Before leaving India, I wanted to dive deeper into the roots of my obsession with the archetypal Goddess of Love. Using hypnosis, guided meditation, regression, primal therapy, and active exercises such as feeling states, Sienna led me through a process of self-discovery, into the depths of what I did not want to see. I also did breathwork and internal practices by myself. For me it would prove to be devastating.
The story – my story – revealed itself in layers. Often the pieces of a scene appeared in different sessions and did not make sense until much later. My reconstituted story, which may sound like science fiction, is presented here. The memories I recalled felt like my memories; the interdimensional experiences felt like they were really happening.
Back to the Beginning
I am in an ancient land. A broad river flows lazily by, ephemeral sparkles of moonlight enlivening the waters. I stroll through the garden, breathing in the sweet smell of jasmine, stopping to behold the date palms that tower above me. I love walking at night. The glint of moonlight on the palm fronds embroiders the otherwise dark silhouettes of the trees. Reflecting this place I have come to love, the sky opens up to a river of stars. I gaze longingly at a constellation above my head.
I climb granite steps into a temple. My temple. Framed by tall columns and reflected on the marble floor is an altar at the end of the hall. The altar, illuminated by an otherworldly light, has lotuses floating in a flat bowl of water and roses blooming. Where does this light come from? I recognize that the question arising in my mind is a modern question. But this mind I am inhabiting now... is from another time, long ago. I am seeing through the eyes of another, feeling her feelings.
At the altar, I catch my reflection in the little lotus pool. I have a long neck and noble head, which I adorn with a headdress of gold and lapis lazuli. My robes are finely woven white.
Wherever I go, people bow down. And I go a lot of places... on Earth and into other dimensions, too. When I am with people, I teach them, but not so much from my words – more from their simply being in my presence. I can feel the radiance that is my natural self-expression.
I sit on my haunches before the altar. The night’s coolness creeps across the marble floor, refreshing me. While everyone else sleeps, I feel wide awake, taking stock of this person I am inhabiting. I am a high priestess. There are priestesses who study with me. I love living on Earth. Every sensation – the smell of jasmine, the glint of moonlight on palm fronds, night’s cool caress on my skin – is a sensuous experience to me. I relish the delights of being in a body.
Stepping outside to the garden, I sit on a bench where I can watch the river flowing past. I love the quiet of the night, when human activity is still; they are all traveling through their dreams now.
Suddenly there are footsteps in the garden, as several men approach. Even though they bow before me, I know they do not trust me nor agree with my methods. I can read in them that they would like to compete with me, but I pay them no mind... silly men with selfish agendas. They ask me to follow them to a meeting, which I do, since a scientist friend has already arranged it. I wonder why he is not here.
They lead me through a tunnel into an underground chamber, lit by torches. While there are quite a few men there in the shadows, only five of them step forward to greet me. One of them, with a steely look in his eyes, bows in greeting. This one, I think to myself, is not human. The others follow his lead and bow.
“We understand you are open to working together,” he says.
“Yes, of course. We believe in cooperation,” I reply.
“You are high-born, as am I, so you recognize the lowly state these poor creatures find themselves in. They must not be left to their own devices for their physical and mental development.”
“And spiritual development,” I add.
“Yes, we see how you are guiding them,” he says. “But these creatures need more than guidance, they need...”
“Control?” I complete his sentence. “We do not, in any way, approve of your tactics. You know that Earth is a free will zone, and humans’ free will must be respected. Evolution will take its course, and believe me, there is a place for your race here, provided you honor the agreed-upon ways of working.”
The man snorts in laughter. “As if you believe in free will! You believe in your will! And I quite agree with you. We are quite similar, you and I. But it is not for you, dear Lady, to tell us how to work! We do have a plan, and it will make of Earth a magnificent society! We shall be its masters, because we are, obviously, the most developed beings here.” Leaning toward me, he says smoothly, “Join us! Share power with us!”
His ambition laid bare, I discern their grander plan. I tell him: “I cannot agree with you. I will not share power with you!”
“So you refuse?” he asks.
“Absolutely. When you are willing to cooperate in a plan to nurture the races here and allow them to develop, we can talk further. Otherwise, we have nothing to discuss.” Turning on my heel, I head toward the tunnel.
The men in the shadows gather to block my exit. When I send my energy out to summon help, it bumps up against the stone walls and ceiling. How strange! I am powerful... What can stop my awareness like this?
The men move aggressively closer to me. I stand before them defiantly. “You won’t get away with your plan,” I tell them.
All along, I am probing with my awareness, trying to get out of this underground chamber. Help! I call psychically to my scientist friend, but I cannot connect with him. How confusing – everywhere is blocked energetically!
Despite the urgent need to navigate the confrontation with these men, I concentrate my awareness like a laser and shoot it to my temple. I observe that men are there, searching for something. They study the altar, the blooming flowers, and then they look underneath the altar. They’ve found it! The portal!
Panic seizes me. I am guardian of the portal! They have tricked me! They led me down here and now they have me trapped! My mind races at the implications of this ambush.
