by Elle Keating
Morgan had liked Ken the first time she’d met him. But now he was just being straight up adorable. Not only had he called to ask Morgan for her blessing, but he wanted her input regarding how he should ask his girl to be his wife, which was incredibly cute. “I couldn’t think of a better way. She will be over the moon, that’s for sure.”
“Good. Because that’s what she deserves,” Ken said without hesitation.
“Well, I want to hear all about your trip when you two get home. Take lots of pictures.”
“You can count on it.”
Morgan ended the call and rested her phone on the concrete step. She had been enjoying the beautiful weather while she waited for Carina and Josh when Ken had called and given her the good news. Morgan was so happy for her mom. Her only regret was that her mom hadn’t met Ken sooner. But it was possible that if her mom had, she wouldn’t have let him in back then. Morgan’s dad had left her mom so numb, so guarded. All her mom’s energy had gone into finishing nursing school, working and ensuring that Morgan was taken care of and loved, not on finding a man.
Morgan hadn’t thought of her dad in a long time. On occasion he would cross her mind, but those weak moments were few and far between. But her conversation with Ken had unintentionally made her remember the last time she had seen her dad…
“I’m the luckiest man alive,” Pop said. Dressed in a suit and tie, his hair parted perfectly on the side, Carina’s dad stood between Morgan and Carina with a huge grin on his face.
Morgan looked down at her wrist corsage. It was beautiful and matched her navy blue dress perfectly. It also was a reminder that her dad wasn’t in her life. If he had been, he would be the one standing next to her as her mom snapped photos, as they got ready to go to the Father-Daughter dance at her school, not Pop, a kind man who already had a daughter. Morgan knew he had asked her to accompany him and Carina to the dance so she wouldn’t feel left out. His offer to take her had been sweet and genuine and at the time she didn’t have the heart to tell him no.
“You three look great!” Morgan’s mom took a few more pictures and then walked over to adjust her hair. Her mom had spent an hour on it, giving her naturally wavy hair a bit more curl and life. On the outside Morgan knew she looked okay, but on the inside she was screaming. Why wasn’t her dad taking her to her dance? Why didn’t he want her? Why didn’t he love her?
Morgan had asked her mom several times over the years why he had left them. But her mom could never give her a complete answer. It was as if she too didn’t know why one minute he was in their lives and the next… gone, never to be seen or heard from again. Morgan had stopped missing her dad years ago. It wasn’t all that difficult. She didn’t remember him as being a loving dad. He didn’t play games with her or take her out for ice cream. He didn’t take her to the movies or praise her when she was good. Pop did, though. Morgan wasn’t his daughter, yet Pop did all those things with and for her. He treated her like she was his own and she loved him for it.
So it killed her to tell him that she couldn’t go to the dance with him. “I’m not feeling well,” Morgan said as her mom tucked her hair behind her shoulder.
“What’s the matter?” her mom asked.
Morgan cringed when she saw the worry in her mom’s eyes. She needed to come up with an excuse that was believable. If her mom thought she was really sick, she wouldn’t go to work tonight and that would ruin the plan she had thought up while she had been having her picture taken. Morgan leaned in and whispered in her mom’s ear, “My cramps are really bad this month.”
That look of worry disappeared somewhat at the mention that her illness was period-related and not something serious. “Do you want to take Motrin? That can help, honey.”
“Already did. I think I just want to lie down.”
Her mom nodded. Morgan had gotten her period for the first time three months ago. Each month brought awful cramps and on one occasion, vomiting. Morgan had asked her mom if that was normal. Unfortunately, her mom told her that she had experienced that the first year she had gotten her period, but it did get better after that.
Before she could change her mind, Morgan told Pop and Carina that she wasn’t feeling good. They were disappointed but understood and thankfully didn’t ask a lot of questions. Her mom took her home and made her a cup of tea. While her tea steeped, Morgan changed out of her dress and put on a pair of sweatpants and a hoodie. She was lying beneath her covers when her mom came in with her tea and a sleeve of Thin Mints. “These always made me feel better,” her mom said, placing the cookies on her nightstand.
