I should be pissed at him. I am pissed. But the more I let his words sink in, the more I realize their truth. My intent has always been — and still is — to keep Ebony out of harm’s way. I’d sooner hurt myself than hurt her. Yet I can’t escape my feelings for her. They swell every time I’m near her; there’s a yearning I can’t control. I try my best, but there’s times when I know I’m crossing a line… and all it took was Gabriel smugly pointing it out to me. Right on cue, Gabriel sniggers.
“Seth, Seth, Seth, don’t you know the saying slow and steady wins the race? And you, my friend, are gonna win in ways that impact us all.”
As he saunters off, I’m left with a gut feeling that makes me sick. Will I be Ebony’s undoing? If I’m impure, I’m unworthy of her. But that won’t stop a single kiss that’ll ignite a fire. It’ll rage like nothing seen within the last 1,000 years, and all because of my wanton thoughts.
My hand pulls at my face, rubbing and pinching, my mind lost to all sorts of whirling thoughts. This night just got more complicated. And it’s of my own making. Ebony can’t help herself, and I’m meant to protect her because of that. Some protector if all I do is think with my mind in the gutter.
In truth, all of us do it when we’re around her. We can’t help it. She brings it out of us. Those dark, luscious features, her perfect ruby lips, the sway of her hips — it’s more than any man can hope to bear. I clench my jaw tightly. I’m doing what I shouldn’t be right now, I’m thinking about her in a way that makes her mine. I’m subverting our relationship, and it comes as easy to me as breathing.
Nervously tapping my foot on the ground, I give a last lingering look at Ebony’s bedroom window. She’s the girl who knows so little of a world that knows too much of her. And I, one of her sworn protectors, am too lazy to stop myself from tempting her past the point of no return.
3
Ebony
I hate how silent everybody’s being.
It feels too ominous, almost as if we’ve misbehaved. But I’ve been good… since yesterday, at least. I sneak a side glance at Cordelia while she drives, her eyes too fixated on the road to notice me. Then I turn to look at Seth and Gabriel — the two of them are so tense with one another, it’s weird. I know I mentioned Gabriel’s attitude towards me, but I never meant for it to change how they are with one another. I’d never want to do that. Mentally I promise to try and make things right between them, as much for my sake as for theirs.
Momentarily, I stretch out my hand to take Seth’s. Then I stop and place it back on my lap. I’ll get in trouble again if I do that, and I’m so tired of being the focus of all of Cordelia’s annoyance. Being shouted at is becoming all too familiar to me now.
After the snow fell yesterday and we got sent to our rooms, Mother came and announced that Seth, Gabriel, and I would be going to boarding school. That she had consulted with others and believed that we needed discipline. That I needed structure or else I’d become a whore.
Busying myself in other ways, I look out the car window at the large building looming on the horizon; it’s massive in size, grand too. It’s wonderfully gothic with a touch of whimsy to it, not to mention it is centuries-old, perhaps even older than that. It’s mesmerizing.
When Cordelia had told us about going to a boarding school, I’d been frightened by the idea, the thought of change alien to me. I much prefer being in control and knowing what’s coming. Nonetheless, with little say in the matter, I was bundled into the car with the others, and off we sped. Throughout the journey I’ve been frantic with worry, although I’ve been as quiet as possible about it — Cordelia would get so angry if I dared say anything. Now, however, I wonder whether my concerns are overreactions because this place looks pleasant enough. It’s big and a little foreboding. But it’s not the monster I’d allowed it to morph into inside my head.
Cordelia pulls the car into the long, narrow driveway and swiftly kills the engine. Unbuckling her belt, she turns to me with a sour-faced expression. “Ebony, you’re not to leave this car, understand? I’ll only be gone a moment, I just need to take the boys to their dorms.” She goes to move, then pauses to add. “Do not move from this car.”
I nod my head vigorously, trying to show her that I’ll be a good girl, that she can count on me. However, Cordelia's face remains as stony as ever. For the life of me, I don’t understand why one woman can be so against everything I do. It’s as if she sees something in me that I’m unaware of; it’s unnerving, terrifying, and maddening. I’m just me, just Ebony, I’m not anyone else.
