Finding Me

by Stella Rainbow

  Charlie’s eyes widened in surprise before I felt their lips spread wide in a smile against mine. I raised a brow at them and they replied by closing the distance between our lips and taking mine in a sweet, explorative kiss as their tongue traced my lips. They pulled me closer and I gripped their waist tightly as I kissed them and damn, I’d never kissed like this before. Every nerve ending was on fire and my heart was thundering in my chest. I’d never felt so much while kissing before and I never wanted to stop.

  A tap on my shoulder pulled me out of my kiss-drunk haze and I broke away to glare at Misty, who stood behind me with raised brows.

  ‘No making out in my shop,’ she signed, her lips pressed into a thin line that I suspected was mostly so she wouldn’t smile.

  ‘But they look so sexy. I couldn’t resist.’ I knew I was pouting, but I was very annoyed with her for having interrupted the best kiss of my life and I felt like I deserved to pout a bit about it.

  Charlie’s face was bright red with embarrassment and I leaned up to press a kiss on their chin just because I could. And also because they looked damn adorable while blushing. I knew there was a ‘talk’ to be had, but after that kiss, there was no denying that we had chemistry and I really wanted to try.

  ‘Well, they do look sexy, so why don’t you buy that outfit and then make out somewhere else?’ She offered and I grinned at her.

  ‘Sure thing, ma’am.’

  “Come on, lets try out all the other clothes so we can get out of here soon,” I said and Charlie nodded enthusiastically, their brown curls bouncing as they stepped back into the changing room.

  Damn, I couldn’t wait to kiss them again.

  The dinner at Luke’s was awesome. As always, I loved Scott’s Spaghetti Carbonara and Charlie promised to make me some later in the week if I wanted. Having them as a friend—and hopefully more—was proving to be more and more beneficial for me. We didn’t stay too long since we’d been tired after spending all day shopping, so after hanging out with the two lovebirds for a few hours, we left them with a promise to see them soon.

  Now, as I lay in bed, I couldn’t stop thinking about Charlie. About the moment right before I’d left them on their doorstep when all I’d wanted to do was pull them closer and kiss them again. The kiss at the store had been pure instinct. I’d seen Charlie looking all gorgeous and I’d just had to kiss them. There had been no thinking, no moment of uncertainty.

  I wouldn’t deny that I had found them attractive ever since I’d first seen them in my café all those weeks ago. But after spending time with them, after getting to know them better, I’d realized that they needed a friend a lot more than they needed a boyfriend. Which was why I’d put my attraction to them out of my mind. Or at least, I’d tried to. It wasn’t like I wasn’t used to not getting what I wanted.

  But now, after that kiss we’d shared, I couldn’t stop thinking about it. About them. The way they’d let me take over, let me kiss them the way I’d wanted to. Could they really want the same thing I did? Or had it been a fluke? Maybe they’d let me lead because I was the one who had initiated the kiss and they’d been too surprised to take over.

  Where did this leave us, then? We hadn’t really talked about the kiss. It had almost seemed like Charlie had intentionally avoided thinking about it or talking to me. Would Charlie want to explore this, whatever this was? Or would they want to go back to how things were and forget that it ever happened?

  “What do you think, Cherry? Would Charlie want to date your daddy?”

  Cherry looked at me with her big, brown eyes before flopping onto her back and giving me her patent rub my belly look. I followed the command, the questions in my mind quieting down a bit as I lost myself in the familiar, soothing gesture.

  The ringing of my phone pulled me out of my belly rub trance and I reached over to grab my phone from the bedside table. My eyes widened when I saw Charlie’s name flashing on the screen and I quickly hit answer.

  “Charlie?”

  “Did you mean it?” Their voice was soft and slightly muffled, making me wonder if they were snuggled up in bed.

  “Mean what?” I asked, even though I was pretty sure I knew exactly what they were talking about.

