He was reassured to receive a letter from Father expressing delight in his engagement; Father apparently knew Captain Grant well, and counted his daughter a much better bet than any English girl, however well connected.
And at last the time came, just after Christmas, when Carlton was forced to return to Norfolk, Virginia, for general repairs, her hull having been strained by the continuous battering from the winter seas, and her boilers also being in urgent need of attention. She would be laid up for a fortnight, and most of her crew were given furloughs — as well as transfers and promotions where the Navy Board thought them appropriate. Ensign Carter was promoted lieutenant and transferred to a cruiser. Midshipman McGann got his stripe, and was made executive officer of Carlton. But Lieutenant Hallstrom remained Lieutenant Hallstrom, in command of the destroyer.
Lew was not immediately aware of this. It had been decided that the officers would have one week’s furlough each, so that there would always be one present to make sure work in the yard went ahead as they wished it, and he was given the first week. He took a train to Annapolis, and found himself in Brenda’s arms again.
They gazed at each other. ‘You’ve changed,’ she said.
‘So have you,’ he pointed out, with more feeling. For if he was more windburned and war weary than when last they met, she was very much a young lady now, had put her hair up, and looked very soignée, especially with his ring on her finger.
‘Do you like it?’ he asked.
‘I think it’s the most lovely ring in the world,’ she said.
‘You must tell us all about it,’ Captain Grant said.
‘Well, there’s not much to tell,’ Lew explained. He wanted only to be alone with her and wondered if she, with all her quick smiles and anxious movements, was as eager. But he entertained the captain with an account of life at sea on a small destroyer in the winter, and had them all shivering by the time he was finished.
He had been given a room in the barracks, where the cadets gazed at his tall, bronzed figure in awe, but of course was invited to stay to dinner at the Grants.
‘I kind of thought we might go have a meal at that roadhouse,’ he suggested to Brenda.
‘Oh,’ she said.
‘Well...it’s where it all began, right?’
‘I guess it was,’ she agreed, and went to fetch her coat.
‘Mind how you go,’ Grant told them. ‘It’s so damned cold there could be ice about.’
This time the roof of the convertible was up, and Brenda drove very slowly and carefully.
‘I hope you don’t mind,’ he said. ‘Your parents are just great, but...I only have a week.’
‘Of course I don’t mind,’ she said. ‘Don’t you think I want to make every moment of it count, too?’
He had the strangest feeling she was trying to convince herself of that. They had been separated for too long, after having been together for too short a time; they were virtually strangers again. In fact he was becoming more and more amazed at how much of a stranger she was. He was going to marry her, and he had never seen her legs, or any other part of her. He had only kissed her half-a-dozen times. Did one marry for the sake of legs and breasts and lips? According to the experts, no. But he wasn’t sure the experts were right, at least in the first instance.
His sudden doubts began to disappear when they reached the house, where they were greeted by the same waitress, only much more enthusiastically, and where they danced to the orchestra, holding each other close, Brenda’s head against his chin.
‘How is college?’ he asked into her hair.
‘Boring.’
‘Even with all those boys?’
She moved her head back to look at him. ‘I have a boy.’
He pulled her close again. ‘I have missed you so,’ he whispered into her ear.
‘Yes,’ she said.
‘I kept thinking maybe you’d changed your mind.’
‘How was I going to do that?’ she asked.
‘Out of sight...’
‘But not out of mind,’ she said, and squeezed his hand as they walked back to their booth, where the waitress had already served the beer and hamburgers. This time they sat next to each other, their thighs touching. ‘When do you think you’ll be home again?’ Brenda asked.
‘God alone knows. Brenda...you wouldn’t like to get married now?’
‘Now? How can we do that?’
‘Just find a justice of the peace, I reckon.’
‘We’re not old enough.’
‘We’re both eighteen. Would your parents be very mad?’
‘I guess...maybe not. But we did promise to wait until the war was over, Lew.’
‘And you want to do that too.’
