by Tawna Fenske
“Maybe.” She smiles and skims a hand over my abdomen, making goosebumps march up my arms. “You’re still healing, and canoes are notoriously tipsy. It takes very little movement to send the whole thing flipping.”
“That’s true of most things.”
We’re not talking about canoes. I’m not, anyway.
But as I look into her eyes, I start to wonder if it might be worth it. Just flipping ass over teakettle into the great, deep, unknown.
“It’s a deal,” I tell her, still not talking about canoes.
Chapter 8
Blanka
A week later, my father calls. I’m sitting on a bench outside my office at the US Geological Survey’s satellite lab watching clouds on my lunch break. The fluffy white shapes tangle themselves on distant mountaintops, and I’m so deep in a fantasy of cloud watching with Jonathan that I answer the phone without looking.
“Your mother and I are issuing our farewells.”
He says the words without preamble as I sit blinking in the bright sun.
“You’re getting a divorce?” Belatedly, I realize I don’t sound even a little shocked.
“Of course not,” he snaps. “We’re saying goodbye to the relief organization here in Nairobi. I’ve headed things up long enough, and it’s time to hand the reins to someone else.”
“Oh.” This is actually more shocking than the prospect of my parents splitting up. “What will you do now?”
“I’ve got some irons in the fire.” His use of the cagey idiom sends me back to that first conversation with Jonathan. Back to penny for your thoughts and give your two cents and the smell of Jon’s aftershave as he leaned close to conspire with me about getting Izzy to the doctor.
I nearly miss the next thing my dad says. “We’ll be traveling, too. We’ve actually booked a trip to come see you.”
“B—both of you?” Only once since I’ve been in America have they visited together. I was seventeen and an exchange student at the time, so this I’m not expecting. “At the same time, you’re both coming?”
“Yes, Blanka.” His patience is strained around the edges like a too-tight sweater. “We thought we could spend time with you. We’re not getting any younger, you know.”
“Of course, Papa.” It’s only then that I realize our whole conversation has been in English. When did we stop speaking Ukrainian with one another? I honestly can’t remember.
“I’m excited to see you.” My voice cracks a little, and I’m not sure why. “You and Mama both.”
“I have to go now.” I hear voices in the background, something about a new shipment of donations. “Perhaps when we visit, we can meet the young man you’re dating.”
And here we go. “Why would you think I’m dating anyone?”
My father sighs. “I just assumed by now you’d be—”
“Send me your flight information,” I tell him. “I can come get you at the airport.”
He’s not accustomed to being cut off, so he doesn’t respond right away. “Take care, Blanka.”
“I love you, Papa.”
But he’s already hung up, so I’m not sure he hears me. It’s just as well. We’re not an I love you sort of family. We never have been, but I wanted to try the words on for size. To know what they felt like coming out of my mouth.
Releasing a long breath, I glance at my watch. I need to get back inside, to stop gazing at clouds or worrying about my dad or thinking obsessive thoughts about Jonathan Bracelyn.
But as I get to my feet, I know that’s easier said than done. I’ve got a one-o’clock appointment with his family, a tour of the USGS facility. As I come through the side entrance, Jon’s mom, stepdad, and sister Gretchen are walking through the doors at the other end of the hallway. His mother beams when she sees me.
“Thank you so much for doing this.” Wendy pulls me in for a tight hug, reminding me of Jon’s words about her face cream. I breathe her in, enveloped by a soft cushion of maternal comfort. “Jonathan’s been running himself ragged trying to entertain us, so it’s good to give him a break.”
I’m relieved she noticed. That I’m not the only one concerned about his overly selfless nature. “I love showing off the facility.” I smile at Gretchen, who’s tall and broad-shouldered and unselfconsciously beautiful. “Congratulations on all the professorship offers. Sounds like you’re in high demand.”
“Thank you.” A curtain of golden hair drifts over her forehead, and she pushes it back. “I haven’t made a decision yet, but I love Bend so far.”
