Beltane

by Alys West

  “This weather doesn’t bother you at all?” As Zoe turned towards the town, the rain blew straight into her face. Reluctantly she pulled her hood up.

  “It’s not that big a deal. I’m outside a lot for my work.”

  “What do you do?”

  “I’m a conservationist.”

  “Wow! That sounds...green,” Zoe said and then bit her bottom lip. Could she come up with anything more inane?

  “It’s not always that straight forward. The green agenda is increasingly complex and always short of money. I try to take the jobs that are about protecting habitats, conserving species. Those are the ones that are really worthwhile.”

  “Are you working on anything interesting at the moment?”

  “I’ve... been...abroad. Working.” From beneath her hood Zoe peeked up at him. His face looked tense, closed off.

  “Anywhere nice?”

  “Erm...New Zealand.”

  “Exciting! What were you doing out there?”

  “I was working on a project on...soil erosion.”

  “That sounds -” Zoe hesitated, trying to find a suitable word “- interesting.”

  “Actually it was. To me at least.”

  “But New Zealand! That’s somewhere I’d love to go. It looks amazing.” Finn didn’t respond. He stared into the distance as if his thoughts were far away. The moment filled with silence until Zoe said, “Were you there for long?”

  “I…six months.”

  “Wow! You’re so lucky.” She stole another glance at him. His forehead was creased, his shoulders hunched. She dropped her gaze to her feet wondering if it would be rude to ask more questions.

  “But what about your job? Getting paid to draw King Arthur? Nice work if you can get it, I’d say!” Finn’s voice was light and teasing. Zoe looked at him in surprise. He was grinning at her now. Whatever the shadow had been it had passed.

  “Being an illustrator’s harder than it looks. Or at least it is for me. And this is the first paid commission that I’ve had. I have to do other things so I don’t end up starving in a garret.” Zoe’s hands moved as she spoke, decorating her words.

  “Such as? No, let me guess.” Finn stopped and reached towards her. His hand hovered an inch from her sleeve. Zoe saw that there were plasters on three of his fingers and across his palm. “Juggler?” She shook her head, trying not to laugh. “Okay then. I’ve got it. You’re an umbrella tester.”

  “No!” She pushed his arm away, grinning up at him. “I teach adult education art classes but that’s part-time and it’s only for half the year so I have to work at the Clapham Picturehouse as well.”

  “Do you like teaching?” Finn started walking again and she had to hurry to keep up with his long stride.

  “I love it. It’s really rewarding to see the students improve and turn out work they’re proud of. I’m hoping that this King Arthur project will lead to more illustrating work and then I’ll be able to give up the cinema job.” Zoe was surprised she’d said so much. It seemed that as long as she wasn’t looking at Finn’s face he was really easy to talk to.

  “Sounds like a plan. I hope it works out for you.”

  “I’m feeling a bit more optimistic about it. I was really struggling with this project at home and then my best friend suggested that I came here. You know, because of the Isle of Avalon and Arthur’s grave. And it’s really helping. I’m actually making progress.” Zoe paused to detour around a large puddle. “So that’s why I’m in Glastonbury on a rainy day in April. What about you?”

  “You could say I’m here for my job too.” Deep furrows appeared on Finn’s forehead. She’d definitely seen that look before. But where?

  “Where’s home?” Finn added.

  “Lewisham, South London.”

  “But that’s not where you’re from originally?” It was barely a question.

  “No, I’m from Scarborough. How did you know?”

  “I did my MSc in Leeds. Your accent reminds me of the people that I met when I lived there.”

  “You can take the girl out of Yorkshire.” Zoe quoted with a reluctant smile.

  “There’s nothing wrong with that. Scarborough’s great. I went over a few times when I was in Leeds. Had probably the best fish and chips I’ve ever tasted.”

  “I’m glad you liked it. Lots of people think it’s...” Zoe paused, trying to find a way to describe some of the less positive reactions to the town she loved.

  “A bit overly candyflossed?”

  Zoe laughed. “Yes, exactly that. I’ve been in London for eight years but I still miss it. Especially the sea. I go back when I can. My Mum moved to Whitby about a year ago but whenever I visit I make sure I spend a day in Scarborough.”