  Charlie made an impatient, huffing sound and it made me smile as I snuggled into Cherry, pulling her closer as I waited for them to speak. “The kiss,” they said, their voice even softer than before and the vulnerability I could hear so fucking clearly in their voice made me wish it was them I was holding instead of Cherry.

  “Yes, I did,” I said the words as clearly as I could, making sure they could hear the sincerity in my voice. “Charlie, I’ve found you attractive from the moment I saw you in my café. The only reason I didn’t act on it was that I didn’t know if you were interested or ready. I’m sorry if I made you feel pressured or uncomfortable today.”

  “You didn’t!” Charlie assured quickly, making me grin. They were so fucking cute. “I just…”

  “Yeah?”

  “I like you, Brady. I really do. You’re funny, sweet, so kind and so gorgeous. I want to try…” I could hear the hesitance in their voice and it brought back to my mind our first conversation. Charlie had told me they had been completely in their closet before moving here. Did that also mean they’d never dated before?

  “Charlie, have you been with a guy before?” I asked softly, hoping they wouldn’t get embarrassed by the question. Maybe it was a good thing we weren’t talking face to face, huh? Usually, Charlie was so damn calm and collected, but right now, I had a feeling that the smallest thing would make them panic or end the call.

  “Not-not like I want to be with you,” they mumbled and I had to strain my ear to catch what they’d said. “I’ve had a few…hookups of sorts. But I don’t want that with you. Unless that’s what you want?” Their voice had definitely been panicky at the end and I rushed to assure them.

  “No, Ceebee, I definitely want to date you. We can take it as slow as you want, okay? Just hanging out together, going on dates, maybe some cuddles and kisses. How does that sound?”

  “Wonderful,” Charlie breathed out and I smiled, my heart fluttering in my chest excitedly as date ideas started popping up in my head.

  “And you really want to date me?” Charlie asked and I had half a mind to walk the few blocks to their apartment and give them a hug and tell them that I really did want to go out with them, but I didn’t want to seem overbearing.

  “I really, really want to date you. In fact, I’m already planning our first date,” I informed them, smiling when they chuckled. Finally.

  “Yeah?”

  “Yep. Pick one: stay in or go out? I’ll plan the rest.”

  “In, I think. At least this time. You don’t mind, do you?”

  “Of course not. I wouldn’t have given you the option if I wasn’t okay with it, right?”

  “Yeah. So…when are we doing our first date?” Charlie asked and I could hear the smile in their voice.

  “Hmmm…tomorrow evening? Or is that too soon?”

  “Too far, more like,” I heard them mumble and I was pretty sure I wasn’t supposed to have heard that. So of course I had to tease them.

  “Oh yeah?” I laughed as they made a squeaking sound when they realized I’d heard them. They were so damn adorable.

  “Tomorrow sounds good,” they said, voice almost back to normal.

  “Great! I’ll let you go now so you can get some beauty sleep. Good night, sweetie.” I held my breath as the endearment slipped out. I usually called all my friends sweetie or hon, but I’d never done that with Charlie. Not until now.

  “Good night, Brady,” they replied softly and I was smiling for a long time after they’d ended the call, my mind whirring with plans about our first date that was going to be absolutely phenomenal.

  11 | Charlie

  As I walked the short distance between our homes, I marveled at everything that had changed between us in the span of twenty-four hours. I was about to have a d
ate. With Brady. With the man I’d been enamored with since the moment I first saw him in that café, laughing at something one of his customers had said. I’d never, in my wildest imaginations, thought that this could happen. Yes, I’d had a crush on Brady but I’d never expected my feelings to be returned. The kiss yesterday had been perfect, and it had managed to turn my world upside down with how out of the blue it had been. Had I really been oblivious to Brady’s charms or had he just hidden it well? And if so, then why? Did he think I wasn’t interested in him?

