“Bit?” Matt brought me back to the present.
“Can you take me home?” I asked Jay. He looked as surprised as Matt.
“You want me to take you home?”
I nodded confirmation. “We need to talk better. I think we need to talk about this.” I glanced at Matt. “Privately.”
Jay nodded and half-smiled, “I agree.”
“Ok I need maybe ten minutes. Is that okay? I have people to say goodbye too,” I murmured.
“Colton?” Jay’s look was unwavering.
“Um, sure. But Matt’s mom’s here and I need to say my goodbyes.” Jay hadn't expected that, he looked at Matt briefly and nodded.
“I'll be in here.” He patted the truck’s door.
I nodded and started across the drive, Matt walked beside me. “What are you doing?”
“I need to talk to him,” I reiterated. My insides were churning with nerves.
“About what? You being his girlfriend? That’s a crock of shit and you know it,” Matt was angry.
I stopped on the drive just before the steps to the house. “Is it Matty?”
“Do you want to be in a relationship with him? After what you know about Aaron?” Matt looked betrayed. I didn’t mean to betray him.
“He’s not his brother,” I snapped. “I want to have a discussion. I want to know how him now knowing this, affects things. Does it affect things? I can’t be in the same place as Aaron, I don’t know his story and I don’t want to know,” I sighed. “But I like Jay, things are easy with him, there is no drama.” Matt snorted and gave me an ‘are you serious look’. Yeah ok. I’d give him that.
“Ok. Before the madness of this weekend, things were easy. He makes me laugh and there is no tension. Can’t I just have a conversation with him?” I looked at him. Matt ran his hand over his hair.
“No Bit. I genuinely don’t think you can,” his eyes flicked to the door. “What about Cole?”
My temper rose. Like a burst dam flooding my system. My eyes narrowed. “What about Colton?”
“Oh Ari come on. Don’t play this game, you’re not that girl,” Matt muttered.
“There is no game. There is no ‘what about Colton.’ He told me the situation and I accept it. You know this. There’s nothing more to discuss,” I started moving again. “As you told your mom during the family weekend, I am a grown independent woman taking care of myself. It's about time you let me.” Matt’s jaw dropped. I cringed, it wasn’t stopping me though.
I stormed into the house and stopped immediately. I took a deep calming breath. I walked into the dining room. The table had been cleared but they were all still seated. I avoided looking at Colton. I addressed Mary Ellen and Mary Ellen alone.
“Would you mind if I went home? Jay…” I stammered. I couldn’t say it. Not with so many eyes on me. “My friend Jay is going to take me home.” I heard a sharp inhale. Theo? I was not looking at anyone other than Mary Ellen.
She didn’t look at anyone else, I saw her assess me quickly and she smiled. “If that’s what you want my dear of course.” She looked at the table, Matt had slipped in behind me and now sat beside Colton. Don’t look I repeated over and over in my head. “This has been a long day already, if you want to go home dear with your friend, no one is stopping you, I am sure we all understand.”
I highly doubt it.
I nodded. “I’ll just run and get my things.” I crossed to her and hugged her hard. She returned the squeeze, she was so safe and steadfast. I wanted to hide in her comfort. But I did enough hiding, I withdrew and she looked at me with concern but I nodded to let her know I was ok.
“You did the right thing. You recognised that this wasn’t for them to fix and you were right, the horrid man was playing with them. Do not let them make you feel guilty,” she kissed me swiftly on the cheek.
“It’ll be fine, they just need some space and probably sleep. They have been wound so tight for too long,” I said softly. “Please don’t be too hard on them, with whatever punishment they get.”
She smiled wickedly. “Oh Matthew is coming home every second weekend. Right until the end of sophomore year.” I couldn’t manage to control my expression, oh my God he would hate it, she smiled a huge Cheshire Cat smile.
I shook my head and hugged her again. “You’re a ruthless woman.” I admired her cunning personality as I drew away from her.
