“She’s pregnant?” My heart misses a beat.
Hyde shrugs. “Got all the signs. Don’t think she’s figured it out yet.”
While thinking it’s impossible—she can’t get pregnant—I’m out of my seat and have knocked Hyde out of his and onto the floor. I get one shot at his face before Peg grabs hold of my arm.
“What the fuck, Heart?”
Hyde’s rubbing his jaw, his eyes flaring with panic.
“He got her fuckin’ pregnant! That’s what!”
“What? Me? Heart, man, it’s not mine. I’ve never touched her.”
I can only see red and I don’t believe him. “You’re the one who’s been fuckin’ her.” I wrench my arm out of Peg’s hold just as Hyde gets to his feet.
He blocks my punch while screaming, “I’ve never fucked her!”
Now Peg’s got his strong arms around me. “Get out of here, Hyde.”
I struggle, but his arms are like a vice, and he only releases me when the prospect’s out of sight.
“Now are you going to calm the fuck down, Brother? What do you fuckin’ care if she’s pregnant or not? If you want my two cents’ worth, and your getting it anyway, Hyde’s got far too much respect for her to go there. You can see it. He doesn’t talk about her the way he would if he’d gotten up close and personal.”
Slowly my heart rate slows, but not back down to normal. Peg might be right. Hyde might not be in her bed every night. Or any night. Which means he can’t be the one who got her pregnant. Not unless there’s been someone else, someone who snuck in the house without Hyde noticing, which is extremely unlikely. She’d told me she hadn’t been with anyone since she’d come to Tucson, and she’s been here a year or so. However I try to avoid it, there’s only one answer I can come up with. The most likely person to have put a baby inside her… is me.
She told me she couldn’t get pregnant. She took my cum into her body unprotected. I feel my cheeks start to burn once again as I realise she must have fuckin’ lied.
I don’t turn to look at him, just straighten my shoulders and say, “I’m out of here, Peg.”
The autumn rain in my face goes unnoticed as I ride into Tucson, but it does some to cool my temper and to start me thinking rationally. Hyde might be wrong. She might simply be stressed out and tired. Even if he’d described the symptoms I remember Crystal having. She might not have lied, there could be something else wrong. First thing to do is check if Hyde’s on the money or not.
I stop off at a pharmacy and purchase a couple of pregnancy tests. It’s mid-afternoon, she’ll be at work. I’ll ring and tell Hyde I’ll be escorting her home today. I’ll tell him when I’m done, and he can go back to pick up the pieces. If she lied, there won’t be very much of her left. The stress of her job will be nothing to the trauma I’ll be leaving her with. Yeah, that’s what I’ll do.
Hyde rung, I go to the precinct. Fuck, if I’d been sensible, I’d have checked the time she clocks out, but I’ll hover here in case. It will be easy enough to keep that rat bike of hers in sight.
Well, it would have been easy if it was in the parking lot.
Another call to Hyde. “She tell you if she was going out today? Ok, yeah.”
Has she gone home early? If she’s been sick, she might. It’s a shorter ride to the new house she rented. I’ve not been here before, and immediately my practised eye is looking over the security arrangements. It doesn’t take long, there aren’t any. But there’s a closed garage, so maybe her bikes are in there.
Without being particularly hopeful, I knock on the door.
The eyes of the woman greeting me are already rimmed red, but that’s all I notice before pushing inside.
“Heart? Why are you here? Um, what are you doing?”
I take the tests out of my pocket and throw them at her. “Go do what you have to with these.”
Bending down, she picks them up and holds them as though I’ve asked her to handle a poisonous snake. “What the fuck are these?” She looks up at me as if I’ve drowned her cat.
“Hyde reckons your pregnant. Take the test and find out.”
She shakes her head and looks down at what she’s holding in her hands, then drops them on a side table like a hot grenade and backs away. Her eyes flit to the packages again and then back to meet mine.
