by Regan Black
“Let’s go.”
“No!” He screamed and advanced. Sunlight bounced off the blade and she shied away from the bright reflection. From the corner of her eye she caught a flash of movement and she braced for two attackers. Her reaction, her shift, must have been obvious to Nicky, who glanced over his shoulder.
Leo. Of course it was Leo. He took Nicky to the ground, but thanks to her, he’d lost the element of surprise.
She swore, no more than a bystander now as the men wrestled for control of the knife. It was her job to keep the peace, not let innocent people get hurt. Her shouted orders for them to stop went unheard. The urge to fire her weapon bubbled through her system, made her fingers twitch. They rolled around, kicking up the fresh snow to reveal the less than pristine condition of the alley. Slashes of muck and trash marred the blanket of white.
At last, Nicky lost his grip on the knife and she leaped into the fray, hauling him off Leo. She planted him hard on his butt in the snow. “Stop and settle down.”
She crouched in front of him. Sad eyes full of remorse darted side to side, avoiding her gaze. Blood dripped from his nose and a scrape over his eyebrow. More blood seeped from a shallow wound on his hand. “Stop this right now. Nicky, it’s me.”
“Officer Aubrey?”
“Yes. I’m taking you in.” She held up a hand when he started to protest.
“I’m sorry.” Tears rolled down his cheeks. “I’m sorry. You can take the knife.”
“That won’t cut it this time, Nicky. You came at me with a weapon and attacked two other men. We need to get you warm and cleaned up so we can sort this out.”
“I just want my sandwich.” He reached for his nose, but she caught his hand before he poked at the bloody mess.
“I know.” Behind her she heard Leo moving, his breaths caught somewhere between a pant and a hiss. When would he stop interfering? She was mentally writing him tickets for everything from jaywalking to obstruction.
“Jail? No, Officer Aubrey.” Nicky cried harder. “I don’t like jail.”
“I know.” She helped him to his feet. “Only until we can get you warm and fed.” She had no intention of pressing serious charges against him, but she needed him steady enough to tell her about his interactions with Lara.
“I had to be in the shelter last night,” Nicky pouted. “I don’t like the indoors, Officer Aubrey.”
“I know.” The whining would increase, alternating with apologies and demands. At least Calvin had radioed for backup. A patrol car was waiting on the street and she handed over Nicky and his knife. She checked inside the bag for any logo on the sandwich wrapper, but it was plain. “Make sure he gets to eat this.” It wasn’t standard practice, but it would help everyone involved if Nicky had some real food.
She toggled her radio to check on Calvin’s current location and learned he’d caught the other man, had him at the precinct already. It should be a good thing, but Aubrey couldn’t muster much enthusiasm in the moment.
Walking back into the alley, she was all set to deal harshly with Leo. Regardless of her unflagging belief in the goodness of people, she knew how to handle herself when things went sideways. It was her job. Civilian assistance wasn’t required, despite the local press naming him a hero the other day.
“What were you thinking?” she said, staring down at him.
He tilted his head, peering up at her from where he sat in the snow, propped up against the wall. “I was thinking he had a knife and you weren’t pulling your gun fast enough.”
“When I use my service weapon is my decision. This wasn’t finding a way to get civilians out of a building.”
“No, it wasn’t,” he admitted.
“So why didn’t you let me do my job?”
“Aubrey.”
“You call me Officer Rawlins while I’m in uniform.”
His gaze narrowed. “Fine. I was scared. I was thinking, Officer Rawlins, that I couldn’t lose you.” He dropped his head back to the brick and stared up at the sliver of sky overhead.
The bold declaration set her back and softened all the hard words she had lined up. “I can handle myself. Training, awareness, procedure. You know the value of those words.”
“Uh-huh.”
She extended her hand to help him up, but he didn’t take it. “All you did was overcomplicate an edgy situation.” His bomber jacket was smeared here and there with Nicky’s blood and there was a long scratch on his face that needed cleaning.
“I think I did more than that.” He looked down toward his midsection, where his hand was tucked under his coat.
She lifted the battered leather and saw the red stain blooming on his shirt. She swore all over again.
Chapter 8
Leo, having run out of defenses or excuses and more blood than he would part with voluntarily, was grateful when Aubrey stopped demanding an explanation. The pain in his side had increased with every breath, a sharp pinch that made him think the knife must still be inside him.
It wasn’t. Of course it wasn’t. He’d seen her hand that off.
Still, he didn’t regret taking the blow. Better him than Aubrey and that man had been intent on hurting someone. Yes, as she repeatedly reminded him, she had the training and skill and the familiarity with the maniac. He’d been wrong to jump in, but he couldn’t sit back and watch one more person he loved get hurt or die. If that made him some kind of throwback chauvinist, he’d work on fixing that character flaw later. When he could breathe again.
Her face had been a mix of temper and concern in the ambulance. The emergency room team had made her stay on the other side of the curtain while they cleaned the wound, stitched it up. The resulting fog was nice, but he couldn’t figure out why it was taking so long to burn off.
