by Reana Malori
“Um, no. I’m not telling you that, Cassie.” Heat rushed up her face. If she were a betting woman, she’d bet her cheeks held a deep burgundy hue as she blushed from thinking just how good Jordan was. When he dropped her off at her condo yesterday, he’d come up for a few minutes.
Said he wanted to make sure she got inside safely. Well, that turned into coming inside for a drink. Then a late snack. Then another late-night snack as he feasted on her body, wringing two orgasms from her before sliding his dick inside her. Leticia bit her lip as she replayed the memory in her mind.
Damn. The man fucked like nobody’s business, never letting up for a moment until he forced her to scream his name into the silence of the room. If she thought she craved his time and attention before, it was nothing like what she needed from him now.
“From the look on your face, I’ll just assume he’s as good as you’d hoped he would be. Better, even,” her friend laughed. “If that’s the case, if he gave you exactly what you’d hoped for, what’s the problem? Why are you still holding back? You should be shouting it from the rafters that you finally got your man. Yet, you’re not. What’s up?”
Leticia considered Cass’s words and knew she had a point. What was she so afraid of? “He said something snapped when he saw me talking to the guy who’d bought me a drink. That he wasn’t going to allow another man to step into his spot.” He said all the right words. It made sense. But something was still bothering her. “But what made that moment the one that broke him.”
“I don’t know, girl.” Shaking her head, her friend continued, “Honestly, does it matter? As long as the moment happened, you should be happy the man finally came to his senses.”
Sighing, she closed her eyes and shared the bit of information she’d held back. “He was there with his old girlfriend.”
Cassie’s eyes got big, “Who?”
“Meghan.” Even saying her name was like a knife to the gut. When he’d finally admitted that to her, she’d been highly pissed.
“Oh, shit,” her friend exclaimed. Details from that horrible vacation had been shared over a bottle—maybe two—of their favorite alcoholic beverage. Jamaica had become known as the place where the devil had shown her face. That doomed vacation was now referred to as the week from hell.
“Yeah. I just wasn’t expecting that, you know?”
Cassie pulled away from the wall, glancing at her friend with a look of understanding on her face. “I know you don’t want to hear this, but until Friday night, you guys weren’t officially a couple.”
Leticia didn’t want to hear that mess right now, “Don’t go there. I know that, Cass. Doesn’t matter.”
“But it does,” she was quiet for a moment before looking back at Leticia, whose arms were folded. Leticia knew where her friend was going, but it didn’t make her feel any better about the situation. “Girl, you know I love you, and want you to be happy. I just caution you to know exactly what you want out of this relationship before you guys get too far. Once you cross the line with him, there’s no going back. No matter how much you want it to.”
Cass looked around as they walked, her eyes flitting from one thing to the next. As if searching for something, or someone, just out of reach.
“If you want him like I think you do, then fight like hell to keep him. Don’t let your own stubbornness blind you to who he is and what he’s offering. Did he fuck up? Yes. All men do at some point. But don’t get it twisted, us women fuck up too.”
The sudden flash of hurt and regret in Cassie’s eyes was gone so quickly, if she hadn’t been staring at her so hard, she would have missed it.
Clearing her throat, she continued, “Make sure his ass knows he messed up. Tell him what he needs to do to fix it. Then hold on to your man. Because if you waver, someone may swoop in and take the life you expected to be yours.”
The tears in her eyes caught Leticia off-guard. She knew Cassie’s backstory, but it had been a while since she’d had this type of response. “Cass, I’m sorry,” Leticia couldn’t help but try to comfort her friend.
Pasting a fake smile on her face, she waved away her words, “Nah, I’m good. Just make sure you know what you want. If Jordan can’t give that to you, walk away. But if he can, then you do whatever is necessary to make sure he knows you’re not going anywhere.”
