I’ll never forget my first day here. He viciously grabbed my left tit and snarled, “You’re never gonna forget me.” He made my skin crawl. Just the feel of his rancid breath blowing across my face and those disgusting fingers grasping tightly to my breast sent me into a total freak out. It disturbed me so much that he could get away with this menacing behavior. I wanted to beat the shit out of him. I wanted to kick him in the balls. The only thing that stopped me was that he growled, “I could kill you, little girl.” I believed him. Lord did I. His repulsive voice wormed inside my mind, and even now the stench of rot coming from his foul mouth makes me want to puke.
I know what that nod means, and I scurry over to fill his order. Macallan neat. It’s always the same. I pour four fingers into a rocks glass and slide it over to him.
I do all I can to avoid catching his eyes. If only I were invisible. This nasty motherfucker has destroyed my life. His voice resonates darkly inside my head, ruining my peace.
Just last night he shoved me against the wall, grabbing my ass with a repugnant glare on his face. He growled, “Wise up, girl, or I will gut you.” I never feel safe when I’m around his brutal hands and foul, dark soul. “I’ll gut you like a goat.”
He’s a snarky, cruel member of the Cribs. They call him ‘The Untouchable.’ He wears the same dark clothes every fucking night and watches my every move. My fear fuels me throughout my shift. Pockmarks dot his cheeks while his dark, beady eyes sweep the four corners of the room. Horror grips my heart into a strangled mess of muscle. His thin lips hold a mean, twisted expression on his ugly, loathsome fucking face.
I heard he began as a street rat and moved up the ranks of the Cribs. I don’t know anyone else in the gang. And I don’t want to know any of them, if they’re monsters in the night. Luckily, the Bloodlusts aren’t even on my radar.
This freaking dude disgusts me, and every single time I see him he gives me the willies. He is the creepiest, cruelest man alive, a monster that relishes in tormenting me.
“Come here, sweetheart.” I shiver as he motions for me to come to him, evil oozing from his thin lips.
Fuck.
Fuck me.
Chapter Five
Jack
I end up having a blast at the game. It’s not every day we get a win and an opportunity to meet Derek Johnson, first base star of the Giants. He came sauntering up to our box to hang out before the game starts. He’s a friendly as fuck dude. He wanted to meet Jeremy, as Jeremy’s company is one of his sponsors.
“Hey, how about a drink after the game?” Derek asks, looking excited at the prospect of hanging with Jeremy. We agree to wait for him to change into his street clothes, and the three of us take BART to the bar.
I’m living a Giants’ fan’s total wet dream. Spending time with the star first baseman blows my ever-loving mind. I think I must be dreaming, because this right here is everything I ever dreamt it could be.
The three of us stroll into our local bar. Rocco’s is crowded tonight, and I’m glad to get my ass in the seat of the booth right across from Johnson. We feel like rock stars for the first time in our lives. As we order our drinks, I look around, taking in the eyeballs of every single patron who notices our drinking companion.
Baseball is more than a game to us. It’s what still shapes our lives. It formed who we were as children and even now, we talk nonstop about the players and the games, stats, numbers; all things that help me lose myself.
Baseball distracts me enough to take a break from the reality of my life. Thank fuck.
“What do you do, Jack?” Johnson asks, looking genuinely interested.
“I am the District Manager of the Bank of USF. I run the entire district, including all twenty-two brick and mortar and all that online banking. Boring but stable.” I really hate my job, but I grin and bear it. I think I’ve been there way too long and I know that fucking job wrings out every last bit of humanity from my tired bones. My job really boils down to a smile and handshake to send rejected folks home. There is nothing as soul crushing as taking a home away from nice, well deserving people.
The housing crisis of ’08 just about destroyed me. There were so many foreclosures I had no power to save. No amount of ‘deal’ making could erase the fact that people lost their homes—homes they had lived in for decades. The subprime loans wrecked so many people’s lives. It crushed my heart in ways I never talk about. I delivered bad news every single day.