With an almost imperceptible straightening of her shoulders, she says coldly, “I clearly remembering telling you…” Her hand goes to her head. “Actually, no. I didn’t tell you. I told someone else, and they shared my story. But you know, you fucking know, I can’t have kids.” Her voice, which had been quiet, gets louder. “I can’t fucking have kids,” she ends with a screech.
Then she’s moved toward me, her hands beating at my chest. “I can’t have children, Heart. How dare you come here and be so fucking cruel.” The unexpected force of her blows makes me take a step back. “I trusted you, Heart. All those months we were talking to each other, I let you in. Then you showed me who you really were that night before I left the compound.” Her eyes meet mine again, and I almost see sparks flying. “I never understood what you could have done to get you thrown out of the club, but now I understand. You’re a hateful excuse for a man. You’re a fucking bastard. I hate you. I hate you.”
I grab her hands and hold her captive. Her outburst, while surprising, hasn’t weakened my resolve. “Go take a test,” I say.
I’m holding onto her tight. She’s shaking her head, then huffs a strangled laugh. “And what will you do when you see it’s negative?”
“Leave,” I promise her.
“And,” she hiccups, “if it’s… if it’s positive?” I’ve never seen a woman have such difficulty getting words out. For a second I don’t know what I’m doing here or what I hope to get from today. I shouldn’t have taken any notice of what that fucker Hyde had to say. How does he know what he’s talking about? Why am I putting her through this pain?
I still haven’t answered her question, but I’ve only one thing I can say. “If it’s positive, I leave.”
“Well the sooner I do this the sooner I get you out of my hair.”
She picks up one of the packets and spends a moment reading it, her hand fisting and going to her mouth. Then, with her shoulders hunched as though I’ve physically beaten her, she walks away.
“Marcia,” I call. The time for nicknames has passed.
“What?”
“Make sure you pee on the stick.”
She pauses, there’s no fight left in her. “Wanna come watch?”
I trust her that far. “No.”
She’s back in a couple of minutes, leaving the wand on the side. She goes over and stands, looking out of the window, her hands wrapped around herself. When she starts talking, it takes me by surprise.
“You can’t know the times I’ve avoided going down the pregnancy aisle, knowing it will never be me taking those tests. You can’t know how I even avoid looking at contraception. Oh, I know well enough to use condoms for health reasons, well,” she half turns her head, but doesn’t actually look at me, “most of the time, anyway. But I knew I’d never have a pregnancy to prevent.
“It was hard being around the babies in the clubhouse, knowing I’d never be holding my own. But the old ladies, they were so friendly, and Sandy, Sandy helped. It helped to talk to someone who knew how I felt.
“But to be so cruel as to actually make me take the test where there can never be any hope inside. I’m never going to forgive you for that, Heart. Never.”
She’s talking from the depths of her soul. Every word she says, she believes. The truth as she knows it. The tone convincing me more than the words could ever do by themselves. Like a dagger piercing my side, a pain runs through me, recognising the damage and hurt I’ve caused her. A little action, peeing on a stick… means nothing to me. But it’s devastating for a woman who knows she can never have a child.
She’s right to hate me. I know there won’t be any way back, but suddenly I wish there were. M
y hatred and loathing for Hyde, suddenly dawning on me, is not because I’ve got anything against him, but it’s because he’s been here, where I want to be, with my old lady.
I pick up the unused tests and hide them in my pocket and then go to remove the evidence of the one she’d taken. I’ll leave nothing behind to cause her more pain. She’s got enough without the sight of the packaging making her feel worse. I pick up the stick with every intention of throwing it away but for some unknown reason my eyes fall on it. I freeze. I get out the box it came from and read the instructions myself.
“Marc,” I say, casually.
“What?”
“Hate to say this, darlin’, but I think you’re going to have to take another test.”
“Why?” She’s still gazing out the window at nothing.
Thinking quickly, I explain, “This one’s not showing anything. It couldn’t have worked.” I open up the second box and take out a different test. Walking over to her, I put it into her hand. “Take this one instead.”