Morgan fought through the guilt and accepted the tea from her mom.
“Are you sure you don’t need me to stay home? I can call out. We could spend the night eating cookies, chocolate, and binge-watching eighties movies.”
As nice as that sounded, Morgan needed her mom to go to work. All those years of not knowing why her dad had dropped off the face of the earth had taken a toll. She wanted answers, answers that only he could give. And she was going to get those answers tonight.
“I’ll be alright, Mom. Really. Go to work. It’s okay.”
Her mom kissed her on the forehead and then swiped a cookie from the nightstand. “I saw that,” Morgan said
“I won’t be too late tonight. I’m covering the last few hours of someone else’s shift.”
“Okay, Mom.”
Morgan waited until her mom pulled out of the driveway before putting her plan in motion. Her months of snooping had paid off. While her mom had been at work, Morgan had searched and eventually found her dad’s address on some documents her mom had stored in the basement. She was happy to discover that he was within driving distance, which would make for an easy visit. But the fact that he lived so close and chose not to see her only made her angrier.
Morgan slipped on her sneakers, grabbed her house key and the rest of her allowance money and left through the front door. The bus stop was only two blocks away. She would need to hustle, though. According to the bus schedule, one was due to arrive within minutes. Morgan reached her stop and took the time to catch her breath when she heard her name.
“Morgan? Where are you going?”
Morgan was still angry at him. It didn’t matter that eight months had passed since she kissed him. The pain remained. She had tried to move past it over the last several months, even taking some extreme measures to do so. For one, she limited her visits to the McGinnis’ home and spent more time at home, in the library or on the field hockey field. She talked to boys her own age and even held hands with a few of them. Morgan went as far as cutting Chris Isaak out of her life. She still couldn’t listen to “Wicked Game” without crying. That song only reminded her of their kiss, as it had been playing in the background.
“I’m going to see my dad.”
“Then you’re not sick.”
“No.” She looked over his shoulder and saw the bus coming down the street. “Please don’t tell them where I’m going.”
“I won’t,” he said, walking toward her.
“Thanks.”
The bus pulled up and she was just about to get on when Jake started to follow her. “What are you doing?”
“Going with you.”
She didn’t pretend to be strong or tell him to go home. Because she wanted him to come. She wanted her friend back, even if it was only for tonight. Morgan nodded and they took their seats. They didn’t talk during the half-hour trip. The silence could have been uncomfortable but it wasn’t. Morgan and Jake exited the bus and they began to walk down Walsh Street. She pulled out the handwritten directions to her dad’s house, though it wasn’t necessary. She had them memorized.
Like the bus ride over, they remained silent until she stopped in front of 435 Penwick Lane. Morgan stared at the enormous home with the three-car garage. Her dad probably didn’t have to worry about his electric being shut off due to nonpayment. His refrigerator was most likely stocked with food and his shag carpet had probably been replaced
with hardwood floors. She imagined that he had a beautiful television and not one of those televisions that sat on the floor like a piece of furniture. Her fury mounted as she stared at the perfectly maintained front yard.
Morgan had every intention of telling Jake to stay on the sidewalk by the street but at the last second, she changed her mind and asked him to come with her. He nodded and walked next to her. She climbed the set of steps and as she reached out to ring the doorbell, she realized that her hand was trembling. Jake rang the doorbell and took her hand and held it firmly in his.
The door swung open and she stared at the man who had helped bring her into this world. She hadn’t planned what she was going to say. Rather, she was content to rely on her gut and what her heart wanted her to say. Morgan squeezed Jake’s hand and took a step forward, forcing him to let her go. Though she wanted Jake near, she needed to do this on her own. He silently complied and stayed behind.
“Hi, Dad.”