David gave me a brief hug. “Thank you, you’re a good girl Arielle.” He smiled kindly at me. No, I’m not, I’m a breaker of trust.
I turned surprised only Jake and Connor remained, the others were gone.
I muttered my goodbyes to Jake and Connor and then I practically ran out of the room. I raced up the stairs and grabbed the two totes they had packed for me. Was it only two nights ago that I’d come here? How had all this happened in so short a time?
I definitely needed my own space. I needed to process.
I grabbed my phone from the nightstand and saw the missed texts and calls from Jay. I read a few briefly, he sounded so insecure, wondering if he should come over. Could he come over? Yes, I was doing the right thing by talking to him. Ok I may not pursue anything with him. But I needed to have that conversation.
I looked up. He was in the doorway.
I snorted. “You have to stop doing that. It's fucking creepy,” I muttered.
Silence.
I picked up my purse and reached for my bags. Loaded down I looked at him. He hadn't moved.
“I was going to say goodbye,” I said defensively.
Nothing. Jesus, I was so over this.
I dropped a bag. “What?” I waited. Nothing. Screw you Colton. This was exactly why I was leaving.
“I have to go,” I collected my things and started moving. I looked right at him as I got to the door. I waited. He moved to the side. To let me pass. A sharp pang sliced through me. I didn’t let it show.
As I walked past him, he caught my arm, bringing me to a halt. I looked at him and waited.
“If you are too angry to talk to me, there’s no point holding me back,” I snapped. His grip tightened minutely. I narrowed my eyes at the slight increase in pressure. “Please, just let me go,” I looked down at my shoes in defeat. “Please Colton.”
“You’re leaving…for him?” he asked me softly.
“No.” My chest constricted. “I am leaving with him. I need to talk to him.” My heart was racing. “Colton...” I glanced down at his hand again. “You need to let me go.”
“You want me to let you go? Is that what you want?” His voice was low and husky. I looked at him and realised we weren’t talking about me leaving the house. Neither of us was saying it out loud, actually addressing it. No, we didn’t do that, we didn’t talk about anything that mattered. I took a deep calming breath.
I pulled away slightly, his hand didn’t slacken. The tears I had been holding back all day, rushed to the surface.
“It’s too much. It’s too complicated. I can’t do this dance anymore,” I whispered looking out into the hallway. “You said it yourself, it can’t happen. I can’t...” I struggled. “We can’t keep doing this. We don't even know what this is.”
The grip tightened again but he didn’t say anything. I finally turned my head and we looked at each other. I searched his face for a clue, anything. Those green eyes were shut down and giving away nothing.
Suddenly, my arm was free. He was no longer touching me; the impact of the loss was huge. I turned my head, so he wouldn’t see my pain.
“Thank you for looking after me this weekend,” I glanced back briefly.
He nodded curtly and walked away. I bit my lip to keep from calling him back. With a will I didn’t know I had, I walked out of the house to the waiting car.
Jay jumped out of the truck as I approached and took my bags from me. I climbed into the truck and waited for him to settle. He looked over at me. I smiled. I doubted I was convincing.
“You ok darling?”
I nodded.
&nb
sp; He reached over and took my hand. “This ok?”
I nodded again. I felt butterflies. Damn it.
That’s how we drove back to my apartment. Me looking out the window with our fingers intertwined. I didn’t care that it may have been sending the wrong impression, or that when I watched the passing scenery, I was comparing shades of green to the colour of Colton’s eyes as he had looked at me earlier. For that brief amount of time that it took to drive back to my apartment I didn’t have any cares.
Jay parked round the back and we both sat. He looked over at me.
“We can speak here, or you can invite me in,” he glanced away. “I understand if you want to sit out here. Or go for a coffee?” He looked uncertain, unsure.
“You can help take my stuff upstairs.” I answered and I got out of the truck.
I didn't miss his relieved grin and I was smiling myself when I met him round his side of the truck. He dropped a tote to his feet and pulled me to him, I let out a startled squawk before he silenced me very effectively.
