That made her smile.
“Thanks, Kelly. For everything, but Colin couldn’t hurt a fly.”
Her eyes grew heavy so she shut them for a bit.
* * *
“What happened?” Braydon asked as Kelly carried Sam through the kitchen door.
“Nothing. I just got our girl here a wee bit drunk. She’s fine.”
“She doesn’t look fine. How much did you give her?”
“Just a flask full, I swear it. She needed a break from reality for a moment.”
Braydon gave Kelly an exasperated look. “This coming from a guy who thinks reality is a result of an alcohol deficiency. Nice.”
“Where’s Colin?”
“I don’t fucking care. Here, give her to me and I’ll take her to my room.” Braydon lifted Sam out of Kelly’s arms and she groaned. “I got you, Sam.”
He carried her up the stairs and into his room. The bed was made so he laid her on top of the covers. She began to make little snoring noises and he tried not to laugh.
What the hell was wrong with Colin? He reached out and swept her hair over her shoulder.
“What happened?”
Speak of the holy devil.
Braydon turned and saw Colin standing in the door. He hid his satisfaction at seeing his brother with the shadow of a bruise on his jaw and a split lip.
“You care?”
“Shut up, Bray. Yes, I fucking care!” Colin hissed.
“That’ll be two Hail Mary’s.”
“Knock it off.”
“Why should I? You’re still the same self-righteous prick you’ve always been and apparently you have no plans of changing.”
When Colin didn’t reply he turned to see if he left. The hurt he saw in his brother’s eyes made him regret his last jab. Maybe he’d gone too far.
“Is that how you see me?” Colin rasped. “A self-righteous prick?”
“No, that was a little harsh. I’m just not real happy with you right now.”
“I’m not real happy with myself,” his brother confessed. “What happened to Sammy?”
“Kelly got her drunk.”
Braydon laughed when he saw his brother’s jaw tick. “She needed it,” he said. “Next time try talking to her instead of running away. If you really plan on letting her go tomorrow, for good, then at least have the decency to be there for her today.”
“I never meant to hurt her, Bray. You have to know that. I just…I don’t know what to do.”
“You certainly have a choice to make, but I can’t make it for you and neither can anyone else. If you ask me, the answer is obvious.”
“I never meant to fall in love with her.”
“You falling in love with her doesn’t surprise me in the least. It’s the fact that you somehow managed to get her to fall in love with you. Love that isn’t given easily is not something you throw away, Colin.”
“I’ll never stop loving her. It isn’t wasted.”
Braydon couldn’t see things from his brother’s perspective no matter how hard he tried. “Then what are you doing, man?”
“I don’t know.” Dismissing any further conversation Colin asked, “Are you taking her to dinner tonight?”
“I don’t see the point. You should be taking her.”
“I can’t.”
“See, that’s the thing, Colin. You can.”
“Take her to dinner, Bray. Give her a nice last night here.”
“And what do you plan to do for her?”
“The most honorable thing I can think of…leave her alone.”
16
When Braydon left the room, Colin knew he should follow. Samantha lay sleeping on the bed, face squished against the side of her arm, nose red, and hair a mess. He went to the door to leave through the hall, unsure where he’d go, but rather than leave, he shut the door and turned the lock.
Colin went to his room and locked his door as well.
It was nearly three o’clock. In his mind the day was shot. He should’ve gone to the church to get some painting done, but his heart wasn’t in it. Turning the wand hanging from the blinds, Colin shut out the sunlight filtering into the room.
He walked to the other side of the bed and stood watching her as she rested in drowsy tranquility. Damn Kelly for getting her drunk. She’d probably wake up with a headache. Not a great way to spend her last day.
Done with his introspective analysis, Colin forced his mind to stop thinking and simply did what he needed in his heart, no matter how unwise. He climbed onto the covers and scooted behind Samantha’s body until her back was pressed to his front. He held her close, hating that this might be his last chance at holding her in such a way.
Her warm body heated his and her clothing smelled of fresh cut grass. Her hair tickled his chin. He loved her. Onlookers had always made such awed references about giving up the right to marry once he became a priest. Such dignified sacrifice for God our Savior. Colin now saw things differently.
Love was an agony that embedded into the soul and infected the mind so completely there was no escaping its reach once it got its claws in a person. Evading marriage was not a sacrifice he made for God, but a mercy God granted him. To his mind, the stronger man was the one brave enough to risk loving a wife, to chance loving her with all of his being until there was nothing left of him, and knowing there always was the possibility of losing her. Colin was not so brave.
He rested beside Samantha for the better part of an hour. He held her gently in his arms, memorizing her scent and the placement of every freckle upon her cheek. He marveled at how full the crests of her dusty eyelashes were and how soft, yet defined, the line was that shaped her lips.
He couldn’t stop remembering the old Irish proverb. A man is incomplete until he marries. After that he is finished. Whoever married this magnificent woman would be doomed.
Sometime later she awoke with a deep sigh followed by a pained moan. Her body stretched within his embrace and he whispered, “Have yourself a wee little nip, did ya?”
