by A. L. Singer
My arms fell to my sides, and my legs slipped forward in front of me. The pill! I screamed to myself, batting at the toilet to my left. I changed my mind. I did not dread the thought of vomiting, after all. Sorin was going to explain everything, and I wasn’t about to just pass out now. I lifted my right arm to the cupboard door and pushed off against it. My head bobbed as I tried to lift the lid, but it wouldn’t budge.
“Mia,” he whispered. “Stop … it is too late.”
My eyes, filled with tears, focused on the lid. Sorin held it down. I hadn’t even noticed that he’d moved from the door. “Wh … why?” My words sounded slurred; I could hardly speak. He’d almost forced me to rid myself of the pill earlier, and yet now he was stopping me.
“It is too late now. The pill is too far into your system. It would be pointless to try to purge yourself of it.” Sorin leaned over and pulled me to him, moving us both to sit against the door. I made a pathetic attempt to crawl back to the toilet. I shoved against him. He nuzzled my face and took a deep breath; he was smelling me again. “I can smell it, the medicine. … You cannot force it out now.” He said it so coldly. I whimpered and tried to push him away. “No … you did this, Mia. You chose to do this to yourself. Maybe it will make this easier for both of us.”
He would allow the pill to take me away. As punishment for what I’d almost succeeded in doing … had he not interrupted me. Tears finely spilled from my eyes, streaking my cheeks. Sorin’s arms wrapped around me, and he pulled me onto his lap. He rested my head on his left shoulder and draped my legs over his thigh. I closed my eyes and felt him lay the towel over me as best he could. I had lost all tension in my body and threatened to fall away from him. Sorin groaned something about suicidal tendencies, and his left arm crossed my back, tightening around my waist. I shuddered as his other hand slid under the towel and cupped my naked thigh. He squeezed it gently, pressing me tighter against him. “Mia … you still with me?” He asked, hopeful. All I could do was nod a yes against him. “You only have a few minutes before the medicine completely claims you. But I promise I will explain all I can until then.”
His voice had turned. Now he sounded torn, perhaps even tormented. “I am no angel … But if you are willing to believe me a celestial being, semihuman will not be difficult to grasp.” Sorin stopped, squeezing me against his body again. Only this time it felt as if he were trying to comfort himself. “I am a vampire, Mia.” He spoke slowly, and his voice was soft. “Not exactly what the current movies and books portray my kind as. But if I were to describe myself and others like me, ‘vampire’ would be the closest description.” I moaned, trying to force out words, but my mouth wouldn’t move. He gave a short chuckle and then continued. “I really wish I knew what you were trying to say. Because the colors around you are absolute chaos.” I had no idea what he meant. “Some things the movies and books have depicted correctly. If you can still think clearly, reflect on the past few days … I am sure moments will stand out now.”
I did as he suggested. I tried to think of all the vampire movies I had watched, comparing them to the past few days we’d spent together. I hadn’t seen him in the sunlight or even outdoors, period. He had not eaten anything. The whole strawberry fiasco flooded back. Sorin was pale, but his touch wasn’t cold. I tried to lift my left hand to his face, to feel his skin. He misunderstood my intent. His hand let go of my thigh and covered my hand. With a soft fluid movement he tucked our hands under his sweater and against his chest. His skin was cool to the touch. My palm lay gently against his chest, and his hand held mine there. My eyes fluttered open, and I looked down, aware now of where our hands were placed: right over his heart … only I couldn’t feel it beating. I tried to talk again, but this time only a pitiful squeak came out. His hand pressed mine harder to his chest. Sorin was right; I had convinced myself he was an angel who had come to take me away. To help me find peace, take me from this earth. But everything was more like a scene from a vampire movie. “I know that it is much to comprehend, Mia … but I am what I say, and I know part of you feels it. You know it is true, and you believe the words I am telling you.” Sorin kissed the top of my head and tensed against me. “I swear, the minute you are lost to me for the night I am disposing of those wretched pills … you smell awful.” He turned his head away and was quiet.
