“Come on,” I gasped as I pulled away. “Home. I need you.”
Charlie made a whimpering sound in the base of their throat as they unlocked the car and held the passenger door open for me. Even turned on and eager to leave, they were being a perfect gentleperson.
We spent the whole drive in silence, the air thick with our need. I wanted to hold Charlie’s hand but I didn’t because I wasn’t sure how much that one touch would make me want more. Charlie’s first time would not be in the car. Now I was thinking about having car sex with Charlie which keyed me up so far that the moment Charlie parked at the back of the café, I was out of the car and around to their side. Once they’d locked their car, I led the way to my place, my steps hurried in my eagerness to get there.
I closed the door behind us and turned to face Charlie. I could see that while I’d spent the drive thinking about all the ways I wanted them, Charlie had used it to overthink all the things that could go wrong. I walked over to them and held their face between my palms, scratching their trim beard in an attempt to comfort them.
“We don’t have to do anything you’re not okay with. You know that, right?”
Charlie gave a jerky nod as they spoke, “I know. I want to. I’m just nervous.”
“Don’t be. We’ll be just fine.” Before they could say anything, I slid one palm behind their neck and pulled them closer, trailing my other hand down their chest as I kissed them. Unlike the kisses at the pub, this one was sweet, intense and I hoped it told them exactly how much I cared about them, how much I wanted them to enjoy what we had, what we were about to do. When their mouth opened in a soft moan, I took the opportunity to slide my tongue in, tasting the faint traces of beer as our tongues tangled. I was glad neither of us were drunk, since I wanted to remember every second of this night.
I pulled back, my hand curling around Charlie’s in a firm grip as I led them down the hall to my room. Thankfully, Cherry had gone back to sleep after her initial curiosity, so I was able to close the door without having to shoo her. Once we were in the room, I flipped on the bedside lamp so the room was awash in a golden glow before turning to Charlie. They took my breath away. Their brown curls had come undone from the braid they’d put them in and now hung around their face, framing their blue eyes that were dark with want as they watched me. Their lips, swollen from all the kissing, shone with wetness and made me want to bite into them.
I closed the distance between us, my hands trailing over the long coat Charlie wore as I looked at them questioningly. They gave me a slow nod and I slid my palms up their chest and around their shoulders, slipping the coat off them and letting it drop behind them. Usually, I wouldn’t have let it lie there for even a second, but right now I had much better things to focus on.
I curled my hands around the hem of the long, floaty shirt they wore and looked right into their eyes as I slowly pulled the shirt upwards, trailing my fingers over their warm, satin smooth skin as I went. They leaned forward a bit so I could remove the shirt easily and I took the moment to slip the tie from their hair, making their curls fall down in waves around their face. I wanted their hair to be open so I could sink my fingers into it whenever I wanted.
I could see their chest moving as they took deep breaths, making me realize they were still nervous. No matter how much I wanted to undress them and fuck them right this instant, I wanted them to enjoy it more. I pulled them closer and claimed their lips in another kiss as my hands trailed around the waistband of their leggings. I kissed them deeply, as my fingers ran all over their body, their warm, silky skin like heaven against my palms.
I pulled away and slid their leggings down their legs in one sweep, not giving them the chance to start getting nervous again. I smiled at the white boxers they wore underneath. Their outfit was always such a mix of the common and the unexpected and I absolutely loved it.
“Sorry, I know you like the lace ones better. I didn’t expect our night to end like this, I guess.”
I gave Charlie a disbelieving look as I ran my hand over their cloth covered dick, grinning when I felt them jerk under my touch. “Oh, Charlie. You should know by now that I like you in any and every kind of clothing. You’re gorgeous, no matter what you wear. But,” I paused, running my fingers over the waistband of their boxers as I met their eyes, “You’re the most gorgeous when you’re not wearing any clothes at all.” I slid the underwear down their legs, my mouth watering as their hard cock slapped against their stomach.
