by Edwin Dasso
Mark hesitated. “I know I don’t need to come up, but I don’t feel right about leaving you alone. And I want to be with you.” He was concerned about her injuries. “You won’t even know I’m there.”
“You’re going to stay?” With Jacob Parker in jail, he’d be staying just for her.
“Well, if it’s all right, I thought I would. I’ll sleep on the couch. If you need me, I’ll be right there.”
Jill knew she was vulnerable. If she had asked her father to spend the night above the grocery, now that she was welcome at the apartment, he’d have said of course. But staying there wasn’t an option because of her damaged pride, the place packed with people who knew all her business. Why am I fighting Mark?
“Okay,” she said, resigned. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me. Of course you can stay. I’d appreciate it.” She sat in the car feeling like a princess while he came around to open her door.
“Wait a second,” he said, reaching into the backseat. He produced a grocery bag filled with snacks and another suspicious-looking gift bag.
“Oh, you didn’t,” she said, embarrassed. “I didn’t get you anything.”
“This is for both of us,” Mark replied. “You’ll see.” He offered her an arm, and they walked up to her apartment together, both in the moment. He lagged back while she got her key out. A rush of cinnamon-scented air blew out when she opened the door.
“Whew! Those cinnamon saturated pinecones we got at the mall,” she said, going directly to the tree and plugging the lights into the wall socket. Turning to him, she smiled. “Merry Christmas, Mark.”
“Merry Christmas to you, too.” He held up the bag. “Let’s open this.” They sat on the window seat, and he took out a small box tied with a red ribbon. Shy, she took it from him, untied the ribbon, and lifted the top of the box.
“What’s this?” She gasped, lifting out a small crèche.
“It’s a music box,” Mark said, anxious, pleased. “Turn it over; there’s a key you turn on the bottom.”
Doing as he instructed, she turned the key, and when she released it, the melody to “Silent Night” began to play. Closing her eyes, she thought of the second night they walked to Gus’s for dinner, stopping to hear the carolers sing and she’d taken his hand. She kept her eyes closed and took in a slow breath, afraid she would cry if she spoke, the beauty of the idea of Christmas strong, in spite of her doubts.
Mark put his arm around her shoulder and didn’t say anything, understanding she was fighting to stay composed. When the music stopped, she looked up at him.
“Wow,” she whispered.
He chuckled. “I know. When I saw it, I thought the same thing. This defines us, I think,” he said cautiously.
She placed the music box carefully on the coffee table and then slid her arms around his body while they sat next to each other. “I never thought I wanted children until just now. Just since I met you.”
“I knew the moment I saw you that I wanted us to be a family,” Mark said.
“Thank you,” she said. “I’m honored.”
He kissed the top of her head, and they stayed intertwined on the window seat, watching the snow drift past the window to the ground.
Christmas morning, Jill woke up feeling like she’d been hit by a truck. She could hear Mark in the kitchen, could smell coffee.
“Mark,” she called. He came to her door right away.
“How are you this morning?” he asked, concerned. “You had a rough night.”
“Did I? Well, I don’t know about last night, but I’m having a rough morning. I want to stay home. Are you okay with it? I totally understand if you want to go see your grandmother.”
“I’m fine staying here, and I can see my grandmother later today. My family is notorious for eating Christmas dinner at ten o’clock at night. Do you need to call the doctor?”
She shook her head. “No, I’m sure I’m fine; my breathing is fine. I just feel like someone kicked the hell out of me, which he did.” She stood up and pulled the leg of her fleece pajama bottoms up past her knee. Her entire thigh was black and blue.
“Oh my God,” Mark gasped. “Did they know about that in the ER?”
She nodded. “It hadn’t bruised yet, just red. Take a picture, will you?” He got his phone out. “With my phone.” She handed him her phone. “This is way too much intimacy for Christmas morning.”
He laughed as he instructed her to pull her pant leg up higher. She pointed her toe and posed seductively.
“I better not take that picture,” Mark said, teasingly licking his lips.