She hid her face in her beer mug. ‘God, I don’t know. Sometimes...one of my friends is married.’
‘Well, then...’
‘But...’ she looked at him. ‘She didn’t marry a sailor, Lew...I couldn’t bear to have you going off again, and...’ she bit her lip.
‘Maybe never come back.’ He grinned. ‘Well, I guess you are a little young to be a widow.’
She laid her hand on top of his. ‘Now you’re mad at me.’
‘Sure. But that doesn’t stop me loving you. Or understanding your point of view. But I hope you can understand mine.’
‘If you’d explain it to me.’
‘Warts and all?’
‘Warts and all.’
‘Well...I love you, Brenda. I love you and I don’t ever want to have anything to do with any other woman as long as I live. But...’
‘You want to have something to do with a woman, anyway.’
‘Let’s be romantic,’ he suggested. ‘Let’s say I want to make you mine.’
‘I have never known a man with such a strong sex drive. I guess it’s because you started so young.’
‘Now you’re mad at me. But you did say, warts and all.’
‘And you know how I feel about that, Lew.’ She gazed at him. ‘So what are we going to do?’
‘Well...there was a time when once a girl and boy became betrothed, they were considered married.’
‘Once upon a time, Lew.’ She licked her lips, slowly and thoughtfully. ‘God, it’s difficult.’
‘Do you want to?’
‘Of course I want to. Well...yes, I want to. But I want to so I can look every woman and every man, and Ma and Pa in particular, in the eye and let them see how happy I am about it. I don’t want to be scared they’ll find out, and maybe have to lie to them, and...oh, heck, Lew, please try to understand.’
He squeezed her fingers, kissed her on the nose. ‘You won’t object to a little spooning on the way home, I hope.’
They danced some more, and he held her more tightly than ever, forcing her to move against him. She made no objection, and even once kissed his ear. But he had no idea what she was really thinking, and he realised that he had never had any idea about that. Only what she had told him.
‘Shall we make a move?’ he asked. Neither of them had drunk much; they were too concerned with the coming hour, and the place was starting to fill up and become very noisy.
‘Yes, let’s.’ She allowed him to wrap her in her coat and they went outside. ‘Brrr.’ It was a clear night, and was certainly very cold. She hurried into the car, and it took him several turns of the crank handle to get it started.
‘That warmed me up a bit.’
She drove slowly out of the yard and along the road, gloved hands tight on the wheel, while the headlamps flickered feebly into the darkness; the last time they had done this it had still been almost daylight. ‘Stopping out here, we’ll freeze,’ she said.
‘Yeah.’ He waited.
‘But...Ma and Pa will have gone to bed by now.’
‘Yeah,’ he agreed, more enthusiastically. As always, he had no idea what she had in mind. But it had to be something.
Brenda increased speed, and they were home just after one. They tiptoed into the house by the back door,
and felt their cheeks glow with the sudden warmth. ‘I’ll see if the fire is still going,’ she said, and took off her coat. He hung it beside his on the stand by the front door, watched her stooping in front of the fire, figure suddenly delineated by the pulled tight gown.
‘Still glowing,’ she said. ‘We’ll catch it.’ She added a couple of logs and gave it a poke, while he crossed the room and stood behind her. She realised he was there, and slowly straightened. He put his arms round her waist but before he could make up his mind to do anything else she had turned, against him, and was kissing his mouth. It was the hungriest kiss he had ever had from her, and he held her tightly, slipping his hands down to her buttocks to lift her on to her toes. They stood like that for several seconds, before she sighed, and moved her mouth. ‘Oh, Lew,’ she said.
He allowed her to slide back down, but still held her against him.
‘Lew,’ she said again. ‘I do love you, so very much.’
‘I love you, Brenda. And you’re going to be my wife.’
‘Oh, Lew. I know.’ Then her arms were round his neck again, and she was straining against him. ‘Oh, Lew...be gentle with me, Lew. Be gentle with me.’
For a moment he didn’t know what to do, because she certainly didn’t. He went on kissing her while his hands roamed everywhere he had always wanted, coming round to find her breasts through her bodice, feeling her shiver against him. There were buttons up the back of her blouse, and these he released, stepping away from her to slide the material forward. She stood absolutely still, staring at him, as he pulled it from her waistband and laid it on a chair.
He felt absolutely consumed with desire, and yet strangely afraid. It was like facing a new ship, which gleamed with paint and varnish and perfection, and which one longed to take to sea — yet knowing that once one did, she would become tarnished and dirty and even perhaps scarred in places, and would never be new again.
‘Lew?’ she asked, in bewilderment.
He undid her belt, and let the skirt droop. She stepped out of it, herself picked it up and laid it beside the blouse. She wore a petticoat but, he realised no corset. Instead there was a woollen vest.
She saw where he was looking, and said apologetically, ‘It’s very cold.’
He waited for her to take them off, removed his own jacket and shirt, sat down to take off his shoes. Hesitantly she lifted the chemise over her head, and then the vest. For so long had he wanted to look at those breasts, which were small, but delightfully shaped and upturned. He cupped them, and touched the nipples, and then lowered his head to kiss them, and felt the shivers again racing through her body, despite the fact that the fire was now blazing, fiercely. And she wore only drawers and stockings. ‘If you sit down,’ he said, ‘I’ll take off your boots.’
She obeyed, body upright, muscles tensed. He unlaced the boots and then gently slipped them from her feet, before allowing his hands to slide up her calves to her thighs, feeling the tension increasing, the muscles like little ridges of iron beneath his fingers. Then he touched the hem of her drawers, and she gasped, and threw both arms round his neck, to hug his face against her.
She was sitting down. He got his fingers under her buttocks to lift her, and she twisted and turned away, half falling out of the chair. He pulled the drawers down past her garters, kissed the whiteness of her flesh as she continued to turn, until she had rolled right out of the chair on to the floor with a bump. He remained on his knees, while above them there was sound, and with a little sort of whimper Brenda began gathering her clothes together with desperate haste.
‘That you, Brenda?’ Captain Grant called from the head of the stairs.
Brenda took a very long breath. ‘Yes, Pa,’
she answered. Lew wondered if her father had heard the tremor in her voice. ‘We just came in.
‘Lewis with you?’
‘Yes, Pa. I’m just getting him a cup of cocoa.’
‘Yeah. Well, good night, Lewis.’
‘Good night, sir,’ Lewis called.
Boards creaked above their heads, and they gazed at each other.
‘Did you hurt yourself?’ Lew asked.
Brenda apparently realised for the first time that she was sitting on the carpet, facing him, her drawers round her knees. She gave a strangled gasp, and turned away from him, pulling them up as she did so.
He caught her hand. ‘I don’t guess he’ll be back for a while.’ She had to understand how aroused he was.
But she wouldn’t look at him, and still on her knees, turned away from him, gave a tug on her arm. ‘Please, Lew. I couldn’t. Not now. I...I just couldn’t.’
He wondered if she had ever intended to, because he could see how relieved she was at the interruption. She turned her head to gaze at him in total terror as he pulled her back against him, held her breasts and kissed her forehead, slid his hands down her stomach to her pubes, while she shivered again. She wouldn’t fight him, but she would hate him for it. But suddenly he doubted if he could do it now, either. He got up, taking her with him. ‘Maybe I should get on back. It’s pretty late.’ He let her go.
‘Lew.’ She turned to face him, held his hands, stood there, utterly compelling in her nakedness, and he realised that now she was having second thoughts, realising that she might have messed everything up. But everything was messed up, no matter what happened now; the only sane thing to do was commit no irrevocable act. ‘I’m sorry.’
‘So am I.’
‘Lew...’
‘But I guess I’ve gone off the boil as well.’ He attempted a grin. ‘At least I know you’re a real beauty.’
‘Lew...it’ll be different. When...I promise, Lew. I promise. But I have to be feel, well...I promise, Lew.’
‘Sure,’ he said. ‘I’m looking forward to that.’ He buttoned his shirt, knotted his tie, reached for his jacket.
‘Lew,’ she begged. ‘Please don’t be mad at me. We have all of our lives together. And I will...be everything you want.’
‘I can see that,’ he agreed. He touched her ice hard nipple. ‘You are going to catch cold.’ He took her in his arms and kissed her, stroked her hair and then ran his hands down her back to squeeze her bottom, while she stood absolutely still; but she couldn’t stop herself shivering whenever he touched her. He had the strangest mixture of desires, at once to throw her to the carpet and take her, and never to touch her again as long as he lived. He kissed her mouth. ‘I must go.’
‘Lew...’ she walked with him to the door, holding his hand. ‘What time tomorrow will you come?’
‘I guess you’ll want to sleep in.’
‘But you’ll come for lunch.’
‘Sure,’ he agreed.
*
He wanted to get back to Carlton, just as quickly as possible. So she was undoubtedly right, and he was over-sexed, and no doubt it was May who had caused that. But how he wished he could see May walking in his door at this moment. The thought nearly drove him out of his mind.
As for Brenda, beautiful, frightened Brenda, who wanted to be so sophisticated and didn’t have a clue how to begin...she was a thought for the future. Was he angry with her? He realised that he was, very angry with her. But what aspect of her? He didn’t know, because he didn’t know what her hang-up was, whether she was the determined virgin she claimed to be, or whether she was just afraid of it...or whether she still wasn’t sure he was the man she wanted to do it with. So was he angry enough to call it off? That would be a caddish thing to do.
But having had a night to reflect, and observing his rather evident mood at lunch, Brenda, when they were discreetly left alone after the meal, although Mrs Grant didn’t actually go very far, said quietly, ‘Would you like your ring back?’
‘For Heaven’s sake, Brenda.’
‘Well...maybe I’m just not your type of girl, after all, Lew.’
He held her hand. ‘Am I your type of guy, Brenda?’
He looked into her eyes. ‘Oh, yes,’ she said.
‘Warts and a
ll?’
‘Warts and all. I’m just sorry I let you down. I...I guess that other girl was easier to get on with. The one you spent that week with.’
‘For God’s sake. That isn’t why you backed off, is it?’
She bit her lip. ‘I...I don’t know, Lewis. I feel so awful about it.’
‘Well don’t. It was a crazy idea. I guess I love you so much I go crazy every time I see you. But Brenda...I’ll behave.’
‘Until we’re married, Lew. Only until then. Then, I want you to...misbehave, just as much as you can think of, with me.’
He decided that was quite an invitation. ‘They’re saying the war will be over this summer,’ he said, and kissed her on the nose. ‘I can hardly wait.’
‘Neither can I,’ she whispered. ‘Neither can I.’
*
Yet the week left him totally frustrated, and if he was anxious to take up his new duties as executive officer of Carlton, he was not terribly pleased to discover that Hallstrom was still captain. Hallstrom was even less pleased. ‘Christ, if I had friends in high places, McGann,’ he said when Lew reported. ‘That’s the secret in this goddamned navy. Friends in high places.’
‘Yes, sir,’ Lew agreed, determined to stick to Carter’s principles and keep his cool.
‘So remember I like a tight ship.’ Hallstrom growled. ‘What the fucking hell is this.’ He glared at the short, heavy-set officer climbing the gangway.
Lew ran forward. ‘Hash, what are you doing here?’
‘Looking for a passage. I’m being sent to England, and your Navy Secretary told me I could have a berth on one of the convoy destroyers. When I suggested Carlton, he gave me the warrant.’ This he handed over, and Lew showed it to Hallstrom.
‘Jesus Christ,’ the captain remarked in disgust, and went to his cabin.
Lew and Hashimoto grinned at each other. ‘Nothing ever actually changes,’ Lew said. ‘But am I glad to have you back aboard, old fellow.’
Raging Sea, Searing Sky Page 15