  I scoffed at the idea, hefting the bag of groceries higher as I climbed the stairs to Brady’s apartment. I could hear Cherry’s tiny barks on the other side of the door and I smiled when it opened before I could knock. Brady smiled at me as he gestured me in, and I let my gaze roam over him as I stepped inside. He’d changed out of his work clothes, and was now dressed in a pair of faded jeans and a crop top that put his pale, toned stomach on display. It didn’t help that his jeans were practically hanging on to his hips for dear life. It wasn’t my fault if it took me a few moments to move my gaze upwards and meet his eyes. If his smirk was anything to go by, that was exactly what Brady had intended to happen.

  He grinned at me before leaning upwards and I instinctively leaned towards him, making the kiss he’d planned to press on my chin land on my lips. Brady let his lips linger but didn’t push to deepen the kiss. After a few moments, he pulled away with a much softer smile lighting up his face. Then, he jumped on his toes once before grabbing my hand and pulling me into the kitchen. “So, since it’s still early, why don’t we put the groceries away and then I have something fun planned for us.”

  I nodded along with him as I removed the things I’d brought and started stocking his pantry. I’d made quite a few meals here when Brady had been sick, so I knew where everything went and we were done in minutes. Once I was satisfied with where everything was, Brady grabbed my hand again and pulled me down a short hallway. There was only one room at the end of it: his bedroom. Hadn’t he said we’d be going slow? Had he just said that to keep me calm? Fuck.

  “Before you fall into a panic, no I’m not bringing you here to ravish you,” Brady winked at me as he opened the door and my face flooded with warmth. I didn’t meet his eyes as he led me into the room, but I did look around as soon as we’d stepped inside.

  Much like Brady himself, his room was bright and colorful. A huge window was open across the room, and though the view outside was nothing beautiful, the light was enough to brighten up every corner of the room. Rainbow tassels hung from the corners, as if Brady had gathered up all the leftover decor from Voice Out and thrown it around the room just to brighten it up. There was a dresser in the corner that was covered in make-up products, while the queen-sized bed looked as comfy as it had the last time I’d sat in it. Of course, then I’d been here to care for Brady and hadn’t really paid much attention the rest of the room. There was also a small bookshelf beside his bed that held thick books that did not look like fiction. Were they textbooks?

  “What are those books about?”

  “Hmm?” Brady turned to see what I was talking about and a slight blush covered his cheeks. Damn if that didn’t make him look even more stunning. “Uh, they’re textbooks. I studied psychology in college and I still like to read them sometimes. I know, boring huh? But they help me be a better support for the kids at Voice Out so…” he drifted off with a shrug and it took me a minute to speak because I couldn’t believe how good he was. First the sign language, now this.

  “Wow. You’re kinda amazing, you know that?”

  Brady flushed deeper and rolled his eyes before dragging me towards the dresser. “Remember when you asked me if I’d teach you how to use makeup?”

  “No?” I was sure I’d asked him to teach me how to use eyeliner, but I didn’t remember anything about makeup. Plus, seeing the millions of products on the dresser was making me want to back away.

  “Yes, you did. So sit down. Today, we’ll just do eyeliner and some eyeshadow. Next time, I’ll teach you about contouring and stuff. As my aunt once told me, makeup is phenomenal, but only as long as you know how to use it.”

  "Are you close to your aunt, then?"

  Brady gave me a sad smile, his eyes turning wistful as he said, "I was. She died three years ago. Bean Yourself was hers before it became mine."

  "I'm so sorry you lost her," I whispered, knowing how little the words meant. I'd heard those words a lot when my mom died and then again when my dad joined her. The words did nothing to reduce the pain, that I knew and yet I couldn't stop myself from saying them.

  "It's okay. I believe she's still watching over me, making sure my eyeliner doesn't smudge and my coffees aren't too creamy. Come on, take a seat."

  I settled on the ottoman in front of the dresser with a smile and watched as Brady ran his fingers over a few eyeliner pencils before picking one up. “Now, the first thing you gotta remember is to pick the right kind of eyeliner. Pencil liner gives you a nice smudged look but I personally prefer liquid liners because they’re perfect for smooth and swooping lines. So that’s what we’re gonna use today, okay?” He picked an eyeliner that looked like a pen and placed it on the dresser table before grabbing a small palette. “This is a basic eyeshadow palette. As you know, they come in a lot of colors but we’ll use some brown tones today. This one is in powder form, though you can also get the cream ones once you’re better at it. One thing to always remember is to do the shadow first, okay?”

