by Tiger Gray
"Are you serious?" Ashrinn said, and by his tone he hadn't thought Mal would agree to his demands.
"Yeah. Come on. Before I lose my nerve."
Mal got his jacket off, focusing too hard on the mechanics of doing so, so he didn't have to think too hard about what was going to happen next. Ashrinn looked like he wanted to come closer, but now Ashrinn looked pretty damn hesitant himself. Mal laughed, trying not to sound hysterical.
"What's the matter? You can't get cold feet too or ain't nothing gonna happen."
Ashrinn managed a smile, but the way he looked down at his own body made Mal get the picture.
"Don't care about your scars," Mal said, unintentionally gruff to cover up the feelings saying that inspired. "Wanted to be with you long enough. Not going to change it."
Ashrinn gave him a wide eyed look. Mal grumbled and cursed, wishing Ashrinn would just kiss him or something before he up and died of nerves. He knew Ashrinn was also trying to make sense of his roundabout confession, that he'd though about doing this for years now. He hoped Ashrinn wouldn't make a big deal out of it.
"All right," Ashrinn said, looking at him with hunger now instead of diffidence. Ashrinn moved over to him and pressed against him. He wound his arms around Mal's neck, and Mal thought it was something like how a woman would have done it. There was nothing womanly about Ashrinn's angular body, though, and a moment later Ashrinn reminded him there was nothing womanly about how he kissed, either. It wasn't that Ashrinn was rough or anything, but it felt different, like the energy was different somehow. Ashrinn pulled back and Mal couldn't think of a single thing to say.
"Oh, I'm terribly sorry," Ashrinn said in that biting tone of his. "I had no idea my kisses were so pedestrian."
Mal floundered after his thoughts through a haze of lust, and puzzled out that Ashrinn thought his lack of response was boredom. He shook his head in denial and pulled Ashrinn against him for another kiss. He felt as desperate and stupid as a goddamn virgin, knowing he wanted it bad and hopelessly clueless about how to get it. He was used to phoning it in when it came to sex, when he could even get it up for Raietha anymore. He didn't know what to do with this kind of lust or the fact that he was getting what he wanted after so long. The time in the garage hadn't counted like this. He couldn't keep his heart out of it this time.
Ashrinn untangled himself and stood up, and Mal felt immediately cold and bereft without him.
"Where'ya going?"
Mal wondered. Ashrinn went over to the linen closet, apparently unconcerned about his own hard on being on display like it was. A pair of shorts didn't leave much to the imagination.
"To get some blankets. I'm too old and hurt to fuck on the floor like a teenager. Not without some soft padding."
"Don't want to do it in bed?" Mal said, feeling dizzy. Jesus, how hard was he that it was making him light headed?
Ashrinn turned towards him. His friend had that wild look he got sometimes, like a feral cat. "I can't."
Mal showed his palms in a peacekeeping gesture. "S'okay, honey," he said, not knowing where the endearment came from. Ashrinn gave him a sharp look but must have decided he was sincere, because Ashrinn exhaled and gathered up the blankets instead of speaking. Mal felt like he'd avoided stepping on a landmine by inches. He was glad he'd been able to calm Ashrinn down that easy, because the sweet Lord knew he hadn't the faintest idea what to do if things got worse than that.
Ashrinn came back and made a nest out of all the bedding. Mal realized he was going to have to get his boots off and felt himself grow hot with embarrassment. Ashrinn must have caught that mood, because he looked up from where he was kneeling in the makeshift bed he'd put together. "There is no way to take off your shoes in this kind of situation that is not hideously awkward. I won't judge you. Besides, I've seen you strip in much less pleasant circumstances."
"That was different," Mal muttered. Taking a whore's shower next to each other in the fucking desert sure wasn't the same as getting naked for sex. "Pass me that flask." Ashrinn obliged and Mal took another pull.
"Should I be worried that you need so much liquid courage?" Ashrinn asked. Mal froze, wondering if he'd offended, but Ashrinn said, "It's all right. I think I could use some myself." Mal handed Ashrinn the flask and Ashrinn took another drink before setting it aside again. "Are you going to join me?"