  “If you miss the sea you’d have liked Glastonbury before the Levels were drained. Back then all of this was covered in water.” Finn gestured to the flat landscape around them. Zoe was disappointed to see that the outskirts of the town were rapidly getting closer.

  “I like it now. I love how open minded and creative people are. It’s such a nice change from London. I just wonder if they take it a bit too far sometimes.”

  “Crystals and auras not your thing?”

  “I don’t mind that. It’s the pagan stuff that’s a bit weird for me.” Zoe wasn’t sure why she was telling him this. Except she needed to talk about it and Finn was a good listener.

  “What do you mean by pagan?” Finn’s grey eyes were intent on her face.

  Zoe hesitated. She’d sound paranoid if she told him about the creepy doll which she’d thrown into the River Brue (hopefully it had now sunk to the bottom, never to be seen again). Or insane if she talked about the Green Man’s face disappearing. “Well, at the place where I’m staying they have this stone altar with candles on which I find really creepy. And I met this couple over breakfast who actually told me they’re pagans and they usually come here for some big celebration on May Day. It just seems a bit much to me.”

  “I wouldn’t worry about that. Most of what goes on at Beltane is harmless.”

  Zoe threw a doubtful glance at him. “Most of it is harmless?”

  “A few people take it to extremes.”

  “What kind of extremes?” Zoe’s imagination was working overtime again with images of blood and sacrifice.

  “Drugs. Sex. Some people embrace the fertility rite a little too wholeheartedly.”

  They reached a stile and Finn stood back to let her go first. She put her foot on the flat wooden step. Finn stretched his hand out and she took it. To hell with being an independent woman. What mattered was getting over this stile without falling flat on her bum.

  “You’re very well informed about this whole Beltane thing,” Zoe said, as they crossed a road that led into a modern housing estate.

  “I have an interest in folklore. And my Mum’s Irish. From Donegal. I spent a lot of time there when I was growing up. Beltane’s still a good excuse for a party in parts of Ireland.”

  “I’m guessing you’re named after one of your Irish ancestors?” Zoe grinned at him.

  “Actually, Mum named me after a legendary Irish warrior, Fionn mac Cumhaill. Much to my father’s disgust. But he’d agreed she could name their first son and, for all his faults, he does stick to his word. And as my surname’s McCloud his Scottish heritage is obvious.”

  “Finn McCloud.” Zoe rolled the name around her mouth. “Nice! I’m Zoe Rose.”

  “Pretty!” Finn smiled and she wasn’t sure he was only talking about her name.

  A warm glow started to grow inside her, protecting her from the rain and the chill spreading through her body from her wet clothes. There was a moment’s silence and then she blurted out, “You don’t sound very Scottish.”

  “That’s because I’ve never lived in Scotland. We moved around a lot when I was younger. Father was a doctor in the army.”

  They turned along a tree-lined lane. The canopy of leaves provided some shelter and the rain eased to a light drizzle. In a few minu
tes they’d reach the main road where he’d go down the hill into town and she’d head back to Anam Cara to dry out. Before they got there she wanted to know if she would see him again. Because that would definitely make her decide to stay. He was the most interesting guy she’d met in ages. And it seemed that he liked her too. He’d not been adverse to a bit of flirting and he’d held her gaze for far longer than was necessary on more than one occasion.

  “Are you in Glastonbury for long?” she said.

  “I’m not sure.”

  Zoe took a deep breath and decided to go for it. “You see, I was wondering if we could meet up sometime. I’d like to buy you a drink as a thank you for all your help today. If you’d not been around I’d have lost my morning’s work, my coat and my umbrella.” She hoped she sounded casual. As if she wasn’t really asking him on a date.

  Finn gazed fixedly at the road ahead. “I’d like that but I’m not sure of my plans yet.”

  She hesitated and then said quickly, “What if we swap numbers and then if you decide to stay you can give me a ring?”