The bank steals my soul and leaves me feeling like an empty shell of man. I’m not proud of that, of the man I had to become to do the job well.
“What got you into that line of work?” He keeps at me, asking me questions that tear right through me. I just want to punch his lights out for keeping this up. Why is this the first question a new-to-you person asks? Why can’t he just let it go? But I’m polite and answer with a smile.
“Well, I started out at the bottom when I was eighteen years old. Jeremy was going to go to college, and I needed something that would help pay his way.” Jeremy went to the University of Berkeley. He graduated cum laude and had the fancy diploma to kickstart his career.
That’s what mattered to me back then, what still matters to me now. Jeremy comes first, but I don’t know if I can express this in a way Derek Johnson, star of the Giants, can understand. Jeremy has always been my first priority, even when we were kids.
“I stayed at the bank when he graduated. You don’t walk away from management.” My practiced speech ends, but my thoughts don’t. What is it about this job I hate so much and why can’t I be brave and leave? At thirty-one, I’m desperate for a change. I think fear is the real motivator holding me there. I need to find my fucking balls.
“You rock, dude. Great bro, for sure. That’s awesome.” Johnson looks over at my brother. Who wouldn’t want to support their family? I haven’t thought about this for a long time, and I really don’t want to dig too deep into my motivations that keep me chained to that fucking job. I let Jeremy down once, and I’m not ever going to do that again. I abandoned him when he was twelve years old. It still remains one of the worst things I’ve ever done.
“He’s the best big brother a guy could have,” Jeremy said and gives my shoulder a soft squeeze. He's always bragging about it, and I know his appreciation runs deep. I was glad to help him out, and I’ll always have his back.
I look up and shake myself out of the past. Alex stands by our table, ready to take our order. Her pad is held tightly in her small hand, but her face shows a fierce girl who fascinates me. Now standing before us, smiling, I realize how pretty she is under all the scowls.
We order the same thing, beer and shooter. I want to put away the whiskey before going home. This way of life really sucks, and I shake my head. I know it’s no way to live. Alcohol and I have a long and mysterious relationship, but really I have grown dependent on the stuff. I need to move past this shit somehow. And someday I need to stop drinking. Soon, I whisper to myself. Soon.
“Hey bro, where’d you go? Jack? Jack?” Jeremy tries to shake me out of my reverie.
“Oh, just thinking about everything…you playing college ball. Did you tell Derek about your college team? Does he know you played Triple-A later?” I know I’m changing the subject. I hate having the focus on me. Why did he have to call me out like that? We’re going to have words later for real. My fucking brother has a huge mouth. Huge, I tell you.
“Yeah, sure. I actually just did. But you were somewhere else. You’ve been somewhere else for months now.” Jeremy looks at me sideways. I don’t mind his concern, and now that he knows Lizzy's been gone I wish he would put two and two together. I don’t want to have to spell it out. I feel fucking unhinged.
Derek pulls his shot glass off the table and says, “Here’s to the finish of a great season!” We all clink our glasses.
What the hell am I going to do with myself when the season ends? It’s the one thing that holds my attention and distracts me from all the crap in my life. I need to fuck
ing let her go, forget the call, and stop waiting to live.
“Hell yeah!” Jeremy and I say at the same time. We all laugh, and after that I really do relax and enjoy the night.
“Hey, did you see that article in the paper today? The one about the murder?” Jeremy looks between Derek and me.
I shrug, because we already discussed it, but Derek says, “Yeah, I saw that. Those fucks are at it again. I wish the Feds could shut them down. I guess it doesn’t work that way, he grumbles.
Maybe I should follow the news better. Maybe I should know more about what’s going on in the city.
“Right? Well, we’ll have to see what happens with that case,” Jeremy says eagerly and both Derek and he nod. “I’ve been following that gang since I was a kid. I was fascinated with ChuckD, the dude who started the gang war back in the eighties. When I was a kid, I idolized him.” Jeremy chuckles.