“Good to see you again, Blanka.” Chuck’s handshake is warm and firm, and I’m delighted he remembers my name. “We sure appreciate the tour.”
“Come on,” I tell them. “I’ll show you around and answer any questions you have about our work here.”
I lead them through the Volcanology lab where Lily works. I keep stealing looks at Wendy and Chuck, remembering what Jonathan told me earlier.
“I’m worried they’re not spending enough time together,” he said on the phone last night. “That they’re having problems in their marriage.”
“What does your mom say when you ask her about it?” I know they’re the kind of family that talks about these things. That discusses feelings instead of sweeping them under the carpet.
“She’s worried about Chuck being distant,” he told me. “Not wanting to do things with her. But she’s not sure what’s behind it.”
They don’t seem distant as I lead them through the corridors of the facility. Then again, I’m hardly an expert on what a normal marriage looks like. When Chuck takes Wendy’s hand as we pass from the south hall to the north lab, she smiles at him like he invented dark chocolate.
I can’t remember my parents holding hands. Not ever.
Gretchen stops to study a map on the wall, and we all pause with her. So far on this tour, she’s engaged with everyone from my boss to the janitor, and I find myself liking her immensely. What would it be like to have a sister?
When she catches me watching her, Gretchen smiles. “It’s really sweet of you to do this for us,” she says. “I can see why Jon loves you so much.”
My breath catches in my throat as the word love zings through my brain like an electric shock. I know it’s just a figure of speech, but I can’t help how my heart responds.
“He’s a great guy,” I tell her. “Always looking out for everyone.”
Everyone but himself.
I don’t say that part out loud. Gretchen smiles and we continue our tour. When we reach my office with its wall-sized hydrological map of the United States, Chuck steps up to study it. Blue threads of rivers traverse the states like veins, and he traces a finger over one of them. “Maybe now that I’m retired, I’ll buy a motorcycle,” he says. “Set out to see rivers and lakes in all fifty states.”
Wendy’s face clouds, but she steps up beside her husband and laces her fingers through his. “Would I be in a sidecar or on my own bike?”
He looks startled, like he hadn’t considered that. But the smile that replaces his shock is warm and genuine. “Neither,” he says, wrapping an arm around her. “You’d be right there on the bike behind me, holding on tight with the wind in your hair and your legs wrapped around me like when we were—”
“Stop right there.” Gretchen laughs as she shoots me a conspiratorial look. Parents—what are you going to do?
I smile back like I’m in on the joke. Like I have any idea what it’s like to have a mother and father so ridiculously in love.
I also make a mental note to tell Jonathan about this. Maybe I’ll help alleviate his concern. Maybe if he’s not worried about everyone else all the time, he’ll focus more on himself.
By the time I finish up the tour, I’ve got just enough time to swing by the drugstore before running home. Then it’s off to Ponderosa Resort for the big event. For the exam we’ve scheduled for The-Cat-Who-Is-Not-Called-Jessica-Because-That-Would-Mean-She’s-Staying.
Jade agreed to swing by and do a checkup so Jessica
won’t be stressed by getting stuffed into a cramped cat carrier and driven to a clinic. From the look on Jon’s face when he greets me at the door, the cat’s not the only one stressed.
“She’s acting lethargic,” he says by way of greeting. “I’m worried about her. I should have found a way to get her to the vet sooner.”
“Relax.” I pat his chest, which probably doesn’t relax him a bit, and definitely makes my blood pressure soar. “You’ve known her a few weeks,” I point out. “Are you really so in tune with her moods that you can identify lethargy and depression?”
His smile is equal parts bemusement and self-deprecation. “Welcome to the world of crippling empathy.”
He’s just captured his own personality in seven words, and I wonder if he knows this. I also wonder if I should take my hand off his chest. Just two or three more seconds. Or four.
“You should have those words tattooed on your forehead,” I suggest.
He laughs, easing some of the worry lines in his forehead. Sliding his arms around my waist, he pulls me against him for a hug. “Thanks for being here.” He says the words into my hair, and I could swear I catch him breathing in.
