Bending, I lift Amy into my arms. “You go get some rest, Sam. You look like you need it. I’ll sort this one out.”
Sam’s hand touches mine and gives it a squeeze. “You’re a lifesaver.”
As she walks out the door, I’m not sure about that, but following instructions I put Amy in the tub, then get her out and dry her. Once she’s in her Disney nightie, I put her to bed. It’s a single, but there’s room enough for me to lie on top while she’s snuggling under the covers. I open the book and start to read.
There’s some pop-out shit, and Amy loves seeing the pictures of animals snap out as I turn the pages, so it’s natural to start making sounds. Soon she’s in fits of giggles and laughter, especially when I make a cow bark.
“Cows don’t bark.”
“Don’t they?” I act surprised, then neigh like a horse.
“Nope. They don’t do that.” She’s shaking her head so seriously, I bite back another laugh.
“What sound do they make then?”
She jumps up and sits astride me, her little face beaming. “They go mooo, silly.”
“Oh, I’m silly now, am I?”
Forgetting Sam’s instruction to keep her quiet, I tickle her. Soon she’s crying and begging me to stop, so I halt my torture.
With a child’s innocence she throws herself into my arms, kisses my cheek and cries out, “Love you, Marcia.”
“What the fuck?”
The loudly barked exclamation has my head turning to find a furious-looking Heart standing by the door. After a second he throws down one of his crutches, and balancing on the other, swings himself over to me. His hand bites into my arm.
“Amy, get yourself back into bed. I’ll come and see you in a minute.” His barely controlled anger makes his voice harsh, and I can see Amy’s lip trembling as she hurries to obey.
“It’s alright, sweetheart. Daddy’s not upset with you. He just wants to speak to me.” Leaning down I plant a kiss on her forehead and then am ripped away by that grip on my arm.
“Get in your room, now,” he growls.
Not wanting Amy to get distressed, I give her a confident smile, then do as instructed. Behind me I hear quiet murmuring, and can only hope he’s settling her down.
It’s not only the child that doesn’t understand his sudden burst of temper. I have absolutely no idea what I seem to have done wrong. I’m pacing my room when he comes in, shutting the door behind him.
He hisses, “You keep away from Amy, you hear? She’s my fuckin’ daughter, not yours.”
I don’t have a clue what he’s talking about. “Heart, I was just looking after her. You were delayed, and Sam had to get back to Eli. I was helping out is all.”
“It was more than that. You’ve been getting in tight with her all day! Teaching her to ride a bike, swim. All the things that I can’t fuckin’ do.” He comes in and looms over me, reaching out his hand and grasping my hair, pulling my head back. “You’ve been doing it on purpose, and it fuckin’ worked, didn’t it? I heard what she said to you.”
“Kids love everyone! Even I know that. She meant nothing by it, Heart. She’d probably tell any of the women, fuck, any of your brothers who put her to bed that she loved them.”
He lets me go so fast I almost lose my balance, but manage to recover it. Placing my hands on my hips, I glare at him.
“She said it to you. Bet you thought everything was going to plan.”
“Plan?” I shake my head, completely at a loss here. What am I supposed to be planning?
“Yeah, your plan.” He advances again. “You never told me, did you? That crucial fact that you can’t have kids.”
My eyes widen. It’s true, I never did. It didn’t come up, and it’s not something you casually drop into conversation with a friend. I’d only told the old ladies this afternoon, as the subject occurred naturally. That’s how he knows. “Heart, it’s not something you needed to know. I only told the old ladies—”
“And luckily they told me. And with all the other things I’ve heard, it’s all fallen into fuckin’ place.”
Bemused, I can only stare at him.
“You tried to get your hands on Amy while I was still in a fuckin’ coma. Wanted her off the compound. Now I reckon you want her for yourself. To make up for kids you can’t fuckin’ have.”
I gasp. He couldn’t be further from the truth. “You’re wrong—”
“I’m right. All the time you’ve befriended me it was because you had the hots for her. You never wanted to leave her in an Outlaw Motorcycle Gang, did you?” That he’s so angry is indicated by the way his voice, dripping with sarcasm, gives his club the name law enforcement use for it. “All those times you were getting close to me over the past months was to get to her.”
