by Katie Knight
He downed the rest of his coffee then grabbed his phone from the charger and walked around the cabin until he found a spot where he had decent reception. Hit the speed dial button for his CO, then waited, his throat tight with adrenaline and anticipation.
“Pierce,” his CO said, answering on the second ring.
“Hey, it’s me.” Preston leaned his shoulder against the wall and watched Lila’s cabin through the window beside him. A light was on now. She must be up too. “Listen, I’ve got a bit of a problem.”
“Problem? You’re on vacation,” James said, his tone sarcastic. “What the hell kind of problem could there be? Too much sleep? Too much down time?”
“Funny. No.” Preston sighed. “I ran into someone here who recognized me.”
“Shit.” From the noise echoing through the phone line behind his CO, it sounded like James was in some kind of bazaar or restaurant or something. “Stay put and wait for orders. You know how to deal with these situations.”
Before Preston could tell him that this time it was different, the call ended.
Stay put. Those words echoed through his mind on endless loop. Normally, he’d hole up in his quarters, lock down and keep out of sight. But this wasn’t some random person. This was Lila. The woman he’d shared an unbelievable summer with. The woman he’d come as close to falling in love with as a man like him could. The woman who’d had his child.
He was in the bedroom, pulling on his socks and boots before he’d even realized what he was doing. Preston was an orders kind of guy. He followed the rules, obeyed commands. That’s what made him so good at his job. But this time, just this once, he needed to follow the demands of his own heart. He tugged on his jacket and gloves then headed out the door and over to Lila’s cabin across the way.
She might not want to see him, but they needed to talk.
As he neared her place, he saw her puttering around inside her kitchen, probably making coffee like he had. It was just a bit after seven now and the first hints of dawn were tinging the sky. Morning came late this far into December.
After a deep breath for courage, he walked up the wooden steps to the porch, then knocked on the door. From the other side, he heard childish squeals of laughter followed by the quieter tones of Lila’s voice. His heart felt like it was going to pound through his ribcage and his palms were sweating. He’d been together with this woman for months, had felt closer to her than pretty much anyone else on earth. Then he’d abandoned her to raise their child alone when she’d needed him most. Granted, he’d not known she was pregnant, but still. His mind continued to race as he waited, only making him more nervous.
Finally, the door opened a crack and Lila peered out through the opening. The porch light flickered on above him and Preston squinted under the brightness, not sure what to say now that he was here. Funny, since one of the skills he used most on his terrorist-hunting missions was his ability to blend in, to get people to like him and feel comfortable around him so they opened up and shared their secrets. He spoke five languages, plus several regional dialects specific to the areas in Syria and Afghanistan where the rebels had strongholds, yet the minute he saw Lila again he was speechless.
“It’s you,” she said, no small amount of annoyance in her tone. “What do you want?”
Preston supposed he had that coming, considering how rude he’d been to her the day before. “I was wondering if I could come in,” he managed to say at last.
“Come in? Why?” She looked back over her shoulder where he assumed the little boy was playing. “We’re busy and I don’t know you.”
He swallowed hard and steeled himself for the worst. “Actually, you do know me, Lila. You were right yesterday. It’s me, Preston.”
For a moment, she just blinked at him, the color draining from her cheeks, and he started to wonder if she’d heard him at all. Then she abruptly slammed the door in his face.
Yep. She’d heard him all right.
Cursing, he leaned back slightly to check that none of the occupants of the other cabins scattered around the place had gotten nosy, then he knocked on the door again, more insistent this time. “C’mon, Lila. Please. Let me explain. It’s not what you think.”
What seemed like a small eternity passed. The snow continued to fall and a chilly breeze worked its way past the collar of his jacket and down the neck of his sweater. He shivered and huddled down farther inside his coat. He’d heard on the weather forecast on the way up here that a storm was due in the next few days with temps below zero. Based on the frigid wind stirring now, he believed it.
