by Sue Barr
Max dropped his head into his hands and groaned. He was the fool, not Georgiana. How could he, for even one minute, have believed her as being a woman of loose morals? He did not deserve her love and once she reached Pemberley, he knew Elizabeth and Fitzwilliam would take her in hand and advise her to annul the marriage.
His heart constricted and a physical pain shot through his chest. He couldn’t lose her, but he also couldn’t storm up to Pemberley and demand his wife be returned to him. Legally, he could, but if he wished to have a wife and a normal marriage, he had to make amends. And make amends fast.
Even though he’d not heard from Adborough Hall, he knew – without a shadow of doubt – his wife was innocent of all the treacherous things he’d despaired over. He reached for his stationery and dipped a new quill into the inkpot.
My darling wife, Georgiana,
May I call you Georgiana, for that is how I think of you…
As he sanded, then folded the letter to be sent, sinking his signet ring into the soft wax, he felt a burden lift from his shoulders. There may be no turning back, but he would create a new trail. One that held only him and his love. He had to trust God to make straight his crooked path.
~~~~~
“A letter for you, my Lady.”
Georgiana took the letter from Anna and felt her whole body grow cold when she recognized the seal. The formal address on the letter mocked her.
Her Grace, the Duchess of Adborough
Pemberley, Derbyshire
Maxwell!
As though burned, she dropped the letter on top of the pianoforte where she’d been playing a difficult piece in an attempt to empty her mind of thoughts of her husband and a life that might have been.
How did he know she was at Pemberley? Her insides began to shake. He’d been explicit that she was not to leave Adborough Hall without his consent. Did this missive contain words of anger and a demand for annulment? She pushed away from the pianoforte and moved toward the Paladion window overlooking the back garden. A light snow covered the ground, creating an illusion of peace and tranquility. She touched her brow against the cool pane of the window. If only her thoughts mirrored the pastoral scene before her.
She glanced over her shoulder at the letter, laying on the pianoforte, mocking her with its fake title. Had he sneered and toyed with more thoughts of her doing evil when he was forced to write down her legal name? It would not have given him joy, that was for sure.
“Have you finished playing, Georgiana?” Lizzy entered the room at a slow pace. She was only a few weeks from delivering and Fitzwilliam had given strict orders she was to limit her time on her feet.
“Yes, I cannot concentrate on Handel today.”
Lizzy noticed the letter on the pianoforte. She glanced at the address and her eyebrows rose a fraction higher.
“From his Grace?”
She nodded, not daring to speak lest she blurt out something in anger, and she was trying very hard not to be angry any more. The emotion drained her and he wasn’t worth the effort anymore.
“Well, at least he didn’t address it to the whore of Babylon.”
“Lizzy!” Her sister’s black humor made her smile, but only a little. “I don’t think he thinks of me as the whore of Babylon, only of Derbyshire.”
Lizzy laughed out loud. “Well done, Georgiana. I knew you had a stiff Darcy spine. It’s high time you came out of your doldrums and start a new chapter.”
“I suppose I should read what he has to say.” She picked up the letter and sat down beside Lizzy.
“You do not need to do anything.” Lizzy laid a hand on hers. “You can consign it to the fire without opening it, much like Fitz does with any correspondence from Lady Catherine.”
Georgiana turned the letter over in her hand and toyed with the edge of the sealed fold. Warring thoughts chased through her mind. Read it. Burn it. Read it. Burn it.
“I need to see what he has written.” Decision made; she broke the seal. His first words clawed at her heart and she forgot to breathe.
My darling wife, Georgiana,
May I call you Georgiana, for that is how I think of you.
Almost verbatim, he’d copied her form of addressing him in her private letters. How could that be? She finally took in air and looked up at Lizzy, who demanded. “What? What has he said?”
“He called me his darling wife.”
“He what?”
“I need to speak with Anna.”
“Your maid? For whatever reason?”
“I have no time to explain, I shall return in but a moment.”
She hurried from the room and asked one of the footmen to direct Anna to her suite of rooms. Within a few minutes, Anna appeared and after a quick curtsy, asked, “What can I do for you, my Lady?”
Georgiana stopped her pacing.
“Do you recall me asking if you’d taken care of my letters prior to us leaving Adborough Hall?”
“Yes, ma’am, I do. I wrapped them up in a pink ribbon so that they wouldn’t get separated.”
“And what, exactly, did you do with them?”
“I gave them to Mr. Chapman to post to his Grace in London.” Anna paused and began to wring her hands. “Did they not make it to his Grace? I was so careful with them. I’m sorry, my Lady−”
“You did nothing wrong.” She broke into her maid’s apology. “I was not specific enough in my direction to you.” She sat at her desk, letter in hand. “Thank you, Anna. Please tell Mrs. Darcy that I will see her at dinner.”
“Yes, my Lady.” Anna curtsied and backed out the door.
What to do now? Max knew everything. How she felt. Her confession about Wickham. All her secrets and fears. Her soul had been laid bare and she had nothing to lose. She looked at the letter in her hand and began to read.