My temples began to feel as if a tightening vise surrounded my head. My body was sinking, moving farther and farther away from me. It was nothing at all like the way Sorin made me feel. Those soft fades away from reality, drifting into a warm bliss. No this felt like I was being dragged down; it felt heavy, no warm snowflakes now. I wanted that, to hear his seductive voice and melt against him. It took everything I had, but I cleared my throat and spoke. Only it was jumbled and inaudible. “Sis not worm snaflas.” I squeezed my eyes tight, frustrated at my failure. This is not warm snowflakes! I thought fiercely but didn’t bother attempting to say it again.
His body jerked under me, and a half laugh escaped him. “Tomorrow, Mia. … You can tell me all about worms tomorrow.” Sorin lowered my hand from his chest and draped it over my lap. His hand slid back under the towel and stopped just above my knee. His head leaned back against the door with a loud thud. “And tomorrow I will explain everything else … and hope you can forgive me.” He said the last words with anguish. I couldn’t focus anymore, as his voice was starting to sound far away. I wanted to fight it, to stay right here and keep listening. I twitched and sighed. I couldn’t fight it any longer.
“Shh … Shh … stop fighting it, Mia. … Remember you did this to yourself. It was a choice … accept it.” He swayed my body lightly against him, or at least that’s what I felt. Before I crashed into darkness, I heard Sorin’s voice one more time. Only he wasn’t speaking to me. “And I must remember I did this to us. … All those years ago it was my choice to save your mother. To save your life and forever be tied to you.”
I hadn’t done the math when he told me how long ago he’d saved my mother, I realized groggily. She was pregnant with me, just out of her first trimester, if I was right. My last thought was of my mother, pregnant, scared, and bleeding. Sorin coming to her rescue, saving both our lives that night.
Chapter 9
Thankfully, I didn’t dream that night—or at least didn’t remember dreaming come morning. My eyes lifted open and slowly focused. I was looking at a candle, softly glowing, and a glass of water next to it. I looked a little harder and rubbed my eyes. There was a bottle of aspirin next to the candle. My eyes lowered to the nightstand all these objects rested on.
I was upstairs in my bedroom, in my bed. I ran my hand over the sheets, and smooth satin greeted me. I started to stir and lifted my head, only to cringe at the sudden sensation. My head was throbbing. Pressure surrounded it as the sensation grew. I propped myself up on my left elbow, grabbing the aspirin bottle with my right hand. I shook two pills out into my palm, quickly washing them down with the water. As I tilted my head up and swallowed, the previous night flooded back.
All of it—the pills, and Sorin stopping me from ending my life.
Vampire. The word echoed in my head. I turned onto my back and fell against the pillow under me. Had it all been a dream? Or maybe an effect of the pill? The stress of the past week had caused me to blur the lines of reality.
The candle’s shadow danced against the ceiling above, and I wondered what time it was. I knew I had slowly slipped into a reversed sleep schedule. Sleeping in all day and not waking up until late afternoon or early evening had become habit. Besides the candle, there wasn’t any light in the room, and I guessed it was nightfall or close to it. I lifted my head, looking toward the curtains. I slowly sat up; something was different about them. They were sheer black with thin intertwining lines embossed on them. Behind the sheers I had hung a dark-wine liner that usually let in a little light. But the closer I looked, I realized light wasn’t even coming in from above the window frame.
I pulled back the sheet that covered me back and ro
se slowly so that my head wouldn’t ache even more. I started to the window when the air hit my legs. I was still wearing the little black nightgown from the night before. My face warmed again, just as it had in the bathroom the night before. I stepped to my dresser, which stood between two large windows, and lifted the soft silk over my head. I stood there, naked, looking at the nightgown in utter disgust. I balled it up and tossed it to my left, where it hit the bathroom door and fell to the floor.
I slowly opened and closed multiple dresser drawers, pulling a hunter green ribbed tank top from one and some cotton pajama bottoms from another. Satisfied I was finally wearing something presentable, I went to the window. I reached out and felt the top two layers of curtains, which I moved them aside. With my other hand I felt the window. It was covered with something thick and soft, a blanket maybe. No light came through. I found the edge with my fingers and was about to pull it back.