The sound of slamming doors echo in my head as the three of them leave me to my own devices. I start off intending to stay put, but when a butterfly dances against my window, I’m enchanted by the vivid colors of its wings. It has a simple grace that I ache to have as my own, and so, before I know it, I'm unbuckling my belt and out of the car. I don’t notice my actions, then the realization sets in. I know I should go back. I should have stayed in the first place, however, there’s so much out here to explore. Why would I want to turn my back on discovery?
Not following anything in particular as I meander down pathways, I wander around the side of the grounds. As I watch as birds fly overhead, chirping their songs, I discover a chaotic dotting of trees further along the rolling landscape of the school. Under one of them sits a boy, his dark head bowed as if he’s sleeping.
I worry at my bottom lip, my gaze anchored on him. I want to learn more.
Eager to get a closer look, I take gentle, soft-footed steps towards him. As I go, I run my hands through the invisible breeze, enjoying how it feels to go with the flow of nature; the feeling that this is where I belong. My soul feels so light, unchained, and free to do whatever I want. And what I want is to see this boy’s face, to watch his character unfold before me.
Just as I come to stand by his feet, I muse at how he sits under an apple tree of all places, my mind immediately thinking about the apple-shaped brooch left in my bedroom. This world is a funny place — did fate know we’d meet, is that why he sits here of all places? I’m desperate to know. It’s an uncanny coincidence, one which causes me to grin as I dip my head to peer at his face.
Oh wow, he’s…
Breathtakingly gorgeous. Unlike anyone I’ve ever laid eyes on. I’ve met boys who are good looking, both classically and in their own unique ways. But this boy isn’t like any of those. He’s the epitome of raw sex appeal, the way his dark lashes tickle at his face as alluring as his pale pink lips. Seeing those lips there, ready and waiting for me, I find myself coming closer to his with my own. We’re inches away, the gap closing further as I draw near… I can taste his breath on me as I close my eyes.
“What the hell are you doing?!” A voice bellows out, the anger it possesses is greater than Cordelia’s. Instantly, I jump back, the noise vibrating every vertebra of my spine. To my amazement, the boy is still soundly asleep, without a care in the world.
“I asked you a question!” The new voice spits, reminding me of its presence.
Pawing at the back of my neck, I look at its owner: a tall, broad young man who has a sternness to him that seeps out of every pore. As I read his expression, which is fraught and aimed at me, I ask myself whether he’s ever anything but angry. Right now, it doesn’t seem possible for him to know other emotions. What makes our sudden meeting worse, is how attractive he is; it only adds to my gnawing confusion as I feel hot under his fierce glare.
“I’m, I’m s-sorry, I didn’t mean—” I begin, my speech sounds like a mouse squeak compared to his booming tone.
He scoffs. “You didn’t mean to what? No, come on, if you’re going to say something, at least have the backbone to stand behind it.” It’s been some time since anyone has spoken to me in this way; Cordelia can be heated, but she knows me. This guy however, doesn’t know the first thing about me. Not that I think he’d care even if he did, such is the potency of his annoyance. I know I was about to kiss a stranger, but I feel his reaction is too extreme. I wasn
’t acting out of malice or ill intent, I just wanted to feel the softness of those kissable lips. It’s not a crime to be curious.
My eyes dart about as I look from one boy to the other. I hope that someone will come to my aid, maybe Seth, or even Gabriel at this point. However, I know deep down that it’s unlikely — Cordelia won’t allow them out of her sight. Her iron will isn’t to be tested, especially today of all days. Heart pounding in my chest, its beat exploding throughout my body and ringing in my ears, I try to explain myself again.
“It was innocent, all I was doing was saying hello.”
“You say hello with a kiss, do you? What kind of girl are you — because to me, that looks like something a slut would do.” That word punches me in the stomach. I fight back tears, their swift arrival due to my being upset and angry in equal measure.
