by A. L. Singer
“I did not mean to startle you, Mia.” He spoke soft and low. Which was appropriate, considering how close we were standing to each other. My heart skipped a beat. Feeling rattled, I took a deep breath to relax. The smell of him filled my nose—the same sandalwood aroma as before. My head started to feel light again, and I swayed. His hands were suddenly around my waist to stabilize me. I leaned forward and rested my forehead on his chest, closing my eyes.
“Are you feeling all right?” he asked. “Should I walk you to your room?” Sorin’s hands tightened around my waist. I didn’t want to retire for the night. More nightmares awaited me. I had trouble fighting the dizzy feeling in my head. All I could think about was how intoxicating his scent and voice were. I hadn’t stood this close to an attractive man in a few years. Maybe I’d just stopped noticing them.
“No … I’m just … a little … I want to keep talking,” I finally managed. I felt Sorin’s body tense and then relax. He leaned forward, his cheek brushing mine. His lips were just an inch or two from my ear. “Mia,” he purred. “Take a couple of deep breaths for me.” I obeyed. My head didn’t clear any, though; it only worsened. I swayed against his hands, and my knees became weak. His arms fully embraced me, and he spoke again in that voice. The one that I swore seeped into me. And I loved it.
“Mia, it is late and you are obviously drained. Which is to be expected. Allow me to walk you to bed.”
No! I thought. I want to know more about the night you saved my mother. A part of me wanted to learn more about Sorin too. “But I want to talk more,” I softly complained.
“I promise we will talk more … but only if you promise to tell me all about yourself.”
No, I thought again. But I said, “If that’s what you want.” It was a whisper against his chest. I screamed in my head, mad at myself. I had thought one thing but agreed to another.
“To bed you go,” he breathed into my ear just before scooping me up and carrying me to the guest room down the hall. I melted into his arms. All too quickly he gently set me on the bed, resting my head against the pillows and draping the blanket over me.
Chapter 4
The light flicked on before Sorin walked out the guest room door. “I will return momentarily with some more food for you. Maybe it will silence you stomach.” His voice had lightened; he sounded faintly amused.
Sorin left the room, and as if on cue, I could feel the rumbling. I rested a hand on my stomach until its complaint was no longer heard. My head slowly cleared, and I was only slightly groggy by the time Sorin returned with a plate of food and a glass of juice. He sat the glass on the nightstand next to me and then placed the plate on my lap as I sat up. I moaned and let my head fall back against the headboard, causing a loud thud.
I looked up at him standing over me. His eyes narrowed, shifting to the plate and then to my eyes. I started to move the plate away from me but stopped when Sorin cleared his throat and took a few steps toward the door. He halted at the foot of my bed, looking down at the plate and then back at me. He made his intention clear: no food, no Sorin.
I glared at him momentarily, only to give in right after. The plate had a muffin, a scone, and a bunch of fruit on it. The same plate of food I’d given him earlier. I picked up the muffin. After a few bites I looked back up at him and then toward the white chair not far from the bed. Sorin didn’t move. I raised the muffin to my mouth but paused, raising my eyebrows at him. He pulled the chair closer to the bed and sat down. I finished the muffin and a few pieces of fruit, and I drank some juice. Sorin took the plate from my lap and set it beside the glass on the nightstand. I watched him relax back against the chair, his mood improved.
“Now tell me about yourself, Mia.” He crossed his arms and waited. I wasn’t one for sharing details about myself. I didn’t really have any close friends and was not social. I fidgeted a little, not sure where to begin. What was I supposed to say? A vision of myself in an interrogation room with a bright light above me filled my mind. I rolled my eyes at him. “What do you want to know?” I fussed. “Ask.” My voice expressed my frustration, and I crossed my arms tight against my chest.
“Everything,” he said simply.
I stayed silent, wondering why I had agreed to talk about myself.
“Occupation,” he finally suggested.