The fight hadn’t been intense or drawn out. Less than a minute, if he had to guess. Flashes of that knife coming down over her head played behind his eyelids. A grotesque nightmare he couldn’t shake. He wasn’t sure if Aubrey’s mention of the knife-wielder seeing Lara was reality or painkiller-induced fantasy.
He shifted, his side protesting, but bearable. Handling scared and unhappy people, managing and defusing risky situations was Aubrey’s job. She might be right that he’d had no right to intervene. He’d seen her in action, knew she could handle herself. Still...love.
Love.
That wasn’t just the pain meds. That was real. Of course he’d fallen for Aubrey. Lara would tell him it was because the relationship couldn’t go the distance. Different cities and demanding careers. He swiped away a wayward tear, hoping like hell he’d get to hear Lara deliver that lecture in person.
He was a fool on so many levels. A fool for thinking he could find Lara on his own or that she needed to be found at all? A fool for falling for Aubrey, although that went deeper than the knife. She was smart and brave in her work and beautiful and lovely off duty. The compassion ran through both facets of her life equally. Compassion for her neighborhood and the stubborn stranger who’d lumbered in and upset the flow.
Definitely a fool.
He should go back home, back to work and wait for Aubrey to call with an update. The insecurities from his childhood flooded through him. He’d been through enough counseling to know that feeling unlovable didn’t make it true. But he kept making mistakes, this knife wound being the latest example. The ones that were too big to forgive crashed through his mind. Lara had been the only glimmer of acceptance he’d had from the time he was ten.
What did that make him if he couldn’t live without his sister’s presence? Not a whole person, clearly, since he’d hopped into bed with the first woman who demonstrated that heady combination of personal concern and sexual interest.
Maybe the fog was burning off after all, since the pity party was starting to annoy him. So he’d had a rough childhood. He was attracted to a cop who would probably never forgive hi
m for taking a knife to the belly. And he was still the kind of fool who rushed in without thinking.
“Overcompensating to the end,” he muttered, shying away from the light overhead.
“What was that?”
The voice belonged to Aubrey, and for a moment he thought he was hallucinating. She was sitting beside the bed, her fingers curled around his hand. He stared at their joined hands for a long time, expecting the vision to fade.
He turned his palm up, laced his fingers through hers. A warmth and comfort filled him when he finally accepted she was real. She was here. And she wasn’t glaring at him. “You stayed?”
“Well, I went home to change clothes while they stitched you up.”
“When can I get out of here?”
“I’d say you’re on the right track. They knocked you out to clean the wound properly, considering where you were injured. Plus, they wanted to get in a round of antibiotics.”
He followed her gaze to the IV taped to the back of his opposite hand. “I’m sorry for interfering.”
“So you’ve said.” Her lips curved into a reluctant smile. “In the ambulance and again about an hour ago. Twilight, they called it.”
Great. “What else have I said?”
“Nothing juicy or helpful,” she replied.
He wasn’t sure if that should be a relief. “Why did you stay?”
Her smile turned weary. The affection in her eyes was shadowed by something he couldn’t put a finger on. “You’re a meddling-prone tourist in Philly. Someone has to keep tabs on you.”
His bubble burst with her logic. He had no right to expect some declaration of love. They barely knew each other. “Thanks.” He pulled his hand away to swipe at an itchy spot on his forehead. She caught him, stopped the motion.
“There’s a cut at your hairline. Leave it be.”
“Great.”
She kissed his knuckles before resuming her seat and hope bloomed in his chest. The affectionate touch lifting away a layer of dread and frustration. “You should see the other guy,” she quipped.
Leo hoped never to see the other guy again. “Is he all right?”
“He will be. Nicky gets riled easily when things aren’t going according to his schedule.” She caught her lip between her teeth and all Leo could think was how much he wanted to kiss her. He wasn’t sure he’d ever get his fill of her.
That probably came with being emotionally broken. He should probably tell her the truth. In the interest of transparency. She should know enough to nudge him aside if he did something stupid and admit he loved her.
“Did I ever tell you why Lara and I are so close?”
“No,” she replied.
“We shouldn’t be. By rights she should hate me as much as my mom does.”
Aubrey frowned, her brows pinched. “Your mom can’t possibly hate you. Do you need another painkiller?”
If only there was something to take the sting out of what he had to say. “The drugs can’t change the past. I need to tell you.”
Her grip tightened on his hand. “It isn’t necessary.”
“You’ve gone above and beyond to find Lara. Even doing things you don’t agree with.”
“Leo.”
“Just let me get this out.” Don’t think, just talk. If she heard the truth and stayed, then he could figure out what to do next. “I should have told you this earlier.” Before they wound up in bed. “When I was ten years old my dad and grandpa took me camping. We did weekends like that all the time. This time, on the way home, there was a car accident. I was the only survivor.”
There were the bare facts. Out in the open. He looked down to see Aubrey still held his hand.
Now for the rest of the story.
The sympathy in her eyes burned off the last of the fog blurring his senses. He didn’t want pity. But what did he want?
Understanding. Acceptance. She couldn’t give him either until she had a full picture and an explanation—not an excuse—for why he’d been such an idiot and generally upset the delicate balance in her neighborhood.