Her father’s blue eyes grew wide as he stared back at her.
“Morgan?”
“You remember my name,” she said sarcastically.
Her dad opened the door and gestured for her to enter his home. She didn’t hesitate and neither did Jake.
“Why did you come here?” There was no love in his voice, no hint of regret that he had left her all those years ago. He sounded annoyed that she was here, that she had intruded on his life once again.
She wasn’t in the mood to chitchat, to talk about the weather or his big, fancy house. So she got right to the point. “I want to know how you could leave us, how you could leave me?” The tears were quickly forming, and she fought like hell to hold them back. “The night you left… I remember you and Mom arguing.” The floodgates burst open, but she didn’t care. “You hit her.”
Her dad closed his eyes and sighed. “Get out.”
No ‘I’m sorry.’ No ‘I didn’t mean for you to see that.’ Nothing. How could her mom have married someone so cold?
“I’ll leave and never come back if you answer my questions.”
“Okay. Make it quick,” he said, folding his arms over his chest.
“Why did you leave us?”
“Your mom didn’t tell you?”
She sniffled through her runny nose and said, “She said you wanted a different life.”
“Is that all she told you?”
Morgan wiped her eyes with the back of her hand. “Yes.”
“What are you? Thirteen? Fourteen?” Her dad looked her up and down and then continued. “I guess you’re old enough to know.”
“Know what?”
“That I left you and your mother to be with Sandra.”
“You abandoned your kid for a woman?”
“Sandra doesn’t like children.”
Morgan stared at him in disbelief. All this time she had wondered what she had done wrong to drive him away. She had entertained many theories as to how and why he could leave with not so much as a kiss goodbye. But she never thought his reason could be so disgustingly simple and selfish.
“You’re a monster.”
His lips curved to form a smug smile. “I answered your questions. Now leave.”
“Let’s go, Morgan,” Jake said from behind. Jake had been so quiet that she had almost forgotten he was there. “He’s just a deadbeat dad.”
Her dad’s smile faded and it was replaced with a look she clearly remembered. “Who the hell are you to call me a deadbeat dad?”
Jake stepped forward and put his body between her and her dad, as if shielding her from a temper she knew could flare up at any moment. “Okay, father of the year. What is your daughter’s favorite movie?” Jake waited a few seconds and then started firing off one question after another. “What is her favorite sport? Field hockey. What does she want to be when she grows up? A vet. What is she most scared of, Dad?”
Jake’s fists were clenched at his side as he waited for her dad to answer him. But all her dad did was stare Jake down. “Thunderstorms,” Jake said through gritted teeth. “Because the night you left, the night you backhanded Morgan’s mother, there was a thunderstorm. Every time there is a storm she thinks of you, of the deadbeat father who only cared about two things: Himself and his...”
Her dad snapped and he swung with purpose. Jake dodged his punch and returned with his own shot. Blood spurted from her dad’s nose on contact and Morgan gasped at the sight. Stunned, her dad gathered his nose in his hands and screamed for them to get the hell out. Jake grabbed her hand and they ran out of the house. They didn’t stop until they made it to the bus stop.
They didn’t talk during the ride back. He simply held her as she cried into his chest. After they reached their stop, he walked her home. Morgan was happy to see that her mom wasn’t home from work. She wouldn’t have known what to say to her. Before Morgan could ask she heard Jake say, “This is our secret, Morgan. No one has to know where we went tonight… or what happened.”
Morgan nodded and then unlocked her front door. She wanted to thank him for coming with her to confront the man she would never shed a tear for again. She wanted to throw her arms around Jake’s neck and tell him that she would never forget how he had stood up for her, how he had been the best friend any girl could want. But she didn’t do any of those things. Instead she smiled, gave him a quick kiss on the cheek and wished him goodnight.
Her mom came home from work about ten minutes later. Morgan turned on her heating pad and pretended to be asleep. Morgan heard her mom enter her room. The footsteps drew closer and she felt her mom’s lips brush her forehead. “I love you, baby,” her mom whispered.