I took a deep breath and cleared my mind. “I make most of my money from paintings I do during the week. My mother hangs a lot of my artwork in the coffee shop to sell.” I felt that familiar ache in my chest. I corrected myself. “My mother used to sell my artwork in her shop.” I continued trying to suppress the negative thoughts starting to rise. “If you go into any doctor’s office or bank in town, my artwork will be on the walls.” I wasn’t being conceited; it was a fact. “That’s the way this town is. We all support each other. Buy from one another if we can.” I took another sip of juice. “But on the weekends I work as a bartender on the other side of town. For Leo, a friend of my parents.” Sorin raised an eyebrow at this for some reason. “I don’t overly enjoy it.” Speaking honestly, I added, “I do not enjoy the crowds of people and loud music. But Leo can trust me to keep an eye out for anything … funny, I guess. His daughter was helping him, but she married and moved away a few years ago. Right around the same time I dropped out of college a few towns away and stayed home to help my father recover from a heart attack while my mom worked. I decided family was more important than school at the time. So I worked on the weekends and at night when she was home. I always planned on returning to school, but time got away from me I guess. Looking back, it was the right decision. It could have been time lost that I’d never get back—with my parents, I mean. …”
He barely let me catch my breath. “How about friends?” he asked.
“Don’t have any, really.” I shrugged. “All the other bartenders often hang out together. But I’m just there for the job, not to make friends. When the night is over I come home to silence happily. I have never been very social, even in school.” I sighed and stopped fighting the urge to be so guarded. It was easy to talk to a stranger. “I never really fit in during my school years. High school was the worst. I think being an only child, or maybe always being at the shop with my mother and around other adults, made it hard for me to connect with kids my own age. I didn’t like the girls in my school. All dramatic and waiting to hear and spread the latest gossip. I spent a lot of time studying instead of going to parties, which only made me more of an outsider. But it never bothered me. I enjoyed learning, discovering something new every day.” I relaxed and placed my hands in my lap. I waited, and a small smile formed on his lips.
“And the boys?” he pressed.
My eyes fell to my lap and a knot formed in my stomach. “Boy,” I corrected him. “Gavin.” I shook my head. “Just Gavin … we met sophomore year of high school when he moved here from Nebraska. I was asked to show him around the school his first day, and that was it. There was something different about him. He wasn’t like all the other boys in school. Gavin didn’t show off, acting all tough and superior. But he still made a lot of friends. He was one of the good guys, and we were together for three years. He was the only person who really knew me besides my parents. Probably would have spent the rest of my life with him.” I tried not to think about that too much.
I coughed and then just blurted it out. “Senior year he went on spring break with some friends and was killed in a boating accident.” Out of the corner of my eye, I could see Sorin straighten in the chair. “It was an all-male trip so I wasn’t with him. All the guys went swimming in the ocean after dark, and a boat was out on the water when it shouldn’t have been. Both parties were breaking beach rules by being there after dark. Gavin was resurfacing when the boat came near shore. Both were at fault. They said he was knocked out and drowned. It was too late by the time they found him and pulled him from the water. So that’s it. … The only three people I ever really loved are now gone. Each of them left me.” I reached up and wiped my eyes before
the tears could fall.
“I am sorry, Mia. I did not realize the extent of your loss.” Sorin stood up, and I finally looked at him. “I should allow you to sleep now. It really has grown late.” I could tell he regretted asking about me. The thought of being alone didn’t bother me anymore now that I knew he would be upstairs, so I didn’t argue with him. He slowly crossed to the door and then turned back at me. “Sleep well, Mia.” He reached down, turned the lock on the doorknob, and shut off the light. Once in the hall, he pulled the door closed, and the lock clicked.
I just sat there in darkness and listened to the silence. I realized the rain had stopped, so I went to the window. I pulled back the heavy white lace curtain with pink roses and then the deep-pink curtain behind it. The clouds had cleared, and moonlight spilled into the room. I looked up at the sky; the moon was just shy of being full. Standing there looking into the backyard I could see the moonlight reached the trees at the bottom of the hill. The river that was on the other side of the trees drew quite a bit of wildlife to the area. On more than one occasion I had seen deer or a fox in the backyard near the tree line. I always looked for animals in the morning while getting ready for school. The past few years my sleeping habits had changed because of bartending on weekends. There had been fewer mornings with my parents.
