by Jesse Steele
Kinda’.
Jesus: That’s childlike… childish, but also childlike.
Carl: I want to tell You what I wrote in my paper.
Jesus: The one I watched you revised twenty times last night?
Carl: Yeah. I want to tell You all about it.
Jesus: Okay. Tell me. I AM interested.
Carl: It’s all about Baptism of the Holy Spirit.
Jesus: Yep, that’s what it’s all about.
Carl: No, I mean that’s what my paper is all about.
Jesus: I know. I watched you type it… twenty times. You were saying…
Carl: …that the paper You watched me type twenty times is all about Baptism of the Holy Spirit.
Jesus: It was, is, and probably will be tomorrow.
Carl: Probably?
Jesus: Who knows… after our dialogue.
Carl: I’ve been trying to figure out what the disagreement is between Evangelicals and Charismatics.
Jesus: You left out Pentecostals.
Carl: Aren’t they Charismatics?
Jesus: No. Pentecostals are ex-Wesleyans. Charismatics are ex-Catholics.
Carl: Aren’t we all ex-Catholics?
Jesus: I AM not.
Carl: Whatever, I’m not getting into Catholic doctrine.
Jesus: What are you getting into then?
Carl: What should I call it? [looking up, lost in thought]
Jesus: Call what?
Carl: You have the Evangelicals… and that includes the Wesleyans and the Baptists…
Jesus: …Carl, this will take all day.
Carl: What do I call the two big groups that disagree about the Holy Spirit issue then?
Jesus: Remember, you call them denumerations…
Carl: “Denominations.”
Jesus: [exasperated] Don’t use Math-Division terms to describe my Church pleeeeeze…
Carl: You said “denumeration.” There is no such word.
Jesus: I AM the Word, I AM allowed to invent words.
Carl: So did Paul.
Jesus: Who do you think inspired him?
Carl: Back on topic…
Jesus: Yours or mine?
Carl: What should I call the two groups?
Jesus: What did I say they were like earlier?
Carl: You said they were like study groups with different assignments to focus on.
Jesus: So call them by their focused assignments.
Carl: Evangelicals are focused on the truth.
Jesus: That’s true of everyone. Every person in my Church is focused on me.
Carl: I said the truth.
Jesus: I AM the Truth. That’s why they are all focused on me.
Carl: So, I can’t say the Evangelicals are “Truth-Focused”
Jesus: You could, but so are the Pentecostals and Charismatics, so it doesn’t make the distinction you are seeking.
Carl: What’s something unique about Evangelicals?
Jesus: Many things.
Carl: I need to call them something for the sake of our conversation.
Jesus: Do you know what Pentecostals call Evangelicals?
Carl: No. Do You?
Jesus: Oh, yes. I AM friends with many Pentecostals.
Carl: Really? I wish I was.
Jesus: I wish you were too, so do they.
Carl: So, what do they call Evangelicals?
Jesus: Pentecostals often call an Evangelical congregation a “Bible Church.”
Carl: Well, they believe in the Bible, don’t they?
Jesus: You bet they do.
Carl: Why do they call us “Bible Churches” then?
Jesus: Because they respect you for it.
Carl: Huh?
Jesus: Pentecostals understand that you Evangelicals really know your Bibles well. It stands-out to them.
Carl: Don’t they know their Bibles?
Jesus: They know my Word. But how they see it, the way you talk about Bible is something else! So, they call your congregations “Bible Churches.”
Carl: Then, what can I call them?
Jesus: What would you say the Pentecostal obsession is?
Carl: Oh, that’s easy.
Jesus: Tell me. I AM interested in what you think.
Carl: Pentecostals are all about Holy Spirit, Holy Spirit, Holy Spirit, Holy Spirit, Holy Spirit…
Jesus: Aren’t you?
Carl: Well, yeah. But there’s something in the way they talk about it that stands-out to me.
Jesus: Oh, kind of like how the way you talk about Bible stands-out to them?
Carl: That’s a good point.
Jesus: Why, thank you. I AM glad you think so, even though I was asking a question.
Carl: They are so focused on the Spirit it annoys me.
Jesus: It doesn’t annoy me. But they might say the same thing about you and the Bible.
Carl: My Bible talk isn’t annoying.
Jesus: I don’t think so either.
Carl: They sure are Spirit-Focused aren’t they…
Jesus: Hey! That’s a good way to put it!
Carl: What? “Spirit-Focused?”
Jesus: Yeah. You called it that, so, like Adam in naming the animals, that’s what I’ll call it.
Carl: What should I call Evangelicals then?
Jesus: What do your Pentecostal friends you haven’t met yet call you?
Carl: I don’t know.
