“I have to say, I’m proud of you.” I tapped the top of my third beer bottle to the neck of his.
He shrugged. “Don’t got much to show for my life.”
“You have your dignity and pride. You could have stayed in a loveless marriage, not stood up to that crook of a boss, or forced yourself to get a degree just for the piece of paper, but you didn’t. You did what you needed to do to stay true to yourself. I don’t know many people who have actually done that.” I felt like a sap, but who fucking cares? It was high time to not worry about sounding like a pussy or a dick and just say what needed to be said.
“Cameron was like that. He would have done what I did.” Hearing my brother’s name was bittersweet. It had been years since I’d sat with anyone who knew Cam, much less had the balls to bring him up around me.
“Yeah, you’re right.
Chapter 8
Cassidy
“Nathan?” I called up the stairs. “You home?”
I had one foot on the bottom step when the front door opened behind me. Nate and Ryan were laughing and carrying on as they walked in, and I froze in place.
“Cass.” Ryan’s eyes locked on mine.
Nate walked up and put his hand on my shoulder. “Just hear him out.”
I blinked a few times before stammering. “Y-Yeah, okay.”
I pointed to the den around the corner, and Ryan followed me.
“Cassidy, I am so sorry.” The back of Ryan’s hand grazed mine, and that was all it took. I pushed him against the dark wooden door I had shut behind us and crushed my lips to his. Thirst shot through me as I drank from his lips like they were the last drop of water on Earth. His fingers knotted into my hair, his beard tickling my cheeks, his lips so soft but firm. His heart was pounding. I’d missed him so much, ignoring my true feelings for far too long.
Ryan pushed me away, holding his arm out with his palm planted on my shoulder. “We can’t. You made a promise.”
I pulled the ring off of my finger and stared at it for a few seconds. “What if I said I wasn’t truly happy?”
“I would call bullshit.” Ryan sank down to the floor, pulling me down with him.
We sat cross-legged on the floor. “I don’t know what I am, but I know I have never felt like I did that night on Cam’s Bronco with you. That was the best night of my life.”
“Cass, I have played this moment in my head countless times. I have to confess everything I’ve done since I walked out that door ten years ago…how terrible I’ve been to women, how many lives I’ve taken, how many friends I’ve watched die, how happy I am to be an Unacceptable, how dangerous my life truly is…all of it. Every time I pictured this, you slapped me across the face like you should have done years ago and told me to get the fuck out of your life for good.”
“How could you ever think for one second that is how it would play out?” I pulled his ball cap off, running my fingers through the long, loose curls.
He kissed my wrist with my fingers still tangled in his hair. “Because that’s what I deserve. I don’t deserve you.”
Pulling on his hair, I made him look at me. “How dare you tell me what I want or deserve.”
“You’re engaged, that’s it.” His dark eyes smoldered with misery.
“What if I said I would throw it all away for you, right here and now? I’d leave Kevin and I would start over with you.”
“I’d tell you that you were crazy. I would tell you that you don’t want to be with me. I would remind you how fucked up I am, how dangerous I have become, and how my life is no life for a woman to have to live. I have seen too many widows cry, buried too many of my brothers.” He pulled me in closer and kissed me gently.
“Fuck you,” I whispered, pulling away from him.
“Excuse me?” The look of shock on his face pissed me off even more.
I shoved his shoulder. “Fuck you for coming back here, making me feel like there was a second chance, that magically everything was going to just fall back into place. You confess all this bullshit and tell me your life is too damn dangerous and then what? Nothing. Fuck that. Fuck this. You don’t get to find closure at the expense of breaking my heart again.”
I let out a muffled growl as he gripped my shoulders. “What do you think this is, Cass? Some damn twisted fairytale where the war hero comes home and magically everything is just perfect again? That’s not real. That’s not how this shit works. I am damaged beyond repair. I died that day with my brother and then hundreds of times since then. Just because I am living does not mean I’m not a walking corpse, forced to live in this fucked up hell, day in and out. How the hell could you ever think I would want to drag you down into that gutter with me?”
“Why did you actually come back here, Ryan?” I asked coldly.
He let out a long breath. “Because there’s a good chance I could die tomorrow, and I had to see you one last time.”
“Get the fuck out of this house and my life.” I flew to the door.
“Cass, wait. Look—” He tried to backpedal, but I was not going to listen again.
“I told you to get out, Ryan. This is too much. I’m getting married and that is that. You had your chance—fuck, you had so many chances, and I am done trying to give you any more. In two months, I’ll be Mrs. Vaughn and you’ll be just a distant memory.”
Chapter 9
Ryan
As I drove down the street, away from Cassidy for the last time, I felt so much worse. I shouldn’t have even gone to see her, but I hoped it was the closure she needed. It sure as shit wasn’t the closure I had wanted, but my feelings and desires didn’t matter.
I wanted nothing more than to rip Cass away from everything she knew and make her my old lady. I wanted her riding down the gravel road on the back of my bike. I wanted her name tattooed on my forearm in the one empty spot I’d left blank, just for her. I wanted to make love to her again in the back of the Bronco under the stars in the middle of an empty field wrapped in blankets on a cold fall night, but I couldn’t have anything I wanted because her happiness and wellbeing needed to come first.