“Did you just smell me?”
He laughs and lets me go. “Yeah, sorry. You smell like lupines.”
“It’s my shampoo,” I tell him. “White lupine is supposed to stimulate the scalp.”
And there I go with the Google trivia. Blame it on the way he’s looking at me, the way my heart shudders at the heat in his eyes.
“I love it.” His smile is almost boyish. “Definitely one of those uplifting smells.”
“Oh, speaking of that—” I draw back to hold up the drugstore bag. “I got you something.”
“What is it?”
I thrust the bag into his hands. “A gift. I thought it might help with self-care.”
The wonder in his eyes makes my heart twist. “A present?” As he opens the bag and pulls out the contents, his glee morphs into bewilderment. “Is this some sort of self-care massage lotion or—oh.”
Realization dawns as his eyes meet mine again. “My mom’s face cream.”
I nod in confirmation, relieved he seems to like it. I realized on the drive here that my offerings to him have included cough drops, Ukrainian dumplings, and face cream. Not exactly romantic.
You’ve sworn off romance, remember?
Right. I keep forgetting.
Jon’s got the lid off the face cream and is smelling the top of the jar. The happiness on his face makes my heart twist. “This is it exactly,” he says.
“I asked her about it today,” I say as he puts the lid back on the container and sets it aside. “I thought it might help create a soothing bedtime environment.”
“You have no idea what this means to me.” This time, his hug nearly crushes the breath out of me. His body is warm and solid against mine, and I sink into it with pleasure coursing through me. “This is the nicest thing anyone’s done for me in ages.”
“That can’t be true.” Jon’s the kindest person I know with gobs of loving family around him.
But as I say those words, I start to wonder. Is he so busy doing everything for others that no one thinks to do anything for him? I already know he’s lousy at looking out for himself, but maybe there’s more to it than that.
He pulls back, releasing me from the hug. I’m conscious of the loss as he picks up the face cream again and studies the label. “I can’t believe you thought to do that.”
“I can’t believe you never did.”
But I can. It would honestly never occur to Jon Bracelyn to do something for himself.
“I hope it’s helpful,” I tell him. “Soothing.”
“It’s perfect.” He studies my face, brow creasing again. “Are you okay?”
“Of course, why?”
I can’t still look disappointed he isn’t hugging me anymore. But as Jon’s eyes sweep my face, I know he’s reading something else in my expression. “You seem a little off.”
“I’m good, really.” But my brain snags on thoughts of my parents’ visit, and a little zap of nerves jolts through me.
He misses nothing. “Did you get bad news today? Or is something wrong with—”
“My father,” I blurt, stunned to hear the words coming out of my mouth. “He’s coming to visit. My father and mother both, actually.”
“Oh,” he says, watching my face. “They’re both coming. Here. To Bend.”
I nod, not sure why I feel a prick of tears behind my eyelids. “Our last visit didn’t go great, but maybe it’ll be different with my mom here.”
He nods like he understands, though I’m not sure he could. “Is there anything I can do to make it easier?”
I laugh, unable to contain it. “You could convince him I’m not an utter disappointment as a daughter.” I’m surprised by how much the words sting coming out. By the fact that I’ve just said them to a man so skilled at burrowing beneath my armor. “Barring that, you could pull a fire alarm anytime the conversation gets uncomfortable.”
“Why do I suspect we’d see an awful lot of the fire department?” He’s watching my face like he sees what’s behind my lame jokes, and the empathy in his eyes makes my breath hitch.
“It’ll be fine,” I assure him, smoothing my hair from my face. “Father stuff. It’s just awkward, you know?”
He does know, though he doesn’t agree with words. Just pulls me in for the warmest, tightest hug I’ve ever felt. It’s exactly what I needed, and I feel the tension melting from my shoulders as I lean into him. I take a deep breath I didn’t know I was holding, committing his bright, seawater scent to memory.
“Hey, guys.” Jade King’s voice echoes behind us, and we pull apart to see her and Amber coming up the walkway behind us. “Sorry we’re late. Two of the reindeer decided to get their antlers stuck together.”