This planet is a treasure trove of life forms, most notably higher evolved beings who are the children of the main galactic races that have been able to mix here in a third-dimensional structure. I have been on Earth to advance evolution of the humans. We come and go through the gateway, which allows us to shift time frames and dimensions. But now the portal is falling into the wrong hands! The portal was my responsibility, and I have failed!
I do not have time to consider all the implications, as the men are closing in. Though I defy them, they overpower me. They physically restrain me on a rack.
They have me surrounded and are drilling me with their gaze. I am immobilized, not so much by fear – though I have a sense of foreboding – but by the fact that my hands are tied above me, and I am laid out, my legs spread and secured. For a woman, this is a most vulnerable position.
Still, I am defiant. “You cannot have me!” I proclaim. Their haughty eyes seem to say, Oh yes we can!
I look at these men. At least a dozen – maybe twenty – I can’t tell, because they fade into the shadows of this dungeon. The burning torches do little to dispel the dampness from the stone walls.
“Listen,” I say to them. “You won’t get away with what you’re proposing. You cannot just treat people like prey – they have souls, they have free will. The planet herself has free will, and you cannot just disregard it. Can’t you feel the power of Creation at work here?”
The men stand like statues in dark cloaks, their faces expressionless, but their eyes... As I peer into their eyes, I am horrified to see through them into something alien to me: cold-blooded, calculating, determined. I know my strength and shine my love at them full-force. Probing into their souls, my love finds no allowance, no softness, no place to land.
As if in unified response, they repel my advance with an oppressive power that hits me in currents – stalking, slithe
ring, chilling currents that begin to strangle me. These are predators unlike any I have ever known, whose might is potentized by their collective. Even though they are speaking, there is a cacophony of hissing sounds in my ears. I strive to focus my concentration.
Two others have entered the underground hall. One stays in the shadows, but one, with pale green skin and yellowish eyes, I recognize as another visitor on Earth: a Reptilian. Leaning over me, he says, “Join with me. Be my queen. We can rule together.”
“Never! I will not join you!” I reply.
“We must mate. It is our destiny. Together we can create a new race. This is to be; you cannot resist,” he says.
“I will not join you! Your plan will not work! You will not win!” I argue.
“Oh yes, we will. Yes, I will win. This is our time. But for now, I’ll just let you rest here until you come to your senses,” he says.
In the gloomy chamber, I close my eyes, feeling suddenly exhausted. Men clasp my arms and legs, and my eyes are covered with a cloth. Then I become aware of fingers on my yoni. Slowly at first, they carefully explore the soft areas and begin rubbing. A throbbing begins inside me that rises in intensity. As I struggle against this energy, the hands clamp down on me even harder. Feeling myself surrendering, I am engulfed by sensations, and there is a buzzing in my head.
“She’s ready,” a gruff voice says.
My mind fights against what is happening to me. I hear the Reptilian man grunt with pleasure as he climbs on top of me. Though I struggle against my bonds, I cannot move. I cannot escape as he clutches my body.
“Join with me. Together we will create a new race. Together we will rule,” he says, as he breathes a sulfurous breath into my face.
“No! No!” I cry. Carefully he enters me. I feel his cool, rough skin on mine. When he tears off my blindfold, his eyes penetrate me with cold-blooded intention and ruthlessness, locking my gaze with his in a lambasting paralysis. With the Reptile roaring and snorting while he pounds me, I sense my body apart from me, my emotions retreating; and I am vaguely aware that the men surrounding us are closing in, and somehow grabbing at my energy. Overwhelmed with terror, I do the only thing I can do: I retreat into my will, my Higher Mind. I shut down my ovaries, installing defenses in my womb to refuse him.
With great effort, galvanizing my will, I stare into the cold eyes of the Reptile with a fierceness that infuriates him. “You will not have me!” I defy him.
“Ha! I do have you!” he grunts, still pumping into my body.
“You will not have me!” I reply. It is a true battle of wills. When he sees that even though he has my body, I will not surrender my self to him, he dismounts, panting, and gives an order to his men: “Bring the sword.”
One of the men steps forward with a silver sword. Before I can gather my strength to resist, he rams the sword up my yoni. Terror-stricken, I cry out. The pain is white hot. He turns the sword, turning, turning, as I feel my life force hacked brutally from the ground of Earth and the connection to my star home severed. As the sword reaches all the way up, piercing my heart, I feel a piece of my heart mortally wounded – a part that never allowed in the possibility of such malicious intent now dies of sorrow.
“No!” I scream. My vision is awash in blood-red pain. Frantically, desperately, I want to escape the pain.
Then – pop! Out I pop from my body. “No!” I scream again. “No!” to my body. How can you give up just like that? Why can’t you hold me? You have betrayed me. How can I complete my mission on Earth without a body?
I see the body of the high priestess splayed below me on the rack. The men, like hungry predators, are feasting on my pain while celebrating their gory ritual. But more than that, they have seized my radiance! Several of them hold it gingerly, like a ball of energy, placing it in a box, and hurrying out of the chamber. How is it possible? Since I’m out of the body, I can do nothing to stop them. I have given up my Earthly incarnation. With their black magic, they have taken possession of part of my feminine energy. Not only have I lost the portal, and lost the mission, I have given them a part of me. In sorrow, I realize it was my arrogance that allowed this to happen. I thought I was all-powerful, that no one could subvert our ever-so-good objectives – and was naïve enough to discount those that could.