“Yes, I don’t know what’s wrong with me,” she said, getting back into bed holding onto her rib. He covered her up.
“Do you want coffee yet?” he asked, handing her phone back.
She nodded. “I’d love a cup. I’ll call my father now.” She dialed Gus’s number although she wouldn’t have been surprised if he didn’t answer, forgetting they’d be opening gifts with the children soon.
“Dad, I’m not feeling well. If you don’t mind, I’ll skip breakfast and come later for dinner. I’ve got gifts here for the boys, too.” A wave of heat spread through her face and chest when she realized she’d called him dad.
“Is it from the accident?” he asked, not comfortable using the word assault. Gus felt terrible about the night before. Attacked on her way to see him, she showed up later for dinner when she should’ve been in bed, battered and in pain. He rewarded her by allowing Estelle to announce their news. And then graciously Jill acknowledged the news with a toast when the rest of the family would sooner forget they’d ever heard it.
“Yes,” Jill answered. “I feel like I was beat up. Ha! I guess I was.”
“I’m sorry, my love,” he said. “Sorry you experienced it, and even sorrier about what happened at dinner. I let Estelle make the announcement so Paula would shut up about your mother.”
Jill was conflicted, needing to accept her father’s weaknesses, how he allowed Paula to speak about Christina. Wanting to let it roll off her back, she’d be lying if she didn’t acknowledge how angry and hurt she’d been, more than willing to miss out on Christmas Day with the family because her pride had been hurt more than the pain in her body.
Renewing the decision she’d made during the summer when Paula told everyone about Nick and her mother having the affair, she wouldn’t address her anger with her father. It was okay to let some issues go. She would make it an act of her will to accept that her father was going to marry Estelle, that she’d be the lady of the house now. Estelle would help Gus heal from the pain and humiliation her mother had caused him. Jill would seal the decision with a loving comment for him.
“Papa, I’m happy for you. Happy that you found love again. It did feel a little strange hearing it from Estelle because I’d just asked you last weekend if you were getting married and you denied it.”
“Ugh. I am sorry. I guess I was nervous admitting it. Can you forgive me?”
“Of course,” Jill said, relieved. They declared their love for each other and hung up. Jill was resigned that things would never be the same in Greektown for her. But when she looked up as Mark brought her a cup of coffee, she thought, They might even be better.
23
Nicole Haleros woke up before seven on Christmas Day. She languished in bed, wishing the good fairy would bring in a cup of coffee. A slight headache circled her eyes from too much retsina and too little sleep. Andy’s family pulled an all-nighter, the men laughing into the early morning hours and the women alternately laughing and crying, the alcohol and food flowing freely. It wasn’t unusual for them to stay up all night, Andy said. But by three, Nicole had had enough. She’d worked that day and knew if she didn’t get some sleep, she’d be miserable Christmas Day.
Nicole’s family was sedate compared to Andy’s family. Her uncles played poker, but it was genteel poker, with color-coordinated snacks provided by the wives, games ending before midnight, no matter who was losing. The wo
men talked about their knitting projects or their book club reads. At Andy’s, Nicole spent most of the time rolling on the bed laughing hysterically at his Aunt Maria’s stories. Nicole thought how different Maria was from her aunts. Maria mentioned her husband and children in passing, but didn’t say why she wasn’t with them on Christmas. Nicole didn’t want to pry, but thought it was sad. She couldn’t imagine her mother not spending Christmas with her father.
The uncle who was alone, Uncle John, Andy had called him, was so obviously depressed that Nicole couldn’t help but do a quick nursing assessment of him. And then she switched gears, thinking it wasn’t depression alone but some personality disorder as well. She wondered if he didn’t have Asperger’s autism.
The cast of characters was definitely interesting. They were all so real, with real relationship issues and foibles, compared to her family who seemed almost too good to be true. Her siblings were all graduates of the same mortuary science program at Wayne State. Everyone was married to a Greek except her mother’s younger sister, Aunt Stephanie, who lived with an Australian runner.
