by TJ Klune
The doors quaked.
Ox opened his eyes. They were red and violet. The bonds thrummed. “This life hasn’t been what I expected. We’ve hurt. We’ve bled. We’ve lost those we loved. But through it all, we’ve been together, even when we thought ourselves alone. I am so lucky to be your Alpha.”
“Ox,” Joe said, voice cracking. “What is this? What are you—”
He said, “I love you. Joe, I have never loved anyone as much as I love you.”
“No,” Gordo muttered. “Ox, no, stop, you can’t do this, you can’t—”
He said, “Are you my father? Are you my brother? Both, I think. Do you remember the wrapping paper? Little snowmen. And it was so precious to me, the shirt. It had my name on it. And I never felt more awake than I did then. I dreamed and sometimes got lost when I did. But with you, I was awake.”
Bright lights flashed, blinding me. I was Carter, but then I was Ox, I was Ox, and I was seeing what he saw, what he saw in all of us.
I was watching my mother paint, and she was muttering to herself about today, today, today as she splashed color against the canvas, a bit of green on the tip of her nose.
I was walking with my father through the trees, and I was in awe of him.
I was with Gordo behind the garage and smoking a cigarette. It burned my lungs, and he shook his head.
I was with Mark, asking if we could be friends, and he smiled his secret smile.
I was with Kelly, telling him that we would do all we could to find Robbie, I promise you, I promise you we’ll find him.
I was with Joe, and he smiled, and oh, how my heart felt like it would burst from my chest.
I was with Robbie, and he didn’t know who I was, but part of him burned and burned and burned because he wanted to, he wanted it so badly.
I was with Tanner and Chris and Rico, and they were jumping on me, patting my back, talking about mystical moon magic, saying we knew you had it in you, we knew.
I was with Jessie, and she laid her head on my shoulder, my nose in her hair.
I was with Dominique, and she was scared, oh she was scared, but I took her face in my hands, my eyes red and violet, and she trembled.
I was with Bambi, and she was pale and tired, dark circles under her eyes, but she was holding a child in her arms, and I kissed his forehead, telling her that he would be loved beyond all else.
I was with a timber wolf, and he snapped and snarled but stopped when I flicked his ear.
Me, me, I was with me, how he saw me, how he loved me, how strong he thought I was, how foolish I could be sometimes, but it didn’t matter to him. He trusted me, he called me his brother, he called me his friend, he said Carter, Carter, they’ll need you, more than you know.
And here, at the end, I was with her.
We were standing in front of the sink, dishes piled high. She laughed and popped a soap bubble in my ear. I (Ox) said, “Mom, I’ve done my best. I’ve done all I can.”
And she said, “I know. I know you have. Just a little more to go. Just a little more and I promise you that you will know peace. I’m so proud of you. There is no one such as you in all the world, and Ox, Ox, Ox, remember? What do you call a lost wolf?” She laughed. “A where-wolf. Oh, that makes me laugh. Oh, that makes me smile.” I took her by the hand and spun her in a circle as the music soared. Her eyes were bright, and she said, “You’re going to make someone very happy someday. And I can’t wait to see it happen.”
“I did,” I told her. “I think I did.”
“Did you? How lovely. How wonderful.”
“You fought. Even at the end.”
“I did. Because I would have done anything for you.”
And there was more, so much more, the images moving quicker and quicker. We were together on Sunday because it was tradition. We were fighting for our lives. We were howling under the full moon. We grieved over those we lost. A pyre burned in the night. A baby was born. Joe and Ox. Gordo and Mark. Robbie and Kelly, and me and Gavin, Dominique and Jessie, Chris and Tanner, Rico and Bambi and Joshua. My mother and my father standing on the porch, watching the tornado spin out on the back of a large, quiet boy.
He said, “A gift. Each of you is a gift. This is what you’ve given me. And I will never forget it.”
The wolves stopped howling.
The doors stopped vibrating.
Silence fell across the clearing.
Oxnard Matheson said, “Just a little farther. Just a little longer. Hold on to me. Hold on to each other. I will see us home.”
