“I don’t know why you’re apologising, Slick. If anything, this is my fault.”
“How the fuck do you get to that?”
I pull back my hand. “Because I’ve been so wrapped up in what happened to me, I’ve neglected her. While this,” for some reason I wave my hand at the table where the laptop had sat, “was going on, I was wrapped up in myself. You saw those dates? It started just after I’d come back from the compound. I didn’t want her to see me hurting, and I was hiding myself away. I didn’t see her for a few weeks. It’s only recently I started going around again.” I cover my mouth with my hand as a horrible thought hits me. “What if this Sy was able to befriend her as she thought I’d abandoned her?”
As Slick shakes his head, I continue, “When I felt strong enough to visit, when I was capable of hiding my pain, I thought she was just being off as I hadn’t been to see her. Her quietness my punishment for not being there. If I’d been thinking more clearly, I might have realised sooner there was something very wrong.”
Slick’s staring at me. “You take the weight of the fuckin’ world on your shoulders, don’t cha? Babe, it wasn’t your fault what happened to you. And it certainly wasn’t your fault what’s going on with your sister. You got that? You did what you could as soon as you figured out something was off. More than your fuckin’ mom has done. You couldn’t have done anything more.”
“I could,” I contradict him. “I shouldn’t have let what they did affect me so badly. I shouldn’t have started any of this. If I hadn’t thought the only way I could get a man was to whore myself out, I’d have been there for her and maybe stopped this from happening.”
Again, he makes a grab for my hands, pulling them tight and this time not allowing me to escape. “Ella. Listen to me. I don’t know why the fuck you ever thought you could be a sweet butt, or why that was the only way you’d get a man to fuck you. You’re pretty as hell, and I wanted you the moment I saw you. If I’d dealt with my crap, then you’d never have gone into that fuckin’ Rock Demons’ club. I should have told my brothers to find someone else. I had my head so far down in the fuckin’ sand you’d be quite right to say it’s as much down to me.” He waits for that to sink in. “But Ella, even if you’d been around, you wouldn’t have stopped this happening. These types of people are clever, El. They know how to get what they want. She’d have kept it secret from you whether you’d been there or not.”
“But I would have seen the signs.”
He shakes his head. “The rot had begun the moment she met that boy, Sy. She kept it a secret from your mom, she would have hidden it from you too. Remember he kept telling her to keep it quiet? Encouraging her to hide things? That’s the way this grooming thing works. I think Mouse is right, there’s some threat hanging over her that is keeping her tied to them.”
I look down to where our hands are joined, grateful that he’s here with me, sharing my pain and my worry. I hope he’ll stay around at least until Jayden’s problem’s sorted. Until then, I can’t think about what I want for myself.
Somehow, he senses my feeling of inadequacy. “I’m not going anywhere, okay? I’ll be with you every step of the way. We’ll get your sister right.”
“Knowing what I do now, Slick, how am I going to face her? You said don’t alert her, but I don’t know how I’m going to be able to do that.” All I want at the moment is to hug her.
“All you can do is try, darlin’. Remember, if you let her suspect you know, she’ll warn the motherfuckers, and we’ll lose our chance of stopping them.”
“What about Sy? This older one, Diego, I know you’ll,” I lower my voice, “I’m not stupid, you’ll kill him, won’t you?”
Slick’s face is impassive, he’s giving away nothing.
“But what about the teenage boy?”
“If he’s involved in this, he’ll be treated like a fuckin’ man.”
It’s not much of an answer, but it seems it’s the only one I’m going to get.
Slick takes his phone out of his cut and looks at the screen. He shakes his head as he notices the time. “I’ve got somewhere I need to be, darlin’. But I could come around later?”
I glance sharply his way, gathering my thoughts in a flash. “Slick, I’m so worried about Jayden, I wouldn’t be good company.”
“You can’t do anything. You’re leaving it to us. Won’t do you no good fretting on your own.”
“I know, but until things are sorted with Jayden, until I know she’s safe, please understand I need time by myself. This,” I wave my hand in the air between us, “whatever this is, it’s too much for me to handle right now.”