Walking up the front porch steps, I sat next to Ryder while he rocked his sleeping baby in his arms. “Rough night?” he asked, looking over at me.
“One hell of a goodbye.” I cracked my neck.
“If she’s the one, then you’re an idiot.” Ryder laughed a little as he kissed his son’s forehead. “I tried to walk away from Raine once—didn’t stick. She’s the only thing that truly matters to me in this whole damn world.”
“You’re one of the lucky ones, brother. Not all of us can have everything and still wear that cut.”
“If you say so, brother. See you in a few hours.” He got up and went into the house.
* * *
The plan was in motion, the trucks were loaded, the guys were ready—it was do-or-die time. I gripped the steering wheel of Cameron’s Bronco, riding her down the highway to battle. Mac was quiet in the passenger’s seat.
We were just down the road from our exit.
“Time to check in with the others,” I instructed.
After calling the other three groups and confirming that we were all in place, Mac and I tossed our burners out the window.
“Ready?” Mac’s sneer lit up his face before he covered it with his black mask.
“For Abel,” I whispered as I shoved my hunting knife down into my boot.
I looked through the night vision goggles and saw there was only one lookout around the back. We knew the house had six men in it, and I was ready to take all of them out in one fell swoop.
“You take the back, one guard. I’ll head into the front and do some damage.”
“Aye, brother.” Mac hopped out of the passenger’s seat and grabbed our duffle bag from under the bench seat in the back.
Blanketed in darkness, Mac and I moved like a tactical team with our MP5 A3s at the ready. Mac skirted around the side of the house and I heard a quick shot. The largest grin was plastered on
my face. One down.
With the collapsible stock resting in the crook of my shoulder, I kicked in the front door. Five Sinners were already leaping to their feet to see what the sound was.
“Surprise boys!” I yelled over the sound of bullets exploding from the barrel of my machine gun. The peppering shot through their chests and heads as all five bodies fell to the floor.
I walked over them, kicking each lifeless corpse to make sure they were not just playing opossum.
“Fuck yes!” Mac called from the back door.
Right as he was about to rip his mask off, I spotted a camera. “Mac! No!” I pointed above his head and he trotted over to stand next to me.
“Good call man.” He was breathing heavy, his gun hanging to his side.
“This was almost too easy,” I remarked, walking through the house. It was empty. The six had been sitting ducks, the two of us able to take them down instantly. I knew we had planned it this way, that it was supposed to be handled like this, but it just felt like something was off. Deep in my gut, it gnawed at me.
“Ax, we did it. It fucking worked like a damn charm.” Mac was following me around the house, backing me up while I triple-checked every door, all the closets and under each bed.
I got back into the Bronco, pulled a new burner out of the glove box, and called Buck.
“Done. Have the others checked in?”
His gruff voice came through quickly. “All are accounted for. All is good. See you when y’all get back into town.”
Chapter 10
A little over a month later
Ryan
It had been about a month since we took out the Sinners once and for all, and no retaliation or blowback had landed on the charters. Vilas was finally getting back to normal, and life seemed downright boring again.
I swigged from my nearly empty beer bottle after stretching out my back.
“Oil change?” Ryder asked as he walked up behind me.
“What in the fuck are you doing here, man?” I wiped the grease off my hand before shaking his.
“Holt found some of Abel’s old stuff and he thought Buck would like it. The old man is better at running shit back home than I am so I offered to bring it over myself.” Ryder took a seat in a folding chair and put his boots up on the back of my bike where it stood behind me.
“That’s good of you. What kind of stuff?” I started cleaning up the mess I had made from changing the oil in the Bronco.
“Old pictures, the blueprints for y’all’s barn, just shit like that. Took us a while, but we finally got around to cleaning out Abel’s office. I don’t think that man threw one damn thing away in his entire fucking life.”
“Sounds about right—Buck is the same fucking way. Might be a good thing though, but man, is it frustrating.” I tossed a beer over to him.
He gripped it for a second before setting the bottle down on the ground. “Got anything a little stronger than that?”
I shook my head. “To a bar?”
He got to his feet. “Sounds like a plan to me. It was a long ride.”
I didn’t know how Ryder did the seventeen-hour ride on his bike in one shot. Even though we were just about the same age, I didn’t have the vigor for that shit like he did.
I washed up quickly before leading Ryder into town. We parked our bikes in front of one of my favorite watering holes, and I was about to take my helmet off when a sight across the street stopped me dead.
“What is it, Ax?” Ryder lightly punched my shoulder.
I tossed my helmet at him and trotted across the street. Thankfully, Ryder just let me be. I had no idea if he stood and watched me or went into the bar; I didn’t care either way. I was bewitched by Cassidy standing on a platform with mirrors all around as a seamstress pinned the bottom of the wedding dress she was wearing.
I had never seen anything so breathtaking in my life.
Our last conversation played over and over like a soundtrack, making me want to keep my feet planted where they were, but there was no way I could listen to my better judgment. I had fought so hard to just walk away for so long, and in one moment, all the time and distance didn’t seem to matter. The walls I had built around my heart came crumbling down as I opened the door to the bridal shop.
“Excuse me?” A woman in a tight black dress and heels waddled toward me, trying to stop me from going over to where Cass was. “Sir, can I help you?”
“I just need to talk to my friend real quick. I’ll be out of your hair in a minute.” I winked at her. I knew my appearance was a little menacing, but most women couldn’t resist my bright teeth, perfectly charming smile, and dark eyes. I had no idea what the hell it was, but I wasn’t going to argue it.
“Cass.” I stood in the back of the room, staring at how perfectly the formfitting lace dress hugged her curves, how her long dark curls swept over her right shoulder, how the short train flowed behind her…how perfect she looked, even from behind.
“What the fuck are you doing here, Ax?” She was glaring at me through her reflection in the mirror, refusing to even turn around.
“I was just across the street and had to see you. You look stunning.” I took a few steps closer to her.
“Will you excuse us please?” she asked as she looked down at the seamstress, and the woman quickly retreated to a back room.
Cassidy huffed off the pedestal and marched over to me. “You have some fucking nerve, Ryan. You have got to be fucking kidding me.”
I could see she was shaking. I tried to put my hand on hers, but she ripped it away.
“You do not get to come in here and talk to me about anything. You have walked away twice. Fuck you for even coming in here. I’m getting my wedding dress fitted for Christ’s sake!”
She turned, trying to head for the door of the changing room.
“Wait!” I grabbed her arm before she could make it even a step away from me.
“Dammit! I told you to let me fucking leave, Ax. This is all too much. It’s over and done with—you made sure of that a month ago.” She tried to yank her arm back, but my grip tightened and I spun her to look into my pleading eyes.
“Maybe I’m foolish, but being in love is not a definite thing in this world. You have to choose to fall in love and make that person fall in love with you every day.” I spit out the words as quickly as I could. I hadn’t admitted that I loved her since we were kids, but it was something that had never truly left me. I had loved Cassidy Lewis since I was nineteen, and I was going to until my dying day. Standing there in the middle of a dress shop with her wearing white seemed so right. I knew she was supposed to be in that dress, being loved by me—not by the prick who had put that ring on her finger. It should have been me all along.
With a sigh, she leaned back on her heels. “What is this, Ryan?” I could tell she was trying to calm down and not be pissed. “This is all too little too late.” Her eyes dropped to my fingers wrapped around her forearm before she continued, “Ryan Axston, you had your chance ten years ago, and then again a month ago. Four weeks before my wedding day is not the fucking time to be professing your love for me. Do you know how fucked up this entire situation is?”
“Look, Cassidy, I know you feel it. I see it right now in how you’re looking at me. You cannot tell me you have ever looked at him like that or felt one-tenth of the feelings you are feeling right now. There’s passion here. I don’t make you feel the way I do because I’m amazing at saying things or an incredible guy—we both know I’m a complete fuck-up, but we’re supposed to be together, Cass. Let me prove it to you. Let me show you that I can make you feel this way every day. I’ll make you feel this way because every morning I’ll assume you forgot in your slumber. I will spend my day making sure you know you’re loved and that you matter to me, deeply and truly. I will not say these things so you fall more in love, I will say these things to make you fall in love for the first time every time. Cass, just let me prove it to you. Give me the chance I missed out on all those yea
rs ago. Leave whatever the fuck his name is and just be with me.”
Cassidy grabbed the sides of my cut, leaned up, and pressed her lips to mine. Without a second thought, I scooped her into my arms and retreated into the dressing room. I threw her against the wall and held her there.
“Is that a yes, Cass?”
I searched her watering eyes as she nodded. “Yes, Ryan. Fuck it. I might be crazy, but yes, I will be with you.”
I kissed down her neck and jaw as her fingertip fumbled with my belt. “Are you sure you’re all right with this?” I breathed into the nape of her neck.
“Ryan, this would be a great time for you to shut the fuck up and just do it because if you make me question this, I might change my mind.”
Without another word, I let my pants fall to the floor, pulled up her dress, and wrapped her legs around my waist. It had been ten years since I had felt so much desire to be with someone, ten years since I had lost my virginity to Cassidy in the back of that Bronco. I’d never thought a moment could top that, but there I was holding her trembling body in a dressing room, ripping the lace of a dress she’d never wear again, claiming her as mine, once and for all.
I bit down hard on her shoulder as I let myself fill her. She buried her mouth in my chest to muffle her moans as I pushed her harder and harder against the wall. I was a goner and within minutes, I was pulsing and coming deep inside her cunt as her walls collapsed around me.
“Ryan, I love you,” she as she panted. Then she kissed me deeply once again.
I set her down, making sure she was steady in her white heels. “I love you so much, Cassidy. I am so sorry it took me this long to finally admit it.”
She unzipped the dress, starting to change back into her t-shirt and jeans.
The Unacceptables Series Box Set Two: Books Five through Nine with Exclusive Bonus Chapters Page 10
