by Bawdy Bloke
“We didn't,” Sarah cried. “I must have forgotten to put it away.”
“Ahh well … you dain't look too bad, love. Of course ya need to feel what a real man is like. Not a fake cock from your dyke-friend here.” He smiled at Sarah and she looked at him disdainfully. “I can go again, cure you off your ...”
Adam closed his eyes and waited but Tabitha sniffed and ran out of the room. Sarah glared at him. “You got ten seconds to get these cunts out of my house before I get the bread knife,” she warned Adam.
“Yeah love, but …”
“Nine seconds,” Sarah barked over the top of them and crossed her arms.
“Adam, tell the bitch we dain't need to go.”
“Actually, Carl …” Adam started and Carl shook his head.
“Ya fuckin' pussy whipped,” he cried and Carl hiked his trousers up.
“Seven.”
“Shut the fuck up,” Carl barked and Sarah left the room, returning with a four inch blade. James and Carl departed quickly and Sarah slammed the front door, turning to face Adam.
“I didn't want to show them,” he started and Sarah shook her head holding the knife out. “They reckoned you had left it there to tease us. And they wanted to see it”
“I don't care,” Sarah barked. “You just have to say 'no' them.”
Adam shook his head. “You don't say no to Carl,” he replied, his eyes fixed on the blade. “Now can you put that down please?”
Sarah threw the weapon onto the shoe rack and ran up the stairs to comfort Tabitha.
Chapter XII
“Get out of my room,” the tall girl screamed. “Get out and don't come back.”
“Ivy, come on girl. Let's just talk 'bout it.”
“You shafted that slut. And you got her pregnant. Where's my baby?”
“I've tried, hun, you know I have. But maybe ya just barren.”
“Barren,” Ivy screeched and threw the nearest object to hand – his can of deodorant which bounced off his head. “Get out of my room, get out of this house.”
“Oww,” he cried. “Baby, lets talk. 'Cause I was thinking. If ya can't get knocked up and Evie can, then why don't we find a flat, settle down together, all three of us, well four of us.”
Ivy fizzed and she took a deep breath, picking up a discarded cup and hauling it towards him. “Settle down, you stupid cunt,” she screamed at her ex-partner, now drenched in cold tea. “Get out.”
“But ...”
“Get out,” she yelled and threw a few clothes towards him that he frantically gathered and ran down the stairs as she launched two shoes and a book his way. He slammed the door on the way out of the house and she collapsed next to her door, crying profusely.
Why did her partner need to do that to her?
* * * * *
Sarah pushed past Adam ignoring him as he reached for the cereal. “I'm sorry,” he said. “I didn't know what was in there. If you go leaving your stuff in the player then it might get watched,” he said.
Sarah shook her head and reached out slapping him across the face. “How could you? Show our private, intimate videos to your friends. It's bad enough you watching them,” she muttered and Adam rubbed his face.
“Don't need to hit me,” he shouted and picked up the milk splashing some on the worktop as he filled his breakfast bowl. “I said, I'm sorry, OK?”
“No,” Sarah screeched. “Not OK.” Adam shook his head and opened the door to the dining room and sat at the table. “You were playing with yourselves; it was disgusting.”
Adam ignored her, and shovelled a spoonful of cereal into his mouth as Tabitha took her breakfast and got up from the table. “Not staying in here with him.”
“No, me neither,” Natalie said, looking at Adam in the eye and shaking her head.
“Look, I said I am sorry. We had a couple of beers, Carl put it on, we thought you might have left it there to tempt us. I mean, you lot are exhibitionists, aren't you?”
Tabitha sneered and closed her eyes. “Is he for real?”
“Yes, you wander around with nothing on, so what am I to think.”
Natalie leant over the chair and waved her finger towards her ex-lover. “Nudism isn't a sexual thing. I fuckin' told you that before. Just 'cause we like to be liberated doesn't make us porn stars.”
Adam sniffed and Sarah shook her head. “Come on Tabs, let's go out.”
Adam threw his hands up in the air but all three of the girls left him alone. “Where we going?” Tabitha asked and Natalie looked at them.
“I gotta go to work,” she told them. “I got one cleaner off, one receptionist and … ahhh.”
“You'll be driving them next,” Sarah teased with a grin and watched as the curvaceous girl wandered up the stairs. “You OK?”