He sighs. “You saying you want to put us on hold?”
Yeah, I’m saying exactly that. “Just give me a few days, Slick.” I hope he understands. I don’t want to lose him, I’d like to have the opportunity to at least try. Go on a few more dates, perhaps? But the revelations about Jayden have had me reeling. Until I get my head around her problems, I can’t sort my own out. I’m guilty enough I wasn’t there for her when I obviously needed to be. I can’t afford to get distracted again.
I raise my eyes. “Just a few days, Slick. I need to come to terms with what’s going on.”
He takes my hand and brings it to his lips, placing a kiss on the back. Then turning it over, his fingers trace my palm. His eyes meet mine. “Just a few days,” he repeats. “Then you’re all mine.”
This time I’m unable to interpret the shiver that runs down my spine.
Chapter Thirteen
Slick…
I don’t want to leave Ella with the additional concerns Mouse and I had dropped on her this morning. I’d much prefer to be there for my woman to comfort her, to give her a shoulder to lean on so she knows she’s not in this alone. But I really did have to leave, as I’m due somewhere else. And now, knowing I won’t be seeing her again for a while guts me. In a way it’s easy enough to understand, she’s too worried about her sister, even though I believe she should be sharing her troubles, not wallowing in them all by herself. It kills me to think of her sitting there on her own, letting her problems fester.
But isn’t that just what she does? Or has learned to do because I was a selfish asshole and let her walk away? I gave up all right to insist on inveigling myself into her life when I didn’t go after her.
As I drop her off back at her house, I insist she keeps in touch and calls me if she gets concerned, or if she just wants to talk. No, it doesn’t feel right leaving my woman to cope alone, but I can’t push her, not when she has so much on her plate, and a habit she’d had to develop for taking it all on herself.
As the door closes behind her, I spur into action and waste no time getting to the hospital.
The last time I’d seen Heart, he was laughing in the clubhouse, moaning how Crystal was taking too long getting ready to go out, complaining how he didn’t want to see “no fight at the fuckin’ OK Corral”, even as the sparkle in his eyes betrayed he was as eager as his wife. Now he’s lying in a hospital bed, tubes coming out everywhere, machines constantly bleeping. I’d thought I’d been prepared as to what to expect, I wasn’t.
Rock stands as I walk in and I jerk my chin at him. “Rock, I’m sorry man.”
“No worries, Brother.” Has he not noticed I’m late?
“How is he?” I nod toward Heart, my gut clenching as I watch him, unmoving.
“No change. They’re going to start easing him out of the induced coma tomorrow. The swelling on his brain has gone down, but it’s anyone’s fuckin’ guess after that.” He clears his throat before adding, “They can’t guarantee if he’s gonna wake up.”
Rock and I stare at each other, there’s really nothing more we can say. Bikers used to action, we don’t know how to deal with something like this that’s out of our hands.
My brother leaves and I stand for a moment with my head bowed, then move across and take the chair Rock had vacated, moving it a little closer to the bed. Reaching out, I squeeze Heart’s ha
nd, hoping in some way he’ll know I’m here and that we haven’t deserted him. I hold it for a second, but it lies completely still in mine. It’s human nature to hope for some sign, the slightest pressure to show recognition. But there’s nothing.
“Life’s shit at the moment, Brother.” I might be talking to a man as still as a corpse, but somehow I can’t stop. “You lying here like this? It’s all fuckin’ wrong. And Ella? Shit, Brother. Here I am wanting her back, thinking all I got to do is romance her… Hey, you’d fuckin’ laugh about that. Me. Courting a woman? Not my style, eh? Yeah, you’d fuckin’ crack up if you were hearing me talk. Anyway, there I was thinking it would be hard, but I was in it for the long haul. Now she’s got this shit to deal with about her sister. How she’ll cope with that on top of everything else, I’ve no fuckin’ idea.
“You know what? Bet she thought I hadn’t noticed, but she’d dolled herself up some this morning. Looked fuckin’ fantastic. Didn’t want to mention it as I thought I might frighten her off. Now? With what Mouse just dropped on her? Guess we’re probably back where we started.