Mal pulled off his boots as quick as he could and got down on the floor. Ash was on him as quick as anything, full up with divine energy. Their signatures touched, more tentative than their bodies were. Back when Mal was a teenager he'd gone and had some make out sessions in the back of his car because he knew he was supposed to, but he'd always wondered if the other guys had been lying about how good their own conquests had been. Mal hadn't felt any of what they described. Now he finally got what they meant, like every cell of your body wanted to crawl inside the other person somehow.
Ashrinn palmed Mal's dick through his jeans, bold as brass, and Mal shivered without meaning to. He was sure that wasn't very manly, but with the whiskey boiling through him he could at least pretend not to care. Still, he couldn't make himself relax all the way. He was so used to being the leader these days, and he didn't like encountering situations that made him feel clueless.
Mal stilled when Ashrinn touched his face, gently urging him to make eye contact. He felt helpless under that gaze. Ash was so close, and smelled so good, like white musk and leather.
"Let me," Ashrinn said, pretty eyes even prettier when he was turned on. Mal knew Ashrinn was asking for permission to lead this thing. Mal had followed Ashrinn's lead in the field for years, but this was scarier than any of those times.
"Yeah," Mal said, hating how weak his voice sounded. "Okay."
Ashrinn didn't seem so disabled then, running his hands under Mal's shirt and urging it off. Ashrinn smiled, an affectionate look that made Mal's heart flutter, and ran his fingertips over the freckles on Mal's chest. Mal liked Ashrinn like this, confident and in control. Whatever demons he normally lived with had let him go for now. It was almost like having the old Ashrinn back.
Mal twitched when Ashrinn undid his belt without hesitating. It was all happening so fast. A couple seconds later and Ashrinn's mouth on his dick nearly made him come like he was a stupid kid with no experience, getting his first blowjob behind the bleachers.
"Jesus," he swore, tugging desperately at Ashrinn's hair so Ashrinn would stop long enough for him to get some control back. Ashrinn did, thank god, and pressed him back to the blankets. He nuzzled his neck and kissed the sensitive spot just under his ear while Mal did his best to get himself calmed down. He felt adventurous enough to hold Ashrinn in return, unbending enough to show some of his earnestness. Showing that made him feel more naked than being naked, but Ashrinn just responded in kind, embrace surprisingly strong for someone so injured.
"Ready?" Ashrinn asked. By his slightly parted lips and half lidded eyes, he was more than ready to suck dick again. It was sexy as hell. Mal had imagined more than one scenario just like this and the fact that reality was shaping up to be as good as his fantasies was powerful enough that it was hard to breathe.
"Yeah. Do it." He didn't mean to sound so pushy, but something kindled in Ashrinn's expression. Mal reckoned Ashrinn liked being bossed around some.
This time Ashrinn sucked him deep like it wasn't even difficult. Mal arched and grabbed the blankets under him like that could anchor him somehow, mind spinning in a way that had nothing to do with booze. He'd never had anyone work his cock like that, and his hand crept into Ashrinn's hair without conscious direction, silently begging him to keep going.
He was about to have the orgasm of his life when Ashrinn quit out of nowhere. He closed his eyes tight and groaned in pain; the denial made his balls ache like a bitch.
"Not gonna finish me off?" Mal gasped. "The hell did I ever do to you?"
Ashrinn chuckled. Mal opened his eyes and Ashrinn's face swam into view. Ashrinn was sitting up now, watching him, and Mal bet h
e looked pretty damn ridiculous with his limbs every which way and his dick out.
"It's not that I don't want to." By the bulge in his boxers, Ashrinn wasn't lying. "But you'll want sex less if you come first." The words dowsed Mal with a kind of cold anticipation. Want Ashrinn's dick in his ass, was what Ashrinn meant. "Don't worry. I would never treat you the way you treated me."
The words would have cut to the quick at any other time and from anyone else, but there was a weird lack of judgment in Ashrinn's words. It was slowly dawning on Mal that Ashrinn was kind of a freak.
"This gonna hurt?"
"I hope not. I'll do my best to prevent it," Ashrinn said. The want in his voice made his accent extra sexy, too. Mal tried not to show he was scared and got himself the rest of the way out of his jeans. He felt awkward yet again, since he was a little sensitive about the carpet matching the drapes.
Ashrinn didn't say anything about it, though. Come to think of it, Ashrinn looked a little awkward himself.
