“Bark bark bark bark!” go the muttbarkers as they run about in all directions trying to escape. The muttbarkers are really afraid of wild pumpkins, but the pumpkins can’t run very fast and the muttbarkers always get away from them.
* * *
After sending off his pictures Raggedydax started back to the playground. No one was there when he arrived, but after a while he saw a little girl coming along the path. She'd been to the kiosk for a pie and some fruit juice, and was eating and drinking as she came closer. Then, on reaching where the little robot was standing, she stuffed the empty pie bag and drink container into Raggedydax's mouth!
“PLEAAH!” shouted Raggedydax as he spat them out. “Could you please put your rubbish in a litter bin?”
The little girl nearly fell over in amazement. “A talking litter bin!” she exclaimed. “WOW! How cool is that?!!
“I'm sorry,” said Raggedydax. “but I am not a litter bin at all. I am actually a robot.”
The little girl was even more amazed. “This is just SO - WICKED!” she said. “I can't wait to tell my friends! …And so what do they call you, Mr talking robot litterbin-thing, 'XG-45' or something?”
“I am not a robot-litterbin! I'm a robot! A find-outerer robot! And my name is Raggedydax!
“Yeah, riiiiight,” replied the girl. “And I'm the Tooth Fairy. I mean that’s just about the wildest wackiest story I’ve ever heard! …and you expect me to believe it?!!”
“But it's true,” wailed Raggedydax. “I can't tell lies! I'm a robot!”
“—Which is what you were programmed to say, of course. But that's cool. And you were made to look like a litter bin so you wouldn't be noticed, right?”
“NO. It seems I just look like one of your litter bins. But like I said, Miss Toothfairy, I'm a robot.”
“Okay then,” said the girl. “If you're really a find-outerer robot from this Mudpuddle place, then how did you get here?”
“It's Mugglepuddle if you don't mind. And I was brought here by my friends in their flying saucer. Jamjar Stickwiggle and Dinkle MacFloon are their names. They left me here to find out things – you know, about the planet Earth. I've been very busy this morning, too, and found out all sorts of things. Now I'm waiting for them to come back and pick me up.
“I have to say though, Miss Toothfairy, you sure do have a crazy mixed-up planet here.”
“Well DER, Mr Raggedydax,” said the girl. “I could have told you that. But okay, let's pretend that you really are a find-outerer robot. My brother has hidden my Barbie Doll somewhere. Let's see if you can find out where it is.
Raggedydax closed his eyes for a couple of seconds. At the same time his antennae sprang up straight and his inside workings went click click pop breedle breedle beep beep ding! …after which he opened his eyes and said: “Your Barbie doll is in the laundry basket.”
“Yeah right. How could you know that?” asked the girl.
“Trust me. Your Barbie is in the bottom of the laundry basket, stuffed into one of your dad's socks.
“Gee, thanks!” the girl shouted, and she ran back along the path as fast as she could go.
Raggedydax then spent the rest of the day watching the children in the playground and listening to the adults as they walked by. Everyone thought he was a new litterbin, though anyone who tried to put rubbish in his mouth found it shut tight.
“I'm going to complain to the park manager,” said one man. “This litterbin needs emptying. It is so full of rubbish that it's jammed tight!”
* * *
Early the next morning, Raggedydax was resting peacefully in Standby Mode when he was suddenly stung by a rubber band. Then a couple more buzzed by like angry hornets and another stung him again!
“Oww!” he yelped. “Owch! Come out from behind those bushes, whoever you are! And stop shooting rubber bands at me!”
“So it's true,” said a little boy as he came out from his hiding place. “I thought my sister was going mental when she told me this story about a talking robot-litterbin at the playground. Slaggedy-bag or something she reckoned it was calling itself, and that it was waiting to be collected by a couple of aliens called Dangle and Jam-tin … in a flying saucer!”
“Firstly, if you don't mind, my name is Raggedydax,” the robot explained crossly, “and secondly, I don't know how many times I've had to say this, but I am NOT - A - LITTERBIN!
“Okay. So your name is Raggedydax and you're not a litterbin. I get the picture.”
“And what is your name pray tell? …if it's not a personal secret.”
“Puddeny Tame,” replied the little boy. “Ask me again and I'll tell you the same.”
“And why were you shooting rubber bands at me?”
“Because you told my sister where I'd hidden her stupid doll. What I don't understand, though, is how you knew where to find it.”
“Didn't she tell you? Finding out things is my job, and that includes finding out where things are hidden. I'm a Special Findouterer Robot, see. I find out stuff.”
“Okay; so what about this flying saucer business? Do you really have friends in a flying saucer who are coming to pick you up?”
“Well, that's what they told me.”
“Wow! I wish I had friends in a flying saucer coming to pick me up. That would be so amazingly cool. I reckon my whole class would just totally faint with envy at our next show-and-tell. So when are they coming for you? And HEY! You reckon I could come too?!!”
“I umm… Well, no. Probably not.” muttered Raggedydax. “See the problem is, there's no more seats. And they didn't, like … say exactly when they might be coming back.”
“So what are you going to do then?”
“Wait here pretending to be a litterbin, I suppose,” muttered the robot. “What else can I do?”
Just then the boy took a bite from something he'd been holding in his other hand.
“What is that you are eating, Mr Puddeny Tame?” Raggedydax asked.
“It’s a baked bean sandwich,” replied the boy. “I really like baked beans, only baked bean sandwiches make me fart, so whenever I have some my Mum makes me play outside.”
“May I have a taste of your baked beans, please?” asked Raggedydax, so Puddeny Tame put a couple in the robot's mouth.
