by Emma Tharp
"Thanks for the pain reliever. Love you."
After she leaves, I drag myself into a hot shower, and then get ready for class. Even though I plan on ignoring Gavin, I still would like to look nice today, but I don't have the energy to put in the effort. I throw on a pair of jeans and a dark sweater and put a little concealer under my dark eyes and some mascara, an attempt to help me look more awake. I'm not sure it's working.
With wet hair, I grab my bag and keys and leave for campus.
There aren't any close parking spots and I am forced to park in a lot that's a mile away from the science building.
Instead of getting out of the car, I sit there, staring blankly out the window.
My stomach twists up in knots even thinking about facing Gavin today. My belly is already unsettled from all the shots last night. I'm not sure I can handle sitting next to him for an entire class.
How is he going to act, anyway? Like nothing ever happened? Like that kiss wasn't scorching hot?
When I close my eyes, my body heats up. I can still picture his face moving closer, can feel the force of his lips on mine. His hands were all over me, caressing and demanding as he claimed me. I clench my legs together to ease the building ache.
Was he like that with Lexi? She did say he was the best kisser. I have to agree.
The longer I sit, the worse I feel. I can't do this today.
My ringing phone startles me out of my daydream. I check the screen. The call is from my father.
No way am I dealing with him today. I decline the call and start the car. A minute later, an alert goes off. He left me a voicemail.
With some hesitation, I play his message.
Stella, why aren’t you returning my calls? I hope you’re acting responsibly and not slacking off. Call me when you get this message.
He sounds impatient and upset. I rest my face in my hands. It’s not like me to piss off my parents. I know the consequences won’t be good if I make Dad too angry.
From here on out, I vow that I'll go to class every day, starting tomorrow. And I’m done with Gavin. No more kisses, no more wasting precious energy on him. No more anything.
I bet Gavin’s already forgotten all about the kiss. If he hasn’t, I’m sure he wishes it never happened. How am I ever going to face him again?
Ten
Gavin
As Mr. Talbot starts the lab lesson this morning, with salt solution and a high-tech device, my heart sinks. He begins the lecture about biological membranes, and Stella still isn't here. She has never been late before.
She's not coming.
She regrets the kiss last night. I really fucking don't. It was like no other first kiss I've ever had. She melted into my touch and I couldn’t believe she wanted it just as much as I did. For those few moments during our kiss, I felt like the luckiest guy at the party. The kiss got so hot, I wanted to take her right there in the hallway. Well, not really. I wouldn't do that, but I wanted to.
When Stella's sorority sister, Lexi, strolled down the hallway and had one look at us, Stella pushed me away like we hadn't just shared something fucking amazing. She really thinks that I would use her for a one-night stand because she thinks that's what I did with Lexi.
It wasn’t long after the kiss that I left the party. What was the point in staying? Figured I would go home and sleep off the alcohol. That didn’t happen. All I could think about was Stella’s face when she told me she wouldn’t be one of my one-night stands. She turned from smoking hot to ice cold in a matter of seconds. What she doesn’t realize is that I’m not like that.
I slink down in my chair and pull my hood up over my head.
Maybe I'll let Stella keep believing I’m a player and that I did screw Lexi. It's better for me that way so I don't lose focus.
Like an idiot, I keep thinking that maybe she will just show up late to class, but she never does. We are supposed to meet this evening to work on our lab together. I wonder if she's going to show up for that.
After class, I go straight to the gym to work off some of this crazy energy. With my earbuds in and my pump-up playlist cranked, I run on the treadmill for a few miles as a warm-up. I thought pounding my feet on the treadmill would burn off some steam, but it didn't. I'm going to need to lift heavy.
A flat bench is empty. Chest it is. I rack the bar with weight and crank out a couple of sets. My muscles are pumped and my heart rate is up. I sit on the bench for a minute between sets when someone taps me on the shoulder.
