by Jackie Lau
“You’re already doing a pretty good job of supplying me with durian.”
He pulls my chair toward him and lifts his hand to—
“Peter So! Is that you?”
I turn and see a pretty woman with light brown skin. She’s hurrying down the sidewalk toward us—well, toward Peter.
“Deepti.” He stands up, and they embrace when she reaches our table. “How are you? It’s been five years, maybe more?” He smiles at her. “I heard you were called to the bar.”
She takes a seat next to him. “Yes, and now I’m working seventy-hour weeks. Today is unusual—I’m off work at five thirty.”
Is Peter going to introduce us? I—
“This is Valerie.” He gestures toward me. “My girlfriend. Valerie, this is Deepti. We used to date back in undergrad.”
An ex! I’m immediately on high alert. Maybe she’s still interested in him. I sneak a peek at my boyfriend—he does look good. I wouldn’t blame her.
Then I notice the ring on her finger. It’s freaking gigantic and glitters in the sun.
Peter notices, too. “You’re engaged!”
“I am.”
“Congratulations. When’s the big day?”
“Next summer. My mother is driving me crazy with wedding planning.”
While they discuss the wedding, I study Deepti. She’s wearing a navy trench coat with a gray skirt suit underneath. Her black shoes are perfectly polished. Her look is kept from being too staid by the colorful scarf around her neck. She’s the picture of sophistication, whereas I’m...well. Me.
When I try to tune back into the conversation, Deepti is looking at me expectantly.
“Uh, sorry. Did you say something?”
“How long have you two been together?” she asks.
“Oh, not long.”
“We met because she spilled durian ice cream all over me,” Peter says.
“Durian!” Deepti bursts into laughter. “Remember when—”
“How could I forget?”
They’re sharing some kind of private joke about durian, and I feel left out, but Peter isn’t showing any interest in Deepti. They’re just old friends catching up. It would be foolish to be jealous.
“How’s your family?” he asks.
“We’re doing well. My sister just finished her degree in biology at Guelph.”
Peter shakes his head. “I still think of her as twelve. I can’t imagine her with a degree.”
“What about you? What are you up to these days?”
“Landscaping. Nothing too exciting, just living life.” He smiles. It’s the smile of someone who’s content with what he has and where he is in life, even if it’s nothing exciting.
I wonder what that would be like.
I thought I had everything I wanted, but that’s a distant memory now, and as it turned out, I was actually pretty clueless.
Peter isn’t clueless, though. He’s just an easygoing, happy guy.
He squeezes my leg under the table and winks at me. There’s a gorgeous, sophisticated woman sitting next to him, but I can’t doubt his devotion.
There has to be something wrong with him.
The thought pops into my head again. I can’t shake it.
And I have the perfect source right in front of me.
“Deepti,” I say, “can I talk to you for a minute?”
She looks puzzled but follows me into Ginger Scoops. I lead her to a table by the window and glance outside at Peter, who’s drinking his coffee. He waves at me before turning to look at the sidewalk, though he must be wondering what the hell is going on.
“What’s up?” Deepti asks.
I get right to the point. “Tell me the truth. What’s wrong with Peter?”
She furrows her brow. “Nothing’s wrong with him.”
“Why’d you break up?”
“I didn’t love him enough. He’s a great guy, but there wasn’t enough spark, you know? You have no reason to be jealous.”
“I know, I know.” I shake my head. “There is enough spark between us, it’s just... I can’t shake the feeling that this is too good to be true.”
My God, I’m really doing this. I hardly know Deepti, yet I’m bombarding her with my insecurities.
“If you had to pick,” I say, “what’s Peter’s greatest flaw?”
“Alright. Let me tell you...”
I lean forward. Okay, this is it.
“He doesn’t have much ambition,” she says.
“What?”
“It used to bother me that I had all these plans for the future, and he was more of a go-with-the-flow kind of guy. Not that he’s lazy. He’s not afraid of a little work. But I had big dreams, and he didn’t. Unless he’s changed, but I don’t think he has.”
“Oh.”
It’s not the big reveal I was hoping for.
In fact, I realize this is one of the things I like about Peter. He doesn’t work so hard that he forgets to enjoy himself, forgets to stop and smell the roses. He has time for me, his friends, his family.
Whereas I could be pretty intense back at my old job and when I was in university.
And Stephen was ambitious, and he was using me to get what he wanted in life. I’d help him with his apps and give him advice for his nine-to-five job, too. I did a lot of things for him, yet he spoke as though these apps were all his own creation. Never acknowledged how much was my doing. A story that’s repeated itself over and over in history—a woman spends lots of time helping a man with his work, and he gets all the credit.
So it’s actually nice to be with someone who I know won’t use me in his career. Who won’t get so wrapped up in his job that he’ll forget about my existence for a week or more.
Peter might not be the ideal partner for someone like Deepti, but he is for me.
“Valerie?” she says. “Are you okay?”
“I’m sorry,” I whisper. “You only just met me, and I know I’m acting like a weirdo. But I was in a terrible relationship before, and that’s my only experience with relationships. Peter is so good to me, but I can’t help thinking that I must be missing something obvious, like last time. Or he’s keeping secrets from me or...I don’t know.”
