by Jill Lynn
“We are.” Ryker slapped him on the back. “We’re praying for your sorry hide, aren’t we?”
Finn chuckled despite the painful truth of it. Their ribbing was simply that, and he would do the same to any of them if they were in his boots. Funny. He’d gone from not sharing anything when he’d left North Dakota to being okay with the whole men’s Bible study knowing his problems. Wouldn’t Charlie be proud of him for opening up now.
They bowed their heads to pray for each other, and Finn found his mind could only concentrate on prayers over the situation with Ivy. He’d make up the other prayers later, once his mind calmed and he could think straight again.
Lord, will You show me a way out of this mess I created? Help me to love Ivy well, whatever that looks like and wherever she and the girls end up.
Amen.
* * *
“You feeling okay, Kaia?”
The younger woman seemed distracted this morning, and Ivy was desperate to focus on someone besides herself and her problems.
Kaia glanced up from the table she was wiping. “What? Oh, I’m fine. Just overthinking.”
“Overthinking what? I’m an expert on that subject. Maybe I can help.”
“I had coffee with Maxwell last night.” Ah. Maxwell, not Max. “He asked if we could be friends right now. He said he’s interested in me but understands where I’m coming from.”
“And? What are you thinking?”
“I don’t know.” Kaia returned the milk to the cooler, distractedly leaving the door ajar. Ivy covertly closed it after she’d walked away. “I mean, he’s really great, but I should be concentrating on Honor right now. But having someone to talk to...that was pretty amazing. Having a friend like Maxwell could make me a better mom because it would be a step toward taking care of myself. My counselor says I need to do that. So which is the right answer? What’s best for Honor? Or for me? And are those things the same or different?”
Ivy’s jaw had unhinged with each declaration and question from Kaia. She felt the other woman’s confusion in the marrow of her bones. Kaia had just stated exactly what Ivy had gone through when she’d been forced to make a decision for her and the girls. What was best? Colorado or California? And who was it best for? Ivy had finally concluded that giving her girls the best life didn’t mean living with her parents, where everything was at their fingertips. She’d finally concluded that the girls seeing her work hard and save and budget would be better for them than not ever having a financial worry. She’d chosen the scarier route, because she believed it was the right one for all of them. And then if things changed or it didn’t work, she’d readjust. Who said every decision had to be perfect the first time?
“Everything you said makes so much sense. I was just there. I still am there.” Each day Ivy woke up wondering if she’d made the right choice. And then each day she shoved that doubt aside and took one tentative step after another. “A friend isn’t a bad thing, Kaia. It could be really good for you to have someone to talk to. And if Max is that patient...that says a lot about who he is.”
“Thank you.” Kaia didn’t often show physical affection, so her impromptu hug surprised Ivy. “I needed that release.”
She squeezed the other woman. “Be kind to yourself, Kaia. Don’t spend the next years cowering and beating yourself up. I speak from experience when I say it’s not worth it.”
Kaia’s eyes were dark and glimmering as she eased back. “I’m working on it.”
“And remember, sometimes the right man can come along at the wrong time. So maybe in the future...”
Kaia laughed and turned to help a new customer.
Ivy firmly believed that Kaia could have both a healthy romantic relationship and a healthy mother-daughter relationship raising Honor, but she’d have to come to those terms on her own.
Which means I could have the same with my three girls and the right man.
Ivy had just begun to consider that when everything had imploded with Finn. Now it was her and her girls indefinitely...and she would be okay with that. Somehow.
The morning after their argument, Ivy had expected Finn to show up at her door with another explanation or apology. But she hadn’t seen him since the night of the café opening.
And now that she wouldn’t be living on his land anymore, the likelihood that they would cross paths soon was diminishing.
At least she had plenty to keep her occupied with packing up the bunkhouse. Ivy was amazed by how fast their few belongings had multiplied into such a mess.
Mess. She rolled her eyes at the word she now hated. The one that Finn believed represented her. Ivy wished they had never met. That he could never have formed such an opinion about her.
No, you don’t. He has your heart. That’s what makes this all hurt so badly.
Ivy ignored the pang of awareness. For all of her work in recognizing her feelings and letting herself feel all the things since Lee’s death, she’d taken the opposite fork in the road regarding what had happened with Finn.
She’d stopped processing it. Stopped thinking about it and him. Like right now?
Thankfully, the café experienced a rush during lunch that carried into the afternoon, and Ivy was able to pour herself into work.
Just before she planned to lock up and leave to pick up the triplets, Charlie stopped by. Kaia had taken the early shift this morning, so she’d already left for the day.
“How’s it going?” Charlie’s attempt to be casual failed miserably and left no doubt as to her actual thoughts: Are you okay? Do I need to beat up my brother? I’m trying not to get involved even though I’ve never wanted anything more.
“Has anyone ever told you that you’re terrible at hiding what you’re thinking?”
Charlie chuckled. “I may have heard that a time or two. I don’t—I just—” Her palms went up. “Never mind. I’m staying out of it like you asked me to, so... Moving on... How’s the packing going?”