“Yeah, I hear you.” They walked in silence for another minute, each lost in their own thoughts. Past and present. Turning the corner, they walked toward the nursing station to see what was happening. From the activity around them, it looked like things were picking up. The holidays were always a hectic time for them. Too many parties with alcohol flowing. Inhibitions, and good judgment, seemed to fall away. Accidents. Assaults. Suicide attempts. They saw more of these during December than any other time.
During a month when people should be feeling joy and happiness, they often felt sadness and despair. Looking over at her friend, she knew the thoughts swirling around in her head. Loving a man too much, and not loving herself enough, caused her friend to lose herself for a while. She’d also lost the most precious gift anyone can be given. Her child.
CHAPTER TEN
Thinking about everything that happened over the past few days, she knew her love for Jordan was real. There had never been any doubt about that. But could she fully open her heart and let him in? Thinking back to their conversation when he’d told her Meghan had been the one at the lounge that night, she wondered if she was missing the red flags because she didn’t want to see them. Had her feelings for Jordan clouded her judgment?
Two Days Ago
Lying on Jordan’s chaise lounge while watching a movie and eating popcorn, Leticia could think of nowhere else she’d rather be. They’d made love so many times, her body had begun to rebel. He’d run a bath for her, putting in some oils that he swore were a fluke purchase. Lying in the warm water, bubbles surrounded her as she relaxed. Thinking about everything that happened over the past twenty-four hours, she couldn’t help but smile.
Whatever had come over Jordan, she was glad it did. Not that she’d been trying to make him, or anyone else, jealous. Hell, she hadn’t even known he would be there. As a matter of fact, he still hadn’t said why he was there, or who he’d been with. It probably wasn’t a big deal, but he continued to avoid her question when she asked him about it.
Doubts began to creep into her mind. They told each other everything. Take that back. They told each other almost everything. True, she hadn’t told Jordan how she really felt about him. Not that he needed her to say the words, right? I mean, it was in everything she did for him. The way she was always there for him. Even last night and today.
Giving herself freely to a man wasn’t something she did on a whim. He knew her enough to know that. And if he knew her so well, his avoiding the subject of who he was with last night had to be intentional. Sadness began to overtake her joy, the feeling of being played began to strangle her, as goosebumps raised on her skin.
Knocking sounded on the door just before it inched open, Jordan’s face appearing on the other side. “Just checking to see if you needed anything.” His long stride carried him into the large bathroom. He’d taken a shower in the other room and now wore a pair of loose drawstring shorts and a t-shirt. For a high-powered lawyer, he sure did dress like an everyday guy.
“I’m fine,” she managed to croak out.
“Your voice sounds horrible. My mom always said tea with honey was the perfect remedy for a sore throat. I’ll make you some.” His hand dropped to the warm water, his fingers trailing through the bubbles moving them around. “Want me to join you?”
Still upset from the thoughts swirling around in her brain, she shook her head. “No, I’m fine.”
He looked up at her, a frown on his brow. “That’s two ‘I’m fine’s’ in a span of five minutes.” Staring at her for a few seconds longer, he must have seen the war going on behind her eyes. “Leticia…?”
Why keep pretending something wasn’t wron
g when it was? She needed to know the answer. Wouldn’t be happy until she did, no matter what he said. “You never told me, who were you having dinner with last night?”
His body went rigid, his fingers paused their movement in the water, and his face shuttered closed. She knew that look. It was the one he used when he was holding shit in. When he was trying to shut someone out. He’d used it plenty of times on other people, but never on her. Until today.
“It’s just a question,” she said in a near whisper. “What’s the big secret anyway? You doing dirty dealings?” Nope, she knew him better than that. “You meeting someone you shouldn’t?” If she weren’t watching him so closely, she’d have never seen the almost indecipherable wince on his face. She was getting close. “A competitor to your firm? Are you looking for a new job?”
“Does it matter? I was there. I saw you. Whatever I was doing before that has no bearing on what’s happening right now.” Finally turning his head to look at her, his eyes were hard, but she saw the pleading in them as well. Pleading for what? For her to stop asking? A sinking feeling began swirling in the pit of her stomach.
