“No.” I pull her to me, the idea of not touching her making my chest ache. “I can’t fucking walk away. I’ve tried. I left, remember? Don’t you get that?” I cup her face and crush my lips hard against hers, kissing her with desperation, because I need her to see I can’t do what she’s asking me.
“Fuck you, Colson,” she breathes out, shoving me back until I’m stepping on glass. “Don’t do that. Don’t fucking do that right now. I won’t let anyone else in your family get hurt because of me. If you care about me at all, you will walk away. You’ll turn and leave right fucking now, because you know it’s what has to be done.” She wipes away a tear that falls, before turning away so I can’t see her cry. That one tear makes me feel like I’m dying.
“Kennedy, please, don’t. I’ll do anything. I’ll take care of this. I’ll make it better somehow, but please don’t fucking ask me to do something I can’t. I need you.”
I grab her arm, but she pulls back and turns to face me again. She can barely look at me at this point and I hate it with everything in me. “I can’t do this right now. I need to be inside with Blaire. It’s because of us that she’s bleeding, Colson. Because we’re selfish and couldn’t just wait a few months to be together. Do you really think that’s fair to everyone around us?”
“I don’t care about fair when it comes to everyone else. It sure as fuck isn’t fair to us. It was us before it was anyone else. Remember the two of us as kids, hanging out at the skate park? I care about being with you.”
“Just go,” she says, her voice weak. “I’m begging you with everything in me. If you care about being with me, and ever want there to be an ‘us’, then you’ll do it for now.”
Walking away from her right after I got her is the last thing I want to do. Not able to speak because it hurts so fucking bad that I can’t breathe, I do as she asks and walk away. I don’t even know how long she’s asking for. All I know is that I haven’t even left yet and I already feel like I’m dying.
Once inside my truck, I yell and punch the steering wheel repeatedly until my knuckles are covered in my own blood now too, my hands shaking uncontrollably. Kennedy just asked me to do the last thing I’m capable of, and since I love her, I have no choice but to respect her wishes. She deserves that, at least.
I’ve been in the office for I don’t know how long now, staring at the wall as if it’s going to make the aching pain in my heart go away. Ten days. That’s how long it’s been since I’ve seen Colson. Less than two weeks in reality but it feels like an eternity.
Asking him to walk away that night after Blaire got hurt killed me. It hurt so bad I couldn’t breathe. But I knew if I didn’t ask him to do it, there was no way in hell I’d be strong enough to do it myself. I just wanted him to leave the house and for us to have some distance ‘til things blew over. I didn’t think he’d leave, leave.
He hasn’t been anywhere I usually see him. Not the food truck, not Underground, and not even his apartment. I know this, because I’ve been asking Travis for four days now to tell me if Colson shows up and have heard nothing. He hasn’t seen him either.
The more time that passes without a word from him, the more my worry grows that maybe he’s changed his mind about us. That maybe I wasn’t worth fighting for once shit hit the fan. Maybe I’m not really what he wanted, and nothing hurts more than that feeling. I fell hard for Colson; a lot harder than I ever thought I’d fall for anyone. Dealing with his absence is hard. Things this important should never be discussed during a time of chaos in the heat of the moment. I know that now.
The only sign from him since that night has been a few IG posts on Dixie’s page telling people to stop in for drink specials. It’s helped, because even though he hasn’t been here to work the food truck, his social media followers are still paying attention to what he has to say.
I’m grateful he still cares about the place even without being here, and that he still wants to help bring in business now that I’ve taken over management, but it still doesn’t feel right that he’s not here. I hate not going outside on my breaks to watch him skate. Or him showing up outside the bar when my shift is over. It hurts so fucking deep that sometimes I feel like I’m dying. I’ve never hurt this much ever my entire life. Not even my mother walking away from me caused this much pain, because she was never there to begin with. Not really anyway.
Exhaling, I bring my attention to my phone again and pull up the bar’s IG page for the hundredth time tonight just to get a glimpse of the status he posted earlier: Come to Dixie’s Alibi tonight to get two-for-one drinks. Bring a friend or two, or hell, even ten. Show the ladies some love.
