His dark eyes blaze. “Someone hurt you, darlin’?” he rasps out. “Babe, trust me, that’s not what I’m going to do.”
“They didn’t fuckin’ hurt me. They destroyed me!” I cry out, and before I know what’s happening, I’m enclosed in his strong arms and tears are flooding down my face. He sweeps me up, my crutches dropping to the floor as he carries me to the bed and sits down with me in his lap, gently rocking me back and forth like a baby until my sobs turn to hiccups, and then, at last, stop.
After giving me the time to compose myself, passing me tissues from the box on the bedside table to clean myself up, he says gently, “Tell me what happened, Sophie. Give me something I can understand.”
Chapter Twenty-Three
Sophie…
I take several deep breaths as I try to compose myself and prepare to relive everything I’ve buried so deep, the things I try every day to forget that only a handful of people know. Not even Zoe had an inkling of what was in my past. As he tightens his fingers around mine to give me his support, I know I have to get it out. My mouth opens and shuts a couple of times, then I swallow and at last manage to speak, delivering my life story in a monotone, trying to keep emotion at bay.
“My mother died when I was three years old, breast cancer. I was brought up by my father. He was okay, did a decent enough job. I was clothed and fed, but I suppose I missed a mother’s love.”
“Soph—” His hand reaches out and smooths down the side of my face.
“No, please, if you interrupt me, I won’t be able to do this.” I watch until he nods, showing his agreement.
“Eight years ago,” I resume, “when I was just seventeen, I met a man. He was a little older, he’d just turned twenty-one.” I pause, remembering how much more mature he seemed at the time, but looking back I know he was really so young, too young. “He worked on a North Sea oil rig and had done so since he was eighteen. He’d come down to spend his time off in London. I met him in a pub, and we got talking. We clicked immediately, and on his next shore leave he came back and we spent the whole three weeks together. I lost my virginity to him, and it was hell when he had to go back.”
I glance at Wraith, wanting to see whether he’s hurt that I’m talking about another man, but the expression on his face is one of concern, for me. So I continue, “He worked two weeks on the rig, then had three weeks off. He got in the habit of flying down to see me and staying in the area for all of his leave. After three months he asked me to marry him, and I agreed.”
“You were very young. Hell, was that even legal?”
“In England we can marry at sixteen as long as we have parental consent, so yeah, it was all legal.”
Wraith looks concerned. “So your father was okay with that?”
I laugh shortly. “My father had just found another woman. I didn’t know about it at the time, but I think it influenced him when Mark asked for his blessing. It suited him for me to be out of his way. He actually put it into words—I had the whole of my life in front of me, being older he’d not got as long left to enjoy.
“We got married as soon as we could and got a small bedsit.” At his quick look of confusion, I explain, “A room in a shared house,” I continue when he raises his chin. “Mark wanted me to finish school and go to uni. University. I’d applied to Aberdeen so I could move up and be near him. Anyway…” My voice breaks and more tears fall as I get ready for the final straight. “We’d only been married a month when there was an explosion on the rig…”
Now he reaches for me, his arms holding me tight as I start crying again, unable to stop the tears running down my face. I know I don’t need to explain that first terrible phone call, the waiting while they tried to find the missing men and all the time hope fading until finally the confirmation had come that Mark had been one of the unlucky ones. My beautiful, loving husband gone, and I would never see him again.
Another few minutes, another few tissues passed and used. When my tears dry up, he doesn’t press for details, but just asks me, “Did you move back to your family?”
“No, my father had already remarried and my stepmother didn’t want to be saddled with a teenage daughter. So I stayed in the bedsit, ended up going to uni in London, and that’s where I met Zoe.”
“I’m so sorry you had to go through that.” He rests his head on the top of mine.
It’s times like these I wish I could stand and pace around the room. But with my crutches lying on the floor on the other side of the room, all I can do is pull out of his arms and sit up straight. “There’s a reason I’m telling you this, Wraith.”
