They had to list all my scars and that took them a while. I had led an exciting second year in snapper land. I had given up on Ben and my mentality was at an all-time low and I took all kinds of risks. My visit with the psychiatrist was bought forward. He visited me in my examining room, they must have thought I was a red flag. He seemed nice, determined to help me work through my issues. He must have an incentive scheme, fix one issue; get a pat on the back, fix two; dinner for two; fix five; gets a raise.
Then everyone disappeared and no one came in for at least an hour. I poked my head out of the door and there were still people around. Everyone kept a wide berth; they must have been warned of my fight starting tendencies. I aimlessly wondered around. This didn’t look like a medical center, it looked more like some offices that were quickly converted into one. I am profoundly glad about that; hospitals are one of the most unsafe places to be in snapper land. They are full of the dead. Offices on the other hand have provided me with food and shelter on numerous occasions. No one cleared out their desks when the dead came calling. Desk drawers were a gold mine.
Around the corner I saw something that made me stop. There was a window. I walked slowly, I was fearful of seeing a street full of snappers and all of this was an elaborate ruse. The closer I got, the more I could make out. We were in a city, tall buildings as far as the eye could see. Lights everywhere, streetlights, car lights, phones illuminating in the dark and lights were on in the buildings. Each one, had hundreds of windows and the lights were on. People were home!
People were walking in the streets, talking and laughing. I was overwhelmed, tears were cascading down my face, I never imagined what it would look like to see people, no Z’s just people. It left me speechless.
Rafe’s hand closed over mine but I didn’t look up. I was mesmerized by the view.
‘Did they treat you okay?’ he asked with a hint of concern.
‘Yeah. I think I scared them more than they scared me’ I laughed.
‘You didn’t try to punch any of them, did you?’ Rafe sounded amused.
‘Distinct lack of faith in me there’ I laughed, ‘they asked questions about some scars, I don’t think they had ever had that answer before’ I shrugged my shoulders and grinned ‘made me laugh though’.
‘Do I want to know? Is this like your head scar story?’ he raised his eyebrows and stared me out.
‘No to both. You know you can’t ask me to confide in you and then pick and choose what stories you want to hear on your sensitive ears’, my mind spoken.
‘Ha! Touché, go on then’.
We sat on the floor by the window while I told him stories from my time in snapper land, even a few from my life before. He reciprocated in kind and we talked for hours. At one point a pizza turned up, Rafe had ordered in. The orderly that gave it to us looked less than impressed, Rafe smiled at her sweetly and I saw she melted a bit inside.
The next two weeks passed just the same. I hung out with Rafe, Ben and even Daniels. That is when Rafe and Daniels weren’t working. They weren’t pressuring me but I know they were preparing their questions for me.
We were all on medic center house arrest, a precaution incase we were infected and it had gone undetected. Rafe had a tech guy link up my camera to a TV and I watched my snapper land home movies. Dean, my adopted younger brother recorded everything he considered to be worthy; which was most things.
The early months everyone was moping around but as the movie went on people came out of their shells and even had a good time. Well, some of the time anyway. I tried to watch the movies alone, but often I would notice some orderly’s lingering and once or twice my psychiatrist as well. Ben was hard to get rid of. As soon as he realized that I was watching he would come in and join in. He thought it was brilliant, especially my human catapult game.
Watching it back however, I realized just how far over the precipice of insanity I fell. I went from one insane scheme to the next. Dangerous mission? Sign me up and I’ll do it alone thank you. I did anything to feel something again, anything. I was a danger to myself and shockingly I thought it was fun. There was a clip of Dean recording a car journey and the views around, then you see me, kitted out in jogging wear with my earphones in. Behind me was a herd of the snappers. I did love that old-style MP3 I found that was powered by one AA battery. Kept that thing for years.
Dean caught my tankscapades on film. I had rigged a sound system that played one song on a loop and it was the most irritating one I could find. My beloved tank was stolen a couple of times, but I always found it, the robber couldn’t find the off switch or destroy the speakers. I did enjoy watching that play out.