My chest tightened, and I fought tears. I sat on the edge of the bed and slipped out of my jeans before crawling under the covers. I buried myself under the sheet and light quilt patterned in various shades of pink. The room was cooler than normal, and I realized Jennifer or Gina must have turned the air conditioning up because there were so many people in the house the today. I decided to wait till morning to adjust it.
I lay there and thought about life. How quickly a family could be shattered and never whole again. I didn’t want to be without my parents. I wished I had been in the car with them. Maybe if I had gone with them they would still be here. Or maybe the accident still would have happened, but I would have died with them. The longer I lay there, the more I went over the possibilities in my head. It caused me to blame myself more and miss them more. I wanted to join them. It had become a vicious cycle I relived every day now.
Just before exhaustion took over I thought of Sorin upstairs. I knew it was foolish of me to invite someone I didn’t know to stay in my house. I didn’t care; a part of me was gradually valuing my life less and less. If I were lucky he was a serial killer who would strike when the opportunity presented itself. What could be better than a weak, devastated single woman home alone? I wished he hadn’t locked the guest room door, and I considered getting out of bed to leave it ajar. I knew how self-destructive I was becoming. I squeezed my eyes shut. The first words I’d heard Sorin speak ran through my mind. That first glimpse of his face; I had thought he was an angel. Stoic and beautiful and here to take me away. An angel of death. My dark angel, who left me unsatisfied. Murderer, I thought once more. Wishing him a cold-blooded killer, the hope of not waking up came over me. Finally I drifted off, filled with mixed emotions. I slept through the few hours of darkness left and easily through most of the next day. The phone rang a few times, but I just shoved my head under a pillow.
Chapter 5
Some time passed, and my phone rang again. This time my head and body were too rested not to wake up in response. Each ring brought me out of my haze a little bit more. Finally I tossed the pillow and blankets aside and went to the vanity across the room. I looked at the phone, focusing on the name flashing on the screen. I picked it up. “Yes, mama bear?” I said flatly.
There was a brief silence, and then Jennifer spoke. “I just wanted to check on you.” Another pause. “I just want you to know you can call me if you need anything, Mia.” She sounded sad.
I felt guilty for being rude. Softening my tone, I said, “Thank you, Jennifer. Thank you for checking on me. I will call if I need anything … I promise.” I hoped I put her at ease, if only a little.
“I will give you a week to yourself, Mia,” Jennifer continued. “Then we should get together. You should decide if you want to take over your mother’s responsibilities. I’ll show you a few of our new recipes for the bakery.” She paused and sighed. “Just think about it for me … please.”
The phone chimed; she had hung up. I set the phone back down and returned to the bed. I swiped my jeans off the floor and slid into them before heading to the kitchen. Walking lightly down the hall and listening for any sign of Sorin. Nothing. The kitchen was empty as I looked around. Everything looked exactly the way it had late the night before. I opened the fridge door and found the same. It was already late in the day, and I thought he would have been up for hours and surely eaten something by now. I let go of the refrigerator door. With a soft push it closed on its own.
I started to wonder if Sorin was even here. I saw his suitcase had been moved from the doorway. I walked to the opposite side of the kitchen but halted in the doorway. It took everything I had to go this far. I looked at the table, and relief washed over me. The pictures had been moved since yesterday. Jennifer had at least done that before leaving last night. I took a few more steps and could see all the way into the foyer and front room. I listened again: nothing. No television or muffled moving upstairs. I turned the thermostat setting and walked back to the kitchen. Sorin could still be sleeping. I had just woken up myself.
