by Beck, J. L.
“Get lost, Carly,” I finally speak up, wanting her to just be gone.
Carly’s red-painted lips form into a firm line, and it’s obvious she wants to tell me to fuck off, but with Parker standing there, she doesn’t have the balls. He runs this school and holds all the power in his hands.
“Whatever, I guess we let anyone into these parties nowadays,” she scoffs and walks away like her shit don’t stink.
Willow places a gentle hand on Stella’s shoulder. “Are you okay?”
“Yeah, I’m fine. I need to go get another drink.” She forces herself to smile, probably expecting me to believe it, but she doesn’t know how much I watch her, how much I know about her. I know what makes her happy, what her face looks like when she falls apart. I know that even when she says she hates her punishments, she really deep down enjoys them.
Shouldering past us, she gives me a dirty look, one that promises pain, and all I can do is smile. Show me your worst, baby, and I’ll show you mine.
“Are you going to follow her?” Cam leans over and asks.
Bringing the cup to my lips, I take a sip of the frothy beer.
“Yeah, I want to see what she does first. See if she makes a run for it,” I reply, watching the entrance of the kitchen like a hawk. If she runs, then I’ll give chase, and like a wolf, I won’t stop till I have her in my grasp.
62
Stella
Tears sting my eyes as I walk into the kitchen to make myself another drink. I can feel everyone looking at me like I’m some kind of sideshow. Is that why they brought me here? To look down on me? To make me feel small and unimportant? To remind me that I am less, that I’m not one of them, and that I will never fit in?
Without checking the label, I grab a liquor bottle and pour some amber liquid into my red plastic cup. I take a sip, swallowing the alcohol and letting it burn all the way down my throat before it settles heavy in my stomach. I briefly close my eyes, trying to drown everyone around me out, pretending I’m curled up in my own bed, with Grams knitting down the hall.
“Bad day?” A male voice pierces through the heavy fog. I blink my eyes open and find some guy standing next to me, a beer in his hand, a smile on his face.
For a few seconds, I just stare at him, surprised that someone is approaching me at all, let alone a guy. Glancing over his shoulder, I see Easton glaring at me, but he doesn’t make a move to intervene.
I don’t know if it’s the alcohol or if I’m simply losing my mind, but in this moment, all I want to do is lash out. I want to hurt them like they hurt me by bringing me here. Like they hurt me by not saying anything when Carly belittled me.
Just once, I want to do something to them.
“Terrible day,” I finally answer. Remembering how Carly touched Easton, I do the same with the stranger. Running my hand over his chest, I force the words out. “Maybe you can make it a little better?”
His eyes light up, and a triumphant smile spreads across his face. He isn’t a bad looking guy, typical jock with perfect hair, and a megawatt smile, but he has nothing on Easton or Cam. The thought angers me further, no matter what, they’re inside my head, weaseling their way into every thought. I move a little closer, wanting to push the limits as much as I can.
“I’m sure I could, sweetheart.” He cups my cheek, and I cringe at the pet name but manage to keep a straight face. I let my hand drift over his chest and inhale his cologne while trying to hide my disgust of the whole situation when Easton appears out of nowhere.
One moment the guy is standing in front of me, and the next, he is pinned against the closest wall. I can’t make sense of the scene before me; everything is moving too fast. When I finally gather my wits, I find Easton has him by the collar with one hand, the other is clenched into a fist ready to punch the guy.
“Easton, we were just talking.” I cut in, trying to defuse the situation, knowing damn well that it was more than that.
“I’m sorry, man. I didn’t know she was with you. I just walked in.” The guy defends himself, holding up his hands as if to say he’s innocent, and really, he is. This entire thing is on me.
Easton slowly drops his hand, and a sigh escapes my lips. I start to walk toward him when over his shoulder he grins at me, that signature smile of his tells me all I need to know. A dreadful feeling gathers in my gut a moment before Easton rears back his fist, punching the guy in the stomach.
“Don’t ever fucking touch what is mine again,” he snarls and releases him with a shove. I watch as the nameless guy doubles over, holding onto his stomach, the drink in his hand falling to the floor, splattering brown liquid everywhere.
“Fuck you! I’m not yours!” I hiss as I scurry from the room, wanting to put as much distance as possible between us.
Looking around, I see an open door in the hallway. I sprint across the hall, through that door which I quickly realize leads to a bathroom. I try to shut the door behind me, but before the lock clicks in, someone pushes the door in and me with it.
I’m about to keep yelling at Easton when I look up and see that it is not him at all. It’s Carly.
“Where are you off to so fast?” she asks, pushing me back so hard she almost knocks me on my ass. While she locks the door behind her, I try to gather my wits and compose myself.
“What do you want?” I answer her question with a question.
“Just wanted to clear things up between us,” she snaps, folding her arms in front of her chest.
“What’s that supposed to mean? There is nothing to clear up.”
I hate you. You hate me. The end.
“Listen, I am not the bad guy here. Really, I am doing you a favor by giving it to you straight. You don’t belong here, and you definitely do not belong with Easton or Cameron. Everybody knows it, most of all, Easton and Cam. I just mean that you shouldn’t fool yourself. You are nothing to them, but a cheap hooker they’re gonna have some fun with.”