I could only stomach watching an hour at a time however, everyone was dead. It reminded me all too well of what I lost. When they disappeared from the movie I felt that loss all over again. I would notice that sometimes on the film I would withdraw into myself, then with clarity I would remember what caused it.
Mine and Rafes bond had strengthened as well. We knew each other better and were more relaxed in each other’s company. He could see I was struggling with my walk down memory lane. We spoke about it a lot, I had to admit to him that I understood where he was coming from. A lot of my stories weren’t funny, they were sad. He would spend a lot of his time hanging out with me and a couple of nights I crept into his bed, I missed the intimacy that we shared.
I asked the doctors to give me the implant, to help with my periods of course. It made things a lot easier for Rafe and me then, there were no condoms in this ward.
Ben was clinging to me ever since he started watching my home movies. It’s one thing to imagine what I went through and another to see it. Some parts he thought we cool but I could tell when he saw I was dead inside and it scared him. Scared me too.
Daniels was surprisingly fun and we played games. We could make a game out of anything and as long as it was a competition, we were up for it. It was entertainment for all, there was arguing, bickering and laughter. I called him every name under the sun, he reciprocated. We were friends; which was unexpected.
By the end of the two weeks I was feeling more like myself than I had in a long time. The psychiatrist was helpful but not happy with my progress. To sum up his long explanation he said I was too happy. I didn’t understand that. He warned that I would crash and to prepare for the fall. I told him he was being negative.
At the end of the two weeks we were all tested one last time and passed. No shock.
Chapter Seven
Today is moving out day. They have loaned me an apartment nearby with my psychiatrist Jamison’s permission, I am not however permitted to live alone. I am a red flag with my anger issues and despite it being a mainly service used building, the likelihood of me getting into a potentially harmful fight is relatively high. Living with laws again is proving to be difficult for me. In snapper land, fights turn violent and that’s just the way it is. If you’re lucky you walk out bruised, unlucky and you don’t walk out at all.
Who gets to live with me? Ben. Lucky guy. I am here indefinitely. The bureau informed my parents that I had been selected for an uncover operation. It came as a surprise to them that I even worked for them, but overall were happy that I was achieving something in the world of working. Considering at the time I went missing I was managing a stationary office; they must have been spun one hell of a lie. Ben had brought me back to my timeline one day after I left, so no one has a clue that I was even missing.
I was issued a laptop, all part of therapy. It has no internet access in case I lose my mind altogether and post my experiences online. Instead I am to write a detailed account of my experiences, nothing to small and specially to tackle the bigger issues. The only thing is that I doubted it was only Jamison that would be reading this, it would be prime material for the head honchos to use for their benefit. I want to help them but not share my personal experiences that I would rather keep to myself thank you very much.
The apartment is nice, it’s got an open plan l
iving room and kitchen. Two bedrooms on opposite sides of the apartment, both ensuite and my room has a fucking bath, a BATH! They gave me access to my bank account and are paying me for the foreseeable, I haven’t discussed wages yet. No idea what consultancy fee I should be requesting. I’ll wait and see what I get then argue it from there.
Tomorrow is day one at the office, so today is a free day. Ben insisted that we go shopping, the jogging pants we were given were not floating his boat. I went into one shop picked out everything I needed, then while waiting for Ben I had my hair cut. An inverted bob was my choice, looks good and easy to control. Ben was still in the same store and I urged him to hurry up. As happy as I am to be in this world, I wanted it to be a quick trip. Crowds make me nervous. Very nervous. I had a panic attack right there in the street and a distraught Ben had to cajole me into a cab. All in all, it was a sub-optimal day.
The evening was a vast improvement, relaxed from my bath I lounged on the sofa and watched a movie. The buzzer sounded and Ben the designated door man, got right on the job. He’s afraid I’ll freak out at a pizza delivery guy and they won’t deliver again. I can’t say that it’s unwarranted, but it still hurt.