“I’m, I’m not a slut, I just—” But he’s on me again before I can finish.
“Just … curious as to how slutty you can be? You’ve never met this guy, and you’re going straight into it… that sounds to me like something a slut would do.”
The bite to his voice is nothing when I watch him take long strides my way. I scramble to be rid of him, frightened at how easily he’d overpower me. I’d like to think a boy wouldn’t hurt me that way, but Cordelia has always told me I bring out the worst in men. ‘Ebony, your wickedness makes men wicked.’ For years I’ve fought against her explanation, believing it wrong, yet now I’m starting to question whether I’ve been the one in the wrong this whole time. Maybe Seth only entertains my desires because he’s become wicked just like me… maybe I am this unclean girl everyone keeps telling me I am.
“Please, p-please don’t hurt me…” Pleading for him to leave me alone, I look around for some way to protect myself. How did I get myself into this mess, why do I always get myself into situations like this?
“Don’t tell me you don’t like a little pain. My, you do surprise me.” He’s laughing at me now, his sniggers venomous and without feeling. Never have I known someone to take an instant dislike to me, and while I want to know why, I also want him to leave.
Gone are my thoughts of liking it here, of belonging. Now all I can think about is how awkwardly I fit into the puzzle piece shape of this school — I’ll never be welcomed here. My acting on instinct, going with my feelings rather than logic, isn’t for a world of rigid stone and hard men. The problem is, I don’t know where I belong anymore.
Or whether I’ve ever belonged anywhere in my life.
4
Lucien
Well, this is entertaining. I had resigned myself to it being another boring day, but then her blood had called to me like a rallying cry to battle. It was undeniable.
The only way I knew to contain my urges was to feign sleep, a decision which nearly earned me a kiss and her a scolding. Oh, Dorian. He’ll never learn to control his jealousy. He means well. However it never comes across that way. And besides, the way he’s acting right now, he seems anything but the brute he paints himself to be. Just as he wants her to believe.
Leaving her to fend for herself, for now, I sneak glances whenever I can. I can’t take my eyes off of her — she’s bewitching. She always was, but now there’s a softness to her. Her hard edges have been smoothed down, curved to help her fit into a world that doesn’t deserve her. Even after all this time, she calms me with nothing but that bright-eyed look of hers.
It’s hard to believe she had the nerve to abandon me the way she did.
We’d danced under many a night’s sky, the two of us cooing and purring at the other, the desire immeasurable to how our combined pleasure would feel. She’d surrender, and I’d lose myself to the moment; it would be exquisite. All those years, all that time, it's memory was destroyed in one selfless act when Ebony saved us from Rhiannon. If I look back on it rationally, I understand why she acted in that way. She desired to save as many as she could, if you cut out the beating heart, the creature can’t exist. Couple that with our need to keep her chaste and the reasoning behind her decision makes sense. We each knew that giving in to temptation with her was an act that would only lead to destruction. For her, for us and the whole goddamn world.
None of that matters to me as I look at her now.
Every minute, hour, day, year, I waited for her comes flooding back to me in real-time clarify. My life, 1,000 years of it, flash before me as I think on all the lovers I’ve taken and how none of them were her. In spite of never knowing that intimate side of her, I’m certain she would be the most incredible woman to spend the night with. Even more so if our close brushes with that very promise serve my memory correctly…
Her eyes illuminated under the serene light of the stars, we’d come so dangerously close to tasting her forbidden fruit. I’d wanted her to bite into it, to take its juices down and taste what waited for her.
Nonetheless, my reverence for her was too great for me to give into my darkest fantasies. Unrequited love was all it could ever be, for all of us. No one man was allowed to look beyond himself and to a future that involved the two of them. It was suicide for them and death to others to do so. Despite knowing this, I’d been tempted. I’m still tempted.
When she’d asked me why I recoiled from her touch, why she couldn’t give herself to me, I’d told it was because of my devotion. I respected her too much to tarnish her. How pathetic it had sounded. A weary excuse. It was, however, the truth. My respect for her is still there, even now. Even when her lips had come so close that my tongue could have snaked out and licked her crimson lips. Despite our close proximity, my desire was still in check. Barely.