The kiss was deep and I lost myself in it if I’m honest. It was a wolf whistle from someone that made us separate. My cheeks were flushed and my heartbeat was a little erratic.
Jay smiled down at me. “Wasn't sure I would get that chance again,” he winked as he stopped to collect my tote.
Collecting myself I walked past him and up the stairwell to my apartment. I let him in and directed him to drop the bags in the spare room.
I went into the kitchen and started making a fresh pot of coffee. He asked if he could sit, I nodded. We were silent as I brewed the coffee and I thought of what I wanted to say.
“I didn’t know.” He interrupted my musing. I looked at him. Jay looked back at me. “I swear, Aaron said they were just rich dicks wanting to dabble in illegal fighting for thrills. They’re good, all three of them. Colton’s something else. Guy could probably go pro to be honest,” Jay shrugged. “They didn’t look like they weren't enjoying it Arielle. I genuinely thought they were there for the thrill of it.”
He ran his hand over his hair and then sighing in frustration he pulled the hairband out. He shook his hair loose. I reached out and caught a strand, it was soft and silky. Was that a manly thing? I toyed with the end of it.
His hand caught mine. I got caught in his gaze. His stare grew heated. He tugged me towards him, spread his legs and I was drawn in between them. I looked down at him and he in turn, studied me. His arms wrapped round my legs securing me in place.
“I believe you didn’t know,” I admitted, “what happens now?”
He broke eye contact and sighed. “I need to ask Aaron what shit he’s involved in.”
“You think he is unwilling?”
“No.” He shook his head. “I think he’s in over his head but is enjoying it.” He looked at me again, “It brings in real good money.” He shrugged.
Did that make it acceptable then? No. It didn’t.
“However,” he continued, “people shouldn’t be forced into being there. They should be there because they want to be there, to be in the ring.” He swung his gaze back up to me. He tugged me onto his lap and I went.
“How are you? Will you be ok with this, with us, even though Aaron is my brother?”
My fingers were playing with his hair again. “I don’t know. They could have been hurt.” Jay snorted. “They didn't want to be there. They didn’t want to fight. He knew that and he made them do it anyway,” I sighed and rested my head against his. “I’m tired. I just want to not think about it anymore.” I confessed.
“I can help with that.” He was kissing me again. Like when we were outside, I lost myself in his embrace. I manoeuvred slightly and I was straddling him on my kitchen chair wrapped around him. I don’t know how long it lasted but his hands slipped under my ass and then he was lifting me, my legs tightened around his waist. Our lips didn’t part.
He started walking. He broke away briefly “Bedroom?” I pointed. He couldn’t see, obviously. I was wrapped round him.
“Straight ahead.” I got out before my lips were on his again.
I was laid on the bed, Jay coming with me, dropping down on top of me, he rested between my legs as the kiss got more heated from this angle. My hands were tangled in his hair, one of his hands supported his weight above of me, but the other one rested just below the curve of my breast.
Connor and I had been together over 2 years, but we were kids. Heavy make out sessions were our limit, there had been tentative touches over clothes but never anything like this. My virginity was intact and if I kept going like this on the bed, it wouldn’t be for much longer.
“Jay…” I groaned. I turned my head away, that was worse. He was kissing my neck and my resolve started to melt away.
His hand moved further up and a thumb brushed over my nipple. Dear baby Jesus, I arched into him. His lower half was ground against me and I could feel every inch of him.
“Jay,” I groaned again, whilst trying to move away. He lowered his head into the crook of my neck and groaned.
“Ok, ok. I’ll stop.” He sat back with effort and moved off me.
I lay there looking up at him, feeling so many different emotions. I needed air. Wow, that was, intense.
He straightened his clothes, I sat up, my cheeks were flushed and I was unsure. I think it showed because Jay chuckled at me.
“I am going to go speak to my brother. I stay in here much longer with you and I won’t be moving out of this room any time soon.”