There are multiple replies to the comment asking where he’s been and if he’ll be working the food truck again, but just like the past week, there’s no response from Colson confirming he’ll be back anytime soon. As much as I stalk the posts looking for one, it isn’t there, which only hurts more and more each time.
I was lucky enough that Roger offered to come in for a few weeks to run the truck, but he and I both know he can’t keep up anymore. Not with the new regulars coming through. I have to think long-term in case Colson doesn’t return, and I can’t even begin to fathom that scenario.
“You should take off,” Libby says from the doorway, giving me a concerned look. “You’re here enough running things throughout the day. Aren’t you sick of this place yet?”
“I need the distraction, Libby. Blaire went out tonight, and I don’t want to go home just to sit around and think about him. At least here there’s something to distract my thoughts from time to time.”
“He still hasn’t answered any texts?” she asks cautiously, most likely already knowing the answer.
“Nope.” My heart drops to my stomach, and it’s beginning to feel too familiar. “I guess he took ‘space’ seriously; to the point he disappeared. After what happened with his family, who knows if he’ll come back. He moved to California once before. Maybe he’s there now working on getting his old job and place back. I don’t know what to expect and it sucks.”
She exhales and looks around the office, checking out the rearranging I’ve done for the third time this week. “He’ll be back, sweets. A guy like Colson doesn’t walk away once he falls in love. He and Dax almost killed each other, and Blaire got hurt. I’m sure he’s just looking out for your well-being, not wanting to put you or his sister in that situation again. Give him a few more days and I’m sure he’ll show.”
“Who says he fell in love?” I whisper, my gut twisting tighter. “Colson could easily replace me with any girl he wants; a far less complicated one that doesn’t involve him having to fight with his brother.”
“Girl, are you crazy?” She grips the desk and looks down at me. “That boy has loved you since he was a kid. Do you know how many fights he’s gotten into defending your honor? I still remember when he was about fifteen or sixteen and he punched James in the eye for pretending to grab your ass when you walked by. As soon as you were out of sight, he slammed him against the wall and threw his fist at his face.”
“That’s what happened to James’s eye?” I always wondered what happened, but James refused to tell me.
She nods. “Yup. Now stop worrying and go. I’m fine here without you, and the office doesn’t need any more rearranging. I promise you, it was good before the last four times.”
I stand and grab my leather jacket, slipping it on. It’s been cool these past few nights, everything seeming to change at once. I don’t like it. “Fine. I’ll go. But call me if you need me and I’ll come right back.”
“No,” she says firmly. “I will not be calling you.” Her eyes linger over to the skateboard Colson gave me—the one I’ve been using over the years that has been sitting in the corner for five days now. “Go and use that thing instead of just staring at it. It’s going to start collecting dust. You know you’ve been dying to get some fresh air. Sitting here all day isn’t good for you. Ride. Get out and stop thinking so much. He’ll come back when he’s figured
things out.”
I swallow, staring at the board, trying to decide if I can handle riding right now. Looking at that stupid board has done nothing but make me miss Colson more. “I don’t know. I think I’ll just walk and get some air.”
Giving me a firm look, she grabs the board and hands it to me. “Take it. Just in case.”
I stare at the board for a few seconds before finally grabbing it, giving in. “Fine. I’ll take it. Doesn’t mean I’m going to ride it.”
“Fair enough. As long as you’re out of here I don’t care. I’m sick of seeing your face,” she teases to get a smile out of me. It works, but only for a split second.
After grabbing my keys from the desk, I exit the office and go straight for the back door, needing air a lot more than I expected. When I get outside, the sight of the food truck screws me up even more, making me speed walk to my car.
I can’t stop picturing Colson’s skateboard lying by the back tire where he leaves it sometimes. Or at least used to. “I hate this.” With shaky hands, I start my car and drive off, unsure of where I’m headed. I drive around for a good hour, maybe even more, before I finally end up outside Underground Pit.