Ditching the underwear, I stood up before waving at the bed. “Go on, lay down, beautiful.” Charlie flushed and I watched in fascination as the blush spread all the way to their chest as they sat down on the bed before shuffling backwards. They lay down, their lower lip stuck between their teeth as they watched me, waiting for my next move.
I slowly removed the crop top I’d been wearing, my eyes never leaving theirs as I threw the shirt somewhere behind me. Making quick work of my jeans and underwear, I walked over to my nightstand and grabbed a bottle of lube and a condom. I threw them on the bed beside Charlie before climbing up on the bed and straddling them.
My fingers sank into their hair, my palms curling around their cheeks as I leaned closer until our noses touched, “Last chance to back out. I’ll be just as happy blowing you, so don’t think you’ll disappoint me if you say no.”
Charlie made a whining sound before leaning forward and pressing their lips to mine in a heated kiss, their tongue sliding into my mouth at the first chance. I nibbled their lower lip as my fingers tightened in their hair, the taste of beer and Charlie strong on my tongue. I pulled away, breathing hard. It took me a moment to find my words enough to say, “That a yes?”
“Yes, for fucks sake, don’t ask me again,” Charlie growled and it was so unlike them that I leaned back to look at them. Their cheeks were flushed, eyes hooded with want as soft gasps escaped their swollen, red lips. Goddamn, they were stunning. I pressed a quick kiss to their lips before pulling away but I didn’t move much farther. I trailed kisses down their jaw and nibbled at their neck, licking and sucking until I knew I’d be leaving a mark.
My lips trailed lower and I latched onto Charlie’s nipple, sucking and biting until they let out an almost painful groan. I licked the nub soothingly before moving on to the other nipple and giving it a similar treatment. By the time I was satisfied, Charlie was a breathy, moaning mess.
“Hurry up, please Brady,” They moaned, and how could I say no when they begged like that?
I pecked their belly button before moving lower and licking a strip up their leaking dick. They almost shot up in bed at the touch and a loud moan filled my senses. I licked and sucked at their dick softly, just enough to keep them on their toes as I pumped some lube on my fingers.
Pumping and playing with their dick with one hand, I moved the other closer to their hole. I traced their hole with a lubed finger as I continued to lavish attention on their cock so they wouldn’t tense up. It was only when I’d pushed a finger inside them that they noticed the intrusion and even then they were too turned on to do anything except moan. Perfect.
I took my time stretching them and by the time I was satisfied, my own dick was so hard that I felt like I’d blow the moment I entered them. Pressing a kiss to their stomach, I pulled away, smiling when they made a disgruntled sound. Quickly, I tore up the foil packet and rolled the condom on before settling between Charlie’s legs. I grabbed a pillow and set it under their hips before meeting their eyes.
“I’m going to go slow. Tell me if you need me to stop, okay?”
Charlie nodded, their skin coated with a sheen of sweat that made them look even more desirable. I lined my dick with their hole, and maintaining eye contact, slowly pushed in. Holy hell, they were so tight. I gasped as I crossed the first ring of muscles, biting my lip as I tried to control the urge to keep pushing.
I waited until Charlie took a deep breath and nodded my way before moving again. I groaned as I settled all the way inside. They were so
fucking tight. The heat was almost unbearable and I had to take a deep breath to keep myself from blowing. Leaning forward, I kissed their jaw as I slowly started moving, just short, swift jerks of my hips as I sought the perfect angle.
I knew I’d hit it when Charlie moaned loudly, their hands tightening on my hip. I knew I wouldn’t last long, so I increased my pace, pumping against their prostate with every thrust of my hips.
My hand curled around their leaking dick and I pumped it in time with my thrusts. I knew the moment they fell over the edge because their body froze for a second before they moaned my name loudly, cum shooting out of their dick as they shuddered with the intensity of their orgasm. The sight of them coming undone was enough to push me over the edge and with a few more thrusts, I was coming, my groans mixing with theirs as I filled the condom.