“Peter and I were together for over a year,” Deepti says. “Trust me, what you see is what you get. He’s a good guy.”
I blow out a breath. I’m a bit relieved, but I still can’t feel completely at ease.
“He was my first boyfriend,” she continues, “and I remember him fondly. He was a good starter boyfriend.”
I manage a chuckle. “Starter boyfriend?”
“I’m lucky. I had a good first relationship, and every man I dated afterward, I compared to Peter. When they didn’t treat me as well as he had, I knew I could do better, and those guys never lasted long. For a while, I worried that I’d let go of the best guy who’d ever love me, but then I met Kris, and we’re a better fit than Peter and I ever were. I can imagine it’s hard for you, but you can trust him.”
Deepti has been so nice to tell me as much as she has. I turn toward the counter. “Chloe?”
“Yep?”
“Get something for Deepti, whatever she wants.”
“No, no,” Deepti says. “It’s not necessary.”
“I work here,” I say. “I can do whatever I want. Right, Chloe?”
“Of course.”
“The durian ice cream is my favorite, but I know it’s not everyone’s thing. We have a mango-black sesame swirl for Halloween. The Vietnamese coffee and ginger are probably our most popular flavors.”
“Well,” Deepti says, “I wouldn’t say no to Vietnamese coffee ice cream. Just a small cone.”
“No problem.” Chloe starts scooping out the ice cream as Deepti and I stand up.
“What’s the story with you and Peter and durian?” I ask Deepti.
“Oh.” There’s a faint blush on her cheeks. “Alright, I’ll tell you.”
“If it’s embarrassing, you don’t have to.”
“No, it’s okay. It’s a good story. The first time Peter and I planned to have sex, he had a romantic night planned. After a nice dinner—well, what qualifies as nice when you’re eighteen—we were making out in his dorm room, and there was a strange smell. Like natural gas. It was awful, and it started to turn me off. Not exactly the height of romance, you know? Then the fire alarm went off, and we were outside for an hour in the middle of January, until the firemen discovered it wasn’t a gas leak, but a durian.”
“Wow. That’s quite the story.”
“It is.” Chloe hands Deepti her ice cream cone.
“Thank you for, uh, reassuring me,” I say.
“No problem,” Deepti says kindly. “I get it. Women have to look out for each other.”
I wouldn’t have blamed her if she hadn’t reacted well to me dragging her into the ice cream shop and asking her questions, but she’s been so cool about this.
She waves at me as she steps out the door.
Chloe turns to me. “Did you get the information you wanted? She’s Peter’s ex, I gather.”
“Yeah. She told me that he’s a good person.”
“But...”
“Why do you think there’s a ‘but’?”
“You don’t look like someone who just got positive news.”
“It still seems too good to be true,” I whisper.
“Oh, Valerie.”
I go outside to meet Peter, and he smiles at me, but it doesn’t meet his eyes.
I feel guilty for doubting him, but I can’t help it.
Chapter 24
Peter
I don’t ask Valerie what she said to Deepti. I already have a pretty good idea.
My girlfriend has doubts about my character. She saw an opportunity to question someone whom she figured would give her an honest answer, and she took it.
Judging by Valerie’s expression, Deepti didn’t say anything bad about me. I wouldn’t have expected her to.
I hate that Valerie doesn’t seem to trust me as much as I thought she did. I want to snap at her, ask her what I did to deserve this when I think I’ve been the perfect boyfriend.
But I know it’s not about me.
After everything that happened last year, she can’t help her suspicions, and it breaks my heart to think about what she’s been through.
I have to give her more time, but what if this doesn’t work out, just like all my other relationships? Valerie is special, and I know she’s the right woman for me...and I would hope that means we can make this work. That it will be different from what I’ve had in the past.
But what if it isn’t? What if this, too, comes to an end?
What if she decides it isn’t worth it? What if she can never completely trust me?
I’ve had many break-ups. I know how much they can suck...and I think this would be the worst one yet.
For now, I’ll try to be patient and hope that she comes around. Hope that soon I can say “I love you,” and know she’s prepared to hear it. Usually, I’m good at being patient, but it’s hard when I want something so much.
We walk around the city for an hour, holding hands, occasionally making conversation.
I don’t want this to be temporary. I want it to be my future.
Chapter 25
Valerie
It’s Friday night, and once again, I’m waiting for my mother to come home from playing mahjong with her friends.
But this time, I don’t feel pathetic for getting home before my mother. I’ve been more social lately, hanging out with Peter on a regular basis. In fact, I was out until nearly one tonight.
And now it’s two.
Hmm. If Mom keeps this up, she might get another parking ticket.
I’m trying to read as I drink a cup of tea, but my gaze keep straying to the kirigami swan card that I’m using as a bookmark. I read over the message. I like when we’re together.
After I finished work, Peter and I went out for a late dinner at the bar with the decadent chocolate cake—which we had again, of course—and danced to the live band. And kissed in Graffiti Alley. I like that we have “our” places now.
Still, doubts continue to crowd my head.
There has to be something wrong with him.
No, you’re just being paranoid!
