“Because I can’t do this,” she said. “I thought I could. I really care for you and I believe you care for me, but as long as there are so many things I can’t understand, I can’t be with you. I’ll get hurt.”
He dropped his head in defeat. “I see. Well, it’s not like I expected differently.”
“What do you mean?”
He sighed. “I know that your work comes first.”
“Yeah, well, it shouldn’t hurt that much, right? Because things are just casual.” She couldn’t help repeating the hurtful words.
They’d punctured the balloon of happiness she’d been floating in ever since Trevor had said he loved her.
Heck, she’d been thinking of giving up her article for him. Then maybe more, if what he said about needing to give up her job to be with him was true.
Damn, she’d been stupid.
“But I love you,” he said, looking slightly desperate. “What I said to Chad, it doesn’t matter. It’s not true.”
“Then why are you lying so much?” Petra asked. “When we’re alone, it’s like heaven. But then the world comes back in, and I’m so confused. I need my career right now, not all this confusion.” She looked to the side. “I’m sorry, Trevor. It’s just not meant to be.”
Because whatever this mysterious world he lived in was, he clearly never meant to include her.
She’d be forever a side piece if she stayed with him, hidden from the world. Meanwhile, she’d keep getting closer to wanting to give everything up for him.
It was better to just cut things off now.
“I love you, Trevor,” she said, coming forward to give him a kiss on the cheek before pulling back quickly. “I’ll never forget our time together. But I really need to go.”
She marched over to her car and waited for Trevor to bring her bag over. When he did, she took it from him and loaded it in the back.
When she’d gone around to her side of the car and was about to get in, he stomped over and wrapped his arm around her waist, pulling her in against him.
His lips covered hers, and she felt shock ripple through her when she realized she could taste a tear.
She pulled back to look up at him and saw that his face was hard, despite the streak down his face.
“I’m sorry, Petra,” he said, swiping a hand over his cheek to hide any evidence of emotion. “I’m just sorry everything is so screwed up. If I could be with you—”
“I know,” she said flatly. “If you could, you would.”
“You have no idea,” he whispered.
“So I guess dragons do let treasure go sometimes,” she said as she forced herself to sit in the driver’s seat.
He caught the door, holding it for a moment. “Sometimes they don’t have a choice.”
“We always have a choice, Trevor,” she said. “Right now, I’m choosing me, and you’re choosing whatever life you hide away from me. But we’re both choosing. Let’s get that straight.”
He simply nodded and shut her door before stepping away, a hollow look on his face.
She forced herself to look at the road, determined not to cry until she got home and wasn’t driving.
Chapter 19
“What was all that about?” Chad asked as soon as Trevor walked back inside after watching Petra drive away.
Even now, he wasn’t sure how things could have gone differently.
He kept his mind blocked from Chad as he walked past his partner into the study and sat down on a velvet couch, staring at the liquor cabinet and wondering if a dragon could actually get drunk.
The dragon inside him had pulled back, made threats, hated that Trevor let his mate go, so perhaps he would let Trevor get drunk after all.
He went to the cabinet, opened the delicate wood and glass door, and grabbed a bottle of expensive scotch.
That should do the trick.
He was just pouring himself his third glass when the door to the study creaked open, and Chad entered, looking like a kicked puppy in a gray pullover and jeans.
He leaned against the doorway. “Permission to enter?”
Trevor sighed, throwing back another drink. “Permission granted.” Given that Chad was technically his boss, it wasn’t like he could say no.
It was hard not to be bitter about it now that Petra was gone.
“What’s wrong with you?” Chad said, pushing off the door and striding over to take the bottle away from Trevor.
Ha! Trevor had already drunk most of it. So there! “Nothing,” he muttered, setting his glass on the cabinet and not even caring if it spoiled the wood.
“We’re getting fae envoys tomorrow night,” Chad said, grabbing Trevor’s cup and putting it on a tray next to the scotch.
“Oh?” Trevor slumped over to the couch and fell onto it, lying so he was looking up at the ceiling, which looked extra pretty today. Had the ceiling always been pretty with all those lights?
Chad groaned. “I’m not going to get through to you, am I?” He perched on the arm of the chair above Trevor and leaned down to push Trevor’s hair out of his eyes.
Trevor flinched away, facing the back of the couch now.
“I can’t help if you don’t tell me what’s going on. I’ve never seen you like this.”
“Just go focus on the envoys. That’s what you’re good at.”
“Is that what this is about?” Chad got up and scooted a chair over so he could sit close to Trevor.
Trevor reluctantly rolled over to face him. “What do you mean?”
“Me being busy all the time, not bringing you with me…” He rubbed the back of his neck. “To be honest, I did think she might be an option for a mate for us. Not just…” Chad flushed, his high cheekbones going red just below his glasses. “Whatever she was.”
Amazing. Beautiful. Intriguing. Charming. Feisty. Gorgeous. Sensual. Perfect.
“A friend,” Trevor said. “But she knew we weren’t going to be together.”