We tilted our heads back as one toward the star-struck sky, and the moon pulsed, and I felt it calling to me, singing my name and I—
wolfsong/ravensong/
heartsong/brothersong
I whispered, “Sacrifice.”
I opened my eyes.
We stood near the house. In front of us, the blue house was dark and quiet.
My pack surrounded me.
We were together.
The forest was silent.
Ox said, “It’s almost time.”
Joe blinked slowly, as if waking from a dream. “Was that—”
Ox kissed him fiercely. My brother gripped his arms.
Gordo said, “No. You can’t—Ox. I don’t know what the fuck you’re thinking of doing, but you better get that shit out of your head right now.”
Ox pulled away from Joe. “We all have a part to play. I’ve known that for a long time. I’m ready.”
Gordo’s eyes were wet. “What the hell are you—”
A roar filled the forest.
Ox stepped away from Joe.
We parted as he walked in front of us.
The dark cancer was spreading toward us as a beast moved down the dirt road toward the house at the end of the lane.
Ox took a deep breath and let it out slow. “We—”
Two figures emerged from behind the house.
Dominique and Bambi.
Rico rushed toward them. “Joshua?” he demanded.
“Safe,” she said. “In the bunker. And we’re here, where we’re supposed to be.”
Rico shook his head furiously. “Please. Please don’t do this. Leave. Go back. Run while you still can.”
Bambi said, “And leave you to get your ass kicked? Never in your life. We’re going to finish this, and then we’re going back to our son. Together.” She pulled Rico’s old guns from the holsters at her sides before glancing at Ox. “Thanks for the trippy mind fuck. But if that was your sorry attempt at saying goodbye, then you can go fuck yourself, Oxnard.”
“I love you so goddamn much,” Rico breathed.
Ox opened his mouth but then closed it before shaking his head. “You don’t—”
Gavin said, “He’s here.”
We turned.
Robert Livingstone stood on the road.
He’d removed the knife from his empty socket, though the wound still bled.
He was human, his bare skin pale. His face was twisted, his mouth turning down. He looked older, far older than he had when I’d seen him last, surrounded by witches. His skin sagged, and his remaining eye was sunken and burning. He had a tremor in his hands. His pack had been torn from him, and if they weren’t all dead yet, they soon would be. I hoped it felt like a thousand knives in his heart.
He said, “I lived here once. With the wolves.” He glanced at the blue house, shaking his head slowly. “I like to think I was happy, though that feels like a lie.” He frowned. “It’s strange, really. How easy it is to deceive oneself. I had power. I had control. I thought it was enough. I was wrong.”
“You killed my mother,” Gavin growled.
Livingstone nodded slowly. “I suppose I did, in the end. I took more than I gave, and… I can see that now. It may not have been by my hand, but it was because of my actions. But I did not act alone. The wolves. It always comes back to the wolves. The Bennetts.” His eye filled with red. “You made me this way. You took from me. My wife. My tether. My magic. My sons. All th
at I am is because of you. I never wanted it to come to this. All I wanted was what was mine to begin with. And you just couldn’t leave well enough alone.”
“Jesus Christ,” Bambi muttered. “Less talking, more killing.” She raised one of the guns and fired.
Livingstone jerked his head to the side. The bullet embedded itself into a tree behind him.
“You missed,” he said, and it sounded as if his heart was breaking. A tear trickled down his cheek.
And then he moved.
The façade of an old man melted away, skin tearing as the beast burst forward, fangs glistening, claws outstretched as black hair sprouted along his arms and legs.
Ox was quicker than the rest of us. He met Livingstone head-on, a black wolf colliding with a black beast. Joe screamed for Ox, and then chaos descended.
We fought.
Bambi stayed by Rico’s side, pulling the trigger again and again. There were moments when she was behind Livingstone, pressing the barrel of the gun into the base of his spine and firing over and over. Anytime Livingstone started to whirl on her, Rico was there, snapping his fangs.