I yank out an earbud and look up to find Lexi in a peach cropped T-shirt exposing every inch of her flat stomach, and a pair of matching leggings.
"Hi, Gavin. Do you think you could spot me?" She points to a bench a few down from mine.
I'm not sure what it is about me that seems approachable today. I'm in the zone with earbuds in. I prefer not to be disturbed, but now I will look like a huge dick if I say no.
"Okay," I say, my tone unenthused, and follow her to her bench.
"Thanks. My workout partner couldn’t join me today." Lexi lies back and gets her hands in position on the bar.
I stand above her and watch her form as she lifts the bar only. It's forty-five pounds. She isn't struggling with the weight, but her form could be better.
"Make sure you’re pressing from your chest and not so high from your shoulders," I say.
"Thank you for the tip." She finishes six or seven reps before she re-racks the weights.
"Are you done?" I'm about to put my earbud back in and finish my last set when she shakes her head.
"Do you mind spotting me for one more?" She bats her super-long eyelashes at me. They’re so long they almost hit her eyebrows.
I breathe in deeply and fight the urge to roll my eyes. This girl doesn't need a spotter. She lifted the bar without a problem.
"Fine."
"Great. I saw you at the party last night." She twirls the hair of her ponytail, giving me hard eye contact. I think she’s trying to flirt with me, which makes zero sense. I was crystal clear with her the night we made out. I’m not interested.
I nod. I know she saw me kissing Stella. It was probably like a slap in the face to her, although that’s not what it was meant as. I wasn't into Lexi and I never should have went home with her in the first place.
"Yup." I look around the gym, hoping for a distraction.
"Well, next time you’re at my sorority house and you're looking for company, come find me," she says and lies back on the bench for her next set.
Instead of dignifying her comment with a response, I watch her finish her six reps and re-rack the bar.
"Hey, I have to bounce," I tell her and stride back to my bench before she can say anything else.
With my music playing loud in my ears, I finish my last set on the bench and head over to the fly machine next.
Out of the corner of my eye, I catch Coach Cohen strolling toward me.
I tug my earbud out of my ear. "Hey, Coach."
"You getting a good workout in?" He wipes his sweaty face off with a towel and drapes it over his shoulder.
"I am. What about you?"
I'm not sure how old Coach is. I'd put him in his late forties, but the guy looks amazing. Every practice, he's out there skating with us, and I run into him here at the gym all the time.
"Yes,” he says. “It feels good to burn off some energy."
Amen to that. "It sure does."
"I wanted to tell you how proud I am of you.” He gives me direct eye contact. “I was just given last semester’s grades and yours are among the highest on the team. Not to mention you're doing well on the ice."
Am I blushing? My face is hot, but it must be from the bench pressing. "Thanks, Coach."
He sucks down half of his water bottle. "Keep up the good work. I hope you're enjoying it here. It's all about balance. It can't be all work and no play."
I nod slowly. What is he trying to say? "Okay."
"You also need a social life." He waggles his eyebrows.
Is he
telling me I need to go out and get laid? "Don't worry, Coach. My life is well balanced."
It's an absolute lie. I’m all work and very little play.
"Good. Good. Hockey is always number one, but I want my players to have healthy, balanced lives. That way, when you’re on the ice, your only focus is the game. Now, have a good workout and I'll see you at practice tomorrow."
"Thanks, Coach," I say as he walks away toward the shoulder press machine.
I blink a few times and put my earbuds back in. Coach really was telling me to go out and have fun. Does he think I'm being too much of a prick on the ice? I don't know, but maybe he's right. I do need a little more fun in my life.
Maybe I can dust off my charm and use it on Stella. I keep repeating that mantra through my entire workout, but as I shower and get dressed to get ready to see Stella at the lab, something feels off. What if I’m getting psyched up and she doesn’t show up?
She thinks I’m the kind of guy who would use her for a one-night stand, anyway. I’m sure her ditching class today was because she didn’t want to see me and she regrets the kiss. She and I are too different.