  I nodded, following his moves with rapt attention as he grabbed a flat brush and brushed it over the compact before lightly dabbing it onto his eyelid. “Never, ever swipe. It’s dab dab dab or you end up with a mess, yeah?”

  “Gotcha,” I said and watched as he picked another brush that he told me was called a soft dome brush and used it to dab a darker shade around the crease of his eyelids. He patted the brush around the edges of his eyelids and I watched as the two colors mixed and formed a smooth, singular shade.

  “Did you catch all of that? Think you can do it yourself now?”

  I nodded and he handed me a fresh brush and the eyeshadow palette. I followed his instructions and though the color wasn’t as perfect as Brady’s, I still did a pretty fine job.

  “Good job! It’ll take a bit of practice to get it as good as me, but you’ll get there,” Brady said with a grin and I couldn’t help chuckling. We spent the next half hour with Brady showing me how to properly apply an eyeliner and I realized that there was nothing easy or simple about makeup. It was a wonder how put together Brady was every day, with everything in place and nothing a touch too bright or dark. He had makeup down to an art form and I wanted to be like him.

  Once our eyelids were so full of color that we couldn’t see what color it had actually been—even though we'd used wet wipes after every round—we decided to stop. When I looked at the clock and realized I’d been there for two hours already, I couldn’t believe it. How had the time passed so quickly? Even as I wondered that, I knew the answer. It was because we’d been enjoying ourselves so much that we didn’t see the time passing.

  “How about I clean this up while you wash up and then I’ll help you with dinner?” Brady offered.

  “Sure.” I turned around to leave but Brady grabbed my hand, stopping me in my tracks.

  “Wait!” I turned around to see him holding his phone. “How about we take a selfie before you wash it off? It’ll be a nice photo to look back on and laugh at when you become a pro at makeup like me.”

  I chuckled before nodding. Brady immediately sidled close to me, pressing his head against my arm as he extended the other one to take a selfie and I couldn’t stop myself from curling my arm around his waist. I could do that now, right? The soft, pleased sigh that escaped Brady’s lips told me that I could and I grinned at the camera along with Brady as it clicked. The picture was beautiful. It looked like the happiness we were feeling was pouring out of the picture and I knew I’d be getting it framed and putting i
t somewhere in my house. “Send it to me, okay?”

  “Done,” Brady replied with a wink before shooing me towards the en-suite. I didn’t want to wash off the make-up, but I also didn’t want it to drip into my eyes when I started sweating while I cooked, so I quickly scrubbed it away before wiping my face with one of Brady’s super soft towels. I was surprised when a slight pink tinge appeared on the towel. Apparently, I hadn’t been as thorough as I’d thought I was. Shaking my head, I walked out of the bathroom to see Brady had put everything back in its place.

  “Go on ahead. I’ll just wash up and be there.”

  In the kitchen, I pulled out the ingredients I’d be needing to cook the Burst Tomato Pasta I’d planned on making. It was a simple enough dish that it wouldn’t take long, but it was also pretty damn delicious. I’d come across the recipe a few days ago and I was hoping Brady would like it. I washed all the veggies as I set the pasta to cook.

  Brady appeared in the kitchen just as I was starting on the prep. “What can I help with?”

  I handed him the chopping board and the onion while taking a second one for myself with the salami. “Peel and chop that for me?”

  “Sure!” We chopped together in silence for a few minutes before a soft, sniffling sound made me turn to look at Brady, who had tears running down his cheeks. I panicked for a second, wondering what the hell was wrong before realizing I’d stupidly handed him the onions when I should’ve cut them myself. I bit my lip to keep from smiling as I set my own knife down and turned so I was facing him completely.