“What do you think they look like? All those abandoned furs, waiting to be worn, up in that warehouse—the ghosts of Old Atlanta.” Caitlin stopped and wrote that in her notebook, before returning it to her purse. She pointed toward the mirrors. “Can I try it on before you bring it back to Mimi?”
Alice held the hanging bag while her daughter slipped into the coat. It was a funny image, her clean face, long wavy hair, and the boots peeking from under the coat. Coats usually weren’t that long anymore, and seeing the length of it reminded Alice of a little girl playing dress-up. She laughed, and Caitlin fluffed her hair. She drew the coat around her and turned side to side in the mirror. “Butler, bring me my cigarette case.”
Caitlin’s hands slipped into the pockets to admire it like that, and she stopped turning. She brought out a piece of paper and inspected it. “Hmm,” she said, handing it to her mother and returning to look at herself in the mirror one last time.
Alice took the paper and looked at it. It was a stick-on badge with her mother’s picture on it, folded in half and stuck together. On the top, it said VISITOR and under that Clark State Correctional Facility, the same prison name as on the X-rays.
Blood rushed to Alice’s cheeks, and she raised a hand to feel the heat emitting from her forehead. Her mother knew Rob was in prison when he was there, not only after he died. She had visited the prison. At least once. And she hadn’t told Alice.
The date on the badge only deepened the betrayal. In 2005, around when the X-rays were taken. Maybe her mother knew about Rob’s illness or went because of it.
But Rob’s letter made it sound like they hadn’t seen each other again after he left the family.
The visit had to be related to Rob, though, because who else did Maura Tate know in prison?
No one.
Chapter Fifteen
“Are you insane?” Meredith wanted to know.
A few hours later, after Alice dropped off Caitlin at school and the coat with her mother, who was thankfully asleep, she watched the Breakers in a life-or-death match against the Wolves. Fans screamed from the sidelines, huddled under their blankets. One coach screamed at his players to “HUSTLE!” from the darkness beyond the spotlights. The referee strolled lazily up and down the field as angry fans called her a hack or worse. It was youth soccer, and as always, the stakes were high. The nine-and-under league took no prisoners.
Alice and Meredith briefly halted their conversation to stand and cheer for Robbie as he received the ball at midfield before quickly kicking it out of bounds.
“I don’t think I’m insane,” Alice said.
“Why didn’t you Google him? Or ask me to go with you? He could have been a serial killer for all you know. Someone else could have lived there—a demented person.”
“I took Buddy!”
“He’s quite the guard dog.” Buddy looked up from Alice’s feet at the mention of his name, yawned once, and fell back asleep.
“Well, nothing bad happened. Dylan was nice. And very helpful.”
Meredith gave her the side-eye from the bleacher.
“Okay, you’re right,” Alice said, caving. “I researched some of the other letters this afternoon anyway. It won’t happen again.”
“Good. So?”
Alice caught up Meredith on what had happened with Dylan.
“Do you remember that night when they brought me back?”
“It was so long ago,” Meredith said. “And I was worried about you, not taking in every detail of the guys you were with.”
“I know.”
“Sorry.”
“It’s okay.”
They both watched Meredith’s boyfriend, Christian. He kicked a soccer ball in a corner off the field and dribbled it around some of the siblings on the team, laughing. He saw them watching and waved at Meredith. She smiled and passed Alice the flask with red wine that she had been sipping.
“You know, for the longest time, I thought I was seeing ghosts or hallucinating in Athens,” Alice said. “I would think I saw Rob. But he was there the entire time and didn’t find me. I don’t know why he never talked to me.”
“I’m sure it was nothing you did, hon.” Meredith put her hand on her friend’s back. “And you could have told me. That sounds like a hard secret to carry around.”
Alice looked at Buddy sleeping at her feet. She took a breath and worked up the courage to tell Meredith her current secret, about Walker.
“Mere.”
She looked at Alice.
“There’s something—”
The whistle blew for halftime, and the players half walked, half jogged off the field toward their parents. Alice waved off Meredith, the courage gone.
“Did you see me, Mom? Aunt Meredith! Did you see that?”
Alice reached to brush some dirt off Robbie’s face.
“Yes, sweetie. It was amazing.”
“When is Dad coming?”
“I think he’ll be here soon, okay? I’ll check.”
She kissed him, and he wiped off his cheek before running back to eat orange slices on the sideline with his team. Although she couldn’t hear the speech, the coach walked back and forth in front of his troops, gesturing wildly and clapping his hands at random intervals. Soon the team gathered for the cheer.
Alice texted Walker: It’s halftime. Where are you? She stared at the bubble with the little “…” in it that seemed to stretch on for hours. Sometimes, she wondered if he did this maliciously—typing random letters and backspacing to give the appearance of responsiveness.
She clicked her phone screen off and threw it back in her lap.
“I tried the number from the PI’s card today too,” Alice said.
“And?”
“Disconnected.”
The game resumed and immediately the other team scored.
“What about the other letters?”
She filled in Meredith on her research, including her request to visit Tyler in prison.
“Fuck,” Meredith said.
Alice shushed her. “We’re at a children’s soccer match.”