Rafe jumped over the back of the sofa and landed next to me, taking my bowl of ice-cream as he did.
‘Hey! That was mine’ I whined.
Rafe just ate it slower and maintained eye contact the whole time, it was either irritating or hot. A bit of both.
‘See you later guys!’ Ben gave me a wink as he walked out the door.
I smiled back at him; he has been very supportive lately. He gives me space when I need it and the rest of the time chats a load of shit to keep my mind wondering. The therapy is digging up a load of long since memories, this is turning into a get worse before you get better situation.
‘Damn, the cut suits you Peyton’ he was ogling me under hooded eyes.
‘I thought it best to look semi-presentable tomorrow’
Are you ready? Feeling okay about it?’ Rafe asked.
‘Yeah, I think so. I’ve done all of my shopping so no slacks for me.’ I chuckled.
‘Me and Daniel’s will be there, they thought it best that you had familiar faces’ he pointed at his face ‘with this in the room, you’ll be fine'. His aim was to make me laugh, instead I jumped onto his lap and straddled him. I kissed him long and hard, my hands fisting into his hair and holding his face to mine. He tasted of ice cream and Rafe, it was delicious.
His hands were kneading my ass and pulling me closer to him. Without any warning he threw me back onto the sofa and moved between my legs. His hands were undoing the ties of my pajama bottoms and his mouth was wild on mine. He climbed off me and pulled me around so my legs were dangling off the sofa and then removed my bottoms. Rafe kneeled between my legs, spread them apart and started to kiss his way from my knee to my clit. He did it so slowly, one leg and then the other, stopping right at the apex of my thighs.
He kissed my mound and then my folds, so close! Finally, he dipped his tongue between my folds and licked me from bottom to top. He expertly licked my clit while he slid two fingers into my center. My moans were obscene, alternating between saying Rafe’s name, swearing and unintelligible noises. I couldn’t think about anything else, just Rafe. He worked me higher and higher, then toyed with me while I was perched on the edge.
He would get me so close, then stop. He repeated it over and over, until I couldn’t take it anymore.
‘Rafe, I swear if you stop again, I’ll resort to violence, I’m already a red flag so don’t push me!’ I tried to say it with a tone, but Rafes good works meant it came out as a breathless moan.
‘Agree to go on a date with me’, he said between his ministrations.
That was not what I was expecting.
‘Is this really the right time for that!’ I didn’t mean to sound pissy but he had me so worked up it was almost too much.
‘I don’t do casual; I want to date you properly’ He looked at me from between my legs and it almost undid me.
‘Yes! Okay, yes!’ he didn’t need anything more that that.
His mouth was on me, relentlessly pushing me to the edge and then flying off it.
I came screaming, a had a full firework display behind my closed eyes. He slowly teased out every last tremor, I couldn’t move, I was slumped back into the sofa.
Rafe whispered in my ear ‘you are amazing, beyond my wildest dreams’.
He kissed me lightly, but I pulled him in for a deeper kiss. Then he picked me up and carried me through to the bedroom kicking the door shut behind him. Rafe said I didn’t scream his name loud enough; he spent a lot of time that night trying to rectify that situation.
I’m dreaming, I know I must be dreaming. Tonight’s screening is in the top five of worst dreams. I’m lying on the cold marble floor of a house I don’t recognize. My head is foggy from the drug he injected me with. I try to move my arms, only to find that that have been tied behind my back. My ankle is tied to a bed post. I’m frantically trying to get loose but the rope is so tight its tearing into my skin. I hear footsteps on the stairs and I know its him, I know what’s going to happen to me.
‘Let me go, please let me go' I’m crying inconsolably.
He body looms over mine and I fight with everything I have but it’s no use. I wake up just before he enters me.
I went flying off the bed and scooted back until my back slammed against the wall. I can't see and I can't breathe. I’m having a panic attack; I try to tell myself to calm so I can breathe. The dream is still so vivid and powerful in my mind, that I’m only getting more panicked. A warm chest envelops me and I know the smell, I feel safe.