“Were you on a date, Jordan?” the words were torn from her throat. The growing chill of her bath water became noticeable.
“Why are you poking the bear,” he said, making light of her question. But still not answering. He stood from the side of the tub, making his way over to the large bath towel he’d provided for her. “Okay, time to get out. I can see your skin getting wrinkled from all the way over here.
Hesitating for a moment, their eyes were locked on each other. Both knew this was a catalyst moment for them, but neither daring to say the words. “If it was nothing, why are you so secretive about it? We tell each other everything, right? After everything we shared this weekend, it seems silly to keep any more secrets from each other.” Softness surrounded her as she stepped out of the tub and into the large towel Jordan wrapped around her body. As she looked in the mirror across from her, she saw the face of a woman who wasn’t going to allow herself to fall into a trap. She loved Jordan. Had waited for him far too long. Had given herself to him and gotten the most mind-blowing sex she’d ever had in her adult life. But, something about this situation didn’t sit right with her. Glancing over at the open door, she saw him sitting on the King size bed staring at her.
His lips moved several times as if he was attempting to say words but changed his mind. Blue eyes met hers as he blurted out the words she never thought she’d hear again. “I was out with Meghan.”
Meghan. He was out with Meghan. Not her. Not again. “I don’t understand.” Maybe it wasn’t what she thought.
Sighing, he looked at her with a penetrating stare. “Yes, you do.”
“But why?” she asked, walking over to stand in front of him. “You told me she was out of your life. That you never wanted to see her again, let alone sleep with her. She cheated on you for Christ’s sake,” now the anger started to rise. “Not only do you bring her on our vacation, as if she’s some fucking barrier, but you also sat there and said nothing as she tried to make me feel like the third wheel. On the fucking vacation that I paid for!” Looking around for her clothes, she began planning her escape. Not even sure why she was so upset, she could feel the tears welling in her eyes. Last night, he wasn’t hers. Was he? He could date anyone he chose to. Right?
No, this was more than just about him being out on a date with another woman. It was that he’d planned to do with her what they’d done last night. Images of the two of them lying in his bed filled her mind. His lips kissing another woman. That beautiful mouth touching places he had no business being near. Giving another woman multiple orgasms as he made love to them all night. Was she a substitute for the woman he could no longer have? Flutters in her chest told her she was getting a bit too worked up over this. Then again, she’d never played second fiddle to another woman. And she sure as shit wasn’t going to start now. “I need to go.” Avoiding his gaze, she hopped up from the bed and began gathering her belongings.
His firm hand on her arm stopped her. “No. Where are you going? What thoughts are going through that beautiful crazy ass head of yours?”
“I’m going home. This was a bad idea. After all this time, all I know about you, I don’t know how I let myself get caught up last night. This was a mistake.” Hurt coursed through her as she said the words. Although her mouth was moving, spewing out the things she knew needed to be said, she didn’t honestly feel that way. Being with Jordan wasn’t a mistake. It wasn’t wrong. Perfect is what it was. Every hour, minute, and second of their time together would be imprinted on her soul. Her reaction to him admitting he was out with Meghan told her more about her feelings for him than anything else ever had.
His hard, gruff voice broke through her internal thoughts, “This is bullshit. Stop running away from this. Why are you so scared?”
Anger boiling over, she yanked her arm away from him. “Why?” her tone leaving no question about just how upset she truly was. “For whatever reason, you avoid seeing my face for more than a week, no matter how many times I asked you to come over and see me. We were friends. Had never gone that long without seeing each other. Yet, time and time again, you gaffed me off. Why? So you could have a clean conscience about calling up the ex-skank and getting your dick wet? Who the fuck cares anyway? I thought…” her voice cracked, and she paused, clearing her throat.
Finding the strength to continue speaking, even as her heart was breaking into pieces, Leticia glared at him. “The things you said to me. Were they all lies? Was I just a substitute for the one you really wanted? Just so happened your single, lonely friend got in the way of your plans when I walked into that lounge? Huh? Is that it? All this,” she gestured around the room with her arm, “was it just a pity fuck?”