A part of me wants to go inside, but I know doing that will only have me missing him more, so instead, I grab my board and take a seat at the picnic table, setting it beside me. I’m not sure why I even grabbed it, because I doubt I’ll use it.
I sit here for a while, staring into nothing, before Travis stops in front of his truck, noticing me right as he’s about to jump inside. “Hey. How long have you been out here?”
I shrug as he walks toward me. “Maybe an hour. I haven’t been paying attention.”
He takes a seat beside me and turns to face me. “I heard from Colson today.”
My heart stops at the mention of Colson’s name. “What did he say? Is he okay?”
“He’s close by. That’s all I got from him other than to keep an eye on you and help you if needed.” He exhales and pulls a joint from his cigarette pack. “That night he came to my door with a bloodied face and knuckles. By the expression of torment he was wearing, I got the impression that he needed to give you space in order to make sure everyone he cares about stays safe. I think for him, the only way he was able to give you that space was by leaving town.” He lets out a small laugh. “There’s no way that dude can stay away from you. He’s never been able to. Trust me, I tried talking sense into him, because I knew how shit with his brother would go down, but he wasn’t having it.” He pauses to take a hit from his joint. “Hell, I wouldn’t be surprised if he sleeps in his truck outside your house at night and you don’t even know he’s there.”
My heart jumps around my chest at that thought as Travis stands. “Are you saying that because you think he’d do it or because you know he does?”
He shrugs and exhales. “I don’t know shit. Just that he’s been in love with you practically his entire life. If I kissed you or even thought about it, he’d kill me with no hesitation, and I’ve known the dude since we were babies. He’d take my life and I’m his best friend. That says something. So, imagine how he felt when his own brother took you, and now… he’s trying to figure out what’s best for you even if it’s not what’s best for him. He’ll be back once he figures it out.”
“Thanks,” I say when he begins walking away. “Thanks for letting me know he’s okay.”
He stops to look back at me. “Anytime, babe. I’m here if you need me.”
After he’s gone, I stand and grab my board, my head even more screwed up than it was before I came here. What if what he decides is best for me is not to be with me?
That thought has me nauseous as I make my way back to my car. I can’t handle being without Colson like I may have thought I could. Not after being his and seeing what that’s like, even if it was for just a short time.
I’m his and I think I always have been in some way. Now I just want him to be mine.
Blaire walks in the house shortly after I arrive and plops down beside me on the couch. “You okay, babe?”
I shake my head. “Not really. How’s your nose?”
She smiles and grabs my feet, pulling them into her lap. “It’s been fine for days, and you know this. Stop asking.” It’s quiet for a moment before she asks, “Still no word from Colson?”
“Not a thing. I’m sure he doesn’t want to talk to me after I forced him to leave. He has a right to be upset with me. We both could’ve handled things differently, I suppose.”
“No, he doesn’t,” Blaire says firmly. “My brothers were out of line that night and he knew it. If anything, he’s mad at himself for putting you in that situation. Colson has spent most of his life protecting you. You’re the only person I’m pretty sure he’d never hurt on purpose.”
“I love him,” I whisper, covering my face. “I’m in love with Colson, and I feel dead inside. I was never in love with Dax this way. What does that say about me?”
She pulls my hands from my face to look at me. “That you picked the wrong brother eight years ago, and now you’re choosing the right one.”
My chest tightens with emotions. “I miss him.”
“I know you do, babe. I’ve been suffering through your moping for ten days now. Trust me, I know.” She squeezes my legs. “But he’ll be back. There’s nothing I’m more certain of.”
I grab the sheet from the back of the couch and close my eyes. “I hope you’re right. If not, I may just be making a trip to California.”
“You won’t have to, babe. Now turn on the TV and let’s catch up on Lucifer. No more thinking about Colson tonight. Got it?”
I turn on the TV and agree, although I know it’s a lie. I can’t stop thinking about Colson no matter how hard I try. So, I just pretend I’m into the show and keep my thoughts to myself for the rest of the night.