“You don’t know what is going on between us.” I try to defend myself and my relationship with the guys, but I know I don’t have a leg to stand on. I know she is right.
Someone knocks on the door, but both of us ignore the sound.
“You can’t honestly believe there is anything going on, other than you getting paid to spread your legs? You are a class-A gold digger and not a good one at that.”
“Open the damn door!” Easton yells from the hallway, making me jump.
“Of course, hold on,” Carly answers while giving me a vindictive smile that makes me shudder. She turns to open the door. Cam and Easton appear in the doorframe, both looking like they are about to lose their shit. “We’re done here anyway.”
“Time to go, Stella,” Easton growls at me. Cam motions for me to come to him, and my legs move all on their own.
Stepping around Carly, I follow the guys through the house and outside. Neither one of them looks the entire time. When we get to the car, Cam opens the back door for me and ushers me in. Closing the door behind me, I watch as they both get into the front seat.
“What were you fucking thinking? You want me to kill someone else? Or you just want to piss us off?” Easton asks through clenched teeth as we pull away from the frat house.
“Maybe I wanted you to see what it feels like.”
“What it feels like?” Easton’s voice booms through the car. “I didn’t fucking throw myself at the next best thing. You did! Looked mighty desperate too if you ask me.” I know he is saying those words to hurt me, and he doesn’t miss his mark. They leave a terrible sting behind, and the sick feeling in my gut spreads throughout my body.
“You messed up, Stella. You shouldn’t have done that,” Cameron finally speaks up, disappointment dripping from his words. “We told you this was a test, and you failed miserably.”
“Sorry, I don’t measure up to your standards,” I bark, the alcohol in my veins not helping at all. Crossing my arms, I sink back into the seat like a small child. “I guess I’ll try to do better on our next outin
g.”
“Next?” Easton scoffs. “You really think we’re gonna take you anywhere after that shitshow? You’re lucky if you’ll ever leave the bedroom again.”
I refuse to look at him. I’m angry with myself, with them, with the entire situation. I hate that I’m acting this way, that I got that guy hurt because of my actions.
“All I wanted was for you to feel the same pain I’m feeling…”
“That’s just it, Stella,” Easton turns in his seat, and I can feel his eyes on me, but I don’t dare glance at him. Instead, I focus on a speck of dust clinging to the window. “In order to hurt my feelings, I’d have to have them, to begin with. So next time you provoke me, remember that.”
Forcing myself to look at him, I let my gaze collide with his before I whisper, “I will.”
I’m tired of longing for something more when there isn’t anything to hope for.
63
Cameron
For days now, Easton and Stella have been at each other’s throats. I try to diffuse the situation, but I can’t make either of them happy. Stella needs things from us that I am not sure we can give her. Yes, I have feelings for her, and they’re growing every day, but Easton isn’t like me. He’s more stubborn and much harder to convenience.
The tension in this house is at an all-time high, and for once, it’s not the sexual kind. I’m not sure how to deal with it, but the way we have been isn’t working.
Stella is curled up on the couch watching some chick flick while Easton is sitting at the table, writing a paper for class, on his laptop. I’m sitting on the recliner, scrolling through my phone, enjoying the quiet and peace. I look up from my phone, and it’s almost like I know it won’t last long…
The doorbell rings, and I shoot a questionable glance to Easton. He shakes his head, answering my silent question on if he was expecting anyone. I guess not.
Setting my phone on the coffee table, I get up and go to open the door. As soon as I do, I wish I had never gotten up.
“Hey, sexy,” Chelsey, a girl I used to occasionally fuck greets me and pushes past me and into the house without waiting for my invitation.
“Whoa, hold on. I don’t have time for this,” I tell her, grabbing her by the arm, but she shrugs out of my hold and steps further into the foyer. Now she is close enough to the living room that Stella can see her. Great.
“What the hell are you doing here, Chelsey?” I growl, trying to keep my voice low.
“You,” she snickers, turning to face me, a giant smile on her face. “Who’s the girl sitting on your couch, and why is she dressed?”
“None of your business. Now, get out.”
“Why so mean? I just got back into town and wanted a quick fuck. If you’re not down, tell Easton I’m available.”
“I’m busy,” Easton’s gruff voice echoes from the dining room.
“Busy with her?” Chelsey points toward Stella, who is looking at us with wide eyes.
“Yes. I’ll call you when I’m done with her, okay?” I say simply to get rid of her. “Neither one of us is interested right now, so leave.”
“Come on. We can include her…” She frowns, giving me her best pouty face, but none of that works on me.
“Leave,” I repeat, firmer this time. She rolls her eyes, but heads toward the door.
“Fine, but call me when you are ready to have your dick sucked properly.” She shoots Stella a dirty look and walks to the door.
“Will do,” I say without thinking. I just want her out of the house and gone. As soon as she steps outside, I close the door and lock it behind her. I turn the doorbell off on my way back to the living room, just in case, she doesn’t get the picture.
No more unwanted visitors.
As soon as I enter the living room, I can feel Stella staring at me. She’s looking at me like she wants to accuse me of something.