"What?" Mal asked, sitting up and drawing in on himself. He couldn't help but want to protect himself, even if he trusted Ashrinn to do him right. By the way Ashrinn hunched his shoulders Mal could tell he was uncomfortable. Ashrinn lifted one shoulder in a half-hearted shrug and stripped down like doing so was his answer.
It took Mal a minute to get past the scars. They didn't kill his hard on or anything, but they did draw the eye. When he did get a look at Ashrinn's dick, his breath tangled up in his throat and couldn't quite figure out how to make it out his mouth; Ashrinn was big, uncut, and pierced. Yeah, he'd glanced at it before when he'd the chance, but never looked at it straight on like this.
"When the hell did you get pierced?" Mal said the first half sensible thing that came to his mind.
"When I came home," Ashrinn said, too quiet. Had Kir made him do it? That would explain the shift in attitude.
"Does it hurt?" Mal wondered, eyeing the big gold ring. It was right through the head of Ashrinn's dick, after all. Ashrinn's big thick dick. A big thick dick that was supposed to go in his ass somehow.
Ashrinn looked at him sideways and smiled. "No. It feels good. It will feel good for you, too."
Mal moved closer to Ashrinn, close enough that their shoulders touched. "Can I touch it?"
"I rather hope you will," Ashrinn told him, flashing that white grin of his. Mal felt like a total idiot but he swallowed his pride and reached out to toy with the piercing. Ashrinn put a gentle hand over his and showed him what to do. Yeah, Mal had a dick and he could get the basics, but what Ashrinn liked was more specific and Mal had to learn that part. Thank goodness Ashrinn had a way of never embarrassing him worse than Mal could embarrass his own self. Soon Ashrinn had relaxed against him and was moaning softly, like a woman almost but better, prettier.
Mal got more confident, stroking the entire length, paying attention to the details of what he was doing in a way he hadn't the first time they'd had sex. He liked the control, the fact he could get these reactions out of Ashrinn just by touching him right.
Ashrinn gave him a look that clearly meant I want to fuck you; he didn't even need to say it. Mal must have looked as yellow as he felt, because Ashrinn said,
"Just trust me."
Mal considered that, how even way back in Rangers he'd been trusting Ashrinn with his life, those exercises where Ashrinn and a rope had been all that stood between him and a fatal drop down a sheer cliff face. His body should have been easy to give, in comparison.
But even he knew it was more than that, that he couldn't keep his heart out of it this time.
"Okay," Mal said, once again grateful for the whiskey. "I do. Trust you, I mean."
Ashrinn kissed him and there was something grateful about it, like he was saying thank you. "I need you on all fours," Ashrinn told him when they parted, "Are you drunk enough for that?" His tone turned it into a sweet joke to be shared instead of mockery.
"I reckon."
Something about the position made Mal's eyes sting with unshed tears. It wasn't just the feeling of being so totally exposed. It was that, on his hands and knees, hard as hell and waiting for another guy to give him dick, he couldn't deny what he was anymore. A queer just like Dad had suspected and tried to beat out of him.
Ashrinn's hands on him shocked him out of his thoughts before he could ruin this for himself. He could have wept for another reason, out of relief that the touch had shaken him out of all that. Ashrinn wanted him and he wanted Ashrinn and that was good enough for now.
"Easy, Mal. I'm not going to just stick it in."
Mal was pissed that his hesitation was showing that much, but he had to admit that he needed the reassurance. When Ashrinn put his mouth to work on Mal's balls, Mal gave up pretending he was too manly to make noise.
Ashrinn's tongue on his asshole made him freeze. For a second it was the weirdest thing he'd ever felt, and then a rush of pleasure went up his spine and he couldn't do anything but hang his head and moan like a whore. He didn't think he'd ever felt so connected to his body in his entire life.
Ashrinn sure didn't have any shame about what he was doing either, and Mal felt a little like they'd fucked already by the time Ashrinn was done with him. It was even better than the blowjob and he hurt with how bad he needed to come. He couldn't quite make himself ask for it, but he was stunned by how much he wanted to be fucked at that moment.
Ashrinn stopped and Mal glanced back at him. Ashrinn had sat back on his heels and was unscrewing a jar of what Mal figured was lube. A spicy scent reached him and he revised the thought: essential oil. No tube of KY for a fancy guy like Ashrinn.
