“You two get along because you’re both little and you both bite,” Sarina said, her smile hopefully conveying how much she cared for this woman. She approached Nana Orla and handed her the little dog, who went with copious wiggles and kisses. Man, leaving this time was going to hurt. Not only leaving Justin but saying goodbye to Nana Orla and Adam and Tess...these people were going to be hard to let go.
But it wasn’t letting go. Not really. Her brothers would understand that she had to go and they’d support her. Their bond was new but it was strong and she knew they’d give her time to figure out her future because they were destined to be a part of it.
“Well, that’s true enough, I guess.” Orla entered the room, eyeing the half-packed bag and the chaos of clothing strewn all over the floor. “You can leave your things here if they don’t fit in your bags. I’ll keep them for you until you come back home.”
Home.
Oh hell. Sarina turned from her, biting the inside of her cheek to stop the tears that threatened to spill over onto her cheeks.
“That’s really sweet but I don’t think I’ll be back.” She cut off the words anytime soon because they sat on the edge of her tongue, poised to add a caveat and hedge on the decision she knew she had to make. This needed to be the last time she came here, at least until she could get over the ache in her chest that throbbed every time she thought of Justin.
Home. Justin had become that place for her. She couldn’t pinpoint the exact moment it had happened, but she couldn’t deny it and now she had to figure out her exit plan. Time and distance would help her get over him.
“This is your home, girl.” Nana Orla’s voice was soft but firm, the Irish brogue wrapping around Sarina like a warm blanket. The older woman moved in close, locking eyes with Sarina before she spoke. “You know better than anyone that family is not just blood and DNA, it’s the people you choose. What Justin did, it doesn’t change the fact that you and I are family and always will be.” The older woman reached out and placed a hand on Sarina’s cheek. Her touch was warm but the surge of emotion, of love, that Sarina felt for her was enough to loosen the tears and important enough that she didn’t care. “I choose you, Sarina. You and I will always be family.”
“She’s right, Sarina.”
They both turned to find Adam standing in the doorway. He was still dressed in his tux, a tense expression on his face. He smiled apologetically at Nana Orla.
“I used the key you gave me,” he explained, his gaze drifting back to Sarina. “How are you doing?”
She could feel the big-brother protectiveness rolling off him in waves and for once it didn’t piss her off. It made her feel wanted, included. When he walked over to her and pulled her into a tight hug, she didn’t fight him but hugged him back. Tighter. Harder. She was going to be gone for a while and she needed to make this one count, make it one she would remember.
“I’m doing better now,” she admitted, surprising the both of them with her honesty. Adam went still for a moment and then he pulled her in tighter, pressing a kiss to her hair. “But I’ve got to go, Adam. I’m sorry.”
He released her, looking down at her, clearly gauging how successful he would be if he tried to change her mind. She shook her head, wishing that this could be different. “Adam, you know I can’t stay. This thing with Justin, it got complicated and so real, so fast. I have to go to get my head straight, to figure things out.”
“You can’t outrun these feelings, Sarina. You love him. That isn’t just going to go away just because you have a few states in between the two of you.”
“I know, Adam. But I need time to put this behind me. I need to find a place where I can land and stay, build a life.” Sarina glanced at Nana Orla, wishing that this could be different. “I thought it might be here but I was wrong. This way I can move on and so can Justin.”
“Justin is being an ass,” Nana Orla said, setting Wilma on the bed. “I still can’t believe what he said to that reporter.”
“Look, he told them the truth,” Sarina broke in, needing to make sure that they all understood exactly what had gone down between her and Justin. “Justin and I never changed our plans. He didn’t betray me with what he said tonight because he was absolutely correct. I just made the mistake of thinking that things were going to be different without saying or hearing the words. The only thing we’re guilty of is getting caught up in our feelings, in the emotions of the moment.”
“I know what I know, Sarina,” Nana Orla insisted. “I know that you love Justin and he loves you.”
Sarina didn’t deny it. She wouldn’t disrespect what had happened between them. It was real and it was powerful. It just wasn’t forever.
“But that doesn’t change the truth of the matter. His parents are right—I’m not the girl for Justin. It’s that simple.”
“You can’t just give up, Sarina,” Adam said, his voice pleading. “Don’t give up on Justin. Don’t give up on us.”
Oh no. She couldn’t let him think that this had anything to do with them. “Adam, no, we’re good.” She swallowed hard, realizing that there were things she needed to say this man, the brother who had loved her enough to never stop looking for her. “You’re my family, my brother. My agido. And I have never thanked you for finding me. I have never thanked you for looking for me and not giving up. All I ever wanted was to be the person who mattered to someone, a person worth remembering. A person worth missing. You gave me that. I’m prickly and stubborn but I love you, Adam. Nothing will ever change that, not ever again.”
“Damn, Sarina, it took you long enough. I love you, too,” Adam said, tears streaming down his face as he pulled her to him again for a longer and tighter hug. She was going to miss this. She was going to miss her brother.
She considered staying and just dodging Justin but she couldn’t face that prospect. It would take longer to get over him if she stayed, and she needed to get over him. Distance and time would give her the strength to watch him forget about her and move on to the next woman. It wasn’t brave but it was reality. Running wasn’t always a bad thing. Sometimes the best defense was an organized retreat.
And this wasn’t going to get any easier the longer she dragged it out. Sarina needed to go and she needed to go now.
But there was one thing she needed to do first. Sarina pushed on Adam’s chest, laughing softly when he refused to let her go. After a long moment, he finally did, grumbling in protest. She walked over to the desk in the corner of the room and picked up a manila envelope, sliding out the papers and flipping to the one with the “sign here” sticky note on it. She didn’t need to read the document. She’d read it a million times; the words never changed.
Those words put an end to the first time she ever dared to believe she could have the happily-ever-after. The first time in a long time she’d allowed herself to think that she could be someone’s everything, the person they couldn’t leave behind.
Sarina picked up a pen from the desk and weighed it in her hand. Then she signed her name.
It was that simple. A few strokes of black ink and she broke her own heart.
Sarina gathered the papers and stuffed them back in the envelope, hesitating for one moment before she took a piece of notepaper and scribbled a few words on it and shoved it in with her divorce papers. Knowing she was doing the right thing gave her the strength to turn and hand over the package to Adam.
“Can you give these to Justin for me?”
The tic in his jaw was the only sign that Adam wanted to argue with her. In the end he nodded, taking the papers from her with a grimace. “You matter to Justin. He loves you and he will remember you. He’ll miss you. These papers won’t change that.”
She laughed, wiping the tears away as she reached for her bag and the keys to her bike. He was right. The stuff in his hand was just paper and ink, words that did nothing to change the pain settled in her chest. “Tho
se papers aren’t meant to help Justin get over me, they’re what I need to get over him.”
Seventeen
Sarina had just vanished.
Justin stood in the doorway to the room she’d made her own the last few weeks. He stared at the bed where they’d made love and he’d given his heart away without even realizing it. They’d been happy together.
And for the first time in his life he’d been good enough just as he was.
And now she was gone with her motorcycle and her dog and all the ways she’d made his life complete.
All because he was a coward.
He’d been stuck at the party until the early-morning hours, making sure Aerospace Link wasn’t going to jump ship and bail. Adam had disappeared and it had been impossible for Justin to leave.
The investors hadn’t been happy with the news of his quickie Vegas marriage, most of them giving him disapproving looks that rivaled ones he’d received from his father over the years. At first he’d downplayed the whole night in Vegas, omitting the parts about the alcohol that fueled their matrimonial bravado and emphasizing the instant connection with Sarina.
He’d found himself telling them about how amazing his wife was. They’d heard about her separation from Adam and Roan and while he didn’t get into the details of her life, he’d relayed how she’d grown up in foster care and then joined the army and served her country with bravery and loyalty.
And then he’d found himself telling them about her work with the kids at the center, how she loved his Nana Orla, and even how she’d found a dog behind a dumpster in some tiny little town in Nevada and now spoiled it rotten with love and cuddles. And he’d told them about how she loved Linda Ronstadt and that the best moment in his life was seeing her smile on the beach in Malibu while an old beat-up CD of Heart Like a Wheel played in a constant loop on the stereo system.
And that was when he’d known that he had just made the biggest mistake of his life.
Justin would never forget the shocked looks on their faces when he’d stood up from where they were all seated and announced that he was going to find his wife and tell her that he loved her and beg her not to sign the divorce papers. He’d made it clear that if the deal was off, he understood, but he didn’t care.
They’d blown his mind when they’d shoved him towards one of the property golf carts and told him to go get her. The deal was solid. Now was the time to save his marriage.
And so he’d raced home, not surprised when all of his calls to her had gone straight to voicemail. He’d pleaded with her to just wait for him, that he didn’t want to finalize the divorce. He’d not told her that he loved her. Justin wanted the first time he said it to be in person, with her in his arms and agreeing to forever with him.
But he’d been too late.
Now, with the sun rising over the hills, Justin walked over to the large bay window and looked over the expanse of landscaped gardens and lawns, seeing Sarina everywhere. On the patio by the pool. Walking in the orchard with Nana Orla or playing with Wilma on the grass. If he focused he could see the tree house just on the edge of the horizon, the place she’d turned into magic. He reached up and rubbed the palm of his hand over his chest, trying to massage out an ache that he knew had nothing to do with the physical. It was marrow-deep. Painful. Permanent.
“Justin.”
He turned quickly, almost falling off balance with surprise. Adam was standing in the doorway, his face taut with anger and eyes soaked in disappointment. Everything about his posture, ramrod straight and muscles tense, radiated how much effort it took for him to maintain his control. Adam had never raised a hand to him but Justin braced himself for the blow. He deserved it.
“Adam.” Justin motioned around the empty room, everything about Sarina gone except the lingering trace of the citrus-sweet scent from her shampoo. She was on the run. Again. “She’s just gone.”
His voice cracked on the last word and he didn’t even try to cover it up. He’d spent his life hiding how he was really feeling, protecting himself with a quick smile and the pretense that nothing touched him. This was killing him and he had nothing, no joke or defense or mask. His hand was exposed for all to see and he’d gone all in and lost.
Adam cocked his head to one side, his eyes narrowing into laser-focused slits as he examined Justin like he was a specimen at the zoo.
Heartbroken Homo sapiens. Genus Dumbass.
“Jesus, Justin.”
He could see the anger leach out of Adam’s body, replaced with sympathy and pity. He’d thought Adam being pissed at him was the worst but he’d been wrong—this was worse.
“Adam, if you have any idea where she’s gone, please tell me. I have to get her to talk to me. I have to explain and tell her I’m sorry.” He approached his best friend, the man who was like a brother to him, raking his hands through his hair in frustration and rising panic. “I know you’re pissed at me and I deserve it but you’ve got to help me find her.” His voice wavered again, his emotions spilling over the dam after a lifetime of keeping them bottled up. “I don’t know how you did this, man. When Tess walked away, how did you breathe?”
“Justin, I—” Adam broke off, his gaze drifting to the window and then back to his face. “Sarina asked me to bring these to you.”
Adam held out a manila envelope to him. Justin’s name was scrawled across the front in Sarina’s sharp, dark handwriting and he knew immediately that he didn’t want whatever was in that envelope. He took a step back and shook his head.
“Justin, take it. I saw her before she left town. I tried to get her to stay with us but she was determined to leave as soon as possible. She made me promise to give this to you.”
“Adam, why didn’t you keep her here? I know I fucked up and you want to kill me but you should have thought of some excuse to hold her up and called me.”
“Yeah, right. Like I had any chance of keeping Sarina here when she was determined to go.” Anger was back in his tone as Adam thrust the papers at him. “You did fuck up, Justin. I’m not going to force her to stay so that you can shit on her again. I wasn’t thrilled when I heard about your marriage but I’ve watched you two together the last few weeks and it was good, man. You were good for her and she was good for you. You were amazing together.” Adam’s voice dropped lower, and he shook his head with obvious disappointment. “I love you like a brother, Justin, but I saw Sarina’s face when you denied all of that last night and I don’t know if I ever want to give you the chance to make her feel like that again.”
“Adam, I’m so sorry.” He had some apologizing to do and it needed to start with Adam. “Look, I made the wrong move tonight. I panicked when the reporter showed up and brought my biggest fear to life right in front of the Aerospace Link partners. Sarina and I hadn’t talked about our next steps. We both kept putting it off because we didn’t want to ruin how good it was, so I defaulted to a conversation we had weeks ago and ignored everything that had happened between us.” He ran his hands through his hair, sitting down on the bed to get off legs suddenly too wobbly to hold him up. The adrenaline was wearing off and all that was left behind was bone-deep weariness. “I should have told the reporter ‘no comment’ and talked to Sarina but I didn’t. All I could think about was the deal and the people who depended on us and I didn’t want to be the reason we let them down. I couldn’t be the fuckup again.”
Adam settled beside him with a deep sigh, his voice scratchy and gruff with the fatigue of the last twenty-four hours. “Justin, you’re not a fuckup. You’re bold and energetic and you do things that nobody else can do because you’re willing to take the risks necessary to make it happen.” He nudged him with his elbow, pausing until Justin turned to look at him. “It’s why we work so well together. I’m cautious but you push me and our company to be innovative and that has made all the difference in our success. You’re not reckless, you’re brave. If something gets
fucked up then we fuck it up together just like we’ve done since college. I wouldn’t do this with anyone but you. We’re in this together. That’s how it works.”
Justin nodded, wondering how he’d lost sight of the way things were between them. He’d let the voices of his parents and all the crap they’d piled on him over the years drown out the fact that Adam believed in him and always had.
“Thanks, Adam. I came clean with the Aerospace Link people, told them that I didn’t want to divorce Sarina. They were fine with it, practically drove me here themselves.”
“Good. I knew you’d fix it,” Adam said, his jaw tense with the frown that returned with the mention of the situation with Sarina. “Business is business. But the bigger issue is, you hurt my sister. Why should I trust you not to do it again?”
Justin deserved that. He struggled with the words to make Adam believe that he was sorry, that he was the guy he could trust with Sarina’s heart. There was only the truth. It was the only thing that had any chance to set him free.
“I love her, Adam,” Justin said, his words loud in the empty room. “I love her. With everything I am.”
Adam observed him, letting the revelation settle between them. A new truth between old friends. Finally, he sighed, reaching out to pull Justin into a hug. They stood that way for several long moments before Adam spoke.
“I’m sorry, man.”
Justin pulled back, finally taking the envelope from him, turning it over and over in his hands. His gut told him that he knew what was inside. He glanced up at Adam, huffing out a heavy breath as he peeled back the sealed flap of the envelope and pulled the papers out.
Their divorce papers. Sarina’s signature stood out, decisive and final in bold strokes of black ink.
Damn.
“She put a note in there, I think,” Adam said, gesturing toward the envelope. “She wrote one. I saw her.”
Justin riffled through the papers, heart sinking when he didn’t find a note. He tipped the envelope over, shaking it. Something that felt like relief coursed through him when a half sheet of paper slid into his hand. He turned it over, eyes skimming over what she’d written.
Seducing His Secret Wife (Mills & Boon Desire) (Redhawk Reunion, Book 2) Page 13