“Right, yeah.” Meredith glanced at the women next to her. “Sorry. How do you think Rob and Tyler met?”
“Maybe in prison or maybe they knew each other beforehand… I don’t know. I called to try to get information about Rob’s medical records and what prisons he was in and when, but they wouldn’t give me anything. The only proof I have Rob was even in prison is those X-rays.”
“Why? You’re his sister for fuck’s sake.”
They watched the soccer team run up and down the field, screaming at one another “Here! Here! Here! I’m open!” then panicking when the ball came to them. Robbie trailed the team as players ran up and down the field, kicking grass as he went.
“Can I try?” Meredith said.
“Can you try what?”
“Let me try calling for you.”
“They’re going to tell you the same thing they told me,” Alice said. “They can’t release anything without the form, which has to be signed by the person themselves or their designated contact, and it’s anyone’s guess who that is. It’s protocol.”
Alice said in her head what she knew Walker’s response would be, if she told him: “Your tax dollars at work!”
“Protocol—blah, blah, blah.” Meredith made a talking motion with her hand. “You know I love you, but maybe a little more drama might help the situation.”
After some bargaining on how demanding Meredith would get—Alice had been with her to the Apple Store and didn’t want to release that havoc again—Alice handed over the number and Meredith dialed.
“Hello! This is Mrs. Alice Tate Wright. May I ask to whom I am speaking?” Meredith said into the phone as Walker walked up.
“How’s he doing?” Walker pointed to Robbie.
&
nbsp; Meredith gestured to a corner away from the bleachers. Alice’s stomach lurched, watching her walk away with the phone and free rein to say whatever she wanted. Alice tracked her as she paced, talking, and gesturing with one hand.
Walker waved his hand in front of Alice’s face.
“Alice—hello?” he said. “I said, ‘How’s he doing?’”
She looked back to the field. “Fine.”
“Has he touched the ball at all? How were his dribbling and his blocking?”
“He had it a couple of times,” Alice said. “He looks like he’s having fun.”
“Great,” Walker said, a bit sarcastically, before striding to the other sideline to the team’s bench. She watched as he talked with the coach for a few minutes before pacing up and down the sideline along with the team. As usual after a disagreement, neither of them would bring it up, and eventually, the increased tension would stop.
Alice’s eyes flicked from Meredith to Walker and back again, each animated in their own way.
She noticed one of the other mothers nodding toward Walker. She held her breath. When she heard “right under her nose,” her cheeks reddened. They were talking about her, she knew. Her and Walker.
On the sideline, Walker yelled, “Be aggressive! That’s your cover, Robbie!” when a boy from the other team passed the ball a few feet away from him.
The other team’s parents clapped when the boy dribbled to the goal and scored. The mother who had been talking about her yelled, “You’ll get ’em next time!”
Alice concentrated on the players’ movements. The mothers all knew. They must, if she knew. Alice was at the game, dressed, productive, smiling—she didn’t want their pity. Yet, she could feel it anyway, beaming from the other side of the bleachers.
Robbie trapped the ball, and with Walker screaming at him to do so, he passed successfully to the forward. The forward scored.
Alice stood up to cheer, and Robbie ran over to the sideline and Walker, who high-fived him with both hands. “That’s called an assist!” Walker yelled happily, flashing a thumbs-up to Alice. She could feel the other moms’ eyes on her as she gave him a thumbs-up back.
Soon, the game ended. The teams lined up to do high fives and say “Good game.”
Alice woke Buddy and gathered her stuff as Walker walked over to her, carrying Robbie’s soccer bag.
“Rick scheduled a meeting for tomorrow morning, so I’m going to go to DC tonight instead.”
Alice wondered how much Brittani and last night’s fight factored into his early departure. But she didn’t say anything. There was no point. She looked over her shoulder to see if another mom had heard. “Okay, we’ll grab something to eat on the way home then.”
Walker said goodbye to Robbie and leaned in to kiss Alice on the cheek before walking in the direction of his Audi at the other end of the field. One of the moms gave her a small wave, and Alice spun around and fast-walked to her own car before she started a conversation. “Come on, hustle,” she called to Robbie as he ambled behind her. After hearing what the mothers said behind her back, she didn’t want to fake a pleasant conversation. Especially if whatever she said would only be reported to the others via a group message of which she’d been conveniently left off.
“Alice. Aaallliiice!” Meredith sang, jogging over with Alice’s phone. Alice jumped. In her rush to avoid the other mothers, she had forgotten about Meredith.
“So, you’re right that they wouldn’t give me anything without the paperwork,” Meredith said, smiling. “But…I got the name of the designated contact. If you talk to him, he can call and get all the information and give it to you.”
“Who is it?”
“Someone named Edward Lee Davis,” Meredith said, and Alice’s face dropped.
“What! What’s wrong?”
“Nothing. I, um… I know who that is. We grew up together.”
Chapter Sixteen
The game had been away, on the other side of Atlanta, and as she pulled out of the parking lot, Alice didn’t turn toward home, but instead, in the other direction. Walker wouldn’t be there to meet them, and she didn’t think the address from Christopher Smith’s letter was too far. She only wanted to drive by.