“Thought there would be.”
“Mark was the first man I loved.” I nearly added ‘only’ man, but I changed it, realising that now it wouldn’t be true. “He was my first in every way, and him leaving me like he did, well, I knew I’d never get over it. So I vowed never to put myself in that position again.” I swallow a couple of times, getting up the nerve to tell him who I am. That might be enough to put him off me.
“When I went to uni, well, there were lots of men. Boys really, more my age than Mark’s. They kept asking me out, and I knew I’d never want to get involved. But Mark and I had been very sexually active―his days on leave we spent mainly in bed and I missed,” oh God how I’d missed, “being physically close to someone. So I thought if I used men for sex and didn’t have any kind of other relationship with them, that I wouldn’t get hurt again.”
Again I watch to see if there is any judgement. There’s not. “So that’s what I did. I even made a joke of it―one and done. That was me. And I had fun. It didn’t matter to me whether it was a quick hookup in a broom closet at work or if I went home to someone’s bed. But I never stayed the night, never allowed myself to get close.
“It was the only way I could protect myself, you see. I can never forget getting that phone call, finding out Mark was never coming back.”
“Oh darlin’, you were so young. Just seventeen, not even an adult.” Wraith isn’t going to let me get away with keeping myself at a distance. His strong arms come out and encircle me once again. “But you can’t live your life in fear of what might happen.”
“I like sex,” I tell him, adamantly.
“Suspected that, darlin’,” he says with a chuckle. “Not sure what gave it away.”
I slap him lightly on the arm. I’m trying to have a serious discussion here. “Since Mark, until you, I never spent the night with anyone.”
“I can say the same. No one interested me enough. That’s partly how I knew I had to make you mine.”
“But Wraith, I can’t be yours. I can’t go through that again. If I let you in… If anything happens to you, I’d die too. I wouldn’t be able to survive that kind of hurt again.”
He sighs and kisses my hair, and despite my thoughts and what I’m telling him, I’m not immune to his touch. He’s quiet for a while and then he asks, “Do you think this lonely life is what Mark would have wanted for you?”
“I’m not lonely…”
“Yes, darlin’ you are. Didn’t you like sleeping with me? Waking in my arms?”
Too much! “But Wraith… What you do with the club, especially now… If I took a chance on you, how long until I find out you’ve died in a shoot-out somewhere? Or just came off your bike? You’d give your life for the club, you’ve already told me that.”
The door to my room opens and Horse appears. “I was passing, couldn’t help but hear.” He’s not looking very apologetic. He walks across and crouches down by my feet, looking up at me. “You and me, Soph, we’re not very dissimilar, though I was older than you were. I was married, you know that. And the love of my life died. But I’ve never regretted those three happy years I had with her. Not for one fucking moment.”
“I don’t regret knowing Mark.” Do I?
“Think you do, babe. That’s why you’re not willing to take the risk again. You’re not remembering any good times, only the bad.” Horse can’t be right, can he? Would m
y life have been better had I never known him? Mark had shaped all my actions since his death.
I challenge Horse, “But you don’t want to get involved with another woman, Horse.” His situation seems to back mine up.
He laughs. “I’ve just never found someone who could hold a candle to my Carrie.” His lips turn down as he grows serious. “But if I found someone who was right, just like you’ve found Wraith, I know up in heaven she’d be cheering me on. And if there was a woman that perfect, I’d jump straight in with both fucking feet.” He gets to his feet again. “Sorry for the intrusion.”
“Nah, thanks, man.” Wraith throws him a chin lift as Horse leaves us alone. Then he turns back to me and says quietly, “Darlin’ that’s a sad fuckin’ story, and I understand you a whole lot better now. But don’t let the past rule your future. It’s time to move on from the loneliness you’ve imposed on yourself. Take a chance on me, babe. I can’t promise you anything, but while we’re together we’ll be having a lot of good times, probably a few bad too. No one can give any guarantees, whether they’re an outlaw biker or a citizen. But I want you on the back of my bike. I want you as my ol’ lady. For however long we got.”