Something tells me this isn’t going to work.
A pit forms in my stomach.
Maybe I shouldn’t show up at all.
Eleven
Stella
"Girl, is everything okay?" Harper asks, her gaze following my every move as I attempt to eat the steak salad I just had delivered to the house.
We have the long dining room table all to ourselves.
I shrug and pop a crouton in my mouth. "I'm still a little hung over from last night."
"You slept the afternoon away today. I'm surprised you're not feeling better."
"Me too."
Harper hands me a piece of her cheesy bread, which I gladly accept. I should've ordered greasy food instead of something healthy.
"I have a feeling, and stop me if I'm wrong, that you’re in your head about Mr. Hot Hockey Player."
"Is it that obvious?"
"It is to me. How was it when you saw him today in class?"
I have a long cold sip of my diet soda. I can't believe I have to see Gavin tonight. "I skipped class today, but I can't avoid him now because we have a meet-up this evening for our lab project. I'm conflicted because I want to see him, but at the same time, I don't want to. Does that make sense?"
Harper nibbles the corner of her cheesy bread, deep in thought. "Not really. It seems like you like him. So why don't you just see where things go?"
"Because I don't think he's the type of guy I should be around. He hooked up with Lexi recently. Am I going to be another one of his conquests? I don't do one-night stands. I can't sleep with a guy if I don't have feelings for them."
She points at me with a fry that drips ketchup onto the table. "So, no casual sex. I see. Are you sure that's what it would be? Maybe he didn't really like Lexi and is into you?"
"I doubt it. And I'm completely embarrassed because after we kissed last night, I ran off like a middle schooler.” I drop my head in my hand, picturing the look on Gavin's face last night after I told him off and bolted out of there. What a mess.
Harper dabs the corners of her mouth with her napkin. "Why don't you just skip out on him tonight?"
I shake my head. "Believe me, I’ve thought about it. But I can't do it. Not tonight. I'm not a slacker. I'm going to pull my weight."
Harper crumples up her napkin and tosses it on top of her uneaten food. "Remember my advice from earlier. When you see him tonight, act as if nothing happened."
If only it were that easy.
An hour later, I'm relieved that I made it to the lab first. As I retrieve our petri dishes, the sound of footfalls getting closer to the room has my heart jumping into my throat. I wish I wasn't so nervous to be around him.
Play it cool, Stella.
"Hey," Gavin says and takes off his coat, slinging it on the back of a chair. He makes his way to the table to stand next to me as he examines the petri dishes.
"Hello." I keep my focus on our experiment because tonight is all about business.
Gavin turns toward me, but I make no move to look at him. "You didn't show up for class today. Everything okay?"
No, I didn't want to face you.
"I wasn't feeling great,” I say. “Almost didn't come tonight."
He mumbles something about how he almost didn't, either. "You feeling better now?"
His stare is burning through me, making it difficult to pull in a full breath.
I lift a petri dish and act like I’m examining it, but I’m not. I need something else to focus on that isn’t Gavin. "A little."
"Stella." Gavin's voice is smooth and silky. He rests a hand on my shoulder, and my pulse jumps to an alarmingly fast speed. "Why aren't you looking at me when I talk to you?"
Because I'm afraid if I do, I'll melt under the weight of your stare. I have no willpower around you.
Instead of saying my thoughts, I turn in his direction and lean one hand against the table for support. "Sorry."
"That's better." His voice drops so low and sexy I have to squeeze my thighs together to dull the ache.
He stares at me with those deep navy eyes, and a half grin settles on his face. Smiles from him are so rare to see that I give him one back.
His hand comes up to my cheek and he strokes it so gently I'm not even sure he really does. The way his T-shirt stretches across the muscles of his chest and shoulders is so sexy I have to swallow the lump of desire forming in the back of my throat. Why is he so ridiculously handsome?