Kelly and Robbie moved in tandem, bodies pressed together before parting as Livingstone slammed a fist into the earth where they’d been standing.
Mark and Mom ran between his legs, sinking their fangs into his heels, tearing at his tendons, snapping them wetly.
Chris and Tanner clawed their way up his back. As they bit down hard, he roared in anger, reaching back for them, but Gordo was there, mouth bloodied from where he’d bitten down into the scar tissue that had once been a raven. He spat the blood into his hand as the marks his father had carved into his skin glowed furiously. The roses bloomed upward, thick vines bursting from the ground, wrapping themselves around Livingstone’s legs, huge thorns piercing his flesh.
Jessie ran up behind Dominique, who was crouched low. She stepped onto Dominique’s back, and when Jessie reached her shoulders, she pushed herself up from the ground, launching Jessie into the air. Jessie raised the crowbar over her head. She’d laughed once, long ago, about how the original crowbar had broken in Caswell, though we had seen it in her eyes how much the loss of such a simple thing had affected her. Gordo had made her another at Ox’s request, and the look on her face when he’d given it to her had pulled at my heart, even though I was still reeling from the loss of Gavin. And it was this crowbar, now, that she thrust down with all her might.
Livingstone was distracted. He didn’t see her flying above him until it was too late. The end of the crowbar pierced the tough skin between his neck and shoulder. She kicked off his shoulder as he roared. She landed roughly on the ground behind him, rolling and up on her feet even as Livingstone tried to reach for the metal sticking out of him.
But Ox and Joe wouldn’t let him, biting into his arms, keeping him from pulling it out. They were in a drag-out fight, forgoing speed for brutal attacks, blood dripping from their mouths, coating their fur.
Gavin stayed by my side, both of us running on four legs. Livingstone went for his son, and I closed my jaws around one of his misshapen fingers. I jerked my head as hard as I could, and the beast screamed when the digit was torn loose. I spat it onto the ground, the taste of his blood heavy on my tongue.
And then things turned for the worse.
Livingstone grabbed hold of Rico and squeezed him tightly. Rico yelped as his ribs splintered. Chris and Tanner didn’t have time to move when the beast hurled Rico at them, knocking them all off their feet.
Jessie shouted for her brother, and Livingstone turned toward her, the vines around his legs tearing apart. He swatted at her, black claws like hooks. Dominique jumped between them, and the claws raked down her side. Jessie fell over Dominique, covering the wolf’s body with her own. Livingstone tore into her back. Jessie cried out, holding on to Dominique as hard as she could.
My mother landed on his back, trying to pull him away. She bit again and again, and as she neared the crowbar jutting out of him, she managed to get one more hit in before he reached back, grabbed her by the neck, and threw her over his shoulder. She flew toward the house and crashed into the porch, the frame shuddering as she slammed into it.
Gordo grunted as the air filled with the sharp sting of magic. His arms shook, and the tattoos were almost too bright to look at. Columns of rock burst from the earth, rising up beneath Livingstone, causing him to stumble forward, head lowering toward the ground. Mark was waiting for him, and he closed his jaws around Livingstone’s snout. There was an audible crunch. Livingstone jerked his head back, bringing Mark up with him. Livingstone raised his claws on either side of Mark. He let go at the last second, dropping down onto the ground.
Kelly snarled in fury and went for Livingstone. He wasn’t fast enough. The beast reared back, lashing out and kicking Kelly. I heard the sounds of my brother’s bones as they broke. He landed near Bambi. She stood over him, gun raised as he tried to get to his feet. He collapsed again, whining lowly in his throat.
Livingstone turned toward them, taking a heavy step that caused the ground to shake. Robbie growled, and before he could launch himself at Livingstone, Gavin appeared at his side, tail twitching, eyes orange, fangs bared.
Livingstone faltered. “Whyyy? Why do you do thissss?” He was bleeding heavily, but the wounds were closing, though it was taking longer than it had before.