My cheeks were scarlet. I nodded. I also wasn’t sure I was ready for a day locked in the bedroom with Jay, so I left the room hastily.
He grabbed his coat from the kitchen and then dropped his head to kiss me again. I pulled back quickly before it got any deeper.
“You’ll be ok?” He asked me, he was full of concern and I smiled.
“I’ll be fine, I have so much to do.” This wasn’t a lie, I genuinely had a lot to do. I’d been off school for two days, Monday and today. I needed to get my head on straight.
With the door closed and locked, I went to my room, stripped my clothes off and climbed into the shower.
I needed to wash the day away. I had most likely upset the guys by leaving with Jay. They wouldn’t understand. I had betrayed their trust by telling Mary Ellen. Then even though it had sorted itself out, I had left with the brother of the guy who had been helping to blackmail them.
I was probably unfriended. Then there was the whole situation with Colton. He obviously cared, I cared that he cared. However, as I said to Matt, there was no me and Colton. He wouldn’t rock the boat anymore. It was quite obvious Connor was fragile and me and Colton being together would be too much.
Like I’d said to Corey, Connor didn’t want to be with me. He also didn’t want to see Colton with me.
I decided it would be best if all of us took a breather from each other. Then, with a heavy heart, I exited the shower.
I forced myself to pull my books out and tried to study. I had two days of this week left and then it was the weekend. I could avoid them all for a few more days.
School was uneventful on Thursday. The Buffs were playing a home game on Saturday and the decorations and school spirit were high, especially with their home win the week before. I genuinely enjoyed football, so it was easy to get caught up in the school excitement.
I didn’t see any of the guys and I had two nice days of uneventful school.
Jay had texted a couple times on Thursday, light playful texts. No pressure, no mention of Tattoo Neck. I didn’t want to raise it. I was happy living in denial.
Friday afternoon just as my last class for the day started, I got a text from Jay.
Jay: Can I come over tonight?
I gulped. What did that mean? Did that mean come over for TV and ice cream or did that mean come over to stay over? I didn’t know what to do. I was a single girl living alone, I was almost nineteen years old. Was it time to stop being so skittish?
I chewed the top
of my pen in my concentration. I mean was it a big deal? I liked Jay, he was fun to be with. I had never been desperately holding onto my V-card, I just had never been in a situation where I was considering getting it punched.
Ok that was a terrible analogy. I needed a girlfriend. Of course, I couldn’t call Corey. What was I going to say, “Hi can you talk to me about sex please, how do you and Connor do it?” Yuck. I did not want to ever think of Connor having sex. It was like thinking of Matt having sex, I shuddered.
Maybe I could ask Theo? He was the loosest person I knew when it came to his approach to sex. He had literally no hang-ups about it. He didn’t think less of the girls he slept with, he respected them. He may not have wanted long term relationships with any of them, but he never let them believe anything else. It was all about fun. For both of them.
I needed some fun.
I just didn’t know if sex was the fun I was looking for.
I sighed. That afternoon at my mother’s funeral, I had been all over Colton. I wasn’t even thinking. I had needed him and he had wanted me. If we hadn’t been interrupted, I was in no doubt, I wouldn’t be worrying about this issue now.
Maybe I was reading too much into this? He only wanted to come over. It wasn’t like I was to be draped over the bed naked in preparation was it.
I snorted at the imagery. Poor guy.
Me: Sure. What time?
I got an instant response suggesting around 7:00 I agreed.
I chewed on my pen again. That was early enough that we could still go out. That was early enough that we’d have a looooong night in.
I was nervous.
I picked up my phone. I sent a text to Theo.
Me: I need to speak to you but I don’t want the others to know what it’s about.
I waited. I glanced at the board at the front of classroom. Good the professor was still droning on about microeconomics. Why I’d picked this class was beyond me.
Theo: That doesn’t sound good, but ok.
I grinned.
Then I wasn’t sure how to write the next text.
Indian Summer Page 30