Keeping my distance from Kennedy has been the hardest shit I’ve ever had to do. I’m not gonna lie and say it doesn’t hurt, because it’s fucking killing me.
Walking away two weeks ago ripped my heart out, especially the look in her eyes before I did. She asked me to walk away. She asked for space in fear of someone else getting hurt, but the look in her eyes said more than her words. Kennedy was terrified of losing me, just as I’m terrified of losing her. It hurt her just as much as it did me when I did what she asked.
That look on her face still haunts me, which is why I’m sitting outside my brother’s house about to have the most fucked-up conversation of my life. It’s midnight, so he’ll want to kill me enough as is without listening to what I have to say.
“Fuck.” I nervously run a hand through my hair, before stepping out of my truck. I don’t know how this conversation is going to go, but I need it to go well, because I’ve already decided that I can’t stay away any longer. I’m topped out on good deeds. I need her. I stand here for a moment, staring at the dark house, before finally walking to the door and knocking.
I’m anxious as I wait, unsure if he’s going to answer or not, but minutes later, the door finally opens to my brother looking half-asleep. He takes a moment to look me over, before stepping aside to let me in. “I was hoping your ass was gone for good this time,” he mumbles, going straight for the liquor cabinet.
“You don’t know me at all if you thought for one second I’d walk away from Kennedy for good.” He slides me a shot of Vodka that I toss back, before continuing. “I’m done staying away. I’m done hurting Kennedy just because you can’t handle her happy with me. I’m fucking done giving her space.”
“Is that why you’re here?” He flexes his jaw, before slamming back two shots back to back. “To get permission to be with her?” He laughs humorlessly. “Because I’ll never give you my blessing.”
I shake my head and grab the bottle from him, looking him in the eyes to make this shit as clear as possible. “I don’t need your fucking blessing, brother.” His eyes darken. “What I need is for you to understand that I will never walk away from the woman I love
no matter how many times you threaten to kick my ass. I don’t give a shit about physical pain. I’ll deal with it.” I stand tall and face to face with him. “Hell, I’ll even let you kick my ass right now in private. Take as many swings as you want. I won’t even fight back. Do it.”
His eyes narrow as I step back and hold my arms out, showing him I’m not joking. “What? You want me to punch you again and kick your ass right now while you let me?” He flexes his jaw again, before taking another shot of Vodka as if he doesn’t know what the hell to think right now. “You’re fucking insane, Colson.”
“Am I? It seems that’s the only way I can get through to you.” I take my hat off and toss it on the kitchen island beside him, before stepping back into his space. “Fuck me up anytime you want, but you will stay away from Kennedy. Whether you want to admit it or not, you had a fair shot with her, and I stood back and gave it to you, despite how much it hurt me. If the two of you were meant to be together forever you wouldn’t be breaking up more than you stay together. Eight years couldn’t even make it work. At some point, Dax, it’s time to let someone go, and that means being happy for them when they find someone else, regardless of who that someone is. I’m coming to you man to man this time. I’m your brother. Respect me enough to stand back like I did when you stepped in front of me all those years ago. No more showing up when we’re together. No more giving her a hard time. Take it out on me. Hurt me. I’ll take physical pain over a broken heart any fucking day. Being away from Kennedy is too unbearable. I’ve been in love with her longer than you have. I can’t do it.”
His eyes soften as he looks me over, as if he’s just now realizing how much I truly care about Kennedy. “And if I break your legs to keep you away from her?”
I smirk. “Then I’ll crawl my ass back.”
He laughs and crosses his arms over his chest. “Why am I not surprised by that answer?”
“Because you know deep down that I’ve loved her since we were kids and she was always meant to be mine. Everything about her is real for me; real enough to put us at odds with each other.” I step closer, my gaze locked on his again. “I’ll take your fist to the face until I’m choking on my own goddamn blood just to be with her. Can you honestly tell me you’d do the same thing?”
Steal You Away Page 22