“Heart. What you’re saying is ridiculous. Next you’ll be saying I planted the bomb myself. Arranged for a drive by shooting.”
His eyebrows go up. “Well, did you?”
I throw my hands in the air. “Just listen to yourself, Heart. Yeah, of course I can make an explosive. Though obviously I’m not good enough as I cracked my skull and got burned in the process.”
“Just shows how fuckin’ incompetent you are.” If he was shouting at the top of his voice I’d understand it, but his tone is icy cold, which is worse. “Just like you’re only half a woman and unable to have a baby yourself.”
I slap his face. Hard.
He grins, but it’s not from amusement. “Caught you out, didn’t I, darlin’. Fucked up your plan now I know. I’ll make sure you’re not given a chance to get close to Amy or any of the babies while you’re here.”
“I’m not staying.”
“Oh yes you are. You’ll be staying until we get to the bottom of what you really want. If I was suspicious before about you wanting to bring down the club, I’m even more so now.” His face twists as if he can’t stand looking at me anymore, and then just as quickly as he arrived, he’s gone.
Forgetting his own instructions, he bangs my door closed, and then I hear a sound like an echo as he shuts his.
My hand covers my mouth to stifle a cry. He’s wrong. Totally wrong. How has he come up with a twisted story like this?
You’re only half a woman. His cruel words cause a sob to burst from my throat. It wasn’t just my whole family the accident had taken from me, but the chance to give birth to a new life, to start a family of my own. Half a woman. As though a dam bursts inside me, huge cries wrack my body, tears flooding down my cheeks and swelling my eyes. I fall to the floor and curl up into a ball, my body shuddering and shaking with grief. Letting it out worse than when the doctors had first pronounced my fate, mourning that I can’t, yearning for a chance that somehow I could be a whole woman.
Heart’s voiced my worst fears, that a man would see me for less than I am because of my inability to bear him a child. But to consider for one second that I’d wanted to remove a kid from a good home? It’s unbelievable. But obviously doesn’t seem so to the man in the next room.
It’s true all those months ago, when I first came onto the compound I was worried about Heart’s daughter, but only because I knew her unfit grandmother was trying to get custody, and I knew nothing about these bikers. But once I’d seen the love they had for the child, and had met Sam, her main caregiver, all my doubts disappeared. I would have reported a child being neglected, but that wasn’t the case with Amy.
During my conversations with Heart while he was on the road, I said everything I could to reunite father and daughter. How could he have forgotten? How the fuck did he come up with the thought that I had all of this planned?
By the time I stop crying, it’s dark and silent around. I pace my room, knowing the last thing I want to do is stay on the compound one moment longer. It would kill me to be kept isolated, with the women I grew friendly with today eyeing me suspiciously and keeping their children out of my way. Would anyone else think the same as him? Even if they didn’t, this is such a close band of men and women, they�
��d side with him and listen to whatever he had to say.
My fingers touch the side of my face which Amy had kissed, a spur-of-the-moment action along with those sweet words. I can’t see I’ve done anything wrong. I’m going to miss that kid.
I bundle together the amount of clothes I’ll be able to carry, constructing a makeshift bag from one of my sweatshirts. Making sure my phone’s charged, I slip that, my charger and my wallet into my pockets, and then sit to wait.
Bikers party until late. If I want to sneak out undetected, I need to wait until the early hours of the morning. At least with Heart’s door closed he won’t hear me go.
At four in the morning I tiptoe out of my suite, out of the main door to the bloc, and dressed in black, quietly walk down the road. Nothing stirs, all is silent.
A decision, the rat bike or the Kawasaki. I may forfeit the one I leave here. Deciding on speed, I take the tarpaulin off my 7/11, regretting I’ve not even a helmet with me. I won’t be breaking the law in Arizona, but it’s my personal preference to wear a lid to stay safe.
Knowing it’s the least of my worries, I wheel it to the gate.
“Where d’ya think you’re going?”