It was still dark out, sunrise not for another half hour. Moving the curtain to see how much snow had fallen, the streets were unplowed, with a layer of fresh snow covering everything. The ping of a shovel hitting the concrete echoed down the street, and she could hear the sound of snow plows over on Jefferson.
Her parents were expecting her that afternoon, but first she’d go to Andy’s place to watch the boys open their gifts. She didn’t have gifts for them but didn’t feel bad about it. The boys weren’t even curious about her. Anna had let Nicole know that she didn’t think her son was ready for a relationship. Her exact words were, “His wife just died last summer. It’s too early for him to see anyone.” Nicole was surprised by her abrasiveness; she looked like such a mild-mannered little old lady. But after that encounter, she kept her distance. She also didn’t mention it to Andy. There was nothing he could do about it, anyway.
And if he knew how his mother felt, he wasn’t paying any attention to it. “I think I better get home,” she said, yawning. They walked to the coat rack together. “Thank you for a fun evening.”
“We didn’t really get a chance to talk tonight,” Andy said, his voice hushed by the snow cover as they walked down Beaubien.
Nicole bent over and took a handful of snow. “I love the snow, as long as I don’t have to be in it. But I like making snow angels.”
“If enough falls, I’ll get my kids to make a snowman in the morning.” They reached her apartment, and he bent down to kiss her. “Get a good night’s sleep. If you want, come back around eight.”
“Okay, I’ll do that,” she answered.
He seemed less committal than he had been the day before, when they’d agreed she’d spend the day at his house for the children’s sake. But she didn’t question it, and they said goodbye. She got into her apartment in time to catch a glimpse of him out the window just as he reached his apartment, disappearing through the doorway.
After Andy left Nicole, he wondered again if it was such as smart thing to do, introducing her to his family. He saw Paula whispering to his mother, sure it was something derogatory. He steeled himself for a confrontation about it when he returned from walking Nicole home, but everyone was occupied. Although the poker game was still going strong, with his Uncle Nick arm wrestling his father, the women had dispersed to their rooms on the third floor, echoes of laughter filtering down through the heat registers. He saw his mother in the kitchen, so he made a beeline for his bedroom, hoping to avoid her. On that end of the building, away from Estelle’s adjoining wall and the stairwell, his three-bedroom area was cozy and silent, the boys snoring in their bunk beds, the little tree his mother decorated twinkling in the dark.
He got ready for sleep and was just going to get a glass of water out of the bathroom when there was a knock on his door. “I was so close,” he said. He went to the door and opened it.
“I almost pretended to be sleeping,” he said.
“Can I come in?” She ignored his sarcasm.
“Mom, I know what you’re going to say. But I don’t want to hear it, sorry. I’ve been through a lot and want to live my own life.”
“That’s what worries me,” she said. “We lived your other life right along with you. We saw what being married to Dana was doing to you. She didn’t want to have anything to do with us. I don’t want to see you go through that again.”
“Well, don’t watch, then.”
Anna gasped. Her son had never been disrespectful to her, and now on Christmas Day, he spoke to her harshly, bringing tears to her eyes.
“I’ve spent the last six months coming to help you every day, and this is my reward.”
“I’ve seen Nicole exactly three times. That’s not an engagement announcement. And I didn’t know that needing you to help out with your grandchildren meant that I could only date when you thought enough time had passed.”
Andy was shocked at himself as the words spilled out of his mouth. He’d always enjoyed a loving relationship with his parents. Although he knew it was painful for them to endure Dana’s disrespect, he rarely stood up to her for their sakes to keep the peace, a move he regretted now.
“Well, enough time hasn’t passed,” Anna said. “You should wait a year after the death of a spouse.”
“Mom, that’s for people who were in a loving relationship. Dana and I were on the verge of divorce. The only reason I was still involved with her was because you specifically asked me to wait.”
“Oh, wonderful! You’re going to blame me for staying married.”