Chapter Fifteen
Georgiana sat gazing out her bedroom window, the letter held loose in her hand. Her mind whirled in frantic circles. What to do? Write back or ignore Maxwell completely as he had done her the past four months? What course of action should she pursue? None left her feeling satisfied, or content.
The clock struck the hour and she realized she’d been in the same attitude for over two hours. At almost the same time her stomach rumbled and she remembered she’d not eaten since breaking her fast that morning.
She tugged the bell pull, summoning her maid and tucked the letter in the top drawer of her desk. Within minutes Anna entered and she began to dress for dinner. While Anna fixed her wayward curls, Georgiana made up her mind to ask Lizzy for advice. Her sister by love had never led her down a wrong path and this decision was too momentous to make on her own. She didn’t even entertain the thought of asking her brother. Fitz would not be able to see past his own anger and she desperately needed the level-headedness Lizzy demonstrated on a daily basis.
Once dressed, she took the letter, folded it into a smaller rectangle and slid it into one of her hidden side pockets. Lizzy and Fitz had not come downstairs yet, so to occupy her time and mind she picked up the blanket she’s been stitching for one of Pemberley’s tenants and waited for their arrival. She’d completed one small pattern by the time they made an appearance. Unexpectedly nervous, she set aside her stitching and stood.
“Do you mind if we proceed to the dining room right away, Brother. I have not eaten since breaking my fast this morning and my stomach has kept up a steady conversation with me for the past half hour.”
“As you wish, Georgiana.”
Fitz signaled Carson to notify the kitchen, then offered his arm to Lizzy and the three of them made their way to the family dining room. This was one of Georgiana’s favorite rooms. It held only a smallish table, seating up to eight with ease, two sideboards and wide comfortable chairs that made one want to linger at the table. In the morning, the room was bathed with sunlight and in the evening, the moon cast its warm glow over the gardens which beckoned beyond the terrace doors.
“Lizzy tells me you received a letter from his Gr
ace,” Fitz murmured between the first and second course. She should have known her sister by love would not keep such momentous news secret and yet she experienced a twinge of disappointment. She wished to discuss the letter with Lizzy alone, although… Fitz had been more than conciliatory in his dealings with her over the past few weeks and he deserved to know what Maxwell proposed.
“I have and he has given me leave to share what he wrote with you and Elizabeth.”
“He gives you leave−”
“Fitzwilliam, you promised to remain calm.”
Lizzy laid a restraining hand on her husband’s arm and he abruptly closed his mouth into a thin, disapproving line. Georgiana had seen that look upon his face only once. The day he turned Wickham out of their rented house in Ramsgate.
Georgiana reached into her pocket and pulled out the letter, passing it over to Fitzwilliam.
“Elizabeth, would you read it first. I’m afraid I may not hold my temper in check and will trust you’ll share the salient points.” Darcy signaled the footman to leave and asked they not be disturbed for the next half hour, whereupon the dessert course would be served.
After the footman had departed and fully closed the door, Lizzy opened the letter and began to read silently.
“No, this will not do. I must know what he wrote.” Fitz bit out between stiff lips. “Please read it aloud, Lizzy.”
“Very well,” she answered and complied.
My darling wife, Georgiana,
Fitzwilliam snorted and Lizzy raised an elegant eyebrow at him.
“Sorry my love. I shall behave.”
She smiled softly and continued reading.
May I call you Georgiana, for that is how I think of you. I am in receipt of your letters. All five of them and have no hope of others being delivered any time soon. I want to, nay, I need to say:
I am a complete and utter ass.
“We all know that,” her brother muttered.
“Fitzwilliam Darcy. If you interrupt one more time, I shall discontinue reading and not share any of what Maxwell wrote until tomorrow evening.”
“You wouldn’t.”
“Don’t try my patience. I’m heavy with child. I have a toddler who demands all my time and energy throughout the day and I haven’t slept properly in over a month.” She shook out the letter in agitation. “Shall I continue?”
“Yes, my love. I will remain as quiet as a church mouse.”
“Pfffttt….,” was Lizzy’s only reply before beginning again.
I have no explanation for my words and actions other than an incident which occurred in my youth and, if you return to Adborough Hall, I shall share the full of it. Know this. I betrayed not only your trust but my good judgement. How could I have entertained such vile thoughts about you? There is no plausible answer or reasoning other than the fact I became consumed by jealousy. I broke not only the trust of your family, but mine. You are a gracious and lovely young woman not deserving of my previous bitter treatment. My mistakes are multiple and egregious.
Fitz snorted and Lizzy gave him a warning twitch with her eyebrow. He clamped his mouth tight and leaned back in his chair. Georgiana dreaded the next part of the letter, unsure of how her brother would react.
I am well aware that words without action are hollow and with that in mind, I beseech your permission to attend Pemberley and work through this trying time. Have no fear of me demanding your return to Adborough Hall. I solemnly promise I will never dictate your actions again and your family may stay by your side as we converse. I desire there be no secrets between any of us. To that end, I have no objection to your sharing this letter with your family members.