I stay quiet for a moment, thinking. It’s a lot to think about, a lot to take in. But eight years have passed, and I’m not a teenager anymore. Maybe now is the right time to move on. “I’m not even sure how to do a relationship, Wraith.”
Now he chuckles and then leans his forehead down to touch mine. “Guess we’re both gonna be feeling our way there, darlin’. I’ve no fuckin’ idea either.” Then he gives a barked laugh. “A broom closet, eh? Have you left any places where you haven’t done it that we can share?”
I huff as though I’m affronted, then, suddenly, while I know that neither of us might have a clue how we’re going to make this work, there’s something that we already do pretty damn well. I throw myself at him, unbalancing him so he leans back on the bed, pulling me with him. He’s not a stupid man and knowing the time for words has ended, without wasting another moment, his hands come up and he starts to ease off my shirt and bra slowly and reverently, his lips kissing his way from my neck down to my breasts, pausing to tease my nipples until they peak for him. Then, pushing me gently to the side, he undoes my jeans and pulls them down, removing my shoes before taking them off completely. His hands then go to my prosthesis that I haven’t yet removed, and his eyes question me.
Giving a quick nod, I give him my permission to touch it, to remove it. He does so confidently, as if it were just another article of clothing. I’d worn it for a long time yesterday as well as this morning, and the stump is reddened and sore.
He notices. “You got anything to soothe this, darlin’?”
“The stuff from Utah is still in the van, but I’ve got some old cream from the UK.” I show him where it is in my drawer, and without comment, he gently rubs it in for me. I could never have imagined anyone would want to look at, let alone touch what remains of my leg. But as his tender administrations soothe me, I lie back and think that his easy acceptance is helping me come to terms with the loss more than anything else has ever done.
Placing the cream back on the table, Wraith then slides down my body, and as his talented tongue gets to work, I smile to myself. There’s a bubbling feeling inside of me that I haven’t felt before. As my muscles start to tighten and just before I’m lost in the ecstasy only he seems able to bring, I recognise it for what it is—I’m happy.
Chapter Twenty-Four
Wraith…
I return to the clubhouse with more of a spring in my step than I had on the way up. Sophie isn’t immune to me at all. It’s her fucked up history that stopped her taking that leap and admitting it. Now I know that I’m fighting the ghost of her husband, I’ll be able to plan my campaign to get her permanently on the back of my bike. No, it’s not even a ghost I’m up against, it’s the hurt that losing him so quickly and dreadfully caused her.
Trouble is, as I told her, there are no guarantees in this life I lead. All I can hope is that I won’t be leaving her via a wooden box as well. But I’m too selfish to accept that as an excuse to step away. There can be no warranties given, however we choose to make our way in the world.
I arrive just in time as Peg is calling the members together. It’s hard not to pick up on the sombre mood in the clubroom. Killing the bitch Chrissy quickly was kinder than marching her up to a grave in the woods, but it meant we couldn’t keep it quiet. But from the whispers I heard as I passed through the room, it seemed the message had gotten around. Betray the club and you’ll have to accept there’ll be bloody consequences. The sweet butts are whispering amongst themselves, and for once, not pestering the brothers.
Drum casts a worried glance toward me as I enter, and I raise my chin, showing him I understand. Until Horse and Sophie arrived, we’d had years of peace. Now we’re about to have a council of war to prepare to do battle. It’s the kind of thing we’ve tried hard to avoid. The last time we came up against another club was back in the days when I was a prospect, all of ten years ago now.
One of the last to take my seat, I look around at my brothers, appreciating the looks of determination on their faces. We have each other’s backs. I can only hope all of us will be left standing at the end of this.
The gavel’s banged and church is called to order.
“Right, talk to me.” As Drum lays the meeting open, we’re all aware there’s only one topic he’s asking about.