She froze.
Turning slowly to face him, she said not a word, but watched him as if testing his presence to see if it was real or the fabrication of some dream.
Finally she whispered, “I’m mad at you.”
“I know. I’m mad at me too.”
“You locked me out.”
Shame knifed through him. How could he explain to her that he was weak, that when he saw her he forgot his place and the commitments he set forth for himself? She took everything important to him away and flipped him inside out until he was barely recognizable as himself. He couldn’t.
“I’m sorry. I needed some time alone.”
The hurt reflected in her eyes tore through him like a blade that had been resting in the flames of a blazing fire. Would he ever forget the fact that he hurt her? Was there a penance great enough for him to forgive himself for such a crime?
“What are you doing here, Colin?”
“I couldn’t stay away.”
“And now that you’re here, will you go again?”
“You have to go to dinner with Braydon.”
She shook her head. “I don’t have to do anything. Braydon cares about taking me to dinner about as much as I care about being there with him. I don’t want to lose the few hours it’ll take. It’s my last night.”
“I know.” Nor did he want her to go. “But Sammy, I can’t take you. People would talk.”
“Do you think once you become a priest you’ll never dine in restaurants, Colin?”
“No, but…my family…they’ll want to know why I’m taking you instead of Braydon. It’ll stir questions. It’s bad enough Kelly and Bray already have an idea about what’s going on, but if the women were to find out…”
He shook his head.
The women finding out would definitely not be good.
* * *
Sam tried not to wince at his words. She’d been away for only a matter of minutes and it seemed every time he opened
his mouth he crushed her heart a little more. She’d always be second choice to the first man she ever loved. She would never be more than a dirty little secret. She was the Hester Prynne, the mistress to his first love—The Church—while Colin was the noble unwavering one.
She was fighting tears and a nagging headache thanks to Kelly’s flask full of whiskey. Sighing, she rolled away from him. At first she didn’t think he’d allow her to get up, his hands tightened on her hip, but then he released her, just as he would tomorrow.
“I should probably shower,” she said, trying not to look at him. Then, because for some reason she wanted to hurt him she said, “So I can get ready for my date.”
“Samantha,” he implored, but she ignored him.
“Do you mind going so that I can get changed?”
Silently he watched her and then stood. He walked up to her as if to kiss her or perhaps simply lay a hand on her, but did neither. “It’s for the best, Sammy.”
“Maybe I don’t really feel like being the best right now, Colin. Maybe I’m a little tired of always trying to get everything right.”
He looked down, and she knew she was bullying him. Stupid man. He was going to let her just disappear. He couldn’t be satisfied with knowing they had no chance at a future. No, he had to squander their last opportunity to spend time together. She walked to the bathroom door, towel in her hand, and waited for him to leave.
Without making eye contact her gaze followed his slow steps to his room and she shut the door. This time she was the one to lock it.
17
Dinner was nice. It was good for Sam to get away from the others with Braydon. If not her boyfriend, he was still her friend. They talked about school, her graduating, and his senior year. They referenced many inside jokes that only a Villanova student would understand. It was a very pleasant evening.
When Sam and Braydon returned home, the house was settled. Maureen and Frank were watching Antiques Road Show in the den. Kelly was working. Sheilagh was out with Patrick and friends. And Finn—Maureen was displeased to state—was out on a date with his ex, Erin.
Sam never asked where Colin was. He’d made it clear that even their last night together was not worth the others' suspicions. She was at first angry, then sad, then resigned. This was what she had agreed to, two weeks, nothing more. She’d known all along nothing would change his path. She told herself not to take it personally and was really trying hard not to.
These past two weeks Sam had learned things about herself that she never knew. She learned how to kiss a man properly. She learned what it was to truly be intimate with someone, the incredibly freeing sense of letting go in those lost moments of time. She faced her fear of water.
Once she returned home her fears would likely return. It had been Colin’s presence, his gentle coaxing and pride, which had encouraged her to face down her demons. No matter what, he would not let her sink.
Sam sat in the den for a while chatting with Maureen. She was really going to miss the woman. Maureen had packed a basket of homemade bread and a cooler of several loafs that were frozen so Sam would have decent food when she returned to school. She also washed and folded all of her clothes and had Frank purchase her train ticket. Sam was overwhelmed with gratitude for this woman who was perhaps the greatest matriarch of this amazing family she’d come to love.
When the two parents went to bed she sat quietly on the couch a seat away from Braydon. She wanted to trap the scent of this home and keep in with her for all time. Braydon watched her thoughtfully.
“You okay?”
She took a long slow breath. “I’ll be fine.”
“We have to be at the station by twelve tomorrow. We should probably leave here around eleven-thirty at the latest.”
“Okay.”
“You know you're welcome to come back anytime, Sam. My family loves you.”
She made non-committal sound, because that would never happen.
“He won’t always be here, Sam. After summer is over he’ll go wherever they tell him. He may not even stay in the U.S. I know he really enjoyed himself when he was in Ireland.”