The commotion in my brain is almost too much to stand. Why am I smiling at him? Why do I keep letting him affect me this way? I clear my throat and set my face in a neutral expression.
"Did you see the petri dish?” I point at one. “Look at the clear zone around the capsaicin."
"Yeah. That's exactly what we thought might happen," he says, but his attention stays focused on me.
If I don't clear the air soon, we aren't going to get any work done, and I can't afford to keep getting swept up by Gavin. The crazy tension zinging through the air between us needs to stop, once and for all.
"About that kiss," I begin.
"It was fucking hot. I can't stop thinking about it." Gavin leans in closer and rests his hip against the lab table. How can he say that, yet seem so casual and unaffected? It's maddening.
I take a step back, putting some much-needed distance between us. Having him so close makes it impossible to think. "You need to. Nothing can happen between us."
Gavin inches closer like he's completely unfazed by what I've told him. "Oh, really? Why not?"
I rest my palms on his hard, muscled chest, stopping him from moving any closer. I hate the intense stare on his face and the way touching him has my heart beating wildly in my chest. This is the exact reason I have to end whatever is going on between us.
"Because I'm not looking to date anyone."
"Who said anything about dating?"
I scoff and shake my head. "Exactly. We both need to stay focused."
Something flashes across his eyes that looks a lot like hurt, but it only lasts for second, then that cold dark expression I'm so used to sits like a warning sign firmly on his face.
My heart sags in my chest. I hate when he looks at me like that.
For the first time this evening, Gavin drags his stare to the lab table. "You're right. Neither of us needs any distractions. Don't worry. I won't darken your door again."
We spend the next hour in near silence, only talking when absolutely necessary about our experiment. The room is so cold, I need to put on my jacket. As we clean up and set up a day for our next meeting, I have to fight back tears at the ice between us. He leaves without saying goodbye.
The pain in my chest is like he has taken his skate and sliced my heart open with it. This is exactly what I wanted, isn’t it?
So why am I absolutely crushed?
Twelve
Ga
vin
I’m having one hell of a time messing with a defenseman from Clarkson. He’s at least five inches taller than I am, and I’m six three. But he’s slower than me, and I’ve had fun fucking with him during the game today, calling him a turtle, or Shaq.
I’ll try anything to keep my mind off Stella and the fact she told me she doesn’t want me.
One shift, I lay into him with all of my force and push him back into the boards. It feels good to shove out my tension into him.
His face morphs into a scowl. “Enough!”
I barely see his fist coming when he pulls back his right arm and punches me in the chest.
The air whooshes from my lungs. My pec stings, but adrenaline spikes my veins and spurs me on. It has been forever since I’ve been in a good fight. I throw off my gloves and drop my stick. Hand in a tight fist, I go right for his jaw.
His nostrils flare and a feral roar seems to come from his chest. I’ve poked the bear.
“Bring it on, fucker,” I spit out.
The guy reaches for my jersey and pulls me to him, trying to land a punch to my gut. I duck away from all his shots and laugh in his face.
A couple guys from his team skate over and try to get between us, but my teammates intercept them. Hands start flying and helmets get thrown to the ground.
Shaq makes a sad attempt to pull me down, but I’m too fast for him. Instead, I catch him off balance and shove him to the ice. Kneeling next to him, I rain punches on his ribs and face. This release is like a Band-aid to my feelings. The perfect cover up to stop the bleeding.
Chaos is all around us: guys swearing, fists flying. Someone’s elbow connects with my back, thrusting me on top of Shaq.
A whistle shrills and a ref yanks me off Shaq, pulling me by the back of the jersey. “Both of you, in the box.”
My back aches, but other than that, I’m pretty good. The second I take a seat in the penalty box, my mind starts up again.
What the hell was I thinking? Coach is going to be livid. All of this over a girl? Am I crazy? Why can’t I get her out of my head?