“I’ll start arranging Hank’s funeral.” I take the chance at the having the first shot. “All the out-of-state chapters will be invited. We should give him a good send-off.”
“Won’t that attract the Demons attention?” Heart is frowning.
Drum laughs. “If it does, there’ll be over a hundred of us against them. If they try to take us there, we’ll slaughter the motherfuckers.”
Peg growls, “And massacre them is what I want to do.” As he rubs his shoulder, I notice he’s no longer wearing the sling, and wince on his behalf. But he’s got much better colour today—he bounces back fast, our sergeant-at-arms.
“Do we know exactly what that bitch whore told them?” Rock asks, fidgeting with his gun as usual. I realise they all need to be brought up-to-date. I leave it to Drum to explain that she told them Sophie was here, and that she was my old lady. Oh, and the info about the Utah trip of course.
“I’ve never trusted the fuckers,” Beef throws in. “It was only a matter of time before we came up against them head on. Been hearing some rumours about human trafficking up that way.”
Tongue snarls, “With you there, Brother. Drugs are getting out of hand too. That could be why they were in the Running Horse.”
Beef nods. “Could well be. Wouldn’t put it past them to try to sell on our territory.”
Now we’re not into any business to do with women—our strippers get a good wage and are under no coercion to work for us. Likewise, we avoid hard drugs like the plague, would never deal. That kind of shit gets the attention of the wrong people.
“Blade, any thoughts?”
Blade doesn’t say a lot, but when he does, we all listen. “I think we should hit them hard. Take out the whole fucking bag.”
Peg obviously agrees by the way he’s bobbing his head.
“VP?” Drum asks for my view.
My fingers play on the table as I give it some thought. “If it’s done clean, with little risk to us, I’m with the plan. But they’ll be expecting us to retaliate for Hank, so let’s bide our time and lull them into a false sense of fuckin’ security. Then we make our move.”
“You just want time to get your dick wet with your ol’ lady!” Trust Slick to put that in.
“If we’re going to hit their clubhouse, I’d like to get some eyes inside,” Mouse offers. “Any way we can get someone who could put some cameras in there for us?”
“It’s a good idea,” Drum says, thoughtfully. “But it’s a risk. Don’t see how any of us would get
an invitation. They know all of us.” After a brief pause, he resumes, “I could ask for a meet with Stick, their prez, to discuss retribution for Hank, but I doubt they’ll let me roam free.”
“You’re not fuckin’ walking into that den of motherfuckers,” Peg roars out. “Or anyone else for that matter, so keep your fuckin’ mouth shut, Wraith.”
I snap my lips back together without speaking, deciding I wasn’t going to waste breath offering to go instead of Drum after all.
“We don’t know much about them, but what I do know is I wouldn’t trust ‘em. Anyone going in is at the risk of being held and ransomed for Wheels. That’s who they want after all.”
Bullet’s made a good point, and we all nod. He nudges Dart and points to the pack on the table. Shaking his head, Dart taps out the last smoke and rolls it over to him.
Slick speaks up next. “The sweet butt, Jill, she’s been talking about a friend who’d like to get in with the club.” He glances around to see if we can guess where he’s going with this. “She’s got no connections to us at present, but if she offered her, er, services to the Demons, she might be able to get inside.”
I’m shaking my head, hating the idea of sending a woman into that particular den of iniquity. Who knows what the fuck might happen to her?
It’s Drum’s turn to tap on the table now. “Could she be connected to us at all?”
“Nah, she’s been here a couple of times as a hangaround on party nights, but that shouldn’t be enough for them to link her with us.”
“So has almost every girl in Tucson.” Tongue nods at Slick. “They just can’t resist.” He waggles his tongue in his customary manner to make sure we all get the point. We do.
Cigarette smoke drifts across me, and I breathe in that shit. I might have given up, but sometimes even secondhand, it still does the job.
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