  “I gave my mobile to my sister. Long story.” There was a pause. She was about to tell him to forget it when Finn added, “But you could give me your number and I’ll call you when I know what I’m doing.”

  He smiled fleetingly. Was he simply being polite? She wasn’t sure but it was too late now. Tearing a piece of paper from her sketchpad, she scribbled her mobile number on it. “Here you go.” His fingers brushed hers as he took the scrap of paper.

  Silence stretched uneasily between them. Zoe could hear cars passing on the main road. Their steps slowed as they climbed the steep incline to the junction but in only a few minutes they would say goodbye.

  Deciding to just keep talking, she said the first thing that came to mind, “As I really don’t think I can get any wetter when I get back to Anam Cara I’m going to have a hot shower and...”

  Finn grabbed her arm and pulled her to a stop. “Did you say Anam Cara?” He bent slightly to look her straight in the eye.

  “Yes, that’s where I’m staying. Why? Do you know it?”

  “Yes.” Finn took his hand from her arm but his gaze didn’t leave her face. “How is Maeve?” he said slowly. “You must feel lucky to be staying there.”

  Zoe frowned. “Is she a friend of yours?”

  “No.”

  “Oh, that’s okay then. Because I can’t stand her. But everyone else thinks she’s great. My friend Anna – it was her idea that I came here – she raves about Maeve. And all the other guests think she’s this wonderful healer. If I could afford it I’d leave tomorrow.” It was such a relief to express her real feelings that it took Zoe a second to realise that Finn was staring at her, his mouth slightly open.

  “You’re serious? You don’t like her?”

  “I don’t know why you’re so surprised.” Zoe folded her arms. “I can’t be the only person who doesn’t get on with her.”

  “You have no idea,” Finn said quietly. Zoe was trying to figure out what he meant by that when he added, “Whatever you do, don’t let her give you any healing.”

  “Why do you say that?”

  “Maeve Blackwell is not a healer. She claims to be but she can no more heal than your umbrella can fly to the moon.”

  “On this morning’s performance I think you’re underestimating the umbrella.” Zoe’s grin faded when she saw that he was serious. “Anyway there’s no need to worry because I wasn’t planning on having any healing. I’d rather walk bare foot across hot coals than let Maeve put her hands on me!”

  She thought Finn would laugh but he didn’t. As they fell into step again he muttered something which sounded like, “At least you’ll be safe.”

  It was such an unlikely thing to say that Zoe thought she’d misheard. She was going to ask him to repeat it but then she saw his narrowed eyes and tense jaw. Hoping it was a safer subject, she said, “How do you know Maeve?”

  There was a long moment before Finn replied, his voice hard edged, “Because of my sister. Catriona stayed at Anam Cara. I had to come to get her.”

  There’s so much more to that than you’re telling me, she thought. He really was a man of light and shade. Sometimes so relaxed and fun to be with and then it was like he clouded over. If she were drawing him she’d....

  She lurched to an abrupt halt. How could she have been so blind? It’d been staring her in the face since she met him. Literally in the face. His face. And the plasters! Could there be any more clues? And she’d missed them all because she was too busy flirting with him.

  Finn walked on a few steps. He turned, looked puzzled. “Where’d you go?” When she didn’t respond he walked back. “What’s wrong? You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”

  “I’m fine,” Zoe mumbled through dry lips, forcing her feet to move.

  “Are you sure? You look really pale.” Finn sounded concerned which would have pleased her five minutes ago. Now it wasn’t helping at all.

  She was sure though. Finn was the man from her pictures. She’d dreamed him and drawn him. And then, unbelievably, failed to recognise him.

  Suddenly she was painfully aware that she was walking down a quiet country lane with a man that she’d met less than an hour ago. A man who’d been in Anam Cara’s garden in the middle of the night. He’d made it clear he was no friend of Maeve’s. So what was he doing there?

  Ugly words like trespass and burglary popped into her mind. Instantly, she pushed them away. But was that a mistake? After she’d got it so wrong with Gareth she wasn’t sure.

  “How long are you staying at Anam Cara?” Finn said.