Natalie nodded, rubbing her belly and sighed. “Can we go to the park? It's just down the road and I want some fresh air.”
Sarah nodded and sighed. “Yeah, come on,” she said and took her lover's hand. “Get dressed and we can feed the ducks.”
Tabitha smiled and quickly threw some clothes on before getting to Sarah's car and driving across town to the small park on the edge of the town in the shadow of the imposing memorial.
Sarah shivered as she ran around her parked car and opened the door for her partner who laughed at her. “Morning m'lady,” Sarah said with a grin. “The park, as requested.” Tabitha gripped the side of the car with both hands and dragged herself up.
“I am not an invalid,” Tabitha moaned as Sarah went to help her.
“Yeah, just pregnant.”
Sarah pulled the bread from the back seat and shut the door, locking it with her key and holding out her hand for Tabitha to take. “This is what it should be like,” Tabitha said with a grin. “Just the two of us in the park.”
“Yeah, we've argued a bit recently,” Sarah admitted and swung her arm, and that of her partner. “But I still love you.”
Tabitha smiled and then rubbed her eyes. “You'll make me cry,” she muttered. “Being soppy like that. It's the hormones.” Sarah reached the small pond and sat down on the bench, looking at her partner. “Can we have the bread?”
Sarah put it in Tabitha's lap, and then glanced around her; it was quiet, and she reached over and pulled Tabitha towards her. Tabitha squealed as she did but their mouths met and Sarah pushed her tongue into her partner.
Tabitha's hands wandered over the pert body of Sarah and she wrapped her arms around her. “Sarah,” she gently chastised. “What's got over you.”
“Nothing,” Sarah replied coyly. “But I want to show that I love you,” she whispered and wrapped her hands around her busty partner's body. “'Cause I do.”
* * * * *
“There's an Englishman, a Froggy, a Taffy and a Nigger in a hot air balloon,” Carl started and took a swig of his beer. “And it's losing height so the Froggy chucks over some wine and says, 'we have loads of wine in France, I don't need it.' So the Taffy chucks over some sheep and says 'we have fuck loads of 'em in Wales, don't need them.' But they are still going down so the Englishman picks up the nigger and says 'we have loads of those fuckers in England.”
Tabitha, wrapped in a dressing gown, swung on the door frame scowling at Carl and looked at Adam. “Are you staying in?” She asked tersely and Adam looked at Carl who took another swig.
“And what if we are? It's his fucking house too.”
Tabitha scowled and shook her head. “No, we are off to the pub,” Adam replied.
“No, straight up. It's ya house too. Bitch can't tell ya what to do.” Tabitha winced as Carl spoke and touched her belly.
“You OK?” Adam asked and she nodded.
“Fine,” she muttered. “Be better when the filth is out of my house.”
“Filth?” Carl cried, finishing his can of beer. “I proper English love. It's you who's filth. And I seen you in video dyking it up. It's sick.”
Adam groaned. “Come on Carl, let's go to the pub.”
“Nah, I ain't having thicklips 'ere tellin' me what to do.” He walked up to her, his arms outstretched looking into her face.
“Carl,” Adam barked but Tabitha shook her head. “Leave her alone.”
“Yah gonna hit a pregnant woman? Well go on then.”
“No, Carl is not going to hit anyone, are you Carl?” Adam pleaded and grabbed his shoes. “Now let's leave Tabitha is peace and get to the pub.” Carl stared at Tabitha and shook his head as Adam pushed him into the hallway.
“Will you learn to calm down?” Adam pleaded as Carl grunted and they left for the pub. “Tab really ain't all that bad.”
“Yah fuckin' pussy-whipped,” came the inevitable response.
* * * * *
Natalie strode to the front door and wrapped her body in a dressing gown before opening it. She had not done so the previous day and scared a couple of Jehovah's Witnesses, which on reflection had not been such a bad thing but out of habit she was used to wrapping herself up until she knew the visitor was comfortable with nudism.
She was greeted by the sight of a crying girl – no more than 20 – and stared intently at her. “Yes?”
“Does Adam live here?”
“Errr … yes, but he's gone out.”
“I need to see him.”
Natalie wrapped the dressing gown around her tighter. “He's out,” she said tersely. “And you are?” Natalie took a deep breath expecting to hear how this girl had had relations with her house mate when the girl sniffed and coughed.