She smiled sorrowfully. “Like the rest of you, his presence is written into the bones of this house, Braydon. His absence won’t erase the memory of him, not here or in my mind once I go home. It’ll be hard enough never truly knowing where he is or what he’s doing. To come here and wonder if he may pass through or if he’d recently held a cup, touched the banister where my fingers land, or sat in a seat now empty…that would just be too hard.”
“You could always write him.”
She shook her head. “No. There’s no point drawing out what can never be more. What your brother and I shared was here, in this moment in time, on this mountain, and will never survive anywhere else. Once he makes his vows there will be no undoing them. I wouldn’t want to do that to him, remind him of what can never be again.”
It was surprising that Braydon could discuss such things with her. She appreciated his friendship, saying certain things out loud to him made her reality easier to accept, as if with each spoken word she was making her own vows to let Colin go.
Braydon eventually stood and stretched. He kissed her on the cheek and told her he would see her in the morning.
It wasn’t long before Sam was shutting out the downstairs lights and climbing the steps herself. When she reached her door she paused. The yellow glow of light fanned out onto the wood planked floor from below Colin’s door. He was so capable in so many matters, yet with love he was just a boy.
* * *
A few hours later Sam awoke to someone touching her shoulder.
“Sammy, wake up.”
She grumbled and slowly lifted her lashes. It was still dark. Her eyes squinted as her vision cleared from blurry to merely fuzzy and she saw Colin standing over her.
“Colin? What time is it?”
“Four. Come on,” he whispered.
“Where are we going?”
“To the lake.”
“It’s the middle of the night.”
“I know, but I promised you I’d teach you how to swim before you left.”
Disappointment flooded her sleep-addled brain. “I don’t want to swim.”
He pulled her out of bed anyway. “We have to. It’s the one thing I can give you. Now come on, put some pants on. Where are your shoes?”
She groggily stood in place and watched him shuffle around her room searching for her things. He handed her a pair of pants and she tossed them on the bed.
“What are you doing? Put them on.”
“I have to pee,” she grumbled and shut the bathroom door.
The florescent lights of the bathroom helped her wake up painfully fast. Washing the sleep out of her eyes at the sink, she proceeded to brush her teeth. She probably wouldn’t get a chance to go back to bed, but she could sleep on the train.
When she entered the bedroom again Colin sat on the bed holding her flip-flops. She climbed into her jeans and buttoned the snap. Colin handed her the sandals and she slipped them onto her feet. Gazing at him, she sent him a pointed look that said, at this hour this was as ready as she was going to get.
It didn’t occur to her until they reached the lake that she’d forgotten to slip into her suit. As Colin pulled off his shirt she stilled, mesmerized by the way the moon glinted against his abs and shoulders. He tossed his shirt to the sand and faced her.
“I forgot my suit.”
He looked at her for a moment appearing to consider their options. Without a word he walked to her and lifted her tank top over her arms and tossed it to the ground. She had been sleeping so she was braless. The cool night air tickled her flesh and her nipples tightened. He stepped closer and the hard nubs pressed into his chest.
Head lowering, his eyes reflected the light thrown by the moon. His soft lips grazed hers and she sucked in a breath. Pulling her flush to his front, a thousand butterflies released in her belly as he kissed her.
He did n
ot kiss her as a holy man or as a friend saying goodbye, but as a lover kissing his woman before embarking on a journey that he knew left little chance of his return. He tasted her and savored her, drank from her. Her body bent back as he tipped her head farther to take more of her. Her fervor rivaled his as she kissed him back.
They broke away from each other breathless. Fingers unbuttoned her jeans and slid them down her legs leaving her bare and standing before him in only her plain cotton panties. He took her hand and her soul anchored itself to his. Safe.
They walked with slow silent steps to the water and there was no apprehension, no fear of how this part of the earth could swallow her whole. She understood that there were greater things to fear, less physical pains. Drowning emotionally was a demon she now knew that made her old fears look like child’s play. She was foolish enough to follow him for the simple joy of it, the same as she had followed Meghan that wintry day they had lusted for an adventure.
There would always be different landmarks in her memory. This lake, this evening, would mark her time with Colin. It would represent her wordless farewell to the first man she ever loved. She pushed all mutinous thoughts away so that she could purely embrace the now.
The slumbering water jostled and rippled as they stepped down the bank. The depthless forests across the lake was only an inky backdrop to the majestic waters. Stars reflected on the surface winking with little ripples. The moon spilled into a wide silver puddle that danced with each step they took.
The water crested her knees and her body shivered. Colin held her close and never lessened his grip on her hand.
By the time her lower belly was wet she was anxious to move in up to her shoulders to slow the chill of the night air upon her flesh.
Colin moved her in front of him and held her back flush against his heated body as he guided them deeper. She had a moment of panic when her feet lost contact with the ground, the picturesque lake suddenly a deep abyss, but Colin didn’t let her thoughts take over.
Take Me to Bed: A Collection of Naughty Bedtime Stories Page 32