I didn’t expect anyone to be on guard. Turning, I notice a yawning prospect, the one called Hyde, who’s already gotten in trouble because of me.
What do I care about these bikers? The ones I now feel are keeping me prisoner rather than giving me protection.
I move closer, swaying my hips suggestively, his eyes focusing on my assets rather than my face. I hold out one hand and touch him on the chest. He’s taken unawares, not sure how to take my seductive routine. My other hand comes up the side of it and slices hard against the brachial nerve in his neck.
He falls unconscious at my feet.
Hoping I haven’t done him any permanent damage, I press the button that opens the gates, jump onto my bike and fly down that track as though the Satan’s Devils are behind me. Which they will be. That gate was alarmed.
Chapter Twenty-Five
Heart…
At some point in the night, the little minx must have crawled out of her bed and into mine. I wake to a small, warm body curled up against me, and a commotion going on outside. Easing away from her, I pick up the jeans laying discarded on the floor and slide my legs into them, then grabbing a crutch with one hand, I take my gun from my drawer with the other and leave the suite. The door to Marc’s is still closed.
Grimacing, I remember the words I’d spat at her last night, glad she seems to be sleeping, unlike me, who’d lain awake with our last conversation going around my head. Had I been right, or had my reaction been misplaced and over-the-top?
Shaking my head to clear it and focus on what the fuck’s going on, I go out the door. Brothers are running down from their suites, seemingly in confusion. Knowing I need to know what’s happened, but unwilling to leave my daughter, I wonder how the fuck I’m going to be able to find out while keeping her safe.
Before yesterday I’d have asked Marc…
“Heart! Is Amy in there?” Sam’s running down from the direction of Drummer’s house. At my nod, she continues after pausing to draw breath. “I’ll get her and take her up with Eli. You get to the clubhouse. Drummer wants you there.”
That solves my dilemma. With only a chin jerk to say thanks, I follow the direction my brothers have taken, arriving to find the clubhouse in an uproar. People all shouting at once, and a sheepish looking prospect sitting down rubbing his neck.
“Church! Now!”
I can’t remember ever having held church at this ungodly hour of the morning, but various words and phrases come to me as we obediently follow Drummer into the meeting room. I hear Marc’s name mentioned, along with various versions of ‘fuckin’ cop’ and promises that ‘Hyde’s done for this time’.
Marc. Isn’t she asleep in her room?
Chairs are pulled out noisily, asses drop into seats. Drummer’s banging the gavel, but it takes a moment for the exclamations to stop. When everyone quiets, I notice all eyes, including the prez’s death stare, are focused on me. Fuck.
“What in the name of God’s going on, Heart? What the fuck have you done?”
Me? What the fuck?
“Prez, I don’t know—”
“Your cop’s fuckin’ gone. Just left the compound. The gate opening set off the alarm.”
She’s gone?
“What I want to know is why,” Peg growls. “She learn something she’s gonna report?”
“She hasn’t been anywhere to learn fuck all.” Wraith’s rubbing his hands over his eyes. Finished, he directs them to me. “Unless you’ve said anything you shouldn’t.”
I shake my head. No, I didn’t tell her anything about our business. All I did was… Fuck. I lower my head into my hands. Everyone’s waiting for me to start speaking. “We had words last night. I went back, found her snuggled up with Amy. The kid told her she loved her. I lost it.”
“What the ever-lovin’-fuck? Kids say things like that all the time.”
“Jayden told me she loved me the other day,” Tongue chimes in.
“She better fuckin’ not,” Slick and Paladin say together.
Prez ignores them all. “How exactly did you lose it, Heart? What made her run? And what direction might you have pointed her in?”
Pushing back my hands with my hair, I gaze down at the table. Looking back up at him, I realise only the truth will do. I take a breath. “After our chat, Drum, I overheard Sandy and Carmen talking about Marc. They said it was a shame she couldn’t have kids of her own, and what a natural she was with them. Particularly Amy.”
Blade takes out his smokes. As he looks at me I see his brow creasing. “And that sent you off the fuckin’ deep end? Why?”