Finally, she yanked open the door again, wider this time, allowing him to see inside her cabin. It was basically a mirror of his, only in reverse. She’d been here longer, so hers looked a bit homier. The toys scattered atop the coffee table in the living room helped too. His heart squeezed with unexpected sweetness at the sight. His son liked to color apparently, if the crayons strewn about were any indication. Preston had always liked art too.
“Come in,” she said, waving him inside impatiently. “Before all the heat gets out.”
Sidling past her into the cabin, he noticed a glimmer of metal in her left hand and realized she had grabbed a knife. Good girl. His Lila had always been smart. That thought nearly had him tripping over his own feet. She wasn’t his. Never had been. They’d shared one blissful summer together, that was it.
And now you share a child too.
His breath caught at that and his awkwardness returned tenfold. What the hell had he been thinking traipsing over here at the crack of dawn? From the angry expression on her face, this wasn’t going to go well at all. He looked around but didn’t see the kid anywhere. “Where’s your son?”
“Somewhere safe.” She shut the door then leaned back against it, crossing her arms so the knife was on full display. “Start explaining.”
Right. He shuffled his boots on the hardwood floor, not sure where to start. “Uh, I’m not supposed to be here.”
“Why are you then?” Her raised brow and abrasive words said she wasn’t giving him an inch. Nor should she. He was the one who’d left. Left then lied about his existence. Jesus.
He ran a hand through his hair then exhaled slow. “When I saw you yesterday, outside playing with the kid, I…” He searched for the correct words. “I had no idea you were pregnant when I left.”
“Would it have made a difference?” She narrowed her gaze on him. “How do you know he’s yours anyway?”
That brought him up short. “Well, he’s the right age. Besides, he looks just like me, Lila. He is mine, isn’t he?”
Lila sighed and lowered her arms, her hands shaking. God, she was as unsettled as he was. Her stern expression crumbled and tears flowed down her cheeks. “I thought you were dead, Preston. They told me you were killed in action, on a mission. I grieved for you.”
“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry,” he said, starting toward her, then stopping in his tracks when she held up a hand to keep him away. “I’d been injured in the blast that killed my teammate, but I was still alive. The official reports, though, got it wrong. They said I’d died along with Randy. Everything happened so fast and then they asked me to go undercover. Black ops, to catch the mole in the Defense Department who took out my team member and threatened the peace in the area. I had to do it, to avenge my friend’s death and to keep other innocent people safe. It’s my job. It’s what I do, Lila.” Preston began to pace back and forth across the span of the living room. “I wanted to tell you, wanted to call and say goodbye, but they wouldn’t let me. My CO said if I took the mission, they’d let the world think I was gone. I’d be a man without a name, without a past, without a home. I had to do it, Lila. I’m sorry.”
“I see,” she said, staring down at the knife in her trembling hand. “Did you catch them?”
“Who?” He scowled, his mind reeling from the abrupt shift in topic.
“The terrorists. Did you at least catch them? Was it worth it?” The anger and bittern
ess had crept back into her tone again. “Because I went through hell because of you, Preston. I was all alone, pregnant, working my ass off to survive. Congratulations to you on being a patriot, but where does that leave me, huh? Where does that leave our son?” She looked up at him then, a defiant lift to her chin. “And yes, he’s yours. But I won’t share. You don’t deserve him. Not after the way you lied.”
Her words were like a sucker punch in the gut, stealing his breath and his bravado.
She was right. He didn’t deserve to have a son. He was untethered, unworthy, and yet, he was here. He had to try and see his kid, at least once, before he left. Surely, she wouldn’t begrudge him that after what they’d once been to each other. “Please, Lila. I just want to see him. Just once. Please?”
“Mommy?” a small voice called from behind the closed door of the bedroom. “I want out.”
Lila watched him for several long seconds, an odd mix of sadness, hope, and resignation in her pretty blue eyes. Then, she took a deep breath and pushed away from the door, her expression resolute. “Fine. You can see him one time. He’s having breakfast.” She set the knife back in the kitchen then walked over and opened the door. “We have company, Parker. Come say hello.”
