and focus on this. Focus on them and how they were back together again. She pulled Connor in closer, her breasts pressing against his chest.
Without the material between them, Connor’s skin felt even hotter. Ashley’s hands explored over it. She gave a soft moan when Connor flexed his arm muscles under her touch. Knowing how strong he was made Ashley’s body tingle. Reaching for one of Connor’s hands, she led it over her body. It felt as if she was reintroducing Connor to it. She knew he knew how to touch her just right, but Ashley wanted to show him how anyway.
She led his hand up to one of her breasts, moaning against Connor’s lips when she pressed his hand against it.
His palm was so big. Ashley’s breast fit into it almost perfectly. Connor shifted, his thumb flicking across her nipple. He swallowed Ashley’s moan, his other hand settling against her waist as he pressed her down into the mattress. Kissing his way across her chest, Connor seemed to pay equal, undivided attention to every inch of Ashley’s skin.
Finally, Connor moved down the bed. Not so far as to be out of Ashley’s reach completely. She ran her hands over his shoulders and through his hair rather than all the way down his back. He circled his tongue around Ashley’s nipple, making her arch up under his hands. When he blew warm air across her damp skin, Ashley couldn’t hold back the little noises of satisfaction.
“You sound just as good as I remember,” Connor rumbled, moving to give her other nipple the same treatment.
It was very easy to sound good for Connor when he teased like this. Ashley arched her back up, eager to have more of Connor’s mouth against her. He obliged gladly, his tongue swirling around Ashley’s nipple. It made her moan louder. Connor had to press a hand against Ashley’s hip to hold her in place. It made Ashley feel good, like
he didn’t want her to leave. Not that she had any intention to.
Pulling on his arm, Ashley made Connor move back up so she could kiss him. Her tongue ran over his lower lip, lightly and teasingly. She followed it with a small bite. The way Connor’s breath caught made her want to do it all over again.
“I’m on the pill,” Ashley told him. It wasn’t the most romantic of things to say, but it did allow her to then add, “I want to feel you inside me.” And she really did . To have that, to have him .
Connor moaned, and the sound made Ashley realize how much she’d missed that , too. She loved knowing the effect she had on him. Even the idea of being inside her was enough to get a reaction. “I haven’t been with anyone else,” he said, the words almost rushing out of him. “I wouldn’t have wanted to.”
They’d been apart for a while. Ashley had no doubt Connor could have picked someone up. It was sweet that he hadn’t, especially when he’d had no hope of their getting back together.
“I know,” she said gently. Ashley wanted Connor to know that she believed him, that she trusted him, because she did. There was no doubt at all in her mind that he was truthful. It was, after all, one of the things they had agreed. Connor would talk to her and Ashley trusted that. She kissed him harder, more eagerly, pouring all that she could into that kiss.
Shifting under Connor, Ashley ran her hands down between them to undo the fastenings on Connor’s pants. She could feel how hard he was. His cock pressed against her leg when he leaned in to kiss her and this time Ashley pushed back more, enjoying the cry Connor gave. She wanted more, wanted to make him give louder sounds.
Carefully, Ashley slid her hand under the material of Connor’s pants. Her fingers brushed lightly over where his cock was pressing into his boxers. “I want you,” she told him, tilting her head back more.
Game Plan Page 17