I slumped against them as I came down from my high and it took me a few long minutes to get my breathing under control. I turned my head, resting my chin on their chest as I smiled at them, “You’re incredible.”
Charlie’s face was already too flushed to show their blush, but they smiled at me shyly as their fingers ran across my forehead, pushing my hair back. “So are you.”
“Let me clean us up,” I said, pressing another kiss on their jaw before sitting up. I slowly pulled out of them and tied off the condom as I made my way to the bathroom. Dumping the condom in the trash can, I grabbed a towel and soaked it under the tap before wiping myself down. Soaking another towel, I made my way back to the bed and softly wiped Charlie down, being extra careful around their hole.
I threw the towel in the laundry basket once I was done before climbing up on the bed and snuggling against Charlie. I covered us with the comforter before turning to look at them. They watched me with a soft smile on their face and I lost myself in their blue eyes. I was pretty sure I’d just moved that much closer to falling in love with them because what we’d just done? It had been perfect.
“Is it always like this?” Charlie asked, breaking the silence we’d fallen into.
I mulled over their question for a minute before answering, “Not for me, it isn’t. I don’t really get to…” I trailed off, unsure how to continue.
“Get to what?” They asked, voice full of curiosity.
“I don’t get to be the one in control. The one on top.” I wondered if they’d ask to top me next time. I was surprised to realize that I wouldn’t deny them if they did. I really was falling for them, wasn’t I?
“Well, that’s just stupid because you were made to be in control,” Charlie scoffed, surprising the hell out of me.
I waved my hand down at my body as I stared at them like they’d lost their mind. “My body is the literal definition of a twink. How can I be made to be in control?”
Charlie shook their head at me as if they were surprised I was even arguing with them. “It’s not about the size of your body, babe. You’re just a natural at taking control. And I love giving it to you.”
I smiled at them, my heart warming because for the first time I felt like someone had finally seen the real me. “Well, I guess we’re perfect for each other then, aren’t we?”
Charlie smiled as they shifted closer and I sank into their embrace, my heart feeling fuller than it ever had as I breathed in their spicy sweet scent. If this was what it felt like to fall in love then I was glad I’d finally found the one made for me.
17 | Charlie
Something felt different when I woke up, but I couldn’t put my finger on what it was. I lay in bed for fifteen minutes trying to figure it out but the answer wouldn’t come. Giving up, I finally made myself leave the comfy warmth of my bed. The past couple of months had been the best months of my life. After we’d had sex for the first time, Brady and I had become even more inseparable. The only reason I was alone in my bed today was that Kasey wasn’t at work and Brady had to leave early to open the café. Since it was the weekend, I had the day off and I didn’t really feel like going to Voice Out without him.
Thinking about Brady instantly brought a smile to my lips. I was pretty sure I was in love with the man, but I hadn’t managed to gather up the courage to tell him that yet. Because what if he didn’t feel the same? Brady was all I had, and I’d rather keep my feelings to myself than tell it to him and risk losing him. I knew it probably wasn't the best idea to keep my feelings hidden, but Brady was all I had. Until I knew that telling him I loved him wouldn't lead to him leaving me, I didn't think I could do it.
Putting some toothpaste on my toothbrush, I stuck it in my mouth before looking up into the mirror. I froze as the realization slammed into me with the force of a freight train. I was different today. That was what I had been feeling. I brushed my teeth quickly as I stared at the mirror, cataloging all the things on my body that I didn’t want. My beard, the faint mustache, the hair on my arms…why was there so much hair?
I’d slept shirtless like I usually did and I winced when my eyes fell on my flat chest. That was wrong too. Everything was wrong.
I washed up quickly, my hands shaking slightly as the ache in my chest deepened. This wasn’t me. This body…it wasn’t who I was. I swallowed the whimper that was building up in my throat and closed my eyes, taking deep breaths as I tried to reign in the panic. I could fix this. I could.