The information I overheard with regard to Wickham was something we should have spoken of prior to our wedding. However, looking back, I realize there was no time. Between social engagements, fittings for your trousseau and all the excitement that goes along with organizing a wedding we had no time for ourselves. One does not have this conversation on the edges of a ballroom, nor at a musicale. I believe you would have told me. It’s not your nature to be dishonest. I’ve always known that. I allowed jealousy to color my view of your character.
Although I never spoke the words aloud, I proclaim them now. I love you, my darling Georgiana, most ardently. I have loved none but you.
I await your reply,
Eternally yours,
Maxwell Kerr
“He can wait until Hades has frozen over. That man is not welcome at Pemberley.”
Fitz pushed back his chair and threw his napkin onto his plate. Lizzy let him stew for a few minutes before speaking.
“I seem to recall a certain gentleman who also made multiple mistakes in his pursuit of love. He almost lost the woman he so ardently loved because of extreme prejudices against her family and interfered with her sister in an extremely high-handed way.” She paused and gave Fitz a compelling look. “Need I go on?”
“There is no comparison between the two incidents,” he groused. “Adborough insinuated that Georgiana dallied with not one, but two different men.” Fitz sat once again and drummed his fingers on the table.
Georgiana paled at the vehemence in her brother’s voice. If she did reconcile with Maxwell, there remained a good possibility she’d lose her brother forever. The choice was almost too difficult to consider.
“And whose fault might that be?” Lizzy argued back. “I don’t wish to point fingers at you, or Richard, but surely to goodness one of you should have informed him of Wickham prior to their marching down the aisle. Nathan told us Max was completely blindsided by the news and, yes, he behaved badly, but he did it out of a jealous love. And we all know what a twisted partnership love and jealousy make.”
“I reformed my character upon your chastisement−”
“Please, stop!” Georgiana stood, her whole body shaking. “I cannot stand the fact you are debating over who behaved more badly. I have the beginning of a headache and wish to return to my room.” She held out her hand and Lizzy gave her back the letter. “I shall see you both in the morning.”
With that she spun on her heel and exited the room, almost at a run.
~~~~~
A soft knock on the door had Georgiana pause in her pacing.
“Georgie?” Her brother’s muffled voice carried through the thick door.
She moved to the door and swung it wide, not waiting to see if he entered before moving to sit in the chair by her fireplace. Fitz took only a few steps into the room and played with his signet ring. Determined not to begin the conversation, she waited.
“I have no words for my callous disregard for your feelings in this matter.”
She refused to interrupt him, even though she could tell he expected her to voice an opinion.
“Elizabeth kindly reminded me that you are a married woman, and as such, I must have what she called an adult conversation with you. Something I don’t believe we’ve ever truly had.”
“No, we have not.”
Fitz sat across from her and leaned forward, placing his elbows on his knees. He looked… forlorn, and her heart strings tugged.
“You were only ten years old when Father died and I went from loving older brother to guardian and father figure in one short minute. At twenty-two years of age, what did I know of raising a young girl, or of running an estate? My answer was to place you in a safe school and when it became apparent you weren’t thriving in that environment, I sought to pack you off with a governess or companion. It’s my fault Mrs. Younge had the means to perpetrate her fraud with Wickham. I did not practice due diligence in checking her background.”
“You did the best you could, Brother.”
“Did I?” he countered. “Could I not have spared my younger sister a few short weeks of my company while I awaited a response from Mrs. Younge’s ‘so-called’ references? What was happening in my life that I could not spend those days with my one and only sibling? Were you not worth the time and effort?”
“Cease this crazy ta
lk.” She stood and wrung her hands with agitation. “I know you love me and I know you did the best you could.”
He also stood and took her hands in his, stilling their movement.
“I do love you, but I did not do my best by you. In all things important, I behaved as badly as Maxwell. Maybe even worse, because I have known your character far longer than him.”
“Oh, Fitzwilliam,” she threw herself into his arms. “I don’t know what to do.”
“As much as it pains me, you must write back to Adborough. I leave it up to you whether or not you wish him to attend Pemberley. Elizabeth and I support you no matter what your decision may be. You will always have a home with us.”
She leaned back in his arms and cupped his cheek with her palm.
“You have always been the best of brothers and I will sleep on my decision and let you know on the morrow.” He turned his face and kissed her palm before she stepped out of his loose embrace. “If I know Lizzy, she awaits your return so you may tell her all is well between us.”
“You know her well, Poppet.”
“You’ve not called me that in years!”
“And I probably won’t ever again. You are no longer a child in pigtails and pinafores.” He paused in the doorway. “Sleep well, Georgiana.”
“I’ll try,” she whispered as the door closed with a soft snick.
Sleep eluded her as thoughts of Maxwell and his letter, of his behaviour and apology circled in a continuous loop. It was only when strings of pink and orange streaked across the eastern horizon did the haze of Morpheus relax her mind. Before breaking her fast later that day she picked up her quill, dipped it into a new bottle of ink and began writing.
~~~~~
“The post has arrived, your Grace.”
Benson placed a pile of correspondence on the corner of Max’s desk. Before his butler had closed the door, Max pawed through the letters, stopping only when he recognized Georgiana’s handwriting on one of them. The week awaiting her reply had been excruciating. His whole attitude had been one of half hope and half agony. Everything rode of her decision.