“Ivy.”
Natalie paused and thought. “Oh, his sister. Come in, but he will be awhile.”
The girl sniffed and looked at Natalie as she moved out of the way to allow her to pass. “You Natalie?”
Natalie nodded. “Why, he been mouthing off 'bout me?”
Ivy shook her head. “No. No he was speakin' 'bout you at Christmas, said you were very nice,” Ivy said with a coy look. “I think he likes you.”
Natalie hesitated, Sarah and Tabitha were in the front room and she knocked on the door. “Vistors,” she called out but Ivy didn't realise and opened the door to the lounge.
“Oh sorry,” she cried when she saw the naked Sarah and Tabitha scramble, and Natalie quickly closed the door.
“Didn't Adam mention it?” Natalie asked and Ivy shook her head.
“No.”
“We are nudists. Well Adam is as well while is here, but we are annoyed with him so he has stormed off to the pub. Tea?”
Natalie guided Ivy to the kitchen and flicked the switch on the kettle. “What's he done?”
“He showed private sex videos that we'd made to his friends,” Natalie said without emotion.
“Oh my God, my brother's been in a sex video. The dirty rat.”
Natalie sighed. “No, videos that Sarah and Tab made, but he wasn't. He found them and showed them to his friends.”
“Ewwww,” Ivy cried and watched Natalie pour water into four cups. “That's pretty nasty.”
“Yeah, I know. Tell me about it. So what do you need him for?”
Ivy took a deep breath and thanked Natalie as she passed her a cup of tea. “Brad and I, we split up and I've 'ad a row with my Dad and I just wanted some advice, I guess.”
Natalie guided Ivy to the dining room and told her to make herself comfortable while she dropped off two cups of tea in the lounge and returned to see Ivy sitting down on a chair. “That OK?” Natalie asked and Ivy nodded.
“I'm not interrupting anything am I?”
Natalie choked as she took a sip of the hot tea. “Nah, it's OK.”
“Ya sure?”
“Fine,” Natalie said with a smirk. “So why did you split up with your boyfriend.”
“He was cheating on me,” Ivy replied. “I mean, I always knew he was cheating on me, but I could live with it as he said he loved me, but he got this girl pregnant.”
Natalie hesitated for a moment. “Not a black girl called Tabitha?”
Ivy shook her head. “No, a French girl called Evie at the University. Well he got her pregnant, and we'd been trying for a bab-by and it ain't been happening for us.” Natalie took a slurp of her drink and watched the teenager wipe her eyes. “And then he says we can get a place of our own and this Evie can move in, be like a threesome.”
“Bastard,” Natalie muttered and Ivy nodded.
“Yeah, he is. So he's moved out, into her room at Uni, he text'd me saying that he was better off without me. I chucked him out but Dad's on at me know 'bout getting a job.” Natalie pursed her lips, desperate to agree with Ivy's father. “And I do want one, but it's not easy. I mean, there ain't that many hairdressing jobs in Lancaster. I've been looking, and there was one but it's only 25 hours.”
Natalie smiled. “Isn't that enough?”
“Hell, it'll only be seven hundred quid a month, if that.”
“Yes, but ya could move out on that.”
“Move out?”
Natalie shrugged. “I ain't lived at home since I was seventeen. I got out as soon as I could.”
“My parents aren't bad,” Ivy interrupted.
“Neither were mine, really good people, professional and stuff, but I wanted to be independent. Live my own life. I can't do that attached to their apron strings.”
Ivy's eyes darted around the room. “But seven hundred …”
“Seven hundred pounds say. You won't pay much tax and what you lose in tax you'll gain in tax credit. Rent on these rooms, couple hundred a month and there are cheaper places. Food is a hundred a month, and bills are less than a hundred a month. That still leaves ya seventy-odd quid a week to do what you want.”
Ivy gulped and looked at the table cloth. “But I'd need to find other people to live with, right?”
Natalie shook her head. “You think we chose Adam?” Ivy laughed nervously. “I knew Sarah who knew Tabitha but I didn't know her or Mary, who used to live with us, but she knew Tabitha. So when we agreed to move in, I didn't know half the people I lived with but it worked out. It doesn't always.”
“But you were all nudists?” Ivy asked. “Right?”