All men are assholes.
Not all men!
Ugh, the voices in my head are so annoying.
The front door opens.
“Valerie!” my mother shouts.
I head to the front hall. “Stop screaming. You’ll wake Dad and Sabrina.”
“I don’t care!”
“Are you drunk? Was someone slipping brandy into the tea?”
“Wah, silly girl! I do not drink and drive. No, it’s Peter! You won’t believe what Daphne told me.” Mom tugs off her shoes and puts on her slippers before heading to the kitchen. “He has been lying to you all along.”
I feel a bizarre kind of relief. I was right to be suspicious.
Sabrina hurries downstairs in her pajamas. “What’s wrong?”
“Your sister’s boyfriend!” Mom says. “I should have known.”
“Peter?”
“Yes, Peter,” I snap. “The guy you were ogling at Thanksgiving.”
At least Sabrina has the decency to look embarrassed.
Not that it matters. Because Peter has been lying to me.
“What is it, Mom?” I ask.
Unfortunately, she insists on putting on the kettle and taking out some cookies before she’ll say anything.
By the time she sits down at the table with me and Sabrina, I’m practically shaking. I can’t stand this anymore. I need to know what my boyfriend did.
“You know Daphne’s niece, Justine?” Mom says.
“Yes,” I say impatiently.
“She went to med school and graduated in the same year as Peter claimed he did. But Justine is certain there was no Peter in her year, and she looked up ‘Peter So’ on Facebook and found your handsome Peter. He is not a pediatrician. He’s in landscaping!”
Oh.
Well, that was rather anticlimactic.
“I know,” I sigh.
“You know?”
“Yeah.” I might as well tell the truth now. It has to happen at some point. “I told Peter to pretend he was a doctor so you’d like him. In fact, the night you got a parking ticket—”
“That law is such garbage!”
“—was the first time I mentioned having a boyfriend, if you remember. Auntie Minnie didn’t think I was good enough for Kent Lo, and I wanted to show you that I could get a guy you respected. So I made up a pediatrician named Peter, and when I met a guy named Peter at Ginger Scoops, I thought I’d take the lie a little further and ask him to be my fake boyfriend.”
God, this makes me sound like a loon.
“Wait a minute,” Mom says. “Peter is not actually your boyfriend?”
“He is now.”
“I am getting a headache.”
“Maybe you shouldn’t stay out until two in the morning playing mahjong.”
“Maybe my daughters shouldn’t make my life so difficult.”
“Hey,” Sabrina says. “What did I do? This is all Valerie.”
“You are majoring in English and film studies!”
“Right, right, I forgot that’s a sin.”
“Peter majored in English, too,” I say.
“I liked him better when he was a doctor.” Mom sniffs.
“He was never a doctor.”
“But I didn’t know that! You are serious, Valerie? You knew the truth all along and were lying to your poor, beleaguered mother?”
“You are not poor and beleaguered. And yes, I knew the truth all along. It was my idea, like I said.”
The water boils, and my mother gets up to make a cup of tea. Sabrina and I watch in horrified fascination as she grabs a small bottle of brandy from behind the cornstarch and pours a generous amount into her cup.
“I think that
will hide the flavor of the tea,” I say.
“I don’t care! Wah, I can’t believe this. I was so proud of my daughter for landing a handsome pediatrician, and it was all a lie.”
“Does it really matter?” I ask. “Who cares if he’s a doctor? He treats me well. Why are you so concerned about appearances?”
She clucks her tongue. “You think making people’s gardens pretty is just as good as saving lives?”
“Enough!” I howl. “Not everyone can be a doctor—or even a doctor of rocks.”
“What’s going on down here?”
It’s my father, standing in the doorway to the kitchen.
“Peter isn’t a doctor!” Mom shouts.
“I know,” Dad says.
“What?”
“I looked him up online after he came over for Thanksgiving.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
“Because I wanted to avoid this?” He gestures feebly.
“Did you know that Valerie knew the truth?”
“No...”
“You thought your own daughter might be dating a liar, and you didn’t say anything? Aiyah! What is wrong with you? I came home and immediately told Valerie!”
“And woke me up!”
“Ah, your precious sleep. It’s always about your precious sleep...”
Sabrina and I look at each other and silently agree to get out from the middle of the argument. We tiptoe upstairs, although why the hell we’re tiptoeing, I have no idea. It’s two thirty in the morning, but everyone’s awake.
At the top of the stairs, Sabrina gives me a hug. I stand there for a moment in surprise before hugging her back—my family isn’t the touchy-feely sort.
“I can’t believe it,” she says. “You had a fake boyfriend! That’s so cool.”
I’m flummoxed that my sister considers this “cool” rather than “pathetic,” but I’ll take it.
“You always seemed, well...rather boring,” she continues.
“You could have stopped talking after you called me cool.”
She grins. “It’s just like To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before! Remember we watched that together? You secretly enjoyed it, even though you pretended otherwise. Why do you pretend not to like romance and things that are considered feminine? Was it a way of trying to fit in in your male-dominated profession?” Before I can answer, she says, “Ooh, is that why you named your fake boyfriend ‘Peter’? After the guy in the movie?”