“I did a little last night. We don’t have much, but it’s still a lot to sort through. I should be able to wrap up tonight as long as the girls aren’t a hindrance.” Ivy winced, imagining just how rambunctious the three of them would likely be. With yet another move and change on the horizon, they’d been acting cranky and out of sorts.
Just like their mom.
The triplets asked her numerous times a day where Mista Finn was and why they hadn’t seen him in weeks and weeks. Their concept of time was terrible, but the distance had felt just as long to Ivy, so she couldn’t blame their interpretation of the situation.
“Let me take them for a bit. Give you some time to organize without them underfoot.”
“Oh, no. I can’t do that. We’ll be fine, Charlie. Besides, I have to get used to doing things on my own with them now that I’ve committed to staying.”
When Ivy had told her parents that she and the girls had found a small house to rent and were planning to stay in Westbend, they’d responded with anger and confusion. She’d talked to them for almost an hour before getting anywhere. And the only way she’d made headway was to ask them to come visit. She wanted them to see the town and the café and the new life she and the girls had begun, because maybe then they would understand her choice.
Ivy had asked them for the grace to make a mistake by staying.
They’d called her back the next day, and in a completely unexpected olive branch, had offered to ship her and the girls’ things to Colorado.
Ivy had wept with relief and gratefulness. She didn’t want to lose her parents over her choice, but she also didn’t want to lose herself. And that had been the thought that had scared her the most about continuing on to California. She’d grown in Westbend, and she couldn’t leave that confidence behind. Though it had been chopped down by Finn, she was determined to build it back up again. It was time to stand on her own two feet...while holding on to God with a tig
ht grip, of course.
Charlie’s hand squeezed hers. “I’m not asking. I’m telling you. I would love to have the girls for a bit. It’s a nice day. I’ll take them to the park and wear them out. Can you let Lina know I’m picking them up and shoot me her address?”
“Okay.” It was no use fighting Charlie. She’d get her way, and Ivy was grateful for her stubbornness right now. “Thank you.”
“Of course. I’ll text you when I’m bringing them home.”
Ivy arrived at the ranch determined to pack quickly while she had time to herself. The small two-bedroom house she’d rented in town was furnished and currently unoccupied, so they could move in anytime. Tomorrow would be ideal, as she hoped to remove herself and the girls from Finn’s ranch as quickly as possible.
She folded and boxed clothes with worship music blaring, separating out what would need to be washed at the new place. It had a washer and dryer, so Ivy would be able to do laundry easily...without using Finn’s facilities.
I am not going to miss him. I am not even going to think about him.
After making numerous trips to the Suburban—and not allowing herself one peek toward Finn’s house—she started on her own clothes.
A knock sounded on her door, and Ivy’s heart pounded in answer. Would Charlie be back with the girls already?
Highly unlikely.
She swung it open to see Finn’s tall, broad frame filling the space, his sad, soulful eyes no doubt matching her current condition.
“I thought I saw you packing your vehicle.”
“I am.”
His lids shuttered. “Oh.” The breath visibly leaked from his chest like he was a balloon with a pin prick.
“What do you want, Finn?”
“You.” Her stomach bottomed out. “And the girls. I miss you.”
I miss you, too. Her soul tapped out the admission like Morse code, and she was ever so thankful she hadn’t said it out loud.
“Are the girls home?” He peered around her and into the bunkhouse. She was tempted to tell him they were, but the lack of noise and chaos would clue him in that they weren’t.
“Charlie took them for a bit after work so I could pack.”
“Ivy.” His voice cracked on her name, and her heart followed suit. “Will you please listen to me for a minute? I have to tell you what happened.” Despite asking, he didn’t wait for her answer. He just roared on with his speech. “You were right—I did judge your situation and your story when I first met you. But I was an idiot, and I figured that out pretty quickly. I’m sorry for assuming your life was chaos and that I shouldn’t get involved. Chrissa did mess with me, but you’re not her. You’re nothing like her. She always took, but you’ve never been that way. You always gave. The issues were all mine, not yours. And now I’m afraid... I can’t believe I’m going to lose you.” The words were muffled as he rubbed his hands over his face.
Going to? Hadn’t he already lost her? And could you call it losing someone when you’d never crossed the start line?
“If I knew you were moving because it was the best decision for you and the girls, I’d figure out how to let you go. Somehow. But the thought that your leaving might have something to do with me and my stupid mistakes... I don’t know how to handle that.”
His head hung low.
He thought she was moving to California. Charlie hadn’t told her brother they were staying in town. Ivy had asked her to stay out of it, but she hadn’t expected that kind of loyalty. It only cemented her decision to stay. Ivy had chosen to live in Westbend because it was where she wanted to raise her girls. Not solely because she was in love with Finn Brightwood. But now she was starting to fear he might have a little something to do with the decision.
“Every compliment you gave me...was it all lies?” He’d told her he respected her and was impressed with how she handled the girls. That she was doing a good job as a mom. And yet...how could she now believe anything he’d said?