“Shut the fuck up, Leticia. Right now!” The anger in his voice was palpable, but she didn’t heed the warning, nor did she care.
“Fuck you, Jordan.” If this were a cartoon, steam would be coming out of her ears. “I don’t know why I even bother with you. You’ve just proven everything I thought about you. As long as you get yours, that’s the only thing that matters.” She knew her words were unfair. He’d not treated her like she was second choice last night, or today. The way his body responded to her. All the whispered words of desire, need, and want that he repeated softly in her ear. That wasn’t something that could be faked. Was it?
He grabbed both of her arms, bringing her body flush against his, forcing her on her toes as he looked into her face. Even through the haze of anger and hurt, her body responded to the feel of his. Her channel slickened as his flaccid cock rested at the juncture of her thighs. “Don’t you ever question what I feel for you,” he ground out. “Or what we feel for each other. I meant what I said. You’re mine, Leticia. You’ve been mine since I first met you. Yes, I was stupid to call Meghan, but I—I couldn’t have you,” he confessed in a tone that drew her in. She could hear his own hurt reflected in his words, and it surprised her.
“And you felt she was the best person to help you prove that? That if you could get her into bed, it would be a good substitute?” She bit her bottom lip to stop it from trembling. God, she was so fucking stupid.
“No. It was just… Damn, baby. You have me twisted in knots. I was trying to prove I could move on from you. That my life was still my own. Every minute I spent in your presence made me want you even more. Made me want to rip your fucking clothes off and sink my dick inside you. Show you how much I wanted you. Prove to you how good we could be together. But you had these fucking walls up, closing me out.” His grip was so tight, she winced from the pain. Seeing her expression, he released her. He ran a hand through his still wet hair.
“I won’t be your second choice, Jordan. Doesn’t matter how much I want you. How good you feel inside me, or how many times you make me scream your name. Denying the truth does me no good. I built those walls because this is exactly what I was afraid of. The women in your life. You
have a history with them. Meghan was part of your world for longer than I’ve been. Hell, you were going to marry her. And even after she cheated on you, she was the one you called when you wanted to,” she put her fingers up in quotes, “show yourself that you could get over me and move on.”
His eyes were sad with regret as he looked up at her. “I’m sorry.”
“Sorry doesn’t cut it. Not with this.” Taking a deep breath, she gathered her courage and forged ahead, “Do you still love her?”
He exploded into motion, getting to her in two steps, his hands immediately going to her face. “God, no. Baby, no.” Bending his head down, he captured her lips in a soft kiss. “Based on what I feel for you, I don’t think I ever did. I’m a fool and a major jackass. I wasn’t thinking straight. I was in my head too much and almost fucked everything up.” Smiling down at her, he kissed her nose, then her forehead, then her lips.
“Seeing your face is all I think about. Being with you filled my days. Images of making love to you fill my dreams at night.” Pulling her close to him, he wrapped his arms around her body, which was still covered in the large bath towel. “I’d never told you how I feel. You were right to doubt me. I can’t blame you for that. But you need to understand, the thought of you leaving me, of moving on with someone else, has me losing my fucking mind. Letting you go is not an option for me. Yes, it’s selfish. Maybe you do feel you’ve waited too long for me to get my shit together. I get it. But walking away from me now is not an option. I know I can’t keep you here. Hell, I don’t know if you even believe a word I’ve said. Baby, just give me a chance to prove it to you. Don’t give up on me just yet.”
“I don’t want to. Never again Jordan. If you’re serious about us, then you let everything…and everyone from your past go.” Looking into his eyes, she knew the fight had left her. Arguing with Jordan was never fun. And right now, it wasn’t the time to focus on the negative. He’d looked just as torn up as she was at the prospect of not being in each other’s lives. Of giving up this thing they’d found with each other.