Still not able to take a breath, black spots started to fill my vision and I blacked out.
I came to, still on the floor but my head was resting on Rafes lap. Something cold and wet was on my forehead. I was afraid to open my eyes, I was embarrassed. I don’t freak out in front of people, its polite not to black out in someone’s presence.
Pulling up my big girl undies I opened my eyes. Rafe was looking down at me with sadness filling his eyes.
‘Peyton, you scared the hell out of me’ his tried for a small smile, there and gone in a second and without his heart in it. ‘I’ll call a doctor to check you over’ he went to move and I held him down.
‘Please don’t, please. It’s not the first time, I’m fine. I just scared myself and I won’t do it again, I’m sorry’ I was afraid of losing him. I tried to sit up but he held me down.
He looked confused ‘do you think I’m angry at you?’
With one traitorous tear sliding down my cheek, I decided to open up ‘I’m hard work, I’m messed up, I can be downright evil and I’m crazy about you. Sooner or later you’ll get tired of my shit or I’ll do something royally stupid and you’ll leave. Most of all, I hate that I feel that way, I’m a solitary person and now you’ve gone and ruined it’. I started out pouring my heart and ended petulantly.
Rafe smiled at me, with a tenderness I didn’t expect. He moved out from being my pillow and as I sat up, he picked me up and carried me back to the bed. Carefully he laid me down and climbed on top of me.
‘I’m sorry that I ruined your isolation’ he smirked at me. I’m also sorry that you think I’ll leave you. When I first saw you stood on that roof, giving Ben hell, I saw that fire in your eyes and I knew you were perfect for me. I can be an arrogant, asshole and I know you’ll never let me be like that with you. In time you’ll heal and if you want me to be, I’ll be right there on that journey with you. You are a ball of fire and I love it’. He leaned down and kissed me softly, then rolled off me and pulled me to him, so I lay with my head in the crook of his arm.
‘Go to sleep’ he murmured, ‘I’ve got you’, he kissed my head and stroked my hair.
I woke to the smell of bacon. I was bone tired, I could feel it in the air, it was early, very early. I padded my way noisily into the kitchen and sat down at the island. Rafe was cooki
ng, already dressed and full of energy. Oh no, he's a morning person. All I could do was squint at him in disbelief. He looked at me and then broke out in a full smile. I was preparing my face to smile back when he laughed at me.
‘Wow, may I say you look delightful first thing in the morning, positively beaming with energy' he snorted and then continued laughing.
Dick.
He redeemed himself immediately by putting a cup of coffee in my hands. It smelled strong, my favorite.
‘What time is it?’ I yawned.
‘Six. You’ve got half an hour and then it’s time to go', he said far to cheerfully for my liking.
Leaving him to cooking duty, I stomped to the bathroom to get ready. I looked down at my chosen consultancy outfit of collared dress and ankle books and thought I was missing something. I ran straighteners through my long hair to tame it and went to town with the eyeliner. I wanted a ‘don’t fuck with me look'. Finished it off with red lipstick and I felt powerful, it was a good feeling.
Rafe did a double take when he saw me, his eyes traveled from my face down to my boots and then back up again slowly. I leaned against the door frame and in a bold move, I put my hands on the hem of my dress and slowly pushed it up, baring my suspender belt. He was round the island and in front of me in seconds and got on his knees in front of me. He was kissing the bare skin where the tights finished and my plunge g string began.
He lifted one leg over his shoulder, then the other and stood up. My back was up against the door frame and my legs cradling Rafe's head.
‘You have to be quiet, or I’ll stop okay?’ his eyes glanced at Ben’s door and I got the idea.
I nodded, unable to speak. He gave me a wolfish grin and then gave me a mind-blowing orgasm.
I came back down to earth and he put me back on the floor ‘I’ve changed my mind; I love mornings’ I grinned at him and kissed him. He stopped me taking it any further ‘we’re going to be late, come on’, he took my hand and lead me out the door.
Wildfire (Book 1): Leap of Faith Page 5