Mal faced forward and waited. If he watched, he was like to work himself up again and ruin all the work Ashrinn had done to relax him. He started at the feel of the oil but it was mostly nerves, since Ashrinn had warmed the stuff between his fingers. Now that was some considerate fucking.
"Take a deep breath," Ashrinn said, and Mal could feel the head of Ashrinn's dick, the ring very noticeable when it was pressed so tightly against his asshole. Mal did what he was told. "Breathe out."
Mal did and Ashrinn pushed into him. He tensed even though he was doing everything he could not to, but Ashrinn knew how to handle it, pressing forward just a little with every exhale. Mal had the fleeting thought that maybe he didn't deserve such sweet treatment after how he'd behaved the first time, but he was pitifully glad about it anyway.
He opened up for Ashrinn after a moment of discomfort, not sure if it felt good yet. The piercing passed over some particular spot or another and he shuddered, the question resolved. Did it feel good?
Hell yes.
He pushed back against Ashrinn, taking those last inches himself instead of waiting for Ashrinn to give it to him. He was hungry for it in a way he didn't think he was capable of before now and it was easy, in the darkness of the living room, to push aside whatever last worries he had and just enjoy it. Ashrinn gasped and grabbed his hips, and by the way Ashrinn was buried all the way in him he knew he was reluctant to pull back even a little.
"Can I fuck you?" Ashrinn breathed, and Mal knew he was asking if he could be harder. Mal was surprised by his own body, tightening up and working Ashrinn's dick like he'd done this plenty of times.
"Please."
He didn't even waste too much energy wishing he could take the words back. Ashrinn started to move for real and Mal grunted, spreading his hands and knees to brace himself. He'd never felt so full, and every scrap of his attention was focused on what it was like to be fucked this way.
Whatever lingering discomfort he felt faded and then it was like he couldn't get enough dick. Every time the piercing hit him in a certain way his whole body shuddered with pleasure. Could he come just from that? Could guys even do that? Sure as hell felt like it.
Ashrinn reached around to grasp his dick in a firm hand and for a second he was afraid he would get off right then, like that would be too quick, but he realized by how rough and hard Ashrinn was fucking him that Ashrinn
was close too.
"Can I come?" Ashrinn managed to ask. Mal could hardly make sense of what Ashrinn was saying at first, his attention focused on meeting each thrust, not a thought in his head. He could feel Ashrinn trying to hold back, Ashrinn's free hand digging into his hip.
"Yes," Mal said, taking the fucking like an old pro. Mal cried out, half in fear because he could tell how powerful his own orgasm was going to be a couple of seconds before it actually hit him. He shot over Ashrinn's fist and a second later he could feel Ashrinn come, their bodies locked together. He whimpered, helpless, and this time he didn't pay any mind to the tears on his face.
It took some effort to get Ashrinn's dick out of him, he'd tightened up so hard, and they were both laughing by the end. Still, the empty feeling left behind made Mal curl up on his side in the blankets, seeking warmth and comfort. Ashrinn laid down next to him and cuddled up, tucking his head under Mal's chin. Mal let it go on for as long as he could spare.
"Ash," he said, hoping Ashrinn wouldn't get on him for the nickname, seeing as how Ashrinn hated it, "I got to go."
"The Port?"
"Attack is going to go down soon," Malkai said. He tried not to say much more than that, knowing Ashrinn resented the fuck out of having to let Jericho, Liz, and Gerolt go out without him. Ashrinn sighed and untangled himself, fixing that soulful gaze on him.
"Are you all right?" Ashrinn asked. Mal blinked and took an inventory of himself. Maybe it was the weirdness of it all, the sudden way it had happened, but he just felt... good.
"Yeah," he said, hearing the quiet amazement in his own voice. "Yeah, I am."
Ashrinn touched his face, affectionate. Mal was getting the idea that Ashrinn had a lot of affection in him, even if he'd been made into one wary bastard over the years with Kir. "Be careful."
Mal heard the unspoken part as he got up to get dressed.
Keep my people safe.
CHAPTER THIRTY
Jericho checked and re-checked every buckle and holster on her outfit. If even one of them failed on her out in the field she could be in way more shit than she'd like. Despite being pretty good at her job these days, the way things were going had her all nervy, like a rookie cop just itching to pull his sidearm every time something seemed the tiniest bit hinky.