“Love you too, Mom,” Morgan said softly. She had never meant those words as much as she did now.
“How are you feeling?” she asked.
Morgan opened her eyes and stared at a woman who was the living, breathing definition of the word sacrifice. “I’m feeling better.” She wasn’t lying. Although she had cried most of the bus ride back, she felt at peace. After all those years of wondering why her dad had left her and her mom, she finally had an answer.
“I’m glad.” Her mom sat down on the bed and brushed her hair from her eyes. “But I’m sure Jake’s hand isn’t feeling so good right now.”
Holy shit.
“Um… how… I mean… ”
“Your father called me a few minutes ago from the ER and told me that his daughter and her boyfriend had paid him a visit… and broke his nose.”
Fear gripped her as her heart thundered in her chest. Did her dad call the police? What would happen to Jake? Morgan sat up in bed. “Jake was sticking up for me. Don’t believe anything Dad said. He was the one who took the first swing, not Jake. Jake was defending me!” She was talking a mile a minute, but she had to get the truth out. She needed her mom to believe her. “Is Jake going to get in trouble?” She knew she sounded desperate, but she didn’t care.
“No, as long as you and Jake agree not to… ” Her mom stopped talking as if it pained her to go any further. But Morgan knew what she was trying to say and why it was so difficult. What mother wanted to tell her child that her father didn’t want to see her again, that he was willing to forget about the foyer incident as long as she promised to stay away from him?
“Visit him again?” Morgan supplied. Her attempt to rescue her mom only brought her to tears. She instantly felt guilty for putting her mom through this. “I’m sorry. I just needed to know. I needed him… to see me. I’m sorry that I didn’t believe you when you told me that he wanted a different life, that his reason for leaving could be that simple, that awful.”
Her mom embraced her. “I’m the one who should be sorry. I didn’t know what to say, what to tell you. And because I had kept quiet over the years about your dad, you felt you had no choice but to confront him. I should have known that this day would come. That you would need an explanation as to why he had made the choice that he did.” Morgan felt her mom tremble in her arms. “I’m so sorry.”
Morgan
could not bear to see her mom beat herself up over this. She wasn’t to blame. Her dad was the selfish asshole, not her mom. “You were protecting me. I know that. I think I’ve always known that. But I needed to see him one last time, to stare into his eyes and see him for the man he really is. I was tired of hoping that my memories of him weren’t correct. I got my answer tonight. I don’t have to wonder anymore.” Morgan sat back and she looked her mom in the eye. “And that feels… good.”
Her mom took her hands into her own. “You know, there were moments I would hate him. But then I would look at you and know that everything that had happened was meant to be… because you were meant to be. You are strong and determined and fiercely independent. I love you, baby.”
Morgan reached out and hugged her mom. They stayed like that, wrapped up in each other’s arms and sniffling for a long time. When that much-needed embrace ended, her mom kissed her on the forehead and stood. She was walking toward the bedroom door when Morgan asked, “So Jake really broke Dad’s nose?”
She turned and faced her. “It appears so.” Her mom fought back a smile, but Morgan saw it reach her eyes. Those deep blue eyes of hers sparkled with what looked like pride and… satisfaction. Her mom cleared her throat and said, “Goodnight, honey.”
“Night, Mom. I love you.” Morgan smiled and lay back down in bed… and slept soundly.
Two successive beeps jarred Morgan from her memory and she snapped to attention. She expected to see Josh and Carina parked outside her house, but it was just an obnoxious driver with the inability to wait patiently while a pedestrian crossed the street. Alone with her thoughts, at least for a bit longer while she waited for her ride to Jake’s game, Morgan couldn’t help but wonder what the hell she was doing. Jake had been out of her life for eight years and now he was back in it… and tempting her. She was more in love with him now than she was the night he had made her his in every possible way.