The little boy walked out and stood before Preston, staring up at him with the same wide-eyed wonder he’d once seen on Lila’s face. Back before he walked away and the world they’d known that summer had shattered into a million pieces.
Parker. His son’s name was Parker.
Preston crouched before the kid and smiled, noticing his son’s dark curly hair was just as unruly as his own. The two of them just stared at each other a moment, while the weight of Lila’s watchful stare prickled the nape of Preston’s neck. If he screwed up now, this could be the end of it. Tentatively, Preston held out his hand to his son. The kid looked a little over two. He had no idea about child development, but his son seemed pretty on the ball for that age. “Hi there. I’m Preston. What’s your name?”
“Parker.” The little boy gave him a wary look and took his hand. “Where you from?”
Unsure what to say, Preston glanced over at Lila before answering. “Uh, the cabin next door.”
“Huh.” Apparently satisfied, Parker turned away and ran to his mother. “I’m hungry.”
“Okay.” She scooped the little boy up in her arms and carried him into the open kitchen. “Let’s get you something to eat.” Lila got Parker situated on his seat, then looked back over at Preston. “You can stay, if you want. Take off your jacket and have a seat at the table.”
He’d never been one for breakfast, but today he couldn’t imagine anything better.
Eight
Lila whipped up some scrambled eggs and toast, grateful for something to do with herself besides stare at Preston. It was still hard to wrap her head around the fact that he was alive, that he was here, in her kitchen. Happiness and heartbreak warred inside her at the knowledge. She was happy he was still living and breathing and walking around on planet Earth. But she was heartbroken over everything they’d lost, everything she’d gone through all alone after he’d disappeared from her life.
Those fantasies she’d had the night before replayed in her head and she snorted.
Talk about life imitating dreams. Except this wasn’t a dream.
In fact, the last two years had been more like a nightmare, with Parker’s need for surgery after birth and the loan from Sal.
Not that she needed a man to survive. She was built from much stronger stuff than that. But having a partner, someone else there to trust and who’d support her through good times and bad, would have been a precious gift.
While she cooked, she looked back over her shoulder every so often to make sure things were okay with her son and Preston. From the awkward way he was acting, it seemed that Preston didn’t have much experience with kids. It would’ve been endearing, if the whole situation wasn’t so sad. Still, she felt compelled to help the guy out. “Hey, Parker,” she said as she stirred the eggs in a frypan with her spatula. “Why don’t you tell Preston about your favorite book.”
That set her son off on an endless tangent about the six dolphins in a pod and the shark that was trying to eat them. After a couple of minutes, Lila glanced up and snorted at Preston’s rather blank stare. She had that story seared into her brain after reading it aloud so many times. About time he got to join in her agony. As she dished up the food onto three plates, Lila couldn’t help but smile. This all felt so normal and right, the three of them eating together. Which was completely wrong, since Preston wouldn’t be staying and she didn’t want Parker getting attached to him either. She carried the food to the table and put plates down in front of her son and Preston then grabbed her own, along with silverware and napkins, before sitting beside her son.
“Shouldn’t he be in a high chair or something?” Preston asked.
“Not necessarily.” Lila bristled at his question. “He does well kneeling on the chair and Parker’s a good boy. He’s mature for his age. He sits still and eats his meals. Well, unless there are veggies involved, then look out. Those things fly through the air like rockets. Doubt a high chair would help with that, though.”
Preston laughed then took a bite of his eggs. “No veggies, huh?”
“Yuck!” Parker said, around a mouthful of toast. “Veggies yuck.”
“I hear you, pal,” Preston said. “I’m not much of a greens guy myself.”