Amber tosses her dark ponytail over one shoulder. “You haven’t lived until you’ve pried apart two angry 300-pound ladies.”
Jon looks perplexed, and I open my mouth to report on an article I read about reindeer being one of the only deer species in which females have antlers. But there’s suddenly no need. Soothing my emotional discomfort with random trivia isn’t necessary because Jon hugged the discomfort right out of me.
Go figure.
“Thank you for coming,” I tell Jade, squeezing her in a warm hug before doing the same with Amber.
Amber and I are closer in age, and she misses nothing as she hugs me tight and whispers in my ear. “You smell like aftershave or cologne or something,” she murmurs. “What were you up to before we got here?”
Heat floods my cheeks as Amber draws back and feigns innocence. Jon’s looking at us funny, so I turn my attention to Jade. She’s surveying the cabin with a dreamy look on her face.
“Wow, this is a blast from the past.” The big stone fireplace, the cedar walls that seem to glow, the caramel leather sofas centered on a red wool rug. “This was Brandon’s place before he moved out to the ranch. Lots of memories here.”
“Naked memories,” Amber teases, dodging her sister’s elbow almost before Jade swings it. “It is a pretty sweet place.”
Jade smiles, and the color in her cheeks tells me Amber’s not too far off. “So where’s the patient?” she asks. “Were you able to get our feline friend contained?”
“Back bedroom,” Jonathan says. “She’s been in there gorging herself on canned chicken and tuna.”
“Will she allow you to handle her yet?” Jade asks.
“Not really,” he admits. “But I set up a table in case you want it for the exam.”
I shoot him a look, hoping he hasn’t been moving furniture. As far as I know, he hasn’t been cleared to lift anything heavy. I haven’t had a chance yet to ask about his last appointment.
“Let’s take a look.” Jade starts toward the room, well-acquainted with the layout of the house.
It occurs to me that this cluster of Bracelyn cabins has seen
more action in two years than most humans see in a lifetime.
“Ah, there you are.” Jade’s nudging the door open, speaking softly to the cat. “Hey, sweetheart. I’m here to check you out.”
There’s a soft “brrrrow” as the four of us file into the room. Jon’s careful to shut the door behind him, trapping Jessica inside. She’s hunkered under an end table with her bottom fang poking out and one eye closed, looking like a disgruntled pirate. Ignoring us, she focuses on cleaning one oversized mitten paw.
“She likes chicken,” Jon offers. “If you want to use that to lure her out from under the table.”
“Nah, I’ll just get down there with her.” Jade drops to a crouch on the carpet, and the rest of us follow suit.
Jessica eyes us one by one, trying to figure out what game we’re playing. “It’s okay, girl,” I soothe. “This nice lady is just going to check you out.”
“She’s not that nice,” Amber says. “But she’s a damn good veterinarian.”
Jade’s ignoring us all, intent on inspecting the ragged-looking feline. “Facial scarring appears well-healed,” she muses. “Same with the tail. The ear looks more recent, though.”
“Ear?” I peer over Jade’s shoulder. “I thought the tipped ear means she’s spayed.”
“Typically, yes.” Jade moves closer as Amber closes her hands around the cat’s plump body. I wait for the growl, for Jessica to take a swipe.
It doesn’t happen.
“This isn’t a surgically-altered ear,” Jade continues. “Might be the result of a fight. See how it’s a little ragged right through here?”
Now that she’s pointing it out, I do. “Poor girl.” How did I miss that?
“You should have seen the other guy,” Amber coos, stroking a hand down Jessica’s back. “I’ll bet you kicked his ass, sweetie.”
Jade’s still frowning as I glance at Jonathan. “Sorry,” I whisper. “I could have sworn she was fixed.”
“Not your fault,” he says, reaching over to squeeze my hand. “I didn’t even know she was female.”
Jade’s still palpating the cat, still frowning as she works her way down. “Has she been acting more affectionate lately? Eating more?”