Johnson leaves shortly after that. He has another game in two days.
“Nice to meet you Jack, Jeremy. Thanks for hanging out,” he says, and we stand to bro hug. Then he walks out the door. Our rock star status ends as soon as he exits the bar, but I will never forget this night, the night I had a drink with a superstar.
After he leaves, I say, “Jeremy, can you stop calling me out in front of strangers?”
“I could, but I won’t. I’m worried about you, bro.” Jeremy looks at me with what I think could be anger, but no. It’s concern. He's had enough, I suppose, of my depression.
“Okay, okay. You know about Lizzy and that she’s been gone months. I just can’t let her go. I’ve been waiting to hear from her but I haven’t since the day I got that note. It’s been dragging out so long. She said she’d call soon, but what a laugh.” I know I sound bitter as fuck. I look over at Jeremy; he has a question in his eyes.
“You’re serious about this woman? I know you told me you haven’t heard from her, but I didn’t know you caught heavy feelings. I’m sorry, dude, it’s not cool. So, go on.” He smirks as he looks around the dark room. “I remember meeting her.”
“You met her the one time. Anyway, well, the thing is, she’s the most important woman I have ever been involved with. I want to marry her.” I pause and take a deep breath. I hope I can get through this conversation without breaking down. I mean, what man wants to cry in his beers? I steel myself against the emotions and finally spit it out.
“She’s gone. She just said she loved me, and that she’d call.” I survive the words. “I want to marry her, but I can't marry a ghost.”
“That’s just plain fucked up. What the hell? Why would she do that to you?” Jeremy fumes. He has my back, and I’m grateful for his love and support. There’s nothing like having my brother’s backing. I should have come to him earlier. I should have told him when it happened.
But on the flipside, now it feels even more real. Lizzy abandoned me. Whatever the reason, what happened tears me to shreds.
“What are you going to do? I mean, you can’t sit around for much longer, just waiting for a phantom chick.” I know he’s right. Good lord I do. I know I have to find a way past this and move on with my life. I’m mired in confusion; I need to fucking get my shit together, make some decisions, and try something new for a freaking change.
“You're right, dude, I know you are. I’m shredded, and I don’t know what to do...”My words fail me as I start thinking about my future. It all looks cloudy, and I‘m not sure how to clear up this storm brewing inside me.
Something has got to give.
“You’ve got to move on, man. You know I’m right. You’ve got to let her go. Just fucking let her go,” Jeremy says, emphasizing the word on. I know he's right, but Lizzy and I fell deeply in love. How do I fall out of love?
“I know, I just don’t know how to let her go.” There, I said it. I need a new life, a new identity. I need to see myself as a single man. Again. I hate being single. It sucks to be a man of my age, looking to move deeper into my thirties with no one around special enough to build a life with. That’s what I really want. I need to make some moves right this minute. I need to start with my fucking job. I need to change up my life.
“I’m thinking of quitting my job. Honestly, I think that could help,” I say softly. I hope he understands. This huge move could be a disaster. A financial disaster, anyway. “You know, Derek asked me about the job tonight. You heard him. I gave him my standard answer, but you know I hate that job. I want out,” I say, gritting my teeth. Even I can hear the angst in my voice.
Jeremey’s face breaks into a broad smile. “Exactly, I’d love to see you do something you enjoy, brother. Quit that fucking job and figure out what comes next. The world is your oyster, dude. Take some time to figure out your next move. Your new job should be something you love to do. Any ideas?” Jeremy seems gleeful at the idea of me moving onto something new.
“Hmm, something with kids, that’s what I want. Not sure if I can build a career with kids and baseball, but honestly that would be my dream.”
“I love it! That would be incredible, and you’d be great at it. Come on, look at everything you did for me. You can do this for you. Maybe you could talk to Derek about it?”
I’m not even sure if I’ll ever see Johnson again, but right now I resolve to get the fuck out of my current job. I know it’s the first step to a new life.