“I’m not blaming you for anything, Mom. I’m trying to explain to you that my marriage was over long before Dana died.” He went to his mother and embraced her. “Look, I’m not going to get married tomorrow, if that’s what you’re worried about. I’m lonely, and Nicole is a nice Greek girl. She’s kind and smart, and I’d like to get to know her. If you’re rude to her, it will make things hard for me. Is that what you want?”
“When was I rude to her?” Anna immediately was suspicious the girl had run to Andy and tattled.
“What did you say to her after dinner? Estelle said I’d better go rescue my girlfriend because ‘my mother was giving her the third degree.’ Is that true?”
Anna shrugged him off. “I told her it was too soon for you to think of dating. Exactly what I said just now.”
Somehow, Andy thought her having said that was much worse than simply being rude. “Okay, well, that was inappropriate. I asked her out, not the other way around. Don’t confront her again, Mom.” He walked to the door, hoping she’d leave. “And I think you should apologize to her when she gets here in the morning.”
“I will not,” Anna said. “This is what I get for being concerned about you.” When she walked through the door, watching his petite, well-groomed mother, head held high, he thought he heard a sob.
The next morning Andy was fixing cereal for the boys, who would be uninterested in the huge breakfast being prepared. He heard a tap on the door and looked up just as is father walked through. Oh crap, Andy thought.
“We need to talk, my son. Your mother is very upset. She cried herself to sleep this morning.”
“Dad, what do you want me to do?”
“Apologize to your mother, and tell the girl to spend Christmas with her own family.”
Andy turned his back to do an imaginary task, not able to process what his father had just said. When he’d organized his thoughts, he faced his father again. Big Andy was waiting patiently.
“I can apologize to Mom, but I’m not asking Nicole to stay away.” The truth was that he was feeling a little suffocation with her among the family members. But an invitation had been issued. He didn’t know how he could take it back, regardless of what its motive was.
“Son, I don’t think you understand the gravity of what’s happening here. Your mother and I have rearranged our lives for you and your children. My brother took you in
and gave you a job so you can support your family.”
“So you’re saying I am indebted to you now?” Andy was shocked. He wondered if his dad had thrown in the mention of Gus just to stack the dice in his favor, or if Gus was concerned, too.
“Well, not exactly indebted, but obligated.”
“I gotcha, Dad. Wow, this is not the way I thought I’d be spending Christmas morning.”
He started to pace. If he left with the boys to spend the day with Nicole, albeit a nice girl but someone he barely knew, it would be at the expense of his sons’ Christmas. Maybe it would just be easier to call her and ask her to forgive him but he was going to have to rescind his invitation. It sounded like the alternative would be an angry mother, father, uncle and employer.
“Okay, I guess I don’t have a choice. As soon as you leave, I’ll call her and ask her to stay home.”
“That’s a boy,” Big Andy said. “I’ll see you at breakfast.”
He left the room, and Andy quietly closed the door after him. He looked at the clock on the stove and saw that it was almost eight. She would be there any second if he didn’t act fast. He grabbed his phone and found the number, pressing buttons to call her.
“Hi!” she answered happily. “I’m here. I’m downstairs.”
Running his hands through his hair, he said he’d be right down and hung up. In seconds, a basic life lesson went through his mind. A year earlier, he’d gone to his parents, unhappy, wanting their support as he planned to divorce Dana. They were heartbroken, begging him to hold on.
“Give it a year,” Anna begged. “Just twelve months. So much can change in that time. Then, if it’s still intolerable, we’ll back you up one hundred percent.”
Accepting his parents’ advice, Andy decided to wait. Within six months he’d become suspicious of Dana and hired a private detective, who discovered that she was having an affair with the boys’ T-ball coach. He was going to ask for a divorce, but before he got the chance, she was murdered. What would have happened if he’d confronted Dana when he wanted to? He often wondered about this. If he’d threatened to divorce her, she may have left him first, moved in with her parents and still be alive. If only.