The look she gives me would have destroyed me if I hadn’t been holding something in my other hand. Keeping emotion from my face, I curl her fingers around the new test. “Must have been a bad batch.”
“You just want to torment me.” But after one last pleading look, she disappears once again. This time for a little longer.
When she comes back, she puts the stick down once again. “You have no idea how hard it is to pee twice in quick succession.” Her indignant words almost make me laugh. I bite the side of my mouth to stop myself.
This time we wait in silence. While she was gone, I’d checked both the time and the instructions.
I pick it up and stand, looking at the result in silence. Her impassioned cries had gotten to me. Whatever this shows, she truly doesn’t believe she can get pregnant.
Which means what I’m looking at is a fucking miracle.
I go over to her and pass her the results, putting my arm around her waist. She stiffens and avoids looking at me. “Just leave, Heart. I’ve done what you wanted. Proved I’m not a liar.”
“But you are, babe.” I raise her hand, holding both the wands up. She turns away. “Look.”
At last, with a sigh that she’ll soon be rid of me, she does what I’ve asked. Her eyes look at one, and then at the other.
Thank fuck I’ve still got my arm around her, as she collapses in a dead faint.
Chapter Thirty
Heart…
“Doc, Marc’s just found out she’s pregnant and she’s fainted. She didn’t even know she could get pregnant. She fuckin’ freaked out. Could you come see her?”
“Yes,” I answer him, with my fingers pinching the bridge of my nose. “I know you’re only an Army medic. But you’ve got medical knowledge.”
“Yeah, yeah. I know you can dig out a bullet and stitch a wound. But my ol’ lady’s fainted.” I need help.
“The emergency room?” My hands brush back my hair. “Yeah, I should have thought of that.” Fucking stupid not to take her to the obvious place. I’m just so used to calling Doc for any and all medical treatment.
“Yeah, if there’s anything you can do I’ll let you know. Thanks, Doc.”
I ring another number. “Hyde, need you here, man. Bring a cage. Marc needs to go to the hospital.”
Pulling the phone away from my ear, I look at it in amazement. Fucking prospect’s swearing at me? “What the fuck? No. I did nothing to her. No, she’s not fuckin’ hurt. She fainted.”
“You threatening me, Prospect? Just get your ass here and I might forget you said that.”
Fucking prospect. Accusing me of beating her up. I didn’t, and never would, lay a hand on her.
She went out like a fucking light when she saw the results of the tests, scaring the shit out of me. She’s so still and unmoving. If it wasn’t that I can see her breathing, I’d be worried the shock had killed her. Such an adverse reaction, another pointer she was telling the truth. And there, in that flat stomach of hers, she’s incubating my baby and has been for two months.
Thank fuck, she’s starting to stir. I’m at her side in a flash. “Just lie still, sweetheart. Do you want some water or something?”
Her eyes are flitting one way then the other. “What happened?”
“You’ve fainted, darlin’. Didn’t fall or nothing, I had hold of you. Prospect’s bringing a cage so we can get you checked out.”
Her brow creases as if she’s trying to remember, and I see the moment she does. She sits up so sharply her head must start swimming as she cups it in her hands and groans.
“Stay still. You want anything? I’ll get it.”
She’s waving her hands toward my cut. “The tests. Give me the other tests.”
“You’ve already taken two, you won’t have enough pee for more.”
“I need to take them.” She sounds frantic.
I kneel in front of her, taking both of her hands in mine. “We’ll get you to the emergency room. Doctors will do the tests there. That way you can be certain.” I place my hand over her stomach. “But I know, I feel it. You’ve got my baby growing in there.”
Looking down at my hand, she places hers over it. “It’s impossible, Heart. I’m sorry. I don’t know why, but somehow the tests are showing a false positive. I’ve heard that can happen. Maybe I’ve got something wrong with me.”