  “Until Wednesday,” Zoe said absently. Questions were seething through her brain. Was she brave enough to ask them? The main road was only a few metres away. It was now or, quite possibly, never. “You said you picked your sister up from Anam Cara? Was that recently?”

  “October last year. Why?”

  “Have you been back since?”

  There was a pause that stretched and stretched. Eventually Finn said, “That’s an odd question.”

  “Is it? Forget it then.” She hung back, giving herself time to think. He clearly wasn’t about to open up and tell her why he’d been in Maeve’s garden last night. But could she really expect that? He knew even less about her than she did about him.

  The lane climbed steeply to the junction with the main road. “Is that the A39?” Finn said, turning up the collar of his fleece. When Zoe frowned, he added, “The road that Anam Cara’s on?”

  “Yes.”

  He reached in his rucksack and pulled out a black hat, tore a cardboard tag from it and put it on over his wet hair. The hat drew attention to the bones in his face. Finn briefly closed his eyes and Zoe couldn’t help staring, tracing with her eyes the features that she’d drawn with her pencil. She had the strangest feeling that she’d seen his face somewhere more solid than a dream.

  “I’ll say goodbye here.”

  “If you’re wanting to go back into town I’m pretty sure it’s quicker if you go down the main road.”

  “Actually, I’ve come further out of my way than I’d realised. I’ll head back -” Finn nodded in the direction they’d come “- this way.”

  “Sorry.” Zoe’s hands swept upwards emphasising her apology. “I should have asked you where you were going.”

  “And I should have realised. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. Usually my sense of direction’s better than this.” Finn glanced towards the main road. “I know it’s a lot to ask as we’ve only just met but would you do me a favour?”

  “What kind of favour?” If there was one thing she’d learned from her relationship with Gareth it was that a smart woman found out what the favour involved before making any promises.

  “Will you not tell Maeve that we’ve met?”

  “Why not?”

  “I’d rather she didn’t know I’m in Glastonbury.”

  “Because...?” Zoe scanned his face, trying to get some clue as to
what was behind his request.

  “Because I need to talk to Cat and… sort out some other things before Maeve and I meet again.” Finn glanced away, his jaw tense.

  There was so much more to it than that. But she wasn’t going to refuse. She liked him. More than that she felt a connection to him. Okay, that might be because she’d dreamed about him before she met him. And she needed time to figure out whether she could trust that, trust him. Yet, pushing that aside, what he’d asked wasn’t a big deal. It wasn’t like she and Maeve sat down for cosy chats.

  “Okay. As far as Maeve’s concerned we never met.”

  “Thanks. I appreciate it.” Finn stretched his right hand towards her. Zoe stared at it, suddenly awkward. Reflexively her hand rose, touched his. He covered it with his other hand, looked intently at her. She felt a strange tingling over her skin where they touched. She was embarrassed to feel a blush creeping over her cheeks.

  “It’s been good to meet you, Zoe Rose.” Finn looked in her eyes and she knew he was trying to tell her goodbye. He wouldn’t ring.

  “You too. And thanks for your help...with everything.”

  “Take care.” For a moment all she saw was Finn; his warm smile, his eyes, the feel of his hands wrapped around hers. Everything else – road, rain, confusion – faded.

  Then a van rushed past them. The moment evaporated. Zoe pulled her hand away, uncertain whether he’d felt it too. “See you soon?” She couldn’t help making it a question, hoping he’d agree and she could dismiss the sense of finality. Finn didn’t speak. He looked down at her, his grey eyes lingering on hers. He hadn’t said it but she could see it in his face. She said the word for him. “Goodbye then.”

  Raising her hand in an awkward wave, she turned away. Eyes on the wet tarmac she trudged up the incline. She’d gone six steps when she heard him call, “Don’t forget what I said about the healing.”

  She looked back. He raised his hand before he walked away.

  Chapter 6

  Finn strode swiftly down the lane, turning repeatedly to look behind him. What had he been thinking? Had he been so distracted by a pretty face that he’d lost all sense of direction? It was insanity to be this close to Anam Cara in broad daylight. As soon as he’d realised he’d shielded himself but that could easily turn out to be too little, too late.