“You want to know if she’s worth it? Fuck, Brother. She is, and I ain’t giving up. We’ll get there, and I’ll have my ol’ lady…”
My voice trails off as I realise he hasn’t one anymore, but it’s not my place to tell him that. What if he can hear me? Then I wonder who’s going to break the news and how he’ll take it. Heart’s only going to be half the man he was when he realises he’s lost his wife. I’ve no idea how he’s going to cope. They’d been so right for each other, their love not starting to tarnish even after the years they’ve been together. Perhaps having Amy will help. She’s the image of her mother, and he’ll have to keep it together for her sake. Yeah, he’ll have to put the kid’s needs first. That must be something. At least he’s got her. She’s part of them both.
Another squeeze to his fingers, still half expecting a response, but none comes of course. “You get well, Brother, and we’ll share a bottle of Jack.”
I want him to survive, want him to recover. But when he comes round, he’ll be facing a world of pain. A bit like when I lost Ella, but that had only been my obstinacy holding me back, a suffering I needn’t have gone through if I’d used the head on my shoulders. If she had died… Knowing how devastated I’d feel makes me wonder whether it wouldn’t be kinder on Heart to just let him fade away. How the fuck is he going to cope when he’s told about Crystal’s death?
It's hard to make conversation with someone who doesn’t talk back. After a while I have no more words to say, so I sit as best I can in the uncomfortable chair and spend the time thinking. Most of it about what we’ll do to this Diego fucker when we catch up with him. It certainly won’t be pretty—and Ella was right, though I’d never admit it. He won’t be left alive to molest any young girl ever again.
Time passes slowly, nurses and doctors drift in and out. At last Lady appears to take over, asking the same question as I’d done on entering the room. I give him the same answer as Rock had given me. Nothing has changed.
Then I’m back on my bike, letting the warm evening air sweep past, washing some of my depression away. It seems whichever way I look, life sucks right now.
When I walk into the clubhouse, I see the prez deep in conversation with Mouse at the bar, and I suspect he’s bringing Drum up to speed. It’s strange to see my brother there. He seems to live in his cave, rarely emerging into the light of day. Nodding at Joker, I walk on by and notice Sam sitting with Viper. I pause as I pass.
“How’s Amy?” I surprise myself at how concerned I am about the kid.
As Sam looks up, it’s hard to miss how tired she’s looking. “She’s doing okay. Missing her mom, doesn’t really understand why she’s not coming back. She’s wants to see Heart and it’s distressing to tell her she can’t.” She tilts her head toward Viper. “Viper and Sandy are taking her home with them tonight to give us a break. Drum wants a night of uninterrupted sleep.”
“You look like you could do with it, too.”
Her hand touches her stomach. “I’ve been telling him we’ll have to get used to it.”
Viper notices her action and gives her a fond smile. “You’ve got to take care of yourself until Junior comes.”
She smiles. “That’s what Drum said. We’ve already had a discussion about me riding my bike.” The droop to her mouth tells me what she thinks about that.
I happen to think he’s right to be cautious. If Ella were pregnant, I’d wrap her in cotton wool. Then I realise how far I’m getting ahead of myself. First, I’ve got to persuade her to come back. Oh, and to let me fuck her. Can’t make babies without doing that.
As I move on from them, I inwardly laugh. I don’t even know if she wants children. What I do know is it will be hard enough work even getting her into my bed.
Passing the pool table, I see it’s in use and balls are in play, but not the ones normally used in the game. I stand for a moment watching Beef’s hips bucking as he thrusts into Jill’s pussy, and Rock’s cock disappearing into her mouth. How the fuck can I ask Ella to come back here and expose her to the real-life porn show that’s typically going on?
I view the clubhouse as though I’m seeing it through her eyes. All the girls are in action tonight. Pussy’s giving Joker a lap dance, Allie’s fondling Dart, and the new girls, Diva and Paige, are either side of Tongue whose jeans are hanging open and he’s getting a hand job from one, while his mouth’s devouring the tits of the other. Diva notices me being a voyeur and pouts my way, then pointedly redoubles her efforts stroking Tongue’s cock. Looks like I might have offended her. Turning away, I huff a laugh, not giving a fuck what she thinks. There’s only one woman’s opinion that matters to me.