Now with the clarity of spiritual vision, I see that they indeed have a plan, and nothing will stop them. They will make of Earth their kingdom, where they will cultivate – and harvest – the contractive energies of fear. The more contracted, the more nourishment for their reign in a dense realm.
Part of me realizes that it is fine. The predators must learn their lessons this way, through selfishness and domination, and many souls will be attracted to learn from them, through powerlessness and victimhood. On Earth, evolution must unfold, in Time. Together they will generate knots of suffering, which will coalesce into something to hold onto. Eventually everyone will tire of all the effort and pain, and will seek expansion and easy Creation. Evolution will always be pushing.
But so much suffering! I am staggered by the vastness of the energetic grid they are installing. The knots of density will become anchors for a net that could cover the entire Earth, in which they would entrap humanity.
In addition, I am dazed by my abdication of my post. Why did I desert so easily? I had no idea the body would not hold me. Had I come to believe what others said, that we were immortal? Aghast, I see, without a doubt, that the Feminine Soul – the creative, nurturing, receptive, allowing approach – is a threat to their agenda in a world of duality.
My Earthly persona is shattered by this experience, and I look at how it is the predators are manipulating my feminine essence. What will they do with this energy?
They take my feminine radiance – the seductive, sensual, loving, beautiful – to use in the marketplace. The Goddess of Love will be packaged and sold to serve an agenda of manipulation and control. The tender energy of love will be turned into a dirty perversion.
The predator men needed a way in, and I gave them a way in: rape as weapon, rape as domination tactic, rape as the way to take away a woman’s power. Just as it had taken me by surprise, so it would hijack and poison women’s natural trust.
A dominator regime was being installed, and I had not stopped it. On the contrary, I had shown them my emotional and physical vulnerabilities by high-tailing it to my higher mind. Men and women would fall into patterns of strife, and the predators would feed off of all the unhappy emotions. The War Between the Sexes could now draw battle lines.
I hover above the scene of the rape ritual, absorbing the consequences of my death in 3-D. Before me appear the fresh faces of maidens throughout history who would be molded by Venus, only to be bought and sold in the marketplace. Young women would follow the innocence of hopeful love... right into the jaws of the manipulators. Through the energy of seduction, and then through disappointment in love, men and women would be led into extreme emotions – fodder for the predators. The Dominator Regime would reign on Earth.
Trickery and Complicity
Life has taught me the wisdom
of moving toward what scares me.
~ Pema Chödrön
As pieces of the story fell into place in the early sessions with Sienna, I resisted the idea that I had a hand in installing the Dominator Culture. Facing the Shadow is unsavory work...
“It appears that you were a creator goddess,” Sienna said. “They had to get you onboard.”
“Onboard?” I questioned. “Sounds like I abandoned ship!”
“So you don’t think you joined them? You don’t think you let them in? Well, you did not stop them, either, now did you?” she said.
No, I did not. And neither did the others who must have tried. During that ancient time, I remembered being part of a team of galactic beings. We all had a stake in Earth’s evolution, and, it would seem, a group of Reptilian
s (and whomever they served) had the biggest stake of all.
Within the first week of Shadow work, I got diarrhea. Another Indian intestinal bug, or could I, in effect, not stomach what I was facing? I was ailing in the second and third chakras – the centers of sex and power. With a raw ache, I contemplated rape as domination tactic, rape as a way to take away a woman’s power. Over the millennia, how many women suffered as victims? As I faced this past scenario, I felt the shame and guilt of giving up.
Then I fell sick with a flu. With congested lungs, I processed my shock and grief, much like I had when wrestling with Lilith. When I went walking, I would greet women and young girls, dressed in bright saris and bangles. As my eyes searched the eyes of each one, I beheld a parade of atrocities: “molested by her uncle,” “beaten by her husband,” “a slave to her mother-in-law,” on and on. I wanted to turn away from them screaming, “I’m sorry! I’m sorry! I was tricked into betraying you, betraying me. Please forgive me!” When I saw the light gone out of girls’ eyes, I knew the trust had been breached, and I saw it everywhere I looked.
Had I, in a past life, helped create the template for unfulfilled women? The War Between the Sexes perpetuated the pathological dynamic between women and men. Every day there played before my mind’s eye, scenarios of fresh-faced young women meeting hopeful men. The women are adolescent or pre-adolescent; the men are of all ages. In the titillation of first attraction – or conversely, in the first approach of devious men – the men unconsciously allow a vampirish energy to flow through them. Because there is an initial trust on the part of the woman, she is caught unaware when the feeding on her energy begins. Sometimes – as in rapes or situations where the woman is treated as a slave or property – she wants to resist. But it is already too late. She either loses faith in the power of Love and her own strength, or abdicates her identity altogether.
Venus and Her Lover Page 39