“There’s nothing wrong with you. You’re going to have my child.” I don’t know why I’m so certain, I just am. Then the implications hit me. “Amy will have a brother or sister.” We haven’t spoken about a relationship, haven’t talked at all for two months, but I’m going to be right there beside her. Coming here today, seeing her again, has made me realise a piece of me has been missing. Our time apart caused by my anger had been fuelled by my reluctance to admit how much she means to me. I don’t want her to have crept into my heart, to have kicked that organ back into life, but somehow she has. It’s time now to man up and own it.
Resting my chin on the top of her head, my thoughts are whirling. How the fuck is this going to sort itself out? I’ll have to leave the club, or she’ll have to leave her job. One way or another, we will make this work. If she’s having my miracle baby, then something must have guided me that night. Before Crystal, I always gloved up. I could say I’d got out of the habit when she went on the pill, but it’s more than that. Fate, or…
For the first time I don’t feel like I’ve been punched in the gut, but instead I get a warm feeling when I think of the wife who I lost. Crystal, you guided me so fucking often, reckon you might have had a hand in this too. Bound me to the ideal woman to be my old lady. Today being the kick up the backside to make me realise exactly what I want.
Now I’ve just got to persuade her. But I’m in a good place. Everyone already knows she’s my old lady. I’ll kidnap her if I have to and take her back to the compound. But she’s a cop.
She’s softly crying. I put my arms around her and hold her close. “Will you come with me to the hospital? I don’t want to be alone when I find I’ve got cancer or something.”
I laugh quietly. “You haven’t got cancer, babe. You’re having my baby.” But she still won’t fucking believe it.
“This is one day I should never have gotten up.”
“Darlin’,” I gently raise her face, “I’m so fucking sorry I came in the way I did, for the things I said. I didn’t mean to hurt you. I wasn’t thinking this through.”
She grasps my cut with her hands and sniffles into it. “It’s not just you, Heart. I’m home early because I lost my job.”
What? I might not like her profession, but I know she was good at her job. Why would they let such a dedicated cop go? I want to hear everything that happened, but doubt now’s the right time, so I settle for a few inadequate words. “I’m so sorry, Marc. So damn fuckin’ sorry.”
I hear a truck pull up. Before I can get up to open the door, Hyde lets himself in. The fucker’s got a key? His eyes go to Marc, and he sees she’s b
een crying. He pulls back his shoulders and prepares to square up to me. Oh fuck, not again. Before he can make an attack, I sweep Marc up into my arms, making her give a startled gasp.
“We’ll talk about this later,” I warn him. “For now, let’s get her checked out.”
Marc’s prodded and poked, made to pee again, and has blood taken. She explains to anyone who comes near her she can’t be having a baby, and to test for whatever else it could be. Eventually, a doctor appears.
“Hmm.” Doctor Cassidy is a middle-aged woman. She has a glint of humour in her eyes as she regards the woman sitting next to me, who’s biting her nails. She nods slowly, then smiles. “Marcia, you are definitely pregnant.”
Marc goes still, the blood rushing from her face, leaving her looking so white I’m worried she might faint again. The doctor must be concerned too, as she immediately stands and gets her a drink of water before sitting back down and asking in a concerned tone, “Are you alright?”
“Yes, no. I don’t know. I can’t be.” As alternating expressions of confusion and joy come over her face, I pat Marc’s hand, and as the doctor meets my eyes, we exchange amused glances.
“I take it this is good news to you both.”
A few hours ago my answer would have been different. Now I beam and answer what I hope is true for us both. “Yes.”
She studies Marc carefully, picking up a pen and rolling it through her fingers. “Okay, so this is what we do. I can see you still need some convincing, Marcia, so I’d like to do an internal ultrasound in a moment. But first, please tell me why you were so certain it was impossible?”
I watch as she gives herself a little shake and tries to pull herself together. Again I reach for her hand, this time to squeeze it, knowing it’s still hard for her to talk about, especially after this already emotional day. After clearing her throat she begins. “I was in a bad car accident, eight years ago. A piece of metal pierced me, here.” She points to her lower stomach where I already know she has scarring. “It ripped across and caused internal injuries.” Marc stops and gasps. “If I’m pregnant, what if I can’t carry a baby to term?”
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