“Because fuck you, that’s why,” Bambi snapped as Kelly rose to his feet, as my mother crawled from the ruins of the porch. Bambi pulled the trigger again, but the gun was empty. The dry click was as loud as anything else.
Livingstone took another step toward them.
Dominique pulled herself up. Jessie grimaced as she used Dominique’s back to help her stand.
Joe and Ox circled around Livingstone, standing in front of Rico and Chris and Tanner.
Gordo and Mark stood behind him. Gordo was panting, his face slick with blood and sweat. He put his hand on Mark’s back, fingers curling into the brown fur.
Jessie spat out a wad of blood. Her face was puffy, her skin bruised. She said, “It’s always the same. This circle. Just like all the others. You think yourself different. You think yourself more. But hear me, motherfucker. Hear me very well. You are nothing.” And remarkably, she laughed.
Livingstone roared again.
And then Ox was there, in our heads, and he said now now now finish this it’s time to finish this this is how it ends for him here now fight fight with all you can fight for family for brothers and sisters for our mothers and fathers and for packpackpack.
We attacked him from all sides, all at once.
He was fast.
But we were faster.
Vines rose from the ground again, wrapping around Livingstone’s legs and arms, pulling him down. As soon as he was on all fours, the vines tightened as black stone rose from the ground, covering them and holding him in place.
Out of the corner of my eye, I saw beams of light moving swiftly. I swore other wolves stood with us, a brown wolf with a white star on his chest, and my mother gasped in my head as she whispered abel abel abel, and there was another wolf, white with black on his back and chest, and I heard him, I heard him as he said my sons my loves my pack. He was there and then gone, there and then gone, each time he reappeared, more blood spilled.
I jumped onto the beast’s back. He tried to shake me off, but I dug my claws in, burying my fangs into his skin.
He slumped closer to the ground, the rock and vines rising higher up his arms and legs. He tried to pull himself free. The rock cracked.
Chris and Tanner landed on either side of me. They pressed against me and lowered their heads, tearing into his back.
The sound Livingstone made then was one I would remember forever. It was rage and loss, betrayal and fear, fear so strong I could taste it.
He was afraid.
I bit down harder.
All of us were on him.
All of us except for one.
He shifted in front o
f Livingstone. He stood tall. His chest heaved. His eyes filled with red and violet.
And Oxnard Matheson said, “I’m sorry. For all that you’ve become.”
“This isn’t over,” Livingstone hissed at him.
“It is,” Ox said. “At last. At long last. Father, I remember what you said. Help me. Please help me.”
Ox ran toward the beast.
At his side, the glowing white wolf ran with him. Right before Ox jumped, they merged, the white wolf bursting into shards of light like glass, embedding themselves into Ox’s skin.
And through the bonds, Joe howled no no no NONONO OX OX OX—
Livingstone pulled his right arm free. The stone shattered. The vines broke.
His arm shot out, claws extended.
They punched into Ox’s stomach.
Through Ox’s stomach.
Out his back.
Time slowed around us as the bonds burned in blue fire.
We all held on as our Alpha said, “Oh. Oh. Oh.”
Gordo screamed for all of us. “Ox, no!”
But Ox didn’t stop. Even mortally wounded, even with a hand through him, the claws on the other side dripping with his life blood, he sank his own claws into Livingstone’s arm and pulled himself closer. His eyes fluttered closed as he grunted. The white light along his skin flickered.
And went out.
Ox opened his eyes.
He said, “Your song. I hear your song. Of wolves. Of ravens. Of hearts. Of brothers. I hear them all.”
The white lights returned in full force, burning brightly.
Ox pulled himself closer and closer.
Livingstone raised his arm, jaws open wide.
He bit down.
Or at least he tried.
Ox caught the upper jaw with his right hand and the lower jaw with his left. The fangs pierced his palms, and the flare of pain through the bonds was almost too much to take. We were all Ox, and we all felt the ravaging his body had taken, the stutter of his heart.
But through it all, we heard him.
He said, this life this life it’s not one i expected
it’s not one i imagined
worth it
can’t you see
all of this was worth it