Lila ate her food and did her best not ask all the questions swirling around in her head, until she gave up the fight entirely. “Why’d you walk away when I recognized you yesterday? Why didn’t you tell me the truth then? I mean I get that you’re not supposed to say anything, but that point’s moot now anyway, so…”
Preston shrugged, the black sweater he wore stretching tight over his muscles. He was still in great shape, still as handsome as she remembered. Maybe even more so now. There was an edge to him, a worldliness, that hadn’t been there before. Shadows flickered in his dark eyes too, pain she’d not seen that long-ago summer. She wanted to ask him about that too but didn’t dare yet.
“I was shocked, I guess. Didn’t expect to run into you here again,” he said, watching Parker eat his eggs with his fingers. “I wasn’t sure what to say either. After all this time, it’s not like a simple hello, covers it, you know?”
“Yeah.” A spark of anger flared inside her again before she tamped it down. Being pissed off and screaming wouldn’t help anything, even if that was her first instinct. He’d hurt her, deeply, and that wasn’t something that would go away overnight. He’d betrayed her trust by lying and she wasn’t sure that could be repaired. But she hoped they could at least be civil with each other from this point on—for Parker’s sake.“ Still, it would’ve been nice to at least acknowledge me. I thought I’d seen a ghost or something. Almost called the main lodge to ask if you were staying here. How crazy is that?”
“The main lodge wouldn’t have been any help,” he said, his expression sheepish. “I don’t exist anymore, remember? Well, not as the guy you knew me as anyway. I’m staying here under a false last name—Fleischer.” He sighed and pushed his empty plate away. “I wanted to tell you, Lila. I did. So many times I’ve lost count. But I couldn’t break my cover. Still can’t tell you a lot of details, for security reasons. I’m deep undercover and I need to stay there until we get all the bad guys.”
“Bad guys!” Parker parroted then grinned. He squirmed a bit and started to slide off his chair.
Lila and Preston both reached out to steady him at the same time, their hands meeting behind the little boy’s back. Awareness shimmered up her arm from their point of contact and time seemed to slow as she met Preston’s gaze. The connection between them blazed vibrant as ever, even after all this time.
“Mommy, I’m done,” Parker said, jarring her back to reality. “Go play now?”
She nodded and helped him down off his seat. “Yes, go play now. You were a good boy to eat all of
your breakfast.”
He gave her a wide grin, showing off his twelve teeth, with gaps between some. Then the little boy raised his hand in a wave. “Bye, Preston.”
“Bye,” Preston said, the look on his face hovering between wonder and woe as he watched Parker exit the room. “He’s pretty amazing.”
“Yes, he is.” Lila began clearing the plates away. “I tried to reach you, when I found out I was pregnant. Went to the base in San Diego and everything, but they wouldn’t let me in or tell me anything because we weren’t married. Luckily the chaplain on base helped me out.” Her chest still squeezed when she remembered that day, sitting in the chapel while he’d made that fateful phone call. “He’s the one who let me know about you being killed in action.”
“I wish there’d been some other way to tell you, like I said, but I couldn’t.” He stood and carried the silverware to the sink then lingered beside her. “It really is good to see you again, even if the circumstances aren’t great. And thank you for letting me meet Parker. He seems like a really wonderful kid. You’ve done an excellent job.”
“Thanks.” She nodded, feeling tears stinging her eyes once more. She wouldn’t cry in front of him. She’d cried enough tears over him already to last a lifetime. Lila swallowed hard and nodded as she washed the dishes. “So, what’s next for you? You hanging around here or moving on or what?”
“Not sure. I rang my CO this morning to let him know I’d been recognized. Now, I’m waiting for new orders.”
“Right.” Her throat constricted again. He was leaving again. She’d known that, but it still hurt. She and Parker weren’t toys to play with when it suited him. He’d left them behind and he didn’t get a do-over. “Well, I need to get Parker his bath and then we’ve got a full day ahead.”
“Sure, of course,” Preston said, stepping back. “I should, um, go. It was really great seeing you again, even if it was for such a short time.”