“Why not?” Chad asked, leaning in. “Did you even make her the offer?” His lips pulled into a grin. “We could have at least tried. Still could, if you wanted to call her over.”
Trevor couldn’t say any of the jealous words that came to him. Couldn’t let Chad see that Trevor had betrayed him by falling for a woman they couldn’t mate against his better senses.
Still, falling for Petra had been as easy as breathing, as inevitable as nightfall.
“Trevor, just tell me what’s going on with you, please,” Chad said. “I’m sorry I’ve been busy, but I thought you would like the break. I thought it might give you a chance to find a mate, but it’s fine if you didn’t. You do so much of the fighting for our team, and there has been so much to do that I thought you’d like a rest.” He frowned, pressing his lips together. “To be honest, all my visions have been about the fae and the future in that aspect. I haven’t been tuning in to you.”
“You shouldn’t have to,” Trevor said sullenly, wondering how many lights there really were once they weren’t blurred by drunk vision.
“If you didn’t make her the offer, how did you know she’d say no?”
“She’s working on her job right now,” he said. “Doesn’t want a man in the way of it. But honestly, Chad, it was like that from the start. We knew what we were getting into. That’s not what’s bothering me.”
“Then what is?” Chad looked and sounded slightly exasperated now, and he pushed his glasses up his nose and ran his hand through his thick dark hair.
“Nothing,” Trevor wanted to say, but he knew it would make him sound like a petulant teenager.
“Maybe it’s the fae stuff,” Trevor said. “Maybe I’m just nervous now that it’s really happening.”
“Your gold dragon is the strongest I’ve ever seen,” Chadwick said. “You’re going to do fine. Plus, you’re a good person. When you came to our village, I instantly knew I wanted you for my partner, even before I knew you were the gold dragon. You’re kind to those around you and a little grumpy but honest
to a fault.”
Trevor had tried to be honest with Petra, as much as he could. It had pained him he couldn’t tell her everything.
Then again, how did one tell a human that he was a dragon?
“I still think it’s something else,” Chad said, standing and glaring down at Trevor. He folded his arms. “Don’t make me use my powers to make you tell me.”
“Gonna try and see my mind?” Trevor asked. “Or my future?”
Chadwick frowned. “No. I wouldn’t violate your privacy. But you’re my partner, and we work on important things. And you really need to—”
“Need to what?” Trevor pushed himself to standing, batting away Chad’s hand when he reached out to help stabilize him. “Need to be up and at ‘em so I can do my duty? What a shock. What a great life this is, as an eternal pincushion for shifters. Yippee, my life sucks.”
Then he strode for the door, wanting to be anywhere but with Chadwick, even though he knew it wasn’t fair.
Chadwick had been born into this just like Trevor was. He just happened to have a shitty partner who couldn’t share.
Maybe Trevor would go to his room where he could rest in total darkness.
“Trevor!” Chadwick called after him. “It’s not like that. I care about you! All of us dragons do. You know that! Come back and let’s just talk!”
But Trevor just walked up the stairs and down the long hall to his room, kicking the door shut behind him.
As he flopped down on the bed, he glanced at the window. Just lonely land, grass, and trees for miles around.
No one in his room to smile at him, no one he could hold.
Petra’s scent, warm and floral, was like a ghost haunting everything around him. He already missed her so much.
Time to get under the covers, close his eyes, and pray that Petra’s hurt eyes stopped haunting him every time he did.
If only he could be with her.
Chapter 20
Monday at work, Petra was practically hungover from sadness.
She’d spent Sunday evening grieving the relationship she’d thought she had. She knew they had started out casual, but she’d fallen for Trevor’s assertions that he loved her too easily.
After all, what could he really have as an excuse for how he’d treated her in front of Chadwick?
He’d acted like she was basically a stranger and hurried her out even though Chad had wanted her around.
He’d also lied about having work and been an idiot with what he said, and…
And…
She’d totally run away on him.
She didn’t want a repeat of Bill, where she committed to someone only to find out they were never willing to give up as much as she was.
She wanted an equal partner or none at all.
Didn’t she?
She remembered Trevor’s devastated face when she’d said she couldn’t see him anymore. Not if he couldn’t give her everything.
At least he had to tell her something.
Well, not anymore. He was free to go back to his stupid, secretive job, and she was free to go back to… sitting at her desk, trying not to think about how good it had felt to be held by him.
How his slightly gruff laugh sounded or the way a smile lit up his face.
The way his golden eyes turned molten and intense when he did naughty stuff to her.
So many things.
It didn’t seem possible that she could have such strong feelings this soon, but she did.
Were soul mates actually possible?
It was a silly thing to think about. Especially now that she’d cut everything off. He probably didn’t want to see her again after she’d left him.
“How’s the Sushi Douche article going?” Jason asked, swinging by her desk with a smug grin. “You don’t actually have anything, do you?”
She frowned at him. “Actually, I definitely do.”
“She’s dating him.” Karen chimed in, rolling her chair over.
“What?” Mike called from behind her. “Oh come on, you said you weren’t dating.”