I look at Drummer. “Because you told me she’d already tried to get Amy off the compound. In church that’s what you said.”
If I’d thought I’d seen Drummer’s face looking thunderous before, it’s nothing compared to the expression there now. His hands hammer down on the table. “She was looking out for the kid. Trying to protect her from that bitch of a mother-in-law of yours. If I remember rightly, she was the one who said we should get her out of Tucson. Which we did, by taking her to Vegas. Fuck Heart, she didn’t want Amy for herself. She was trying to protect her!”
Yet in my fucked-up brain, at the time, my assumptions made sense. I stare back at him, realising I’ve got everything wrong. What’s at the root of it is that I overreacted because my daughter had told a woman who wasn’t Crystal that she loved her. Knowing how badly I fucked up, I admit the rest. “I told her she was only half a woman. That if she stayed I’d make sure all the kids were kept out of her way.”
“That’s fucked up man.” Unusually, Viper chimes in. “I’ve watched my ol’ lady, my wife, take years to come to terms with the fact she couldn’t have children. That’s a hard weight to carry, Brother. I’d have killed any fucker who suggested she wasn’t whole just for that. And in my case, it wasn’t even her fuckin’ fault.”
“Ella’s been worrying. She’s getting herself twisted in knots stressing about not falling pregnant.” Slick’s shaking his head. Suddenly he’s on his feet leaning over the table. “You know what, Heart? She can’t have kids? I’ll make her feel like the most loved and wanted woman in this fuckin’ world! Not half-a-fuckin’ woman.”
“Sit down, Slick,” Drummer roars. “And everyone else shut up. Heart’s fucked up and fucked up good. Now there’s a woman in the wind who we should be protecting.”
Slick’s still giving me a death stare of his own.
“I’ll go out looking for her.”
“You’ve fuckin’ done enough already, Heart.” The prez is looking at me and shaking his head as if he can’t believe how badly I’d behaved. “I let you bring her here because I thought the two of you were friends. We agreed to treat her as your ol’ lady to put her out-of-bounds of anyone else. Now she’s out there alone and possibly in danger.�
��
“I say we have to concentrate on the club, Prez. Can’t go running after her and leave ourselves wide open.”
“I hear you, VP, and that’s what I’m thinking.”
She’s gone, she’s hurting. She is probably in danger. And I ran her off.
“Yeah, Mouse?” Drummer’s eyes look sharp, despite his lack of sleep.
“I know where she is.” As all eyes flick to him, he continues, “I put a tracker in her phone. She’s at the precinct.”
“Knew it,” Lady starts, “you can’t trust a cop.”
Surprisingly, it’s Shooter who speaks up. “She’s gone to the only other place she can go for protection. Same as us. We’d run to our own.”
But it’s her own who may be the ones trying to kill her.
“What we gonna do about the fucker Hyde?” Peg seems to be changing the subject.
“If I have my way, he’d be out.”
“Slick. Put bygones behind ya, why don’t cha?” He gets a glare from the prez.
“Marcia’s a martial arts expert,” Peg drops in. “I had a chat with her in the gym. Hyde didn’t have a chance with that move she pulled. Especially as she took him unawares. She’s one smart cookie.”
“He still shouldn’t have let her get the drop on him,” Slick grumbles.
Prez is nodding. “You may well be right. So this is his last chance.” What? I’m not following. Looking around, others seem lost as well. “We know where she is, we put him on her. He sticks to her like fuckin’ glue.”
“Rather do it myself, Prez.”
“I told you, Heart. Apart from the fact you can’t fuckin’ walk, I’m not letting you near her. Right now, I suspect you’d do more damage than good.”
Fuck knows what I was thinking last night. Would I have been of the same mind today if she were still here? But understanding now how I’d touched on such a tender nerve, hit her albeit only with words in such a raw place, even if I’d wanted to, I’m not sure how I could make it up to her.
Beef yawns loudly, Prez notices. He picks up the gavel. “Right, you assholes, go catch up on your sleep, drag a sweet butt out of bed, or do what the fuck you want. Heart, you stay back for a moment. The rest of you, we’ll reconvene in the morning.”
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