“Yeah,” Natalie sighed. “We are all nudists.”
“So how did you get into that?”
“As I said I knew Sarah, we went to Uni together and when we moved in together, we just started wandering out with nothing on. It seemed right, and it sort of evolved from there.”
Ivy purred as she smiled. “Adam must love it here.”
Natalie licked her lips. “I think he is sort of looking forward to leaving. He, ummm, well, he wants his own space I think and we've been bitching at him all week 'cause of him watching the DVD.”
“I'd cut his what-not off,” Ivy muttered and Natalie nodded.
“I think Sarah has thought of it.”
“Pity, 'cause he did say he did like you.” Ivy put her empty cup down and Natalie stretched out.
“As I said, he is definitely in the dog 'ouse at the moment.”
“So if I wanted to move out, who do I need to speak to?”
Natalie smiled. “Just get a wage slip to prove your income and speak to a landlord. Our landlord is Sarah's Dad.”
“Yeah we know him. He's sort of a family friend.”
“Yeah, well you arrange it with him. Normally ya meet the people in the house and then pay for a month up front at least as a deposit – protects against damage and non-payment – and then just move in at start of the contract. It's simple really.”
Ivy smiled. “And that way, I won't have my Dad telling me what to do?”
Natalie shook her head. “Ahh parents, they still do that,” she admitted with a grin. “But they can't use the fact that you are living under their roof.”
Ivy paused for a moment, looking at the confident girl in front of her. “What's it like living with ya brother?” She asked.
Natalie froze. “Why?”
“Well Adam is getting a two bedroom house and he dain't need two bedrooms. And …”
Natalie g
rinned. “I can't tell ya that, I dunno. But I like living away from my family. It's better that way. Dya want ya brother to see ya after ya been shagging and come downstairs having heard it all?” Ivy pursed her lips and Natalie sighed. “I lived on nine hundred for a term, seven hundred a month is easy compared to that. If you were my sister, I'd tell you to go for it, even if it's only 25 hours a week, or 20, or whatever, you might get promotion or do extra hours eventually. And it's experience. Employers love experience. And most of all, it's freedom, it's getting out of the family home.”
Ivy smiled and got up. “Thanks, it's been good.”
Natalie looked at her. “Well Adam shouldn't be too long. I mean he's been gone for an hour, he can't be there too long without being thrown out. He's gone with Carl.”
“Carl,” Ivy asked, looking surprised. “Yeah, he was such a weird character.”
“Yeah,” Natalie muttered. “Scary.”
“Oh God yeah. Did Adam tell you I dated him for awhile? He took me to a football match and then to a gun club. It was the last straw really, so I dumped him. And the sex was awful, just pump and squirt, if you know what I mean.”
Natalie nodded, not quite sure what to say but Ivy beckoned her into her arms and gave her a hug. “Thanks for the tea and the chat. It's what I needed,” Ivy confided.
“Don't want to wait for Adam?” Natalie said with a smile.
Ivy shook her head. “No need. I wish I had a big sister, like you,” Ivy mused and grabbed her coat from the back of the chair. “I'll leave ya-lone.”
Natalie watched the girl leave the room, and then shut the door moments before Adam arrived. “Was that Ivy?”
Natalie chuckled. “Yeah, she came to see you, but all she wanted was sisterly advice.”
“Sisterly?” Adam asked and Natalie nodded.
“Yeah, and I'm not talking to you,” she told him and walked into the front room, leaving Adam on his own in the hallway. “You brought Carl back into our house.”
Adam sighed. “He stopped off on his way home from work, that's all. For a beer.”
Chapter XIII
“Five grand,” Sarah whispered and looked up as Adam opened the door.
“Pardon?” Adam asked and Sarah scowled towards him.
“I wasn't talking to you.”
“Sorry,” Adam muttered, dismissing the teacher with an abrupt tone and leaving the room.
Sarah watched him leave and then returned back to Natalie. “£250 to African Aid and another grand to build a mosque in Manchester. A further £250 to Let's Fight Racism and £1000 towards a Lesbian Student Advisory Service. Joined Greenpeace and a dozen other charities, £500 to Multicultural projects in Glasgow and tickets to see a gay, erotic show. Loads of places. It's five grand in total but this has been declined now. I really wanted to order a blow-up black pregnant sex doll for him.”