“None of it was lies. All of those things are true about you. I just let that initial fear from what had happened with Chrissa cloud my judgment.”
Her nerves were as skittish as Reese in a new social situation, and tears pooled along her lower lids. “What if I’m a mess again, Finn? Right now or in ten years? I can’t be with someone who wouldn’t love me through that. I can’t be with someone who runs at the first sign of trouble.” It scared her so much to imagine trusting Finn now...only to find out later she’d been wrong. Again.
“Ivy.” His hands grasped her arms, then slid down to her wrists, his thumbs skidding across her thundering pulse. “You are not a mess. And even if you were, that would be fine, too. All I know is that I want you exactly as you are. You’re a fighter. You’re lightning and rain and sunshine all wrapped into one. I don’t know how to go a day without you.” Watery emotion weighted down his words, causing an echo in her soul. “I want to be with you. I want to come home to you and have dinner with you and the girls and talk about our days and pray together. I want to carry the girls to bed when they’re sleepy and tuck them in. I want to know everything about you and find out how to love you best.” Tears blurred her vision. “My first impression changed quickly because I saw who you really are. Can you see who I really am? Can you see me beyond a stupid choice or opinion?”
Could she? Could she believe in Finn? In both of them? And in her God-given intuition?
“I promised myself that I’d stay out of your decision to stay or go. That I wouldn’t try to control you like Lee. That’s why I didn’t say anything earlier, when I first began falling for you. I didn’t want to affect your choice in any way. And now it doesn’t matter, because you’ve already made up your mind. And as long as you’re happy, then I’ll find a way to be that for you. Because I trust you to make good decisions, Ivy. Don’t doubt your instincts. They’re still good. They’re still right.”
Ivy had been afraid that she’d missed the signs with Finn the same way she’d missed them with Lee. But in this moment, clarification struck. She hadn’t missed any red flags with Finn, because they didn’t exist. How could she have ever thought this man wasn’t good to the very last drop?
“Finn, we’re not moving to California.” She held her breath as understanding struck him.
“You’re staying?”
She began to nod, but before she could complete the movement, his lips were on hers, and she was otherwise occupied. Kissing Finn was like coming home. Like careening off the road and finding out where you were meant to be all along.
He rested his forehead against hers, his gentle palms cradling her face. “Please give me a chance to prove how I feel about you and that it’s never going to change. Give me a chance to love you and the girls. Let me show you who I am.”
Ivy wanted nothing more than to move forward with Finn in their lives. Her hands slipped up to cover his. “I know who you are.”
That earned her another kiss. It was slow and sweet, and her knees swirled like creamer melting into hot coffee.
Finn reared back as if a bee had crawled under his shirt and was waging war against his skin. “Wait. So where are you moving, then?”
“Just into town.”
He frowned. “You don’t have to go. You can stay here.”
“We can’t, though. It’s time for us to have our own place. I suppose I have a few things to prove yet—that I can take care of the girls and make it on our own. Without handouts.”
His mouth curved reluctantly. “Well, don’t take too long.”
Her smile mimicked his. She didn’t plan to.
“How’d the conversation that you’re staying go with your parents?”
“About like you’d expect at first, but I invited them to come visit, and I’m hoping once they see us here, they’ll understand. And if they don’t... I still believe this was the right decision for me and the girls.”
> He squeezed her hand. “I’m proud of you for trusting your instincts.”
“Thank you.” She laced her fingers through his, reveling in Finn’s confidence in her. “So will you be meeting them as my special friend or my former hesitant landlord?” Finn had told her about his parents’ amusing label for anyone he’d dated.
“Special friend, for sure.” His eyes danced with humor, then turned earnest. “If you’re willing to give me a chance, Ivy Darling, I’m not going to let you go. I’m in this—with you and the girls—for the long haul.”
The way he always included the girls liquefied her. Ivy had tried with all her strength not to fall swiftly for Finn because she’d believed it would end in disaster. But then he’d gone and loved her girls swiftly, and that had been the tipping point in her descent. Turned out falling fast and furiously wasn’t detrimental when the man on the other end of her adoration was wholesome and good and Finn Brightwood.
She could choose Finn just for the way he championed her girls, but loving him—finally letting herself feel all she did—was selfishly for her.
Her heart thrashed against her ribs as Finn’s fingers threaded through her hair and his lips found hers again, this kiss less urgent but just as tender. As if they had all the time in the world to get to know each other, love each other, grow old together.
He delivered a kiss to the corner of her mouth, then he traveled to the other side to do the same, making her skin tingle with expectation. Warmth enveloped her, and when he scooped her into his arms and held her so tight she could barely breathe, Ivy knew without a doubt that this town and this man were where she and the girls were supposed to land.
Just like God had known all along.
Epilogue
The grass surrounding the ranch house was full of children and adults mingling under the warm October sun. Ivy had prepped for Charlie and Ryker’s adoption shower as much as she could beforehand, but she was still running.
Finn must have spotted her rushing from across the yard because he followed her into the kitchen.