“Please leave it.” Sorin’s voice broke the absolute silence that filled the room. I jumped and spun around to the door, but he wasn’t there. The door was closed, and my eyes darted around the dimly lit room. “Please leave the curtains closed, Mia. … At least for another hour, until the sun retires for the night.” He sounded at home, at ease.
My eyes followed his voice to the bed, and my heart began to increase its rhythm. He had been in my bed the entire time, tucked under the covers on the opposite side of the mattress. I’d stood here completely nude only moments ago, just a few feet from him. Had he watched, seen my body bare by candlelight? My stomach tightened, and I covered my midsection, trying to ease the knot the way.
“Come back to bed, Mia. I have much to explain … and truly hope you can forgive me for what I have done.” Sorin spoke softly, in that alluring tone that drew me in. All my muscles relaxed, and my skin felt warm all over. As always when he used this voice, I did as he asked. My body seemed to float back to the bed. Climbing back under the sheet, I sat with my back to the wall against a pillow. I had become used to this feeling of clouds filling my head. It would pass if Sorin remained quiet for a few minutes. I inhaled a deep breath, one after another, and waited. Looking around my room, knowing the lovely fog would lift soon.
I had missed my room, I realized, as I finally returned to it. I looked around at the deep wine-colored walls and dark cherry-stained wood flooring. Each wall held two or three black cast-iron candleholders on them. They were a gift from my mother for my seventeenth birthday. She had found them at her favorite antique store and teased me about being old enough to have open flames in my room. They were each somewhat unique in their own way. All were black and held one or two candles. But each design twisted and curved differently. The dresser, bed, and nightstands that sat on either side were a black stained wood.
The room was coordinated around my bedding. I had been flipping through a holiday catalog just before my November birthday and saw the bedding set. I had never seen anything like it and had to have it. The sheet set was black satin with a matching dust ruffle. The comforter was wine-colored satin on one side and lush velvet on the reverse. I looked over to the other side of the bed and saw the comforter. I had been storing it in my closet over the summer and simply had not noticed it beside me until that moment. I ran my hand over the top of it. The velvet was soft, and the single candle’s flame made it difficult to make out the pattern it held. But the image filled my head from memory: dark red roses on a black background. The decorative pillows were a mix of black velvet and red satin, with a rose design sewn into them. A canopy hung from the ceiling surrounding the bed. My father had built it for me to add curtains to. It had taken a few more months to find the ones I felt were perfect. They were a sheer black, similar to the ones that covered my windows. But they were a heavier fabric with embossed roses in a velvety pattern.
My favorite part of the whole room had been an unexpected discovery. One night I lit all the candles on the walls. Spread out the rose curtains that usually were tied at the four corners of the bed. It was beautiful, the candlelight, when bright enough, made roses appear on the ceiling above me. Shadows of oversized rose shapes danced above on the ceiling as the flames flickered. After the discovery, whenever I had a hectic day, I would escape to my room and recreate that night, watching the ceiling.
I took another look around my room. It had become my escape from the world, and I really had missed it. My head had finally cleared, and I turned back to the heavy comforter that I now knew concealed Sorin. It clicked somewhere in my head—the sweaters he had worn the past few days. Now he lay buried under a velvet comforter. It was how he kept warm. I reached over and slowly eased the comforter down. Sorin lay on his side, a foot or two away from me. He had his back to me, his arms encircling the pillow his head lay on. The candlelight failed to reach the other side of the bed completely. I could make out no details of Sorin in the dim light, just his left shoulder and the side of his face. I couldn’t tell if his eyes were open or closed.
“Is your head finally clear Mia?” He sounded amused. He knew exactly what effect he’d had on me when he spoke only minutes before. Sorin even knew a part of me craved it; I had confessed as much.
“Tell me how you do that, how make me fade away.” I paused and smiled to myself. “Warm snowflakes,” I murmured.