Jesus: You can’t guess?
Carl: Can we focus on the Bible, please?
Jesus: Fine, there you go.
Carl: Huh?
Jesus: You want to be focused.
Carl: Bible-Focused, maybe.
Jesus: That’s it. Bible-Focused, Spirit-Focused.
Carl: Now, that sounds like Evangelicals and Charismatics/Pentecostals.
Jesus: You said it.
Carl: Oh, I know what to call the two groups so no one feels offended!
Jesus: Oh, really?
Carl: Yeah. The Charismatics and Pentecostals… we’ll call them “Spirit-Focused” and the Evangelicals… we’ll call them “Bible-Focused.”
Jesus: Well… if you say so… I suppose. But what about Baptists?
Carl: They are Evangelical. Don’t You know?
Jesus: Oh, yeah, I suppose I do know.
Carl: This is fun.
Jesus: I AM having fun too.
Carl: The Spirit-Focused folks… do You think they are very academic?
Jesus: Why do you ask?
Carl: They really don’t seem to make much sense out of the Bible.
Jesus: Wait.
Carl: What?
Jesus: You asked about them being academic.
Carl: Yeah.
Jesus: But then you started talking about Bible.
Carl: Yeah… and?
Jesus: You are definitely Bible-Focused.
Carl: I know. That’s what I call myself.
Jesus: No, that’s what Spirit-Focused Christians call you.
Carl: What’s the problem, then?
Jesus: Is Bible-learning the only thing that is academic in Christianity?
Carl: Well, isn’t it? Don’t we need to be responsible and diligent in studying the Bible?
Jesus: Yes, but is Bible the only thing that you need to be diligent about?
Carl: Well, no…
Jesus: Then why do you ask about Spirit-Focused Christians being academic and then only talk about Bible?
Carl: Well, this is about Your Church! Bible is the academic issue.
Jesus: Bible is the academic issue if you are Bible-Focused.
Carl: You can’t be academic about the Spirit.
Jesus: Oh!!!!!!!!! Yes you can!!!!!! I AM, after all.
Carl: Spirit stuff is about acting crazy and rolling on the floor.
Jesus: I AM not on the floor.
Carl: That’s not what I mean.
Jesus: I told my twelve disciples I would send them a Teacher. Remember that?
Carl: Yeah. That was when You promised them the Holy Spirit. It’s i
n the Bible.
Jesus: Isn’t Teaching an academic role?
Carl: Yeah. Are You saying that we should listen to the Holy Spirit instead of doing our homework? That really irritates me when I hear that.
Jesus: Don’t get too irritated, though, you have a point. But I’m saying something different.
Carl: What’s that?
Jesus: The Holy Spirit is academic.
Carl: How?
Jesus: When you think of the New Testament and the Holy Spirit, what comes to mind?
Carl: Well, I supposed physical miracles come to mind… if we are talking about a Spirit-Focused sermon then miracles are probably more likely to come up than “the leading of the Spirit” like in my Bible-Focused congregation.
Jesus: “Leading of my Spirit” is your term for what Pentecostals call “Prophecy.”
Carl: But when a prophet is wrong he gets stoned.
Jesus: No. In my Second Law I told Moses, if the prophet is accurate in his prophecies and teaches other people to worship false gods—which usually asked for human sacrifices and stuff—I wanted that person put to death. That’s a dangerous dude. But I would never execute people who try to obey me when they are still learning to hear my Voice and making honest mistakes in the process. You should do some homework in Deuteronomy 13:1-5 when you have time.
Carl: I’ll look into that later, but, please… I’m on overload.
Jesus: So, let’s talk more about physical healing. Know any job professions that specialize in that?
Carl: Are You talking about a physician? As in… a Medical Doctor?
Jesus: Are you a physician?
Carl: No, I’d have to go to medical school for that. I’m in seminary.
Jesus: But you just said that the Spirit didn’t have anything to do with academics.
Carl: That was about the Spirit!
Jesus: Yes. But then you started talking about physical healing and school. Doctors aren’t academic?
Carl: But a doctor is different from the Holy Spirit healing someone.
Jesus: The Holy Spirit doesn’t think so. I AM the one who heals.
Carl: That’s just a play on words.
Jesus: If the Spirit knows all, can teach all, and can heal all physical conditions, then don’t you think that academics are at least related?
Carl: Yes, but it sounds as if You are about to tell me not to go to Bible school and just let the Holy Spirit lead me.
Jesus: I would never say that. I want all of my people to work diligently in knowing my written Word.
Carl: Your Holy Spirit is not an excuse to be lazy in Bible study.
Jesus: And my Spirit put that desire in your