“Say whatever it is that you want to say,” I sigh and make my way over to the couch.
“Who was she?”
“Some girl,” I answer.
“That we used to fuck,” Easton adds, and I kinda-sorta want to throw my phone at the back of his head.
Stella’s body tenses, “So, I’m not the first, and I suppose I won’t be the last. No surprise there, I guess.”
Wanting to manage the situation before it blows out of proportion, I ask, “What are you talking about?”
“Carly told me that all I’ll ever be to you guys is a fuck toy, and as soon as you get bored, you’ll be kicking me out. I didn’t want to believe it, but every single sign points me further in that direction.”
Easton shoves from his chair, causing it to scrape across the floor, “It’s not like she’s wrong.” He walks into the living room, his eyes dark and taunting as he stares down at Stella, who looks pissed.
“Stop pretending like you don’t care, stop acting like nothing is going on between us. We might have started out where there was nothing between us, but things have changed.”
The air grows thick, and I know once again, shit is about to go down.
“Why don’t you stop looking deeper into things? Carly wasn’t lying. You’re our fuck doll. We don’t keep women around because we want a relationship, we keep them as long as they’re a good lay. That’s all you’ll ever be to us. Why can’t you get that in that head of yours? We pay you, you spread your legs. That’s all.”
I can see the exact moment her heart cracks down the middle. Her emotions are written clearly on her face, anger, disbelief, and regret flicker in her eyes, but mostly it’s just bone-crushing sadness. I wish I could tell her that he doesn’t mean what he just said, but I don’t know how to get him to admit more is going on here.
If he feels it, he isn’t letting on.
Like I expected, Stella turns her sad gaze to me, and all I can do is look away.
“Tell her, Cam, tell her that’s all she’ll ever be to us.”
I feel as if I’m being tugged in two directions. Part of me wants to tell Stella she means more than that, but part of me knows there isn’t any point. I’m not cut out for this, for anything more than what we have right now, and Easton, he’s beyond unstable.
Digging deep, I swallow my emotions down and lift my chin, looking her straight in the eyes. She’s staring at me, pleading with me to disagree, but I can’t.
“That’s all you’ll ever be,” the words roll off my tongue so easily, but I can feel them piercing my heart. I hate myself a little more as her face falls, and her feelings crumble like dry clay in her hands right before my eyes.
“I… I don’t believe you. Either of you.” Her eyes glisten with unshed tears, and she gets up, trying to escape from us. Without another word, she leaves the room, probably to cry somewhere.
I glare at Easton. What an asshole. Who am I kidding, I’m not any better!
With her gone, I sink deep into the couch cushion, wishing it would swallow me whole.
“You know we can’t develop feelings for her, right?” Easton asks, running a hand through his hair. He looks haunted, and tired, so fucking tired. I stare at him for a long second before I tell him what I’ve been wanting to tell him for a while now.
“I’m past developing feelings. I’m already there. I want her, need her, but I don’t know how to make this work. This whole situation is so screwed up.”
Easton appears shocked, his mouth popping open and then snapping closed a moment later. “I… I don’t know how to handle that.”
“You don’t have to handle it. They are my feelings.”
“Whatever,” he shakes his head. “She’s nothing, just a girl who saw us do some bad shit.” He gives me his back and walks into the kitchen. “We did this to keep her quiet. That’s all it will ever be.”
“Keep telling yourself that,” I mumble under my breath, hoping and praying that he can come out on the other side and see this for what it is.
This might’ve started as revenge, as a way to keep her mouth shut, but it’s turned into way more t
han I could’ve ever imagined. Stella is past being the girl we need to keep quiet. She’s now the one and only person to ever get inside our hearts.
64
Stella
When you put something under too much pressure, it snaps, and I guess that’s what happened to me. Something inside my mind snapped and cracked straight down the middle.
“You know what we’ll do if you try to leave, right?” Cameron’s voice cuts through my mind, interrupting my thought process.
“What?” I question, trying to act like I wasn’t ignoring him.
“Don’t do anything stupid while we’re gone. We’re going to lock you in here, and you are going to stay here. Be a good girl, and we’ll give you more freedom again.”
I nod, my throat throbbing as emotions I can’t fully explain ripple through me. I’m falling for these men, falling helplessly for them, but they don’t see me the same way. They just see me as the girl who caught them killing someone. The girl they own and can do whatever they want with.
That’s why I need to leave, I need to get away from them. In the last few days, I’ve been on my best behavior, playing the role of the good little prisoner, waiting for a chance just like this. I was hoping they would leave me alone, and now that they are doing it, I’m going to use that time to make a run for it.
I just wish this wasn’t so hard. I wish they meant nothing to me. I should hate them, but instead, I’m falling deeper every day. Maybe I’m wrong about all of this, maybe I just have Stockholm syndrome. Let’s be real, I don’t know what love is. This all might be a fucked up mind game to them, and I just think I love them.
Either way, they clearly don’t feel the same for me, and I refuse to stick around and be made a fool off. I won’t wait for them to take the hint. I’ll take Grams and go somewhere else. I’ll figure it out.