Change my job and embrace being single. Become the man I want to be. This will take time, but I think I’m ready for it. I need to play to win.
I hope I’m ready to start all over again. Even as I think it, my heart seizes on me and starts pounding so hard my ribs begin to ache.
“Hey, you wanna go to the strip club?” Jeremy pokes me in the side and we laugh.
“Yeah, that would be a great way to start a new career,” I grumble, then laugh again. “Let’s get out of here.”
I need sleep and pray sleep will come find me tonight. Even if it doesn't, I’m determined to make these fucking changes to keep myself sane.
I think I’m ready for this. I want to play to win.
Chapter Six
Jack
Jeremy and I leave the bar that night full of booze and optimism.
When I get home, I hurl myself on the couch and pull my cell phone out of my pocket. I lay it down next to me and grab my wallet off the table. When I open it up, Alex’s phone number falls onto my lap. I pick it up and look at her writing. It’s clean, simple script. Alex printed out in a feminine hand.
Suddenly, something seizes inside of me. Before I pussy out, I dial the number. She picks up after the second ring.
“Hello?” I hear her soft, sweet voice. She doesn’t sound like the snarling, snappy waitress I met at the bar.
“Hey, Alex? This is Jack, Jack from Rocco’s,” I say with my head in my hand. My heart beats rapidly inside my chest. If it beats any harder, it’s gonna crack a rib.
“Jack, how’d you get my number?” she growls. Oh fuck.
“You slipped it to me at the bar…don’t you remember me?” I ask, full of trepidation. What if this is a mistake? I don’t need drama, that’s for damn sure. As I decide to hang up the phone, Alex speaks.
“Sure, I remember you, Jack. I’m just giving you some shit. I can’t help myself.” Then she laughs this low, guttural laugh that zings me right in the chest, and it feels so freaking good. I guess my ego needs to hear that. My ego needs some sort of a boost.
“Good to know.” I chuckle and feel myself relax for the first time in ages.
There is something very different about this chick. Sure, she looks different, but there’s something about her that’s dark, maybe even dangerous. The simple fact that she relaxes me makes me want more.
“What are you doing?” A follow-up question slips out of me before I realize what I’m doing. I hear the lilt in my voice and know the flirting me is coming back to life.
She takes a moment to answer. I can hear her draw in a breath. Listening to her just, well, breathe, is arousing. I’m eager to ge
t lost in her voice.
“I’m lying in my bed right now. What about you? What are you doing at two in the morning?” Alex sounds so good, her rich, deep, dark voice melting over me like butter, thawing my heart just enough. My heart does a little dadum-dum.
“Lucky bed,” I chuckle again. “Side or back?” I want to keep her talking just so I can listen to her intoxicating voice.
“I’m on my side, propped up on a few pillows, my phone sitting in front of me. I’ll tell you a secret, Jack from the bar,” she whispers, and there’s a silent pause. I dream the secret’s about me. Then she whispers, “I’m naked.”
That gets my mind whirling around in perpetual motion. I think back on the last time I saw her and wonder how small she is. I try to remember. Small breasts, too? What did all that skin look like? How’s that ass? I try to recall her body, her curves. I visualize her in my mind’s eye and see her faded pink mohawk, warm brown eyes and sparkling smile. She’s the opposite of Lizzy’s traditional beauty, and somehow that makes her way more appealing.
“You know what to say to a man, now don’t you, darlin?” I stumble, trying to find clever words while the vision of her laying before me floats seductively in my mind. I have her laid out before me in my mind’s eye.
“I wish I could see you laying there,” I whisper, and I hear her breath hitch. I can literally hear her small little gasp; it’s probably the sexiest thing I have ever heard in my entire life. My heart speeds up, beating against my ribs. Boom boom. This girl, wow, she’s something else. I feel like I’m on one of those topsy-turvy rides, the Alex ride, and it steals the breath from my lungs. She takes me on the ride of my life.
The Call Page 3