Sensing that Dorian is getting too caught up in the moment, I decided to step in. Besides, the warrior princess has long lost the valor she once possessed. Softness has taken root in the wounds she’d gained from battle, leaving her unable to fend off the spoiled hearts of men.
I crack my neck from left to right before stretching out my body. I’m a cat unfurling from a long slumber. Only my sleep has been restless, my mind forever unable to surrender itself.
“Dorian, give it a rest,” I suggest. When she hears this, her eyes roam over me while I quickly scan her. “Can’t you see the girl’s upset? Take your brutish behavior somewhere else.”
“Lucien—” He tries to argue.
“I’m more than capable of handling myself around a girl.” I snidely remark, my expression loaded with meaning meant for him. He’s unsatisfied but remains silent as he skulks away. Although not before giving her a deathly parting stare. The poor thing trembles down to her toes as she watches him leave; she really has changed quite a bit.
Rolling my shoulders back, I step towards her and offer my hand. Instantly, she takes it, no sign of hesitation. Our connection is the same as ever it was. When we touch, electricity fizzles through us. Her eyes widen as mine playfully glimmer, our personalities colliding like fire with water.
“You should be more careful.” I jest, my eyes never wavering as I drink her in.
“Do you think?” She coyly replies, her lashes veiling her brilliant eyes. “I had you to rescue me.” Ah, and so we fall back into our old routine, only she has no clue just how familiar this all is.
“Did you now? I’m not so sure. If I hadn’t woken up, you’d still be dealing with Dorian—”
“And I wouldn’t have gotten to talk with you?” She asks, her eyes dazzling. My grin is sinful, she averts her head to avoid seeing it.
“The biggest crime of all, by far.” I tease.
The banter between us has a natural tempo to it: when one rises the other falls. We know the lyrics to this song. It was written centuries ago, the words have never changed. I’d love to turn them into something more… something of such breathtaking beauty. But I fear Dorian would have my ass quicker than I can blink. I suppose each of us has our own little way of dealing with the monstrous task we’ve been saddled with, that we agreed to. There’s nothing worse than knowing that the world around you, the one that shapes you e
very day, is the one you helped create. Most men only ever play at having such a direct impact. For us, we live with the knowledge that we altered everything to keep evil at bay.
“So tell me, to what do I owe the pleasure? It’s not often I get to see a girl as stunning as you.” Charm has never been an issue for me, as she’s undoubtedly learning. A smart girl would run for the hills, lest I get close and take what’s mine. However, this one is too naive to know I am not trustworthy. Not anymore; I love that she’s powerless against my wiles.
“You think I’m pretty?”
“I said stunning, not pretty — pretty is too plain a word for you.” I hasten to add. “How you’re not swarmed by boys is beyond me.”
“My stepmother wouldn’t—” She stops mid-sentence, her eyes open wide and she holds her breath. The atmosphere we’d created through our kittenish ways dries up like a draught, leaving us both hot and underwhelmed. Whatever she’s thinking about makes her nervous. And while I can hazard a guess as to why I crave to have her exuberance back once more.
The mood in jeopardy, she takes a step back. This is when I spring into action.
“Did you want to kiss me?” I fire at her, catching her completely off guard.
Her eyes return their glimmer, brighter than before. She bites her bottom lip, the plumpness of it, the way it bends under the weight of her teeth, drives me to distraction. What I wouldn’t give for her mouth to be pressed against mine. The things we could do, what we’d get up to… then she’d become flustered all over. When she doesn’t respond, I probe her further.
“If you wanted to, you should have. There’s nothing wrong with a bit of lust.”
I run my fingers down her arm and to her hand, her palm pressing against mine as we meet. It’s an innocent touch, but the caress behind it says so much more. Her digits weave between my own, both of us playing with the intimacy of our touch. Her skin is on fire as much as mine is aflame.
Forbidden Boys Page 2