“Fargle nuts!” yelled Raggedydax. “The best fargle nuts I have ever tasted!”
“Yeah. Fargle nuts,” the boy replied. “That's what my Grandad calls them. But I'll have to leave you now, Mister Slaggedy-bag, because we're going to a surf carnival somewhere. I'll check when we get back to see if you're still here.
“That’s Raggedydax, if you recall,” the robot replied. “And I wish you didn’t have to go, because now I’ll be all alone again.”
“No you won't,” said the boy. “Some other kids will come along for you to make friends with.” And with that he ran back along the path and disappeared around the bend.
So here I am once more, the robot thought sadly. All by myself again, waiting and waiting and waiting for Dinkle and Jamjar to come back and get me. I hope they won’t be too much longer. Maybe if I submerged myself in the quack pond and rusted for a while the time would pass more quickly.
But Raggedydax didn't jump into the duck pond. And being totally waterproof and made of Supertuff Plastibond steel he wouldn't have rusted anyway, even if he'd stayed there for a hundred years. Instead he powered-down his primary circuit board and all of his find-outerer detecting systems – which, for a super-advanced Grade-two Find-outerer Robot, was a bit like going off to sleep.
* * *
The next morning, in the darkness which comes before the early twilight, way before the birds began twittering and long before anyone was moving around, Dinkle and Jamjar's flying saucer came gliding down from space again, to where it landed in the park by the playground swings – again without any lights and so quietly that even Raggedydax missed hearing it come.
Nothing happened for quite a
while after that, because inside the flying saucer Dinkle and Jamjar were arguing again over whose turn it was to push the big yellow button. This was their favourite button, for when it was pushed a whole lot of different coloured lights would start flashing and a 'beep-beep-beeping' sound would come until the loading ramp's hatch-door had opened properly or had shut tight. The only problem was, whoever pushed the big yellow button then had to wait until the time after next before it was their turn to push it again.
By the time they'd decided it was Jamjar's turn the sky outside was beginning lighten. Jamjar wasn't happy about this and so only held the button down long enough to crack open the loading ramp's hatch-door, just wide enough to let him see outside. He then got down on the floor to check if they were in the right place and if Raggedydax was there waiting for them.
“Let me look too,” said Dinkle, as he tried to push in. Then the two started pushing and shoving each other as they tried to see outside at the same time.
“Give me some room,” growled Jamjar. “All I can see is a big fat pink ear.”
“My ears are not fat,” Dinkle protested. “So are we in the right place?”
“I think so,” muttered Jamjar. “I can see the Do Not Feed The Ducks sign.”
Just then Dinkle's foot accidentally touched the big red FIRE EMERGENCY button. It sent the hatch-door flying open and the loading ramp crashing to the ground.
Down the ramp the two of them tumbled, foot over ears, right to the bottom and across the grass to where Raggedydax The Robot was standing by the path.
“…We're umm … here to take you back to Mugglepuddle,” said Jamjar, pretending nothing out of the ordinary had happened and that he wasn't the slightest bit embarrassed as this was something they did quite often. He picked himself up and brushed off bits of grass.
Dinkle did the same. “That's right,” he said. “We got your text message and the wild pumpkins pictures and decided to come straight back for you.”
“Yes,” added Jamjar. “As quick as we could. This Planet Earth place is too mixed up for our liking, Mr Raggedydax. Let's get back to the flying saucer before anyone sees us.”
And so the three of them hurried back to the flying saucer and up the loading ramp as fast as their two big round feet and a dozen or so small robot wheels would take them.
Once safely inside, Dinkle and Jamjar started arguing again about whose turn it was to push the big yellow button. But Raggedydax was in a hurry to get going, so he went straight over to it and pressed it himself, with his built-in telescopic "button-push" tool. Then all three went up to the flight deck. Dinkle and Jamjar sat down in their seats and fastened their seat belts, while Raggedydax locked himself into his battery charging dock.
And then, with everything ready and set, Jamjar pushed the big purple GO! button that started their Magic Whizzmatic Lego and Rubber Band Hyperspace-drive Engine, and with just the faintest of faint whispering sounds the three were on their way back to the planet of Mugglepuddle, way over on the other side of the Milky Way Galaxy ... where they arrived just as Dinkle and Jamjar's mothers were getting ready to dish out their dinners.
“…And where might I ask is the rest of your Lego, my lad?” Jamjar's mother enquired as he sat up to the table. “That Lego was a special gift from Grandma Stickwiggle and you'll not be having any supper until it's all back in the box where it belongs!”
Meanwhile, in the house next door, Mrs MacFloon was asking Dinkle the same sort of question. “Just who do you think you are, Dinkle MacFloon?” she demanded, “taking all my rubber bands like that. I'm telling you now young man: there'll be nothing for you until they are all back in the drawer where they belong. Those are my special rubber bands and I'll not have you using them to make silly toys!”
* * *
Old Mr Grundle was up early that morning – back on Planet Earth. He was the Happy Days Holiday Park gardener, the one who looked after all the trees and flowers and lawns there, and raked up all the leaves.
His ancient dog Hercules often helped by spreading the whole lot out again, though when he wasn't helping with the leaves he was usually asleep on Mr Grundle's front porch. Hercules never woke before nine o'clock, but on this particular morning he was barking his brains out even before the sun came up.
Rubbing the sleep from his eyes, old Mr Grundle had hobbled out to the porch to see what all the commotion was about. “Gosh-sh-sh, Hercules-s-s,” he said in his wobbly old voice, “That looks like a flying-ING SAUCER!!!”
But when he put on his glasses to see better it was gone.
THE END
Raggedydax The Robot Comes To Planet Earth Page 2