Despite the blatant sexual acts on display that ordinarily would have had my balls throbbing, my cock doesn’t stir. Maybe being celibate won’t be that hard. As long as I keep all thoughts of Ella out of my head.
Drum and Mouse have stopped talking, so I join them at the bar. Mouse raises his chin. “How was Ella when you left her?”
“Fuckin’ worried sick.”
Drum nods. “She should be. There’s something about this that smells bad. What are you planning when you know the girl’s on the move?”
“Go to the location and snatch her back. And that fucker who’s molesting her.”
“That’s only conjecture so far, isn’t it?”
Mouse shrugs. “Sure, but I can’t fuckin’ think there’s anything innocent going on. Best thing we can hope is he’s still in the grooming stage.”
I feel a flicker of hope. “Is that possible, Mouse?”
Again he raises his shoulders. “With the timing involved? I doubt it. These types don’t hang around once they’ve got someone in their clutches.”
The prez drums his fingers on the bar. When Marsh pops his head up, Drum shakes his head, declining the offered beer. He’s still got his shot glass of top-shelf whisky half full. “I don’t like this. What if it’s bigger than you think? What if there are other girls there? The way you’re planning it, you could be stepping into something you can’t control.”
I know, I have thought about that. “Without being able to ask her, we can’t know what we’re walking into.”
“Can you get a bug on her, Mouse?”
“Jayden carry a purse?”
It seems a fair assumption to make. “What girl doesn’t?”
“How the fuck do I know what a young teenage girl does?”
Drum smirks and swings around. “Hey, Sam! You carry a purse when you were fourteen?”
“Where else would I have kept my tools, Drum? Yeah, sure I did.”
A number of brothers, not otherwise engaged, laugh. Dart yells out, “Bet it was big enough to carry a wrench!”
Ignoring the conversation behind me as various brothers suggest the contents Sam might have carried, I get back to the subject at hand. “I can contact Ella, see if she can slip something into Jayden’s purse. You got a bu
g I can give her?”
Mouse just looks at me as if I’ve said something stupid. Yeah, he’ll have some kind of micro device I can use. Before I can make more of a fucking fool of myself, I turn to Marsh and demand a beer. One corner of my mouth turns up as he rushes to serve me. I wait until he moves to the other end of the bar before turning to Drum.
Using my bottle to point at the prospect I ask, “When we patching him in?”
“At the next Friday church, unless something comes up.”
“We meeting in the morning?” With so much going on, it seems we’re coming to the table every fucking day.
“Yeah, feel we need to. I want to bring everyone in on what’s going down with your woman. You’ll need brothers behind you.” Fuck, that gets me, hearing the prez refer to her as that. Unlike the others, he doesn’t treat it as a joke. Not that he should, it took him less time to realise Sam was the one for him.
It warms me that I’m going to have the brothers at my back when I sort out Ella’s problem. Not that I wouldn’t have gone in alone if I’d had to. But having them having my six means we’ll be better able to deal with any situation we find.
When I’m back in my room, I ring Ella, telling her the latest and confirming Jayden does indeed have a purse to carry her phone. Road will be able to take the bug down to her in the morning, and while she’s not looking forward to seeing her sister while having to keep from her what she knows, Ella says she’ll make sure she’s gets a chance to plant the bug. She even goes so far as to joke she might take up a career as a spy seeing as I’ve given her so much practice.
Fuck, this woman gets to me. I go to sleep with a smile on my face.
Next morning, I go to the auto-shop close to the gates of our compound, and once again throw myself into my work, which has gotten well behind with everything else going on. I’m in the middle of stripping down an engine when Sam comes over. She stands watching me for a while.
I drop a wrench, made clumsy by her scrutiny. Lifting my eyes to hers, I want to find out what she wants. “What’s up?” Rising to my feet I wipe my dirty hands on a rag and then put it back in my pocket.
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