by K. A. Holt
CHAT INFRACTION
JORDANJMAGEDDON!!!!: double up their own reading
JORDANJMAGEDDON!!!!: plus! also! he can play sandbox in class which would be awesome so lets get all Spartacus up in here—
CHAT INFRACTION
JORDANJMAGEDDON!!!! IS EJECTED FROM GAME
THIRTY MINUTE RESPAWN COUNTDOWN BEGINS
BenBee: just tell me what the plan is and i’ll help. for now tho, can we
BenBee: please
BenBee: build
BenBee: this
BenBee: frickin
BenBee: frackin
BenBee: pyramid
BenBee: oh shiitake mushrooms, my dad is coming up the stairs i have to go
BenBee HAS EXITED GAME
0BenwhY: i rly am surrounded by dingleberries.
BEN B
It feels strange.
The same,
but different.
Different but,
familiar.
The keyboard
under my fingers.
My fingers
typing words.
Not Sandbox words, though.
Not chat words.
Assignment words.
Spelling. Grammar. Notes.
And it’s nice.
(Not nice, like fun nice, or Sandbox nice.
But nice, like brain and fingers agreeing nice. Not stressful nice.)
Easy nice.
Do not
let me catch you
doing anything
anything
but schoolwork.
That’s what she said,
after school,
yesterday,
when we talked about
how typing my notes
and tests and stuff
in class
might be a super great thing
to try.
I’ll make a note,
in your file,
about this accommodation.
And if the typing helps,
when school starts in the fall,
you can get something called a 504
so that you can type in every class.
She pointed at me.
No games.
Only schoolwork.
I shook her finger,
like you shake someone’s hand.
Deal.
We both laughed
and I felt lighter somehow,
brighter somehow,
like a light I didn’t know was there
had finally been
switched on.
Art Class Monday.
Soccer Practice Tuesday.
FART Tutoring Wednesday.
Handwriting Thursday.
Piano Lessons Friday.
Soccer Game Saturday.
House Cleaning Sunday.
Everything is still the same.
Nothing there has changed.
That’s how it is.
That’s how it was.
That’s how it will be.
My days of the week.
My path to greatness.
Typing has never been part of it.
But now I wonder . . .
could typing be the key
Mom and Dad have been searching for?
The thing that finally makes me,
Ben B,
perfectly
lined up
typed up
smart?
Can I finally
be good at something?
Huh.
BEN Y
<0BenwhY>
Today.
I open my eyes
look up at the ceiling,
as Esme reads softly,
her voice drifting up
from the bottom bunk.
Benicio looks down,
his half smile
crooked,
hiding his deep voice,
hiding . . .
so much.
I reach up,
touch the photo taped to the ceiling,
notice the colors,
they’ve started to fade,
a year of sunlight
sneaking through the window,
trying to take him from me
again.
I close my eyes.
My morning breath
catches
in my chest.
It’s coming.
The anniversary.
I feel it breathing down my neck,
I feel it sitting on my chest.
Even Esme’s sweet voice
can’t calm my jumping stomach,
can’t find answers to the whys
that swirl around me,
making me dizzy
as I look at them
and wish I could find
their answers.
Lucky for me,
I have an excuse
to run from my room,
to burst into the sunlight,
to fly onto the bus
and
ride
ride
ride
far away
from my room,
my house,
my sisters,
my mother.
Can’t be late for school, right?
Even summer school, right?
And today’s a big day,
the Javier day,
the day we’re going to get him to read,
the day we show him
he has nothing to run from,
nothing to hide,
that we’re here for him,
and . . .
whoa
whoa
oh man.
I hate it when out of nowhere,
I start to cry.
JORDAN J
Okay okay okay we are about to Spartacus Javier. This is it, this is what we talked about, this is when Javier is going to see how he’s just as good or as bad or whatever at reading as the rest of us, because sure we’re all different like how Ben B has two different colored eyes but also we’re all the same like how reading out loud feels basically the same as standing naked on a stage, or how I would imagine it, anyway. We are going to Spartacus Javier and it is going to be even more awesome than when all those people yell out I AM SPARTACUS in the movie so that the bad guys can’t find him. If this was a movie I guess the book would be the bad guy? And all the words in it would see that we are all the same and they can’t beat any of us and this is so exciting I can barely breeeeeeeeeeeeathe, here we go!
Javier is always hiding behind his hoodie so I have to lean over and peek into it as soon as I’m done reading and I say Have you seen the movie Spartacus? Can we all Spartacus you to help you read out loud? And he looks at me like I am wearing that diaper thing Spartacus wears and then I say Come on trust me, that movie has never steered me wrong and we all know you want to play Sandbox in class, plus we miss you when you don’t play so let us help you read out loud. Pleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleaseplease. And Javier looks so confused he almost makes me laugh except he picks up the book from his desk and stands up and holy cats I can’t believe this is happening.
Javier! Starts! Reading! Out! Loud!
Ms. J looks like Spartacus (the dog, not the movie guy) when Spartacus thinks she’s hiding but she’s really standing in the middle of the kitchen waiting for you to drop a piece of cheese, and everyone else is holding their breath, too, and Javier says D-d-d— and I know he’s going to say the word do because I can see it in my book, so I shout
DO!
I AM JAVIER!
so that way Javier knows that I know what it’s like to be standing there having a hard time with a word and also so that the words know that we are all the same and they can’t beat us down and now Javier looks at me like whut before dipping his head back to the book and reading with his deep, deep man-voice, Y-y-y, and I whack Ben Y in the arm because it’s her turn now.
Ben Y yells ou
t YOU and thenI AM JAVIER, but not as loud as I yelled mine and oh boy those words know who’s the boss now. They know we’re all in this together and we’re all the same as Javier even though no one else has a stutter and now Javier is giving his whut look to Ben Y and Ben Y is taking his whut look and adding a little bit of a huh to it and she’s flinging that huh whut look at me, but whatever, this is working and it is awesome and now Javier’s deep, deep man-voice says, Ch-ch-ch— and I point at Ben B because it’s his turn now and my heart is pounding so hard because we are all Javier, we really really are, and he is getting to see it and it’s just like we’re in the movie.
Ben B looks in his book and shouts CHOOSE, and then he shouts I AM JAVIER and there’s this energy in the room like we are all onstage and it’s the final dance of Fierce Across America and Veronica Verve is about to announce the winner and we all know that we are all the winner because we are all Javier and I can’t help but laugh a tiny bit and jump up and down a tiny bit even though Ben B and Ms. J have added some extra huhs and whuts onto the huh whut look and Javier adds some pointy eyebrows and a mouth so scrunched up it looks like a cat butt and he points it right at me as he smashes his book onto his desk WHAM, grabs his stuff, and runs out of the room.
Wait.
What just happened?
JAVIER
CHAT
Divergent Dingleberries
Private server created by: BenBee
Password required
Avatar name: JORDANJMAGEDDON!!!!
Password: • • • • •
Remember! Ghost Season is coming! Protect your lives, your health, and your gold by avoiding ghosts at all costs. Think you can outsmart the ghosts by logging out? Think again! All logged out avatars will remain in sleeping mode, so make sure you’re protected. Get melted during Ghost Season? Gonna cost ya!
In order to bring you the very best game possible, Sandbox is moving to a pay-per-play model. Survive Ghost Season? You’ll maintain VIP status and continue on the free platform. Get melted? You can retrieve your gold and items when you sign up for one of our affordable monthly plans. Click here for more details.
JORDANJMAGEDDON!!!! ENTERS GAME
JORDANJMAGEDDON!!!!: no one here.
JORDANJMAGEDDON!!!!: too early after school?
JORDANJMAGEDDON!!!!: i can wait
JORDANJMAGEDDON!!!!: i can wait
JORDANJMAGEDDON!!!!: i’ll wait forever
JORDANJMAGEDDON!!!!: a million years
JORDANJMAGEDDON!!!!: there won’t be a game anymore
JORDANJMAGEDDON!!!!: but i’ll still be here
JORDANJMAGEDDON!!!!: to say i’m sorry
JORDANJMAGEDDON!!!!: even though i don’t really get it
JORDANJMAGEDDON!!!!: we were really Spartacusing so well
JORDANJMAGEDDON!!!!: and we were showing those words that WE have the power
JORDANJMAGEDDON!!!!: and i don’t understand
JORDANJMAGEDDON!!!!: why that made Javier so mad
JORDANJMAGEDDON!!!!: but it definitely did and
JORDANJMAGEDDON!!!!: I definitely feel bad and confused and then bad again
JORDANJMAGEDDON!!!!: i am doing such a good job of not getting a chat infraction and wow wow i can’t believe no one is ev—
CHAT INFRACTION
JORDANJMAGEDDON!!!!: what! no way! how was that too many characters???
JJ11347 ENTERS GAME
JORDANJMAGEDDON!!!!: oh hey, ms j.
JORDANJMAGEDDON!!!!: wait. why are you here? this isn’t school.
JORDANJMAGEDDON!!!!: teachers don’t chat or play sandbox with students after dinner, do they?
JJ11347: Hi, Jordan. You’re right, I don’t want to interfere with you all while you’re playing at night. But—
CHAT INFRACTION
JORDANJMAGEDDON!!!!: we’re the same, Ms. J! Haha. Too many words.
JJ11347: Too many words, and yet we both have trouble finding the right ones, don’t we? Have you talked to Ja—
CHAT INFRACTION
JJ11347: Oh, come on.
JORDANJMAGEDDON!!!!: i know! chat infraction is the serious worst
JORDANJMAGEDDON!!!!: i haven’t talked to Javier, but i wish i could so i could say sorry
JORDANJMAGEDDON!!!!: do you know why he got so mad, though? we were helping him
JORDANJMAGEDDON!!!!: i know he wants to play sandbox in class
JORDANJMAGEDDON!!!!: and ben y and i figured out the stuttering thing
JORDANJMAGEDDON!!!!: and I thought that Spartacusing him would be perfect, but
JORDANJMAGEDDON!!!!: ugh
JORDANJMAGEDDON!!!!: we just wanted to help him
JJ11347: When someone has an ability different than our own, like dysfluency, it’s good to ask before you try to help.
JJ11347: Did you ask Javier first?
JORDANJMAGEDDON!!!!: no. we, well, i, wanted to kind of surprise him with it
JJ11347: I appreciate that you were trying to help, but you know what your next steps are, right? You know wh—
CHAT INFRACTION
JJ11347 HAS BEEN EJECTED FROM THE GAME
THIRTY MINUTE RESPAWN COUNTDOWN BEGINS NOW
JORDANJMAGEDDON!!!!: yes, i know.
JORDANJMAGEDDON!!!!: that’s why i’m here
JORDANJMAGEDDON!!!!: i need to say i’m sorry
JORDANJMAGEDDON!!!!: so i’ll wait
JORDANJMAGEDDON!!!!: until Javier shows up
JORDANJMAGEDDON!!!!: and Ben B and Ben y
JORDANJMAGEDDON!!!!: i’ll wait forever
JORDANJMAGEDDON!!!!: to say sorry
JORDANJMAGEDDON!!!!: maybe ms. j will come back and I can do a good deed
JORDANJMAGEDDON!!!!: to make up for my accidental bad deed
JORDANJMAGEDDON!!!!: maybe i can help ms. j get a pork chop
JORDANJMAGEDDON!!!!: just help and help and help
JORDANJMAGEDDON!!!!: and stay here
JORDANJMAGEDDON!!!!: in Mom’s office
JORDANJMAGEDDON!!!!: because Spartacus
JORDANJMAGEDDON!!!!: the dog not the movie guy
JORDANJMAGEDDON!!!!: is coughing so much
JORDANJMAGEDDON!!!!: i can’t hear Dance Across America
JORDANJMAGEDDON!!!!: and that makes me nervous in two ways
JORDANJMAGEDDON!!!!: and this Javier thing makes me nervous in another way and so i’m just feeling really nervous right—
CHAT INFRACTION
JORDANJMAGEDDON!!!! HAS BEEN EJECTED FROM GAME
THIRTY MINUTE RESPAWN COUNTDOWN BEGINS NOW
0BenwhY ENTERS GAME
0BenwhY: anyone here?
0BenwhY: that is an epic chat log
0BenwhY: whoa
BenBee ENTERS GAME
BenBee: hello?
BenBee: what did i miss?
0BenwhY: hey, Ben B. check out the chat log.
BenBee: hey.
BenBee: oh wow.
BenBee: you want to wait with me until he respawns?
0BenwhY: we do have this pyramid to finish.
BenBee: yep. if we don’t save ourselves, no one else will.
Congratulations! You have survived ghosts and surprise enemies and even the elements! (Brrr, it got cold there for a little while, didn’t it? Good thing you made those extra torches!) You might think you have developed the skillz and intuition to move through the rest of your adventure with ease. But! If you did think this, you would be in trouble. That’s right, the toughest part of your journey awaits:
The battle to save ur self!
To find respite in the nearest village, turn to page 80.
To stay with your current ragtag set of “allies,” turn to page 180.
From Save Ur Server, Save Ur Self: A Many Choices Sandbox Adventure Book by Tennessee Williamson
BEN B
You’re doing great.
Look at all those notes!
Her words echo
echo
echo
in my brain.
I’m doing great?
I look at the words on the screen.
The letters all line up,
not huge and wiggly,
not scattered on the page.
These are real people words.
Anyone words.
The letters are neat.
They’re perfectly shaped.
No hand cramps from a pencil,
nobody saying quietly
I write like I’m still in first grade.
Perfect words,
and they came from me.
From me.
She might be right.
I might be finally
for once
doing great.
High five and bye.
High five and bye.
High five and bye.
She doesn’t let go,
at the end of our high five,
instead she squeezes
once
twice.
I want to set up a meeting,
she says,
with your mom and dad.
I think we can work together,
try to get you a 504.
Do you remember what that is?
A voice echoes from above:
Jeans?
We both look up.
Ben Y leans over the stairs,
grinning
like a goof.
No, Benita.
Goodbye, Benita.
Please stop