“Ahh.” He sounded like he finally understood. “Not ‘worm, ‘warm.’ You were trying to explain warm snowflakes to me last night. I was worried that pill had done some real damage. But now I understand. Is that what it feels like to you? … I have never heard that description before.” He lay there, relaxed in posture, but kept his back to me. I wasn’t sure if he thought I didn’t want to face him or if there was another reason.
“How do you do it?” I reminded him of my question, my voice a little stern this time.
“I already explained it to you. You are simply responding to my voice and what I can offer you. Calm, a sense of peace when you need it.” He paused.” You yearn for it, no? … You want my voice, my body to put you at ease. I can only do what you desire of me, Mia. You control me.” His voice was soft. Sorin’s explanation wasn’t easy to understand. He always talked like there might be a second meaning. He seemed to speak in code, or maybe I just didn’t know enough about him— “his kind,” as he put it—to fully understand. I wanted to see his face, to look into his ice-blue eyes. I had so many questions for him, and I didn’t want to have a conversation without him facing me.
I gently placed my hand on his shoulder and turned my body toward him. “Sorin … look at me.” I whispered, afraid of rejection. He kept his body turned away from me; I wasn’t sure why. The muscles in his shoulder tensed, and I let my hand fall way.
“I am worried I will frighten you. It may be too much for you.” I could hear concern in his voice. But, once again, his words made no sense to me.
Frustrated, my voice came out louder than intended. “You said yourself you have much to explain, and so many questions are swimming through my head, I can hardly focus. I’m beginning to believe it is going to be a long night. I really don’t want to spend it conversing with you turned away from me.” I winced. I sounded so abrupt and rude. But he stirred, and my heart skipped a beat.
He sat up and gradually turned to face me. “You are right, Mia … it is going to be a long night.” Sorin’s words ended just as his eyes met mine.
I gasped, and my hands flew to my mouth. His eyes reflected the candlelight beside me. Similar to a wild animal’s caught in the headlights of a car. They were a mixture of pale blue and silver, and they held a slight glow. They’re amazing! I thought to myself. I didn’t mean to, but I had backed away from him.
He appeared a little hurt, and his eyes fell to the bed between us. “I knew it would be too much. I should have warned you.” His voice was a mixture of emotions.
Trying to relax, I lowered my hand and placed it on his to show him I wasn’t afraid. “Look at me.” I couldn’t help but feel butterflies inside as he looked back up at my face. His eyes usually
were ice blue and seemed to look into my very soul. But now they were absolutely mesmerizing, and I could have sat there forever simply looking into them. I turned my body to face him and moved closer to his side of the bed. “I am sorry if my initial reaction led you to believe I was scared or repulsed. I promise you it’s just the opposite. Sorin, I think you’re gorgeous, and your eyes right now … I can’t even think of words to do them justice. I could get lost in them. They are mesmerizing.”
I swallowed hard and tried to keep my voice steady. My breath was slowly quickening, and my heartbeat increased. His head tilted in that odd way I adored more and more each time, and his gaze circled me. This time I realized his eyes weren’t circling my face as a normal person’s would. No Sorin’s eyes were looking around me. Wider than my face, or perhaps seeing someplace else.
“You are not afraid.” His voice had a hint of awe and confusion. His eyes traced another circle. “And you are not repulsed in the least.” This was one of those moments that felt like there was more to it.
“What is that?” I asked.
He straightened his head and thought for a moment. “What are you questioning, Mia?” He sounded like he knew exactly what I meant but wanted to confirm before continuing. I was having trouble keeping my thoughts focused with his eyes dancing around my body.
“You know what I am asking about. You’ve done it for days now. …” My voice trailed off.
“Maybe we should brighten the room before I enlighten you?” His voice held a touch of amusement.
“Hmm?” was all I could manage.
Sorin lightly chuckled and looked down at the bed between us again. “You cannot help but feel entranced right now … so close to me. I imagine between my voice and my eyes, you are struggling to keep your thoughts clear. That is how it should be with us. Without trying, when I speak to you and look at you … you should feel drawn to me. However, I think it best to illuminate the room further and give you some distance.” He reached over and raised my hand to his lips, kissing it.