I looked at the clock on the wall. Most of the day had passed. Walking to the clock, I removed it. My father had hung it, so I was surprised by how heavy it was. I looked at it once more before carrying it away. It was as large as my torso and made out of cast iron with some copper accents. My father had brought it home as a gift for my mother years ago after she’d pointed it out at the local antique store. She had returned to buy it, but it had been sold. To my father, who hid it for at least two months until he gave it to her as a birthday present. I looked around trying to decide where to store it. I ended up sliding it in a gap between the refrigerator and the wall.
I looked down at it as I stepped back. Time had become a cruel thing. The clock only showed me the minutes and hours that passed without my parents. I didn’t care what time it was—or what day even. I didn’t need to be anywhere. I made my own schedule as far as my artwork was concerned. Living in a small town, everyone knew about the accident. I was sure it had made the front page of the paper. For that reason I hadn’t collected the papers from the front porch in days. Everyone knew; I didn’t expect any calls for me to paint a family portrait or fulfill any other requests for a while. Leo had hugged me yesterday, telling me not to worry about working the weekend shifts till I was ready. After all, he’d been my parents’ friend before he was my boss.
I suddenly heard footsteps above and felt relieved to know Sorin was still here after all. I was about to figure out what to offer him to eat when I heard a door shut rather loudly, followed by the faint sound of water running. He must be taking a shower. I looked down at myself. I was wearing the same clothes as last night. A shower was a good idea. I went back to the guest room and stared at my pile of clothes. I pulled out the only other pair of jeans I had downstairs. Another pair of dark-washed jeans, some black boy shorts underwear. A pretty black lace bra and dark-plum ribbed tank top. It was still chilly inside but I planned to step outside and enjoy some warm air later.
I put all the clothes in a ball and took them to the bathroom. I dumped them on the bathroom counter, lifting my shirt over my head. I reached back to unhook my bra and stopped. The water overhead shut off, and a door slammed upstairs. I stepped farther from the bathroom door, shutting and locking it. I finished undressing and kicked my clothes to the corner. I brushed my teeth and let my hair down. The shower water slowly warmed up, and I adjusted the shower head to the rain setting. I let the water fall over me for awhile before washing my hair. Orange and other citrus scents filled the air in the bathroom. I washed and shaved with my favorite honey scented body wash. My mind began to drift as I finished shaving, and I nicked my knee. I didn’t realize until
the soap made the cut sting. Looking down at my leg, I watched the blood wash away.
I looked closely at the razor in my right hand and then at the inside of my left wrist. I inspected the blades but decided they couldn’t possibly do enough damage. I tossed the razor over the top of the shower curtain. I heard it hit the sink and then bounce. I crumpled to the tub floor, pulling my knees to my chest and wrapping my arms around my legs. Waves of despair flooded over me, and I barely felt the water on my back. It was so unfair. I wanted to scream, to hit something, to destroy something. I felt destroyed and broken. I just sat there and cried.
Some time must have past; I started to shiver. The water had turned cool. I reached up and shut it off. Stepping out of the shower my teeth began to chatter as the cold air hit me. I dried off quickly and dressed, trying to warm up. I combed my hair, twisting it back pinning it into place. Looking in the mirror, I saw a few missed strands here and there. They hung in curling waves, one by my temple and a few at my neck. My eyes were a little puffy, and my cheeks had a few pink splotches from crying. I dabbed on some face cream and shut off the bathroom light as I left.
The guest room curtains were still open from the night before, and the sun had started to set. I looked at the sky: swirls of bright orange and pink made their way through the trees. It was a fiery sunset. I stood and watched the sky slowly change colors. Letting my mind go blank for once. I closed the curtains and rubbed the goose bumps on my arms. I went to the kitchen, sure that Sorin would be down by now. I was wrong, and just as before, nothing had been moved. I didn’t hear any noise from the other rooms. I shivered again and went straight to the thermostat panel in the front room, adjusting the temperature further. I stood still as I passed the steps again; no sound as I walked through the dining room, into the kitchen, and past the guest room I was staying in.