“I’m not,” Petra said. “Not that it’s your business.” She faced Jason. “Anyway, I’m working on the story now. You’ll have it by end of day.”
He shrugged and walked off, and Karen grabbed Petra’s arm to drag her to the ladies’ room.
When they were inside, Karen checked to make sure nobody was in the stalls before leaning against the counter.
“So what happened?”
“I don’t want to talk about it,” Petra said, studying her reflection in the mirror. She had dark circles under her eyes, and even her hair looked deflated. She was wearing it in a flat bun today.
She should be excited. She was on the verge of a promotion. Instead, she was boring and gray like the boring gray suit she was wearing.
“You need to talk about it,” Karen said. “You look like you’re going to bite someone’s head off. He seemed like a really nice guy. What happened?”
“How do you know we were dating and I wasn’t just interviewing him?”
Karen flushed. “I sort of looked back just in time to see you two kiss outside the building.”
“Oh,” Petra said, her cheeks flaming. “I guess that makes sense.”
“So what happened?”
“Nothing,” Petra said. “We weren’t serious. Neither of us wanted something long term, and it ended. Like it was supposed to.”
“Wait, wait, I need more details. So this was just sex?”
Petra shook her head. “No. It was more than that.”
“Then go find that sexy guy and tell him you want to date him!”
“But…” Petra let out a breath. “I need to focus on my story. And he may never want to commit to me. Well, that’s not true. He might not ever be able to.”
“What do you mean?”
“He said his work doesn’t allow for it. That he travels too much and does confidential stuff.”
“So after the weekend, he just dumped you?”
“No, I dumped him,” Petra said. “Why?”
Karen put her hand to her chin. “I mean, if he wanted to dump you, he would have. So why dump him?”
“Because…” Petra trailed off. She could give excuses, like what Trevor had said to Chad or how he had acted around Chad. Or that she wanted to focus on her job or that Trevor’s job would make things too difficult, but…
“You were scared,” Karen said, reading Petra’s face far too accurately.
“I was,” Petra said. “I feel like I fell for him more in those days than I did in years with anyone else. And things were so shaky. So undefined. I’ve been left before, and—”
“So that’s it. It’s stupid Bill again.”
“It’s not Bill. I didn’t care like that, and—”
“Honey, you told me you were thinking you two would get engaged before he left you when your dad was in hospice.”
Petra had forgotten telling Karen so much when she’d joined the company. “Yeah. You’re right.”
“So you might not have found Bill as hot, but he was your person then, right? You were counting on him?”
Petra nodded.
“And he let you down,” Karen said sadly. “It makes sense to be scared, especially when someone isn’t even making the promises Bill did.”
“Right.”
“But maybe that’s a good thing,” Karen said. “It sounds like he has been honest about his situation from the start.”
“He was.”
“So don’t you think if he wanted to end things, he would have?”
“It was over,” Petra said. “I could tell. When his friend came home, he told him we weren’t serious.”
“Ouch,” Karen said. “Okay, that is a tough one.” She thought for a moment, pushing a frizzy light-brown curl off her cheek. “Wait, what if his friend works with him, and he just didn’t want him to know he’d been dating you? Since you said their work is against it or something.”
Petra frowned.
“That’s possible.” Trevor did work closely with Chad. But Chad hadn’t seemed against anything.
“It sounds like you two need to talk. Pronto,” Karen said.
“It’s not that easy,” Petra said, though her heart was already racing at the prospect of seeing him again.
“Maybe he needs you too,” Karen said. “Or maybe it’ll go up in flames. But if you really like him, you have to at least fight for him. Ask him why he acted like that. Ask him what he wants going forward.”
“Even though he might leave at any time? Even though I might never have a commitment?”
Karen sighed. “Honey, commitment isn’t everything. Bill said he committed for the long haul, and how did that go?”
“Badly.”
“Right. Because a promise of commitment means nothing if the guy isn’t being honest. Does Sushi Douche make you happy?”
“Trevor.” Petra corrected with a smile.
"Does he make you happy?”
“Yes.”
“Then what’s the problem?”
Petra sighed. “What if… what if he doesn’t really have feelings for me?”
“Did he say he did?”
“Yes.”
“Well, then I think he’s been pretty straightforward so far, and you should believe him,” Karen said, nodding. “Though, I think he should still explain more about what he said to his friend.”
Petra sank her head into her hands. “So I screwed up, huh? I should have talked to him.”
“I don’t blame you for being afraid,” Karen said, pulling Petra into a warm hug. “It’s hard not to overreact when you care like that. But yes, I think it’s a mistake to just run away and leave things like that. You should go to him, tell him what you want, ask what he can give, and work it out together. I bet he’s miserable too.”
Petra frowned, wondering how Trevor was doing. She’d assumed things would go back to usual, but the more she ran through their memories together, saw the sweet way he smiled at her, the more she knew that wasn’t true.
“I need to find him,” Petra said when Karen released her.
“Go! Get your man!” Karen said, clapping her hands.
Dragon with Benefits (Forgotten Dragons Book 4) Page 13