Once I felt steadier, I grabbed the shaving kit—a new purchase that Brady had apparently had the forethought of getting for me—and lathered up my cheeks and jaw, carefully shaving off my beard and mustache. I was extra cautious because I didn’t want to cut myself, especially since I could still feel the slight buzz of anxiety under my skin. Once I’d washed off the foam, I eyed myself as I forced myself to not look at my chest and smiled. Just that small gesture made me feel so much more…myself.
I spent the next twenty minutes shaving my arms and legs because it felt like the right thing to do. I knew exactly what I wanted to wear today and I wanted my legs to look smooth and hairless when I wore it. Once I was done, I undressed completely and stepped into the shower, intending to take a quick shower before I put some of the makeup skills I’d learned to use. But as soon as I looked down at myself, I cringed. Why was this so difficult? I just wanted to take a shower. Why did it have to feel so wrong?
I shut my eyes, leaning my forehead against the glass wall of the shower stall and letting its coolness seep into me. I gasped as my heart beat erratically, my chest feeling heavier than it had in months. What did I do? I didn’t want to feel like this. I just wanted to be…me. Why was that so hard?
I kept my eyes closed as I blindly turned on the shower knob, sighing as warm water fell on me, loosening some of the tension in my muscles. I opened my eyes in narrow slits so I could grab the loofah and soak it in some of the fruity body wash that I knew for a fact wasn’t mine. Was it something else Brady had left for me? When I pumped it out of the bottle, I realized it was the same scent Brady carried, only much more concentrated. A smile drifted onto my lips despite the heaviness in my chest as I imagined smelling like Brady. Using the loofah, I quickly washed my body, avoiding touching skin, especially when I reached between my legs.
I breathed a sigh of relief once I was done and grabbed the fluffy bathrobe from the peg by the door, quickly covering myself with it. When my eyes fell on myself in the mirror this time, I felt much better. The thick material of the bathrobe gave my chest some definition it didn’t have and I could almost imagine that my body was exactly the way I wanted it to be. Shaking my head, I stepped out of the bathroom, walking over to the closet and opening it. It was only when I saw the dress I’d been planning to wear that I realized the problem. The dress was gorgeous and it was exactly my size. That also meant that it would hug my body and make me see something that I didn’t really want to see right now. My flat chest.
I flopped onto my bed, burying my face in my palms as I tried to keep tears of frustration and anger at bay. Why was this hitting me so hard? This wasn’t the first time I’d had days like this, was it? What had I done when I�
�d felt like this before? Buried myself under the blankets and told everyone I was sick, I remembered. I shuddered at the idea of doing that again, mostly because Brady would know I was lying but also because I didn’t want to hide anymore. I had done that for thirty years and it had been awful.
What did I do now? How did I feel better when I felt like I didn’t fit in my own body? When I felt like my body wasn’t even mine? I knew what I needed, at least I had a slight inkling, but I had no clue how to go about it.
A months old conversation fluttered into my mind and I realized there was someone other than Brady I could ask help of. Someone who would understand how I was feeling and would definitely know how to help me.
I scrambled across my bed to grab my phone from the bedside table and scrolling through my contacts, I found the number I’d been looking for and hit dial before I could overthink.
“Hello, Delilah Sparks speaking,” Mama D’s warm voice greeted me across the line and I sank into the bed, clearing my throat as I tried to speak.
“Mama D? It’s…Charlie. Brady’s...partner?” I almost said girlfriend before realising that probably wouldn't make sense, though I had an idea that Mama D wouldn't have minded either.
“Of course! I’m so happy you and Brady got together. I knew it the moment I saw you together, of course, but I’m glad you kids figured it out too,” I blushed even though she couldn’t see me.
“Um, thank you. I’m sorry I called you on a weekend. I just…I needed some help and I couldn’t think of anyone else I could ask.”
Finding Me Page 12