“Mom, where are we going?” Robbie said.
“Just a quick detour, but we’re going to grab some food first. What do you want?”
“Chick-fil-A?”
“You got it.”
Once Robbie had nuggets, fries, and his headphones plugged into a movie, Alice punched the address into her GPS. She was right. It wasn’t too far from where the game had been, another thirty miles north.
As she drove, she ate a large portion of waffle fries, licking the grease and salt off her left hand before she returned it to the steering wheel while chanting in her head: Edward Davis! Edward Davis…EDWARD Davis?
Maybe Edward didn’t know he was Rob’s contact. That seemed more plausible than Edward agreeing to it. But even that theory wouldn’t explain why Rob would put his name down in the first place.
She didn’t know much about her brother’s adult life, but she felt sure of this: Edward (never Ed) and Rob had absolutely nothing in common.
But as children, the two of them, along with Alice and Edward’s sister, Hayley, had everything in common. They had their car rides, crammed into the back seat, giggling as they double-buckled the seat belts. They had their summers at the river. They had made-up games and songs and families. They were childhood friends, thrust together by a shared street address and eventually pulled apart by all the differences age brings out.
When Rob left, the seams holding his friendship together with Edward had already frayed. Edward had turned into a “suit,” having won freshman class president during the school year. Alice and Hayley had little in common by that time either. Alice was determined not to spend any time inside. Hayley was determined not to spend any time outside her Cotillion dresses.
They and their families stayed on Christmas card lists and wedding invitations. Alice still saw Edward every few months because his firm did the accounting for the Center, her mother, and Alice and Walker. Another reason the name surprised Alice. If he did know about Rob, he had kept it a secret for more than a decade, smiling at her with his annoyingly perfect teeth through every interaction.
Her clearest memory with Edward though—the one she thought of every time she went to his office, even during the years when she tried to push all reminders of Rob deep into her stomach and away from her heart—was one day at the river. Nothing that happened that day set it apart from any other summer day with Rob. In fact, it reeked of ordinariness. The day stuck out in Alice’s memory because of what happened later.
It was her last clear memory before her life with Rob began to shift. The last summer day she could remember passing with their friends the way they had for years, the way she thought would last forever.
The Last Summer Day began like any other. Maura, Rob, and Alice sat at the table in the breakfast den while their father finished his coffee in his office. Rob mixed his eggs and grits together on his plate into a breakfast mush while Alice pushed her food apart.
Maura nibbled on the last of the five strawberries she ate each morning from a floral teacup and opened her notebook to the ribbon to read the children’s vocabulary word for the day. Capricious, C-A-P-R-I-C-I-O-U-S: adjective. Changing quickly in mood or behavior, based on an idea, desire, etc., that is not possible to predict. Fickle, unpredictable, unsteady, inconsistent.
The children agreed that they would be home for dinner by sundown. Rob retreated to his bedroom, promising he would meet Alice by the river in a couple of hours. Alice left to retrieve Hayley from down the street, and they rode bikes around the neighborhood’s loop, then to the riverbed to skip rocks.
An hour or so later, they heard honking and turned to see Rob at the wheel of Richard’s Jeep, a b
rand her father always bought because it was an “everyman car,” the canoe strapped to the top. Edward pumped his fist at the pair from the passenger seat.
“Rob!” Alice screamed in delight. She loved canoeing, but normally, they only went bird-watching with their father on quiet trips or sometimes with Jamie. “What are you doing?”
“I thought I would give you ladies a lift upstream,” he said. Two weeks ago—two years before the trip she would never forget—they had returned from their annual trip to Amelia Island, where the adults had allowed him to drive the car around the small neighborhood.
“What if Daddy finds out?” Alice asked. Hayley stared, wide-eyed and smiling.
Instead of answering, Rob pulled the car onto the dirt and pushed the canoe off the top. It clanked to the ground. As usual, Alice trusted him, believed in his crazy plans and his ability to execute them. At his instruction, they pushed it through the mud to the water, climbed inside, and began paddling to the little island in the middle of the river. While paddling, Rob broke into a chorus of “Jailhouse Rock,” his best Elvis impersonation. The girls sang along between laughs and splashed their captain during the slow parts. Edward stole nervous glances at the houses on the river.
When the song ended, Edward interrupted the album. “Maybe we should turn back.” He nodded toward the approaching gray clouds.
Rob pointed the paddle at him, and Edward flinched at the water that flicked off the end: “Are you with us or aren’t you?”
Edward nodded.
“Good, Eddie, good,” Rob said. They all knew he hated being called anything but Edward, but he simply turned to look at the approaching island. Alice relaxed. The trip and the song resumed.
When they neared the island’s shore, the girls jumped out, nearly tipping the canoe, and swam to the island, the cool river water dripping from their hair as they stormed the beach.
“Explorers!” Hayley said, requesting one of their most favorite games.
Rob tied the canoe to one of the trees sticking out of the water and approached the beach, picking up his walking stick, which sat on the beach where they left it from the last trip, as he came.
How to Bury Your Brother Page 15