“We were a normal family until that day. My sister’s first birthday party had been the weekend before. Presents, balloons, cake. The four of us were on the same team. Hugs. Jokes. Bedtime stories. Seven days later my mom was a widow.” Because of me. “She never quite came out of it.”
“Grief is tricky,” she said. “We can talk about it later. I should let you rest.”
“My sister grew up without a father because of me. Dad was driving, my grandpa next to him up front. I was bouncing around in the back. Chattering.”
“Kids do that.”
He hated the platitudes that cleared him and put the blame on his dad. “I distracted him and he went off the road. They died. I didn’t.”
Everything about Aubrey locked up, frozen in a horrible, dread-filled moment. She didn’t blink. Her hand on his was still. He wasn’t sure she was breathing.
“You were ten,” she said at last.
And a part of him was stuck back there, trapped in that wreckage, unable to move on. “But I haven’t learned a damn thing. Haven’t changed. I nearly got you killed, too.” Just like the car accident. He’d distracted his father and then they were careening off the road. Tumbling, rolling. Glass shattered, metal screeched against trees, crumpling more with every impact.
“You’re wrong about that, about today. Nicky causes his own trouble. I was ready for him to act out.” She released his hand, spreading her arms wide. “Look at me, Leo. I’m fine.”
When her hands wrapped around his again, the tension in his chest eased. “I’m sorry, Aubrey.”
“You’ve apologized enough. We can talk about it more when you’re feeling better. Hospitals make everything look worse. Whatever happened when you were a kid wasn’t your fault, either.”
“I survived.” Just in case she hadn’t noticed. “That was the real crime in my mom’s eyes. I’ve never understood why Lara doesn’t hate me, too, but she never has.”
“She doesn’t hate you because you’re a good brother.”
“She’s never once shown an ounce of resentment,” he continued. “We had a great dad and when he was alive we had a better mom. Maybe dropping out of college, refusing to talk to me, is just her way of finally writing me off, too.”
“Hush. I don’t believe that and you can’t think that way.” Aubrey hugged his hand with both of hers. “You’re hurting, Leo. Emotions run high at times like this.”
He’d been hurting for almost two decades and his emotions were usually low to absent. Except for Lara. He should’ve told Aubrey about this earlier. Before they’d slept together. She had a right to know the kind of man he was. “Lara’s the only person who’s ever stuck by me. I just thought you needed to know the whole story.”
She stared at him, an unfathomable expression in those big blue eyes. Only waiting for her to say something did he understand why he’d bared his soul. He expected her to walk away. If it was inevitable, he needed her to do it now. Before he tumbled completely into love as deep and terrifying as that ravine had been.
He didn’t trust love to last, to ever be enough, unless it was Lara. Loving his father and grandpa hadn’t been enough to keep them alive until help arrived. Loving his mother had backfired time and again. He dated and fell into deep like, never trusting himself to go further.
Aubrey was the first woman who made him wish he could give more. Only his sister accepted him despite his history of errors. Whatever he offered to Aubrey would be a shadow of what she deserved.
“Family is important,” she said. “Whatever the story.” She leaned down and kissed his forehead. “Thanks for telling me.”
The curtain swept open and a nurse walked in with his discharge orders. Behind her was Aubrey’s partner, Calvin.
The cop did a double take and his gaze w
ent unerringly to their linked hands. She let go in a hurry. One second he and Aubrey were connected and the next she might as well have been on the opposite side of the country. The sudden distance rattled him, annoyed him more than a little, even if it was practical. Clearly, she didn’t want to advertise that there was something between them.
The observation slapped another layer of shame and irritation on the whole mess. Aubrey had gone above and beyond, despite his screwing up right and left, getting in her way.
“I thought you went home,” Calvin said.
She plucked at her casual sweatshirt. “I did.”
“Okay. The sergeant sent me over to see if our victim’s pressing charges.”
“I’m not,” Leo said. “It was as much my fault as his. Officer Rawlins told me the man was struggling after all the extra precautions with the storm. Seems I added to it.”
Calvin made a humming sound while the nurse removed the IV. “That’s a compassionate outlook.” He tilted his head toward Aubrey. “Isn’t it?”
She shocked Leo by taking his hand once more. “I think so.”
“Is this your decision, Mr. Butler?” he asked, his eyebrows arching.
Aubrey sucked in a breath. “How dare you?”
“You know I have to ask,” he said, pointing to their joined hands.
She closed her eyes. “Yeah. I get it.”
“So do I,” Calvin murmured. With a jerk of his head, he demanded Aubrey join him away from Leo’s bed.
With the nurse rattling off discharge instructions, he couldn’t hear any part of the conversation. The way Leo kept screwing up, Aubrey’s partner probably didn’t want him to hear any bad news or catch wind of a lead.
* * *
Aubrey hated leaving Leo alone even for a few minutes after he’d shared such a heartbreaking history, but she had to catch up with Calvin. “Hang on a second. What did Nicky say?”
“He ate his sandwich and talked nonsense.”
“Then what about the guy you chased down?”
Calvin shook his head and kept walking. “Dead